I suggest listening to this song while reading
Thematically* - very fitting for this blog, melodically - simply badass
Nearly 6 years ago, I decided to do a year abroad in the US. So many exciting things were awaiting me: Meeting new people, experiencing a different culture, seeing places I’ve only known from TV. But before my departure, what excited me the most was the opportunity to participate in school sports (something we didn’t have at my school in Germany) and especially soccer. I was dreaming about becoming the best scorer and leading my team to victory. In my mind, I was already feeling the pleasure of this achievement… There was only one problem. I was in a bad shape. I didn’t do any sports and with 90 kg (~200 lbs) I was somewhat overweight. But the solution seemed simple. Two months before departure I would start running 3 miles a day and be ready to stomp my future opponents in the US.
I ran once…
When the soccer season started I had to face the bitter realization that I won’t be our team’s most valuable player. I simply had no stamina to last more than 5 minutes on the field. Mid-season I was demoted to a bench player. Additionally, when I arrived in the US, I started eating 3 donuts a day! 5-6 days a week! When Christmas came I was already 100 kg (220 lbs)…
Fast forward 3 years later: I was graduating in Germany. I had decent grades. And I had a decent size. Since my return from the US, I had told myself so many times: Tomorrow you will start dropping weight, tomorrow… I didn’t. When I got my diploma I was already 105 kg… But I made the decision that when I start university, I will become fit. I quickly forgot about this intention of mine…
Fast forward two more years: The end of my fourth semester was filled with stressful, difficult exams and as a study aid I started eating enormous amounts of candy. Two to three chocolate bars a day with a can or two of coke. In three months I managed to reach my all-time high of 116 kg (255 lbs)!
5 weeks ago I finally made the commitment to lose weight and get in shape. I could not live like this anymore. Every time I’d see my naked self in the mirror I’d shy away in disgust. Every time I’d go to buy clothes I’d start hating myself. Every time I was among people I’d feel uneasy and stressed. Previously, I could suppress the depressing thoughts about my body by watching TV shows hours and hours in a row or by starting up sc2 or any other game on my pc, which would take my mind into a world of make-belief where it didn’t matter if I’m fat or not. But 5 weeks ago I realized that this is no way to continue. It simply couldn’t be that the only way to escape the aggravating thoughts about myself was to put myself into a vegetative state of mind…
So I changed.
No more candy! No more soda! No more carbs. No more overeating till I feel sick. I decided that from this point onward my diet would consist only of meat, fish, eggs, veggies and fruits. I had seen an acquaintance of mine drop nearly 40 kg with this diet and I was determined to achieve a similar feet. He made it. Why shouldn’t I be able to? A further motivation came from a friend of mine I had met back in the US. With complete honesty I can say that to this day he is the most obese 18-year-old I have ever seen. Two months ago he uploaded new pictures of himself on facebook. I couldn’t believe what he had achieved. The kid, I remembered, the kid that was out of breath after climbing to the second floor of the school and was sweating when simply walking down the street, had posted a picture of himself standing in his old jeans from back then fitting his whole new self only in one of the trouser legs. He must have dropped at the very least 80 kg (180 lbs). He wasn’t fat at all anymore! Below the picture he wrote: “9 months of determination, exercise and a healthy diet.”
5 weeks of self-improvement
I have made my own food pretty much every day in the past 5 weeks - no more fast and junk food from the street.
My diet made me part ways with those old friends of mine
My new diet turned out to be really easy to keep. I eat basically as much as I want, but only from the products listed above. It seems to be impossible to not lose weight when you completely cut carbs, especially when you are overweight. There is only so much meat and salad you can stuff into yourself until you feel full. I’ve never felt hungry with my current diet, so even though every now and then I miss bread, pasta, pizza and so much more similarly tasty stuff, I do not need them. At first, I believed that a chocolate “withdrawal” would be the hardest thing to cope with, but even though my roommate always keeps enough candy to open a shop with and regularly eats it in front of me, I managed to change my mindset so now I don’t have any cravings for candy.
Every other week I used to devour one of those fuckers in less than 30 minutes!
By the way they weigh 300g (over 10 ounces!)
For about 3.5 out of the last 6 years, I’ve been a member in a gym. I guess, I went there no more than 20 times… But in the past 5 weeks, I’ve been to the gym at least 2-3 times a week. And now I actually upped it to once every two days. My new motivation pushed me far enough, not only to go there, but to do 40 minutes on the treadmill as well as to do work out for various muscles every visit.
The results of my determination are already visible. I dropped 7 kg (15 lbs)! From previously 113 kg, today the balance showed slightly less than 106 kg. I feel so much better now - physically as well as mentally. The feelings of shame have yielded to feelings of accomplishment!
There is still a long road ahead of me. With my current weight, I still have a BMI that suggests obesity. But I am eager to walk this road. Every time I weigh myself and see an improvement, my motivation jumps further. I know that I can achieve my goal and I know that I will achieve it!
* If you wonder what 46&2 refers to, see here:
lyrics and meaning