How to be friends with girls when you have a gf?

On February 15 2012 09:57 Plutonik wrote:
just "fool around" with your hot friends, your girlfriend lives two hours away so its not like shes going to be finding out, this is why long distance relationships never work. She could be doing the same to you for all you know

On February 15 2012 09:21 iamahydralisk wrote:
sup tl. I have a bit of a conundrum. I have a girlfriend, but most of my friends are girls, and I'm attracted to some of them (and in most cases, I can tell the attraction is mutual). I'm faithful to my girlfriend (never cheated on a girl before and I don't plan on it), but how do you deal with this? it's made harder due to the fact that my girlfriend lives 2 hours away.

On February 15 2012 10:13 jalstar wrote:



Find guy friends and play matchmaker.

On February 15 2012 10:29 rel wrote:
What does date-able mean exactly??

On February 15 2012 10:58 Liquid`Drone wrote:
I disagree with the notion that you should avoid letting feelings develop. Imo, a crush without a possible outlet, is an awesome foundation for a friendship. Crushes don't last forever, but you end up looking at the person from the nicest possible angle. Sure, sometimes you'll be a little torn, but imo, the best way to live life isn't trying to find the path of least resistance. Don't be afraid to love because you're afraid to be hurt.

On February 15 2012 11:23 phosphorylation wrote:
hey tl, i am a pimp with a girlfriend but i also have bunch of other female friends
and most of them want mah dick


is essentially your OP

On February 15 2012 11:17 mordk wrote:

I... half agree with you. I'd completely agree with you if we were talking about someone who isn't in a relationship, but since the OP has a girlfriend, letting feelings develop shows how little respect you have for your current relationship.

If you're single, sure, you might as well let it happen, but know that it is a risk, and it could potentially destroy your friendship.

On February 15 2012 11:58 rel wrote:
I love you eri.

On February 15 2012 11:30 Liquid`Drone wrote:


how do you avoid letting feelings develop? how can I interact with a person while fully expressing myself emotionally (imo - important to develop a valuable friendship)? I mean, it's not like you meet someone and then you think "okay, I will only like this person to 60% of the extent I can like this person to avoid possibly being hurt or hurting someone in the future." Or, if you do, then you've just.. limited the scope of a future friendship from the get-go. what rather happens is that like, you interact normally with someone, and sometimes feelings develop. Then, if you're in a relationship, you don't act on them (which can feel "tough"), and if you're not, maybe you do. If being in a relationship means that you just can't make friends from the opposite sex, that's a terrible deal imo.

On February 15 2012 11:26 phosphorylation wrote:
well, maybe you aren't. but minus the thing about the pimp and suckass, what i wrote is essentially what you wrote, just worded differently.

i thought it was an interesting observation

On February 15 2012 11:38 phosphorylation wrote:
On the subject itself, I think it doesn't speak too well of your relationship when you are having these doubts. If you genuinely cared about your relationship with your gf, you would try hard to avoid getting so easily tempted by other girls in the first place. Being so liberal with opposite-sex friendships when you are already involved in a relationship is a slippery slope, I tell ya.

How old are you btw?

On February 15 2012 17:14 Yenticha wrote:
You could also have an "open" relationship? Like, keep the relationship as it is, except you and your current gf agree that you can have sex with other partners. That works for some of my friends (wouldn't work for everybody though).

On February 15 2012 10:54 Dante08 wrote:
This blog reminds me of this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA&nomobile=1

Imo its possible to be just friends but you got to have self control and know when to draw the line. Most importantly, don't let feelings develop.

On February 15 2012 22:45 Sufficiency wrote:
To OP:

Stop being delusional. Those women do NOT want to sleep with you.

Cheers,
Suff

On February 16 2012 04:28 Kukaracha wrote:
True, men tend to sexualize their environment and interaction.

On February 16 2012 04:37 Xiron wrote:


Women don't?

On February 15 2012 10:58 Liquid`Drone wrote:
I disagree with the notion that you should avoid letting feelings develop. Imo, a crush without a possible outlet, is an awesome foundation for a friendship. Crushes don't last forever, but you end up looking at the person from the nicest possible angle. Sure, sometimes you'll be a little torn, but imo, the best way to live life isn't trying to find the path of least resistance. Don't be afraid to love because you're afraid to be hurt.

On February 15 2012 22:45 Sufficiency wrote:
To OP:

Stop being delusional. Those women do NOT want to sleep with you.

Cheers,
Suff

On February 15 2012 18:18 Corsica wrote:


Dude where you live ? somewhere in Asia? Which mysticals creatures your friends date?

On February 16 2012 14:45 iamahydralisk wrote:

never said they "want to sleep with me." I said there's some mutual attraction there and I could easily make something of it if I wanted to. also, I think "don't be friends with girls" is a pretty silly solution. the more I think about this, the more I think that it stems from me not being entirely happy with my current relationship (just mostly happy). it's pretty complicated, but suffice to say, I feel like I could be happier with someone else. it's tough... I'm mostly happy now, and my girlfriend accepts my quirks and loves me for who I am, but those thoughts still creep up in the back of my head.

On February 15 2012 17:14 Yenticha wrote:
You could also have an "open" relationship? Like, keep the relationship as it is, except you and your current gf agree that you can have sex with other partners. That works for some of my friends (wouldn't work for everybody though).

On February 16 2012 17:04 phosphorylation wrote:
precisely. personally i just think he's a teenager (or an immature adult) involved in one of those glib "relationships"

On February 16 2012 17:04 phosphorylation wrote:
precisely. personally i just think he's a teenager (or an immature adult) involved in one of those glib "relationships"

On February 16 2012 22:40 iamahydralisk wrote:

lol. you know the old saying about when you assume...

just saying. you know nothing about me or my relationship, so it makes you look silly when you make giant leaping assumptions like that. I could go really indepth and explain everything, but I'm less inclined to do so when I'm dealing with someone who'll just jump to conclusions.

On February 17 2012 00:14 Kukaracha wrote:


You could simply say how old you are.

On February 17 2012 00:31 Onlinejaguar wrote:
I wish i had OP's problem lol. How can girls liking you ever be a problem? unless you have absolutely 0 self control.

On February 17 2012 01:00 Kukaracha wrote:
Of course age has to do something with it. With different steps in one's life come different questions. Add to this the fact that 2 hours is a "long distance relationship" to you and the question itself ("I want to have sex with my friends but I have a GF, what do I do"?)
And the fact that you changed your writing when people asked your age.

Important relationships can either be long and "serious" or short and "passionate". The rest is fun and games and should not be taken too seriously.

On February 17 2012 00:56 Endymion wrote:


it's difficult to not have sex with a lot of girls when you're in a good relationship with someone, it's murphy's law..

On February 17 2012 04:23 iamahydralisk wrote:
Jumping to conclusions is never reasonable because you don't have enough info to make a proper judgment. Just saying.

On February 17 2012 04:37 Xiron wrote:


So you ask for advice, but you don't give enough information to give an appropriate answer, but if someone takes the time and makes conclusions, you just write him off?

On February 15 2012 10:41 Liquid`Drone wrote:
I'm gonna go off on multiple tangents in this post.

I'm a very.. flirtatious guy and consequently, I occasionally end up in the same conundrum. except, it's not actually a conundrum.

basically, if you hang around girls a lot, and you "get" that they like you, it's natural that you also end up liking them. we usually like people who like us (unless they come off as creepy, or unless they're just.. so bad in the first place that them liking you isn't sufficient to make you like them. ) as such, occasionally having thoughts of the nature "gdamn I wish I could penetrate the fucking fuck out of *x*", isn't weird, and you shouldn't hate yourself for having them. Essentially, you can't control what you think.

And while whether you have control over what you do is a wholly other philosophical debate, at least your actions have tangible consequences felt outside the realm of your own consciousness- and you'll be held accountable for them - also by yourself. By this I mean; you probably regard yourself as a good person. (I personally regard myself as awesome. ) What makes you good? Different people have varying definitions - but most will agree that integrity, non-douchebaggy honesty, and caring about other people are all positive traits. The fact that you come to this forum to ask this question, to me implies that you at the very least care about your girlfriend, that you care about preserving your integrity, and considering you haven't told her about the various degrees of crushiness you invariably experience, you're also not being a jerk camouflaged as a honest person. Now comes the crux of this post: Do you feel happy knowing that you are good? For me, the knowledge about my own perception of my own goodness, is like a constant ability to inject happiness into myself; whenever something less than awesome happens, or if I somehow felt like, today, life shafted me, I can just consciously think; well, at least I'm awesome. And then I am happy again.

Be awesome. Don't be a jerk. If you feel like your relationship with your girlfriend is not working out, that you would prefer having sex and developing feelings and creating temporary or lasting bonds with other girls than her, then that's a legitimate point of view. And then, you should break up with her before you pursue any of the other girls; breaking up because a relationship makes you unhappy, does not make you a jerk. Likewise, you can choose to stay with your girlfriend, because you for example feel that your emotional connectivity with her outweights the connectivity you have with any of your flirtees, or because you feel that she is a superior human being, and that while it is unfortunate she lives far away from you, your long-term happiness will be greater due to sacrificing sex with different girls right now to continue staying with her.

You don't meet that many people who love you through your life. For most people, it amounts to a small amount of handfulls. Knowing this, you should be exceptionally wary to hurt the people who love you through betraying them. And, while you can rediscover love through meeting new people, there's one person you'll always be stuck with; Yourself. If you give yourself a reason to doubt your own awesomeness, and cheating on someone you love and who loves you is a legitimate reason to consider yourself less than awesome, it'll be hard to get back that feeling: Once you've fucked yourself over like this, it might be hard to re-convince you that you are great, and you'll consequently be more likely to approach quick, external "fixes" to make yourself happy, rather than being able to consciously conjure the feeling.

Don't go down that road. Don't cheat. Flirt away. Be single if you must. But if you're in a relationship, you're in a relationship, and there's not a single lay in the world worth ruining your self-respect.

On February 17 2012 07:14 Kukaracha wrote:
Our perception of the world is judgmental. The only thing we have control over is wether we voice our opinions and intuitions or not.

We wrote our intuitive opinion based on the little information you gave us, that is all. Maybe you are a teenager and you're pissed by the caricature, maybe you're not, it's not that important to us. You were the one asking questions.