EPTDepression, anxiety, and (2) fear - Page 2
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Vega62a
946 Posts
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Vega62a
946 Posts
On March 31 2012 02:03 obesechicken13 wrote: It is a start, but I haven't really heard of anyone who's beaten procrastination. I know noone who doesn't procrastinate at all. I don't think therapy helps but I could be wrong. We're not talking about simple procrastination. Please reread more closely - if you're still not 100% on what we're talking about I'll be glad to elaborate in a PM. | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
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Angel_
United States1617 Posts
On April 02 2012 08:45 obesechicken13 wrote: I'll reread. Concerning therapy. How much does it generally cost? it depends on your insurance and the therapist's communication with your insurance on how much therapy you really "need". I know my co-pay up until a month ago was 100 bucks. and i went every week. | ||
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Vega62a
946 Posts
On April 02 2012 08:45 obesechicken13 wrote: I'll reread. Concerning therapy. How much does it generally cost? My copay is $25. Depends entirely on your insurer, but never pay out of pocket. | ||
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Westy
England808 Posts
Doesn't just affect me in SC2 though, affects my business, my desire to make music, personal relationships. It smothers everything. Thinking of going back to the Doctors soon to see if there is a next step (Had a few weeks of counselling about 3 years ago). Wonder what he will recommend this time. | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
For me, anyway, my mind races, and as it races, a million ways I could fuck it up, let myself down, let others down, be subject to ridicule, cause disappointment flash through my mind at roughly one million miles per minute. None of it is particularly coherent. This doesn't happen to me. I know the feeling. It's the feeling I get when I try to think of infinity or some recursive algorithm that draws out something like a mendelbrot series in my head. I'm lying in bed probably drugged with something and I can't shut my brain down. It's a scary feeling. But it's not a feeling I get from work. I don't have the same degree of anxiety you do but I do seem to have difficulty doing the things I need to do or that I should be doing. I haven't applied to coop jobs and will likely work at my old workplace from last summer this summer and keep applying for a yearlong one over the summer. I have had a month to post on the discussion board for my course but haven't started and it's due Friday. This sucks. I try to deal with it and to try to limit my ability to procrastinate by removing the possibility of distraction or using larger fears like looking a fool in front of others to motivate myself. What else can I do? I'd have to check if my parent's insurance covered me. But I don't want to. | ||
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sapht
Sweden141 Posts
The upside is my realisation that I thrive on what I call "newness". As long as a situation is new, I can focus like no other time. I try to consciously make the inverse decision than I normally would. I need a degree of chaos and uncertainty to feed my brain and stay mellow during retarded things like doing the damn dishes. I used to struggle a lot against the mountain of my underachievements, thinking "If I'm so smart, why don't I X already?" or "I think I can do this, but I haven't done it, so I probably can't." But then I re-realised, as I've done since I first thought about myself from an outside perspective: "Holy shit, I can't control anything. Everything I do is a consequence of my circumstances and the chemical balance of my brain. I can only gain insight into what I am, but never change it. I can only optimise my condition and chemical balance indirectly, through introspection." What this means is: as long as I'm self-aware that I feel like crap, and as long as I allow myself to accept the entirety of crapness, sorrow, hatred, and keep them in my mind, I can self-correct. If I'm carrying a burden of supressed emotion for the purpose to stay productive, the cloud will just grow bigger and engulf everything. This goes on until I cannot perform at all, and then I start doubting myself. But it's really because I have more important things to deal with. Things involving my very self -- not only the things I do. I believe the "chaos part" is relevant because of I don't attempt to go auto-pilot, and I'm put in a situation where I actually need to use the entirety of my brain, the black cloud resides. I guess there's simply no room for sorrow in an exciting place. Being raised and self-identified a male, I also reached another shocking conclusion: I have trained myself never to cry. I have learned that crying is bad and that males don't do it. Sure I thought. What a horrible sentiment. Perhaps useful 10000 years ago battling against nazis and dinosaurs. I need to cry. I need my full brain active to do my work, which relies on creativity and ingenuity, not brute force. I should not supress any feelings. If I'm angry I should punch a fucking hole in the wall. If I'm in despair I should curl up in a ball and shiver. If I'm sad I should just cry some fucking tears. I should most definitely /not/ try and write another line of code, check my email, write a song or look for an employer. You need to be there. Inside the hurt. Inside the anger, the fear, the sorrow. Go in the and figure out what it is. Then go in there again, and again, every single time you recognise there's something there. People always give advise like "see a therapist" and "it gets better". I don't like that advise. If I tell someone how I feel, I want them to tell me how they feel. I want them to put my problem in their world, and see if the recognize anything. So I'm not going to tell you that. I'm going to tell you that it probably hurts a hell lot more than you think and the damage is irreversible. But most importantly: Never forget to cry. | ||
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Zariel
Australia1285 Posts
I had a good family/home to live in up until I was 20. Mum always cooked, washed, took care of me all the time. I went to school, high school and got into university. Got decent grades in school but I always underachieved, never put in any real effort into anything. After my parents split up (lived with dad for a bit), I vowed to myself that I would change. Never to be dependent on anyone for anything, I didn't want to depend on someone to do my washing, cooking, and more importantly, money. In order to do this, I saved up 3 months worth of pay as a computer repairer ($3000 AUD) and I moved out of home, rented a unit, bought furniture, whitegoods n necessities. Started to learn to cook, use a washing machine, clean my place and cherished money. No longer would I recklessly spend my pay on drugs and partying every weekend. I work Monday to Friday 9am-6pm. Saturday 9am-2pm, whilst trying to complete my last 2 years of my accounting degree, my grades actually went up after I moved out of home, from barely passes to credit average. Trust me, living out of home, working full time and studying is not the easiest thing in the world. However, I was more focused in classes and did my homework on time and more thorough. Through my valiant efforts, my graduation ceremony will be on the 17th this month (yay!). However, now that I've completed my accounting degree, I should really look for a proper job instead of simply fixing computers for a living. I need a career. My job currently pays me $40,000 per year, which is actually very comfortable for my expenses, I'm just too content with what I have but my friends are getting paid more than me, I used to be the one shouting them drinks, PC Bang n food back in highschool/1st year uni. An accounting job should net me $50,000 starting salary with ability to increase as I move up the rank, but it's near impossible for a computer repairer to increase their salary. PS: Make your mamma proud. Just think of her eyes if she sees you like this. | ||
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Westy
England808 Posts
On April 05 2012 10:28 Zariel wrote: Routine. It's what you need to keep your mind and body in check. I had a good family/home to live in up until I was 20. Mum always cooked, washed, took care of me all the time. I went to school, high school and got into university. Got decent grades in school but I always underachieved, never put in any real effort into anything. After my parents split up (lived with dad for a bit), I vowed to myself that I would change. Never to be dependent on anyone for anything, I didn't want to depend on someone to do my washing, cooking, and more importantly, money. In order to do this, I saved up 3 months worth of pay as a computer repairer ($3000 AUD) and I moved out of home, rented a unit, bought furniture, whitegoods n necessities. Started to learn to cook, use a washing machine, clean my place and cherished money. No longer would I recklessly spend my pay on drugs and partying every weekend. I work Monday to Friday 9am-6pm. Saturday 9am-2pm, whilst trying to complete my last 2 years of my accounting degree, my grades actually went up after I moved out of home, from barely passes to credit average. Trust me, living out of home, working full time and studying is not the easiest thing in the world. However, I was more focused in classes and did my homework on time and more thorough. Through my valiant efforts, my graduation ceremony will be on the 17th this month (yay!). However, now that I've completed my accounting degree, I should really look for a proper job instead of simply fixing computers for a living. I need a career. My job currently pays me $40,000 per year, which is actually very comfortable for my expenses, I'm just too content with what I have but my friends are getting paid more than me, I used to be the one shouting them drinks, PC Bang n food back in highschool/1st year uni. An accounting job should net me $50,000 starting salary with ability to increase as I move up the rank, but it's near impossible for a computer repairer to increase their salary. PS: Make your mamma proud. Just think of her eyes if she sees you like this. Don't mean to be rude, but I don't think you understood this thread. This post feels like the equivalent of me walking up to someone with broken legs and explaining to them how I can walk. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
On April 05 2012 14:27 Westy wrote: Don't mean to be rude, but I don't think you understood this thread. This post feels like the equivalent of me walking up to someone with broken legs and explaining to them how I can walk. his post reminds me of when my friend asked me "have you tried just being happy?" | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
On April 06 2012 20:35 B.I.G. wrote: his post reminds me of when my friend asked me "have you tried just being happy?" It's more about how he experienced a lifechanging event. Of course not all of us can find that sudden inspiration. I was also a bit confused by the post that guy above made about not being afraid to cry. I understood the part about chemical imbalances but what good does allowing oneself to cry do? | ||
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