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SC2 has failed to impress me

Blogs > ninazerg
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ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
June 17 2012 20:34 GMT
#1
So, I decided to try out SC2, and it was really disappointing and boring.

Oh, by the way, this post is from the future, but since you've all been so nice, I've decided to give it to you now.

I think it's time we all made the switch to SC3

+ Show Spoiler +

[image loading]

SC3 is a real-time game where strategy is involved. It picks up where the original 2 StarCraft titles left off, and brings you back into the war-torn battlefields of the Koprulu Sector, which has lost 99.9% of it's population due to the never-ending total war that has been going on for like 40 years now. Jim Raynor is now the King of the Zerg, Arcturus Mengsk has been re-incarnated as a dragoon and is leading the Protoss forces against Zeratul and Kerrigan's Terran forces in one final (we hope?) battle for supremacy.

Gameplay has been greatly improved in this latest edition of StarCraft so players can focus less on grueling economy management and boring lame macromanagement-based play, and more on just huge epic battle battles that last for hours, with spectacular jaw-dropping graphics that look real enough to jump right out of the screen! You no longer are restricted to seeing the battle from above, but can see the action unfold in the middle of the chaos as the warring forces clash when the camera puts you right in the middle of the action!!!

Gameplay changes:


- You can now select everything in one control group for increased versatility!

- You no longer have to build workers or send them to other expansions; the command centers automatically produce the ideal number of SCVs and maynard them to your expansions neatly so you can focus on what's really important: watching huge epic battles.

- Huge epic battles. The battles are truly huge, and truly epic.

- You no longer have to lose games simply because you have the "wrong unit composition"! We'll leave composing to Mozart and shit, and have added Advisers who automatically scout your opponent and calculate a counter to their strategy for you, building an army for you, so you can focus on what's really important: watching huge epic battles.

- Tired of losing? We are, too. If you aren't victorious, the lowest level of humiliation you can endure is a "draw". No more "failing to achieve victory" and "defeats" for ladder-hungry competitors, only varying levels of victory, from "Marginal Victory" to "Flawless Victory"!

- Hate imbalance? We do, too. Therefore, we are going to patch the game every weekend, and dramatically change all the unit and building stats every time we do with little or no explanation just to keep things interesting! This way, your Advisers won't have to worry about which units are "OP" and which ones are "Useless", so you can focus on what's really important: watching huge epic battles.


Units -

==Terran==

1. Marine - This unit has been greatly changed. The marines have shed their armor and go shirtless to show their great abs. They now shoot lasers out of their eyes which have a maximum range of 15.

2. Executioner - This is an all-purpose, do-everything, practically unbeatable infantry unit with no weaknesses!

3. RoboCop - The X-93 "RoboCop" infantry was developed specifically for kicking ass... LITERALLY.

4. Token Girl Unit - The Token Girl Unit has everything you want in a token girl unit: sexiness, nudity, and less talking.

5. Stegosaurus - Using the time machines developed by the re-incarnated god-version of Tosh, these mighty dinosaurs are the cavalry of the Terran army and are completely imbalanced and can fly.

6. Death Laser - A huge satellite that orbits the planet and brings down a huge laser that destroys anything with one hit, has no "cooldown time", and can hit any part of the map at any time.

7. Grim Reaper - A huge mecha robot piloted by an Irish guy, and is guaranteed to pretty much blow the crap out of anything it encounters.

8. Gundam - Another huge mecha robot, but this one has a laser sword, and is piloted by an Asian guy with a FOB accent!

9. Nuclear Missile - You want a REAL nuclear missile? Well, SC3 is bringing the noise with a nuclear missile that completely blows everything up on the whole map, no matter how large the map is!


==Zerg==

1. Zergling - The Zergling is back, and less powerful than ever! One Zerg egg spawns 20 Zerglings at a time instead of a mere 2, so you can make your army huge fast!!!

2. Cerberusilisk - A three-headed, acid-spitting monster that can hit air units, underwater units, ground units, and turn invisible forever if you want it to. It also has a lightning spell that has a range of 25, the longest in the whole game, except for the Protoss Catapult.

3. Basillisk - This snake-like unit can petrify enemy units just by looking at them, leaving them helpless to be destroyed by other units.

4. Flying Overmind - FORGET OVERLORDS. The Overmind himself is participating in every battle by replicating himself over and over into a floating airship, and in this game, The Overmind has an Australian accent! Enjoy!

5. Eater - Like it's name suggests, the Eater simply eats everything in it's path, no matter how large, no matter how illogical. It can eat a Terran Nuclear Missile right out of mid-air before the missile can even reach the ground. Sometimes, the Eater will randomly just eat some of your own units for no reason!

6. Molester - The Molester is a spell caster unit only, but it's spells make all your units invincible! The only downside to the Molester is that it has no downside! It is super-fast, can leap over defense walls with ease, and will make your opponents type angry racist things into their chatboxes!

7. Copulater - This unit causes your units to multiply rapidly by injecting them with Zerg Sperm! Has your whole army been destroyed because you're an idiot and killed all your Advisors with your Drones at the beginning of the match? Fear not - the Copulator can regenerate your whole army nearly instantly, and did we mention it's nearly indestructible?

8. Blood-Spurter - This unit spurts blood all over your opponent's units, causing them to run around wildly and shoot their own team's units.

9. Infested Jesus - The Infested Jesus serves many functions, but can turn water into blood for your minions to drink, walk across water, and shoots a missile out of his mouth that causes all of your enemies to explode into pools of blood! The best part is, if Infested Jesus dies, he will resurrect himself within three minutes.


==Protoss==

1. Zealot - The basic unit of your dreams, and your opponent's nightmares. Zealots serve the function that they did in the prior two games but with an added twist: now they can jump into the air and latch onto air units, and tear them to pieces.

2. Tri-Pod - This mechanical monster fires a terrifying heat-ray that causes flesh to burst into flames. None of Earth's 1910 technology is any match for these...

3. Adun Clone - The Protoss have learned to clone, and have reproduced their greatest hero, Adun, a million billion times over, and he's back to kick some serious Zerg ass.

4. Phalanx - A mechanical spider-like unit that shoots lasers, and is almost indistinguishable from the Tri-Pod, except that they are slightly different colors.

6. Catapult - The Catapult is the most fear of all Protoss ground units, because it has a max range of 1,000,000. That's right, one million. The Catapult hurls an ancient energy crystal from Ka'el, which can destroy anything in the known universe...

7. Ballista - Basically the same thing as the Catapult.

8. War-Elephant - Have you ever dreamed of a unit that has every spell in the whole game, and can perform every attack that all the other units can combined? Well, the War-Elephant is that unit. It's also basically invincible, and it seems like no amount of firepower can possibly hurt it.

9. Whale-King - Every time we made up a new unit for this game, we made each one more epic and unbeatable than the last. For the final Protoss unit, we decided to go the OPPOSITE way, once again, showing why Blizzard is the most innovative RTS-making company on globe. The Whale-King is a peaceful underwater unit that has no weapons and believes in peace. He is quite weak and fragile, even though he is a huge unit that takes up like three screens.


== new worlds to fight on! ==


All-lava world: This type of map is made of pure lava, no land. Everything on it dies instantly!

Cloth world:
This world is made entirely of a patchwork of different textiles, such as cotton or wool.

Heavenly abode: In this world, the ground is made of light, and there are lots of clouds and glass objects, such as trees and fountains.


== Improved Critters ==


Remember when critters were small background features that had almost nothing to do with anything? Well, think again: the new critters are a serious threat to your base, and run rampaging across the maps of SC3. They are almost impossible to stop, and do untold amounts of damage to your worker lines and buildings, and can even take out your whole army if you're not careful.



While playing SC2, I found it difficult to get into. The strategies were too complex, and I couldn't do what I really wanted to: focus on huge epic battles. This is supposed to be a war game, and I don't want to think about things like "Macro", "Build-orders", "Economy management", "etc". YAWN. BOOOOOOORING. Not to mention - the graphics of SC2 are so bad that they're unwatchable compared to the smooth realism of SC3. Furthermore, the explosions in SC2 are really small, and you can only select 36 units at a time. What if I want to select 37 units? The truth is, SC3 is just a better game overall and the switch is inevitable, seeing as how all the pros have already gone over to SC3. Sure, stupid critics like IdrA are saying things like "Okay, you're just insulting our intelligence now." but he's always complained ever since he started his career in SC2.

I want to address everyone's criticisms of SC3, so that they will see the light and switch games. After all, we all need to be on the same boat if we want ESPORTS to get off the ground and flying.

1. "The game basically plays itself and you just watch" WRONG. Just because you nostalgia-crazed fans can't get enough "Economy management" and "Micro" doesn't mean that the game "plays itself". A lot of the boring aspects that kept casual gamers from picking up StarCraft have been removed from the game, and now they can enjoy it more because they don't have think about ridiculous things like "Mineral-to-gas harvesting ratios".

2. "Good graphics don't make the game better than SC2" Well, I disagree with this statement strongly. Games, historically, have advanced themselves in terms of their looks since their conception in 1895. Do you think Pong looks "good"? No. Pong looks like shit. The "ball" looks like an ice cube bouncing back and forth, being knocking around by two flying patio tiles.

3. "Battle.net 3.0 is just a red Hal-9000 eye that you talk to. Where are the buttons? Where are the chat channels? This sucks." I think the Hal-9000 eye is brilliant. It removes the having to navigate around a clunky interface, and simply gives you what you want: games. Think about it: were the chat channels THAT great that you absolutely NEED them. There's plenty of community forums and third-party chat programs that you can use with your friends without annoying people spamming random shit in them.

I personally like that all the Star Leagues are now making the switch to SC3 and getting over that old game. This will usher in a bright new future for ESPORTS with a game that really has a lot of potential. For those who say the skill cap isn't high enough, think about this: it took 20 years and over 450 patches to get SC2 balanced, and it's going to probably take as long for this game to get to be that great. SC3 has only been out for 5 years, and people are still being innovative. Imagine what would happen if Flash played SC3. He would probably Nuke the whole map in less than a minute. Imagine Jaedong covering the whole map with blood with Blood-Spurters. Think about Bisu warping in a Whale-King just as a big "FU" to his opponent every game. The game has a lot of potential that has yet to be tapped, so you SC2 elitists need to stop blowing it off as an "inferior" game to yours.

In conclusion, I would like to say that SC3 is a great game, and it needs to be given the chance it deserves. No, you can't play SC2 and SC3. You have to CHOOSE. You have to dump one completely and devote your life to the other. Frankly, I think you should devote your life to SC3. So do it. Do it now.


***
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Angel_
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
United States1617 Posts
June 17 2012 20:34 GMT
#2
I think you have failed to be impressed by sc2, not the other way around.
Jinsho
Profile Joined March 2011
United Kingdom3101 Posts
June 17 2012 20:37 GMT
#3
Poor strawman. Go play BW forever if you want, but spare us your writing.
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
June 17 2012 20:38 GMT
#4
On June 18 2012 05:34 Angel_ wrote:
I think you have failed to be impressed by sc2, not the other way around.


I think my lack of impression is the correct way around.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Zvenn3n
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Sweden1196 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-06-17 21:39:11
June 17 2012 20:40 GMT
#5
Dafuq did I just read? 0.o

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]


Oh, I get it now. + Show Spoiler +
OP doesn't like BW leagues transitioning into SCII, but doesn't have the balls to talk about it, and would rather create a scenario of what would happen when SC3 hits. TBH, I don't think it will hit, and if it will, then it'll be like 10 years from now.

So if you want to bitch about something, do it up front. No need to sugar-coat it, or try and use reverse psychology.



User was warned for this post
Lightwip
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States5497 Posts
June 17 2012 20:43 GMT
#6
So the catapult is basically a siege tank, except for protoss?
Meh, wouldn't mind being imbalanced myself.
If you are not Bisu, chances are I hate you.
theBALLS
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
Singapore2935 Posts
June 17 2012 20:45 GMT
#7
Try harder next time alright?
If you lose the stick, you'll always have theBALLS.
GMarshal
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States22154 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-06-17 20:50:03
June 17 2012 20:47 GMT
#8
A little too over the top to be truly good satire. The key to being truly satirical is to make it over the top enough that it gets the message across, but not so over the top that its completely unbelievable. Still I found parts of it entertaining.
Moderator
avilo
Profile Blog Joined November 2007
United States4100 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-06-17 20:50:06
June 17 2012 20:48 GMT
#9
Mindless SC2 bashing, how mature. Ironically, the 5-10 minutes you spent writing this could have been spent actually informing yourself and learning about SC2.
Sup
Animzor
Profile Joined March 2011
Sweden2154 Posts
June 17 2012 20:51 GMT
#10
This is fucking awesome, what are you people whining about?
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
June 17 2012 20:54 GMT
#11
On June 18 2012 05:40 Zvenn3n wrote:
Dafuq did I just read? 0.o

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]


Oh, I get it now. + Show Spoiler +
OP doesn't like BW leagues transitioning into SCII, but doesn't have the balls to talk about it, and would rather create a scenario of what would happen when SC3 hits. TBH, I don't think it will hit, and if it will, then it'll be like 10 years from now.

So if you want to bitch about something, do it up front. No need to sugar-coat it, or try and use reverse psychology.


You (kind of) figured it out. I think it's perfectly reasonable for me to be upset about Proleague being half SC2. The point of this post isn't to piss people off, though. Sometimes, I think the healthiest way to deal with something is through humor rather than rage. Even if you don't laugh with me, I hope you can at least laugh AT me.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
Jealous
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
10137 Posts
June 17 2012 20:55 GMT
#12
A lot of defensive SC2 fans will come here and give nonsensical retorts to this that will aim to disparage the OP's intentions not the content or message. A few BW players will laugh and shed a tear at the same time. Pretty succesful post imo.
"The right to vote is only the oar of the slaveship, I wanna be free." -- бум бум сучка!
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States44243 Posts
June 17 2012 20:58 GMT
#13
While playing SC2, I found it difficult to get into. The strategies were too complex, and I couldn't do what I really wanted to: focus on huge epic battles. This is supposed to be a war game, and I don't want to think about things like "Macro", "Build-orders", "Economy management", "etc". YAWN. BOOOOOOORING.


I see what you did there. Subtle whine thread about being placed in bronze.

Keep your head up; you'll get better in time.
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
ClysmiC
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2192 Posts
June 17 2012 21:00 GMT
#14
You guys who are bitching at him are just affirming a lot of his points... I only play and watch Sc2 now, but I still thought it was funny.
Megaliskuu
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States5123 Posts
June 17 2012 21:02 GMT
#15
Trying too hard.
|BW>Everything|Add me on star2 KR server TheMuTaL.675 for practice games :)|NEX clan| https://www.dotabuff.com/players/183104694
ninazerg
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States7291 Posts
June 17 2012 21:02 GMT
#16
On June 18 2012 05:48 avilo wrote:
Mindless SC2 bashing, how mature. Ironically, the 5-10 minutes you spent writing this could have been spent actually informing yourself and learning about SC2.


I actually love SC2. I think it's a very cool game. I think you're just assuming because I like playing BroodWar that I automatically hate SC2. This is not the case at all.

Also, this took about 30 minutes, because I type slow.
"If two pregnant women get into a fist fight, it's like a mecha-battle between two unborn babies." - Fyodor Dostoevsky
jpak
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States5045 Posts
June 17 2012 21:04 GMT
#17
On June 18 2012 06:00 ClysmiC wrote:
You guys who are bitching at her are just affirming a lot of her points... I only play and watch Sc2 now, but I still thought it was funny.


Fixed.
CJ Entusman #50! #1 클템 fan TL!
avilo
Profile Blog Joined November 2007
United States4100 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-06-17 21:10:03
June 17 2012 21:08 GMT
#18
Ironically you want people to watch "your" game (bw) but you're up in arms that half of the proleague is SC2? What exactly is this "ailment" you're dealing with? You sound like you're dying.

Well, there are 4 steps in your griefing of the move from bw to sc2:
Denial:
You can deny that things are shifting to SC2. You can pretend for the next 80 years we will watch brood war. You can deny that there *may* just be another awesome game like brood war which happens to be the sequel to the greatest game ever.

Anger:
It's perfectly fine to be angry. Brood war is what people have watched for 10 years. Taking away something you've known forever is tough, and accepting change is even tougher. Getting angry is OK.

Depression:
It'll be difficult, and you may become depressed. Many were when SC2 came out. People thought more than 12 unit selection would break everything, there'd be no skill, and the game would play itself. I myself thought exactly those things, and worse...

Acceptance and Hope:
After all of those sad negative uninformed opinions about SC2 were sapped from my body, and I learned to play it (and watch it) I started to like SC2. Why? Because it is fun, and it turns out when you take the time to learn it...it's pretty damn good. There's always a special place in every SC player's heart for brood war...but it's time to accept and move on. And as it happens to turn out...you can be a fan of both wings of liberty and brood war...because they are both starcraft...who would have thought!

edit: to clarify, this is @ those people that specifically hate on SC2 without watching it, and blindly stick to bw. -_- those people are annoying. both games are c00
Sup
iRemNanT
Profile Joined March 2009
United States51 Posts
June 17 2012 21:18 GMT
#19
Awesome blog! I don't play myself because infested Jesus is just way too overpowered :[
LoL: RemNanT8 HoN: RemNanT
Eywa-
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Canada4876 Posts
June 17 2012 21:18 GMT
#20
On June 18 2012 05:48 avilo wrote:
Mindless SC2 bashing, how mature. Ironically, the 5-10 minutes you spent writing this could have been spent actually informing yourself and learning about SC2.

Yep... In those 5-10 minutes you could have gotten platinum/masters.
Being mannered is almost as important as winning. Almost...
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