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How to be friends with girls when you have a gf?
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iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
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Turbovolver
Australia2435 Posts
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Aruno
New Zealand748 Posts
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Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
When coming on to a girl the guy always has the choice to kick it up to the next level. Never making a move ensures that it doesn't happen. If she is coming on to you then you politely turn her down. Hanging out in a big group is fine. Hanging out 1 on1 is also fine. Whenever you have temptation don't give in. If you find yourself in a potentially bad situation (alone in a room, next to each other, and having a nice emotional bonding moment) then you want to get out of it as quickly as possible. I have a lot of female friends, too. Most of them are respectful enough not to cross any lines. This was never an issue when I dated anyone else. Make sure you also talk to your girlfriend and find out what she is and is not cool with (like sleeping on a couch at their place, going out, etc.). | ||
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run.at.me
Australia550 Posts
Who will rub your back when you ask and grab you a beer on command? Who will give you morning jobs without needing to be asked? Which one begs for your attention like a little puppy dog wanting to be petted? Answer these questions and you will know what to do | ||
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Arisen
United States2382 Posts
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Spicy_Curry
United States10573 Posts
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Plutonik
Canada329 Posts
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apm66
Canada943 Posts
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iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
On February 15 2012 09:57 Plutonik wrote: just "fool around" with your hot friends, your girlfriend lives two hours away so its not like shes going to be finding out, this is why long distance relationships never work. She could be doing the same to you for all you know could never do that. even if I knew for a fact she wouldn't find out, the guilt would still kill me. it's just hard for me to be "just friends" with girls because I have a naturally flirty personality, I think. | ||
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jalstar
United States8198 Posts
On February 15 2012 09:21 iamahydralisk wrote: sup tl. I have a bit of a conundrum. I have a girlfriend, but most of my friends are girls, and I'm attracted to some of them (and in most cases, I can tell the attraction is mutual). I'm faithful to my girlfriend (never cheated on a girl before and I don't plan on it), but how do you deal with this? it's made harder due to the fact that my girlfriend lives 2 hours away. Find guy friends and play matchmaker. | ||
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iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
a lot of my guy friends are either taken or forever alones... not many in the "single but dateable" realm. I can think of one guy though. | ||
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rel
Guam3521 Posts
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iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
On February 15 2012 10:29 rel wrote: What does date-able mean exactly?? it's not exactly something I can put into words... more like a feeling you get from knowing them well. some of them just plain don't want girlfriends, and others are so shy/unconfident/unassertive that they can't attract most women. they're good friendzone material, but they're not very good boyfriend material yet (the shy ones, that is). | ||
Liquid`Drone
Norway28875 Posts
I'm a very.. flirtatious guy and consequently, I occasionally end up in the same conundrum. except, it's not actually a conundrum. basically, if you hang around girls a lot, and you "get" that they like you, it's natural that you also end up liking them. we usually like people who like us (unless they come off as creepy, or unless they're just.. so bad in the first place that them liking you isn't sufficient to make you like them. ) as such, occasionally having thoughts of the nature "gdamn I wish I could penetrate the fucking fuck out of *x*", isn't weird, and you shouldn't hate yourself for having them. Essentially, you can't control what you think. And while whether you have control over what you do is a wholly other philosophical debate, at least your actions have tangible consequences felt outside the realm of your own consciousness- and you'll be held accountable for them - also by yourself. By this I mean; you probably regard yourself as a good person. (I personally regard myself as awesome. ) What makes you good? Different people have varying definitions - but most will agree that integrity, non-douchebaggy honesty, and caring about other people are all positive traits. The fact that you come to this forum to ask this question, to me implies that you at the very least care about your girlfriend, that you care about preserving your integrity, and considering you haven't told her about the various degrees of crushiness you invariably experience, you're also not being a jerk camouflaged as a honest person. Now comes the crux of this post: Do you feel happy knowing that you are good? For me, the knowledge about my own perception of my own goodness, is like a constant ability to inject happiness into myself; whenever something less than awesome happens, or if I somehow felt like, today, life shafted me, I can just consciously think; well, at least I'm awesome. And then I am happy again. Be awesome. Don't be a jerk. If you feel like your relationship with your girlfriend is not working out, that you would prefer having sex and developing feelings and creating temporary or lasting bonds with other girls than her, then that's a legitimate point of view. And then, you should break up with her before you pursue any of the other girls; breaking up because a relationship makes you unhappy, does not make you a jerk. Likewise, you can choose to stay with your girlfriend, because you for example feel that your emotional connectivity with her outweights the connectivity you have with any of your flirtees, or because you feel that she is a superior human being, and that while it is unfortunate she lives far away from you, your long-term happiness will be greater due to sacrificing sex with different girls right now to continue staying with her. You don't meet that many people who love you through your life. For most people, it amounts to a small amount of handfulls. Knowing this, you should be exceptionally wary to hurt the people who love you through betraying them. And, while you can rediscover love through meeting new people, there's one person you'll always be stuck with; Yourself. If you give yourself a reason to doubt your own awesomeness, and cheating on someone you love and who loves you is a legitimate reason to consider yourself less than awesome, it'll be hard to get back that feeling: Once you've fucked yourself over like this, it might be hard to re-convince you that you are great, and you'll consequently be more likely to approach quick, external "fixes" to make yourself happy, rather than being able to consciously conjure the feeling. Don't go down that road. Don't cheat. Flirt away. Be single if you must. But if you're in a relationship, you're in a relationship, and there's not a single lay in the world worth ruining your self-respect. | ||
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mordk
Chile8385 Posts
If you're in a relationship, then you're in it, don't cheat, that's terrible dude. It's okay to be flirtatious though, if that's your nature. I have a lot of female friends but only rarely have this problem, but when I do, I just accept the mutual attraction as part of the relationship and choose NOT to act upon it and not lead the other person to believe I want to. I don't, I want my relationship with my GF, and I will protect it. Know this: Cheating is never fine, and it's not an option. | ||
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Dante08
Singapore4179 Posts
Imo its possible to be just friends but you got to have self control and know when to draw the line. Most importantly, don't let feelings develop. | ||
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Liquid`Drone
Norway28875 Posts
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mordk
Chile8385 Posts
On February 15 2012 10:58 Liquid`Drone wrote: I disagree with the notion that you should avoid letting feelings develop. Imo, a crush without a possible outlet, is an awesome foundation for a friendship. Crushes don't last forever, but you end up looking at the person from the nicest possible angle. Sure, sometimes you'll be a little torn, but imo, the best way to live life isn't trying to find the path of least resistance. Don't be afraid to love because you're afraid to be hurt. I... half agree with you. I'd completely agree with you if we were talking about someone who isn't in a relationship, but since the OP has a girlfriend, letting feelings develop shows how little respect you have for your current relationship. If you're single, sure, you might as well let it happen, but know that it is a risk, and it could potentially destroy your friendship. | ||
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iamahydralisk
United States813 Posts
also, on the subject of guys not being able to be friends (without some sort of sexual feelings) with girls, I agree except for a specific circumstance. I only have one really good girl friend that I'm attracted to (or was attracted to). I asked her out a long time ago and she said no, and things have been just peachy since then. the idea of sleeping with her makes me kind of sick because I see her as more of a sister type friend, if that makes sense. | ||
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