EPTAs much as I love following outlets’ awards ceremonies every year, I’m never quite appeased on a subjective level. It’s nice that Computer Gaming World gave Company of Heroes the RTS of the Year title in 2006, but it was the motherfucking game of the year, so fuck ‘em. Instead of being bitter, I thought I’d take the initiative and simply create my own awards, tailored specifically to me.
Cedric’s 2011 Video Game Awards Because Everyone Else Sucks
Best Game I Didn’t Give a Shit About, but then Really, Really Liked
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
I haven’t cared about open-world RPGs for about ten years. I played WoW. I played S.T.A.L.K.E.R., which was kinda’ like an open-world RPG. Kinda’. I hated Oblivion. Oblivion sucked. There, I said it. Because of Oblivion I had no care whatsoever for the hot new shit Bethesda was about to drop – I didn’t even once consider buying any of the Fallout games. Maybe it was blue-balls from holding-out since Morrowind, but I dropped waaaaaaaay more time in to Skyrim than I have any other single-player game in years. I played two hours – three, if you include character creation – thought it was cool, did the family-Christmas thing... then pulled-out the figurative poopsock and went to work. As if I didn’t spend enough time pretending to be an Elf in Azeroth.
Best Game I didn’t Give a Shit About and Still Don’t Give a Shit About
The Legend of Zelda: Skywoada Swordu
I mean, I guess I kind of gave a shit about it, ‘cause I kept bugging my room-mate about when she was going to buy it, but that’s only ‘cause I wanted to see what it looked like. I actually have no intention of playing a Zelda game in the foreseeable future. I just don’t really care about Nintendo these days. Also, I think I just made about fifty enemies.
Worst Best Multiplayer Game Involving Brazilians That I Continue to Play Regardless of That Fact
League of Legends
I CARY U NOOB BUT TO HEAVY
GOD SO BAD WHY???
LOL NOT MORD CAN EVEN WIN WIT U HUEHUEHUE
... ok, more like Best Worst Multiplayer Experience. This is one of the shittiest gaming communities I’ve ever experienced, and I can’t get enough of it.
Best Movie I Didn’t Actually See, But Here’s An Award Anyway
Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deceit (? I think?)
I don’t even know the name of this third instalment, but I do know that I want to know it, mostly ‘cause I listen to the Giant Bombcast and over the last year they haven’t shut the fuck up about either this title or the studio’s previous release for more than an episode. Witty humour, expertly delivered – what can I say? I like funny action movies.
2011’s 2010 Game of the Year
Starcraft 2
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of other great titles from 2010 I still need to get around to, but for me, personally – that is the entire point of these awards – Starcraft 2 wins by a landslide. I still haven’t played any of the single-player content, but that doesn’t matter, as I can come back after a break from this game and have it feel fresh thanks to all the new strategies and standards I both develop and in-turn go up against – that’s besides the fact that I’ve barely touched all three races still, a full-time Terran when I play.
Best HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Battlefield 3
This game is designed solely to make you yell, “FUCK YEAH!” in the gruffest, manliest voice possible, akin to the most American of soldiers you can think of. People think Call of Duty and Uncharted have great set-pieces – bitches, please. Every round I see planes explode after vicious dogfights overhead as I claw my way feebly across the ground, barely clutching my gun and my life as shells zip over head and explode ten feet away. All because I stayed ten seconds too long a-top my vantage point to snag one last half-kilometer kill with my SV98 bolt-action rifle. FUCK YEAH.
Most Creative Blocks
Minecraft
I think anyone would feel guilty putting this game on their awards list, but I, and many others, have sunk so much time in to it that I think it needs mentioning. It beats whatever crap came out of the Lego franchise getting an award, and it did technically go “gold” this year.
All-Around Real Good Game of the Year
Portal 2
I can easily say th, again introducing not just one, but two of the best characters to come from a video game. Include the innovative game-play mechanics from its predecessor, iterate on ‘em enough to keep it fresh, then throw-in one of the best game-ending sequences one can experience – well, Portal 2 is just an all-around dandy game, I think!
Most Disappointing Shit to Poop from a Butt
Dragon Age 2
This is one of those times where I want to whip-out a quote like, “you were the Chosen One!” Games like Baldur’s Gate are few and far-between, and Dragon Age: Origins was a great return to hardcore RPGs for me. Too bad they followed it with Press B to Stupid. Man, it’s not even about being hardcore, it’s just taking the good parts of the game out of the game. Who does that?! I’ll tell you who does that: assholes.
#1 Sick-Baller Game of 2011
Battlefield 3
Ok, I might be a little biased on this, but it’s ok, because your favourite game sucks. Unless it’s this one. I spent hundreds of hours playing Battlefield 2 over about three years, and I was extremely pleased to see DICE more-or-less stuck to the core values and game-play inherent to what I knew, iterating on the small stuff to make it a fresh experience. Throw a slick new sheen on the visuals, and the result is even more epic bad-assery than the already-most-bad-ass game ever. FUCK YEAH.
So, that’s a list of the games I played this year.
