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Hasu Cook Session III:
Strawberry Shortcake
Introduction
What is a Shortcake? A miserable little pile of secrets. Did you know that as famous as strawberry shortcake is, most people actually don't know what a shortcake is? I certainly had no fucking clue until recently. Many "shortcake" recipes call for using yellow cake, pound cake, or angel food cake. But none of these are actually authentic shortcake. We've all been living in a world of lies.*
As it turns out, a shortcake is a kind of crumbly, biscuit-like object that tastes like a cross between a buttermilk biscuit and a cornbread muffin. It tastes nothing like a cake. You might even say that the cake is a lie. The shortcake tastes even less like a cake than banana bread, and banana bread, well, it calls itself a bread! Jesus fucking Christ on a stick.
But enough of this rant. You might be thinking that every food blogger and their mother has probably done a strawberry shortcake blog. What do I have left to offer you? Merely a small, humble twist to the classic strawberry shortcake. Involving bananas and honey. Read on!
*And according to most people in this thread, we're all idiots who deserve it for not investigating further on our own time.
Ingredients
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/FdOx0.jpg)
Were you looking for an ingredient spread? Please fill out form 56-b and my lawyers will be in contact with you within 3-7 business days.
Total Time: ~35 minutes
Yields 5-6 shortcakes; recipe can be multiplied as needed.
Macerated strawberries:
3/4 lb fresh strawberries, cleaned and thinly sliced
3-9 tbsp white granulated sugar, depending on berry sweetness
Whipped cream:
1 cup whipping cream
2 tbsp white granulated sugar*
3-4 drops vanilla extract
Shortcake:
1 + 3/8 cups all-purpose flour
3 tbsp honey**
1/2 medium banana, mashed***
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup whipping cream
You will also need: 1 muffin mold
 o not attempt to use honey in whipped cream. The flavor of honey will completely overpower anything else you put into the cream.
**You can also use sugar if you do not have honey here. The honey merely adds an extra something in flavor.
***1/2 medium banana per 1.25 cups of flour, do NOT add any more than this unless you want some kind of bastardized banana bread.
Construction
Begin with the fruit. Get rid of the green leaves on the berries and lop off the tops if need be. Thinly slice the berries. If you have some particularly large berries, you should cut them in half across the width before slicing. Taste the berries for sweetness, then add anywhere from 3 to 9 tablespoons of sugar depending on how sweet your berries are. Toss the berries and refrigerate for now.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/hIiu5.jpg)
Have you noticed your girlfriend never asks you if you think she looks fat while holding a strawberry shortcake, or maybe a large pot roast?
Obtain two containers. In one container, mash half a banana with a spoon until it is a pulpy mess. It may be helpful to first cut up the banana into smaller pieces.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/9ZosC.jpg)
Alternatively, feed banana to a baby, then shake baby violently until the banana is vomited back up, ready for use. Be prepared to run from the law.
In the second container, measure out flour and add all the wet and dry shortcake ingredients together. Add the mashed bananas and then mix just enough to combine. Do not over-mix! The less you mix, the better your shortcake will turn out.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/0mFLe.jpg)
A land of milk and honey isn't actually ideal since there's no way to get your dietary fiber. You'll be constipated all the time.
Pre-heat your oven to 350F (175C). Butter your muffin mold and divide the dough evenly between 5-6 molds. The dough will be sticky, but do not worry too much if your batter is not beautifully even.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/vyg7g.jpg)
Is it dough or is it batter? I dough not know either, but it doesn't really batter.
Bake for about 25-30 minutes or until a knife inserted into the cake comes out clean. Most shortcake recipes give a baking time of 18-20 minutes, but the added moisture in the banana lengthens the baking time.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/llAIB.jpg)
They look a bit like pufferfish that smell nice and won't kill you with a neurotoxin when you eat them.
Leave your finished cakes to rest for at least five minutes. Meanwhile. you can whisk your cream. I highly recommend using an electric mixer (which is ironic, since I whisked mine by hand. Whip the cream until it is nice and thick before adding sugar and vanilla extract.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/hTwxa.jpg)
Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it. No one wants to be defeated by a bowl of whipped cream.
When you are ready to serve, cut each shortcake in half. Place the bottom part on a plate. Heap a generous mound of macerated strawberries on top, then a dollop of whipped cream. Top with the second part of the shortcake. Do not be afraid to let it all overflow! The shortcake is not meant to be eaten as a neat sandwich.
Alternate serving method: take a clean transparent glass and wipe down the insides for moisture. Cut your shortcake into bite-sized pieces. Place one layer of shortcake on the bottom of the glass. Then a layer of cream, a layer of strawberries, another layer of shortcake, another layer of cream, and top off with a final layer of strawberries. Garnish with a mint sprig and serve.
The Result
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/TZEYM.jpg)
I dub it the "strawberry-banana shortmuffin-biscuit conglomeration". Rolls right off the tongue.
4.5 / 5 I won't lie. I personally still think yellow cake or pound cake or some type of cake fits the dessert better than shortcake. The texture of shortcake just clashes with strawberries and cream. But if you want strawberry shortcake, REAL strawberry shortcake, that's what this is (plus an extra hint of honey/banana aroma from the shortcake).
Conclusion
Anyhow. This is the end of yet another blog entry, and this one took far, far less time to assemble than the three-day monstrosity that was the previous entry. Strawberry shortcake is a very fast dessert that you can whip up very quickly. If you are very, very lazy, you can even directly substitute store-bought buttermilk biscuits for the shortcake. Top with cool whip and sliced strawberries for a two-minute dessert.
Questions and comments are welcome as always. And as always, all previous Hasu Cook blog entries plus all entries of my other blog series The Ghetto Cook can be found consolidated on my main blog,
http://foodinmind.wordpress.com
Until next time, second-guess and investigate everything you see lest someone on the internet calls you a fool!
 
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That looks delicious... I'm now suddenly extremely hungry T.T
Do you really not add anything liquid other then the banana and the honey and cream? It feels like that would be way too dry to stick together, but i have to try this at some point!
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Haha great job with the one lines after the pictures, I was laughing so hard. Yeah Yeah the shortcake looks bomb also : )
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On April 29 2012 09:41 killerdog wrote:
That looks delicious... I'm now suddenly extremely hungry T.T
Do you really not add anything liquid other then the banana and the honey and cream? It feels like that would be way too dry to stick together, but i have to try this at some point!
The dryness is what produces the texture you want. I personally experimented several times with the recipe and added more and more flour each time. If it's too wet you'll just end up with dense, moist banana bread, which isn't want you want for shortcake.
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Wow, that looks delicious :D. question though. If I don't have a muffin pan can I kinda just plop it down on a baking sheet like a cookie?
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Yo mama! Reading this made me dial up my mom and ask her to bake me some. I'll be going home laters! Thanks!
Great blog!
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On April 29 2012 11:08 a9arnn wrote:
Wow, that looks delicious :D. question though. If I don't have a muffin pan can I kinda just plop it down on a baking sheet like a cookie?
I suppose you could. Butter the bottom of the baking sheet and plop the entire thing onto the middle of the sheet. You'll probably get a circular mound of shortcake that you can portion with a knife. It might take you longer to bake thoug.
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Your cooking blog is #1. Keep up w/ the amazing job!
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Sudden hungering urge in 3.... 2....1....
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*drool*
The strawberry shortcake gum I have sitting next to my computer will never live up to this. 
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Haha. your rating is exactly what I was thinking when I made it last week. Also depends on how crisp the strawberries are.
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I love your blogs 
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Very nice stuff!
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I fucked mine up cause for some reason I brain farted and put in 9 tbsp of honey instead of 3 lol. Also yeah when I put it in the oven it kinda just spread (probably cause of that honey haha) and then I cut it up, took around the same time . (I was talking to my suitemate like, "this is a teaspoon of honey, right?" Nope DX ). Thanks for the recipe anyways, still very delicious to my eyes :D
![[image loading]](https://p.twimg.com/AroGVE3CQAEpNF8.jpg)
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United States33524 Posts
neither short nor a cake, fuck culinary language
well, it does have strawberry in it
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Pro tip : Whipped cream is much easier to obtain if you use very cold cream.
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Can we see a Newbiscuit next?
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Hmm. I think you're not quite doing it right. (Also, I prefer shortcake to angel or pound cake for the reason to be enunciated in a moment.)
This isn't strawberry shortcake - this is SHORTCAKE with strawberry topping. Fuck that. No, STRAWBERRY shortcake is more than 3 strawberries on a mound of overpowering cake. The ratio of your ingredients (by visual inspection) is mostly shortcake, next whipped cream, then a sprinkling of strawberries. For a dessert, this is not a good ratio - shortcake is a bit better than emergency biscuits, but only a bit. A fair amount of strawberries (in their own sweet juices) need to get in and moisten up that shortcake.
Then again, I am firmly a believer in strawberry shortcake being served in a glass, not on a plate. The better to hold the strawberries. Because they are the star of the dish, not the shortcake.
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On April 29 2012 18:07 felisconcolori wrote:
Hmm. I think you're not quite doing it right. (Also, I prefer shortcake to angel or pound cake for the reason to be enunciated in a moment.)
This isn't strawberry shortcake - this is SHORTCAKE with strawberry topping. Fuck that. No, STRAWBERRY shortcake is more than 3 strawberries on a mound of overpowering cake. The ratio of your ingredients (by visual inspection) is mostly shortcake, next whipped cream, then a sprinkling of strawberries. For a dessert, this is not a good ratio - shortcake is a bit better than emergency biscuits, but only a bit. A fair amount of strawberries (in their own sweet juices) need to get in and moisten up that shortcake.
Then again, I am firmly a believer in strawberry shortcake being served in a glass, not on a plate. The better to hold the strawberries. Because they are the star of the dish, not the shortcake.
You said you were going to enunciate on why you prefer short cake to angel or pound cake, but never got around to it. You even compared shortcake to emergency biscuits lol.
I'm guessing it has to do with how well shortcake soaks up strawberry juices compared to angel cake or pound cake?
Although you are right in that muffin molded shortcakes aren't the best for strawberry shortcake. I probably should have sliced the muffin into 3 horizontal sections and double-decked strawberries and cream. For some reason it crossed my mind briefly then never again when I was making this thing.
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While it looks very good, I think cutting the cake up or something would help with enjoying the dish. The 'cake' looks like a very big dry bite to me. Ofcourse you have the cream and strawberries to counteract that, but as it is I think it's kinda hard to get the right values of cake cream and strawberries in one bite
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After referencing that other thread, it's incredibly tempting to use your alternate method of smushing the banana and then sue you.
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On April 29 2012 18:26 Newbistic wrote:Show nested quote +On April 29 2012 18:07 felisconcolori wrote:
Hmm. I think you're not quite doing it right. (Also, I prefer shortcake to angel or pound cake for the reason to be enunciated in a moment.)
This isn't strawberry shortcake - this is SHORTCAKE with strawberry topping. Fuck that. No, STRAWBERRY shortcake is more than 3 strawberries on a mound of overpowering cake. The ratio of your ingredients (by visual inspection) is mostly shortcake, next whipped cream, then a sprinkling of strawberries. For a dessert, this is not a good ratio - shortcake is a bit better than emergency biscuits, but only a bit. A fair amount of strawberries (in their own sweet juices) need to get in and moisten up that shortcake.
Then again, I am firmly a believer in strawberry shortcake being served in a glass, not on a plate. The better to hold the strawberries. Because they are the star of the dish, not the shortcake.
You said you were going to enunciate on why you prefer short cake to angel or pound cake, but never got around to it. You even compared shortcake to emergency biscuits lol. I'm guessing it has to do with how well shortcake soaks up strawberry juices compared to angel cake or pound cake? Although you are right in that muffin molded shortcakes aren't the best for strawberry shortcake. I probably should have sliced the muffin into 3 horizontal sections and double-decked strawberries and cream. For some reason it crossed my mind briefly then never again when I was making this thing.
Oh, the enunciation was that I'm a firm believer in strawberry shortcake in a glass, which just doesn't work quite as well for pound cake. (It won't hold up as well.)
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On April 30 2012 00:37 felisconcolori wrote:Show nested quote +On April 29 2012 18:26 Newbistic wrote:On April 29 2012 18:07 felisconcolori wrote:
Hmm. I think you're not quite doing it right. (Also, I prefer shortcake to angel or pound cake for the reason to be enunciated in a moment.)
This isn't strawberry shortcake - this is SHORTCAKE with strawberry topping. Fuck that. No, STRAWBERRY shortcake is more than 3 strawberries on a mound of overpowering cake. The ratio of your ingredients (by visual inspection) is mostly shortcake, next whipped cream, then a sprinkling of strawberries. For a dessert, this is not a good ratio - shortcake is a bit better than emergency biscuits, but only a bit. A fair amount of strawberries (in their own sweet juices) need to get in and moisten up that shortcake.
Then again, I am firmly a believer in strawberry shortcake being served in a glass, not on a plate. The better to hold the strawberries. Because they are the star of the dish, not the shortcake.
You said you were going to enunciate on why you prefer short cake to angel or pound cake, but never got around to it. You even compared shortcake to emergency biscuits lol. I'm guessing it has to do with how well shortcake soaks up strawberry juices compared to angel cake or pound cake? Although you are right in that muffin molded shortcakes aren't the best for strawberry shortcake. I probably should have sliced the muffin into 3 horizontal sections and double-decked strawberries and cream. For some reason it crossed my mind briefly then never again when I was making this thing. Oh, the enunciation was that I'm a firm believer in strawberry shortcake in a glass, which just doesn't work quite as well for pound cake. (It won't hold up as well.)
If the glass is the only difference for you it isn't much of one. I'll edit the glass serving method into the blog.
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EPT
