EPTEDIT: And playing SC2 with a girl and helping her get better at it probably put you in the friend zone, too.
[Girl Blog] Am I a big retard or did I just fail? - Page 2
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Detrimentally
United States78 Posts
EDIT: And playing SC2 with a girl and helping her get better at it probably put you in the friend zone, too. | ||
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Malgrif
Canada1095 Posts
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On January 01 2012 09:05 Dalguno wrote: In his defense, going from a "first kiss" to having sex is a bit of a jump. Yeah, agree. The trick however is to let HER worry about where the whole thing will lead. Talking about where this will or will not go is highly unattractive. You like each other. All is good. There is no possible reason to bring up relationship-related talk without any kind of sexual tension between them. From my experience it doesn't even matter how fast or slow you do the whole escalating with a certain girl, however a clear date, especially with clear intentions from her to make it go further, without doing anything is absolutely deadly in most cases. It's the guys job to take responsibility. A girl can't (most cases) justify a "and then I kissed him". That's his job. If he doesn't do it, he will lose most of his attraction he ever had with this girl and look like a huge pussy and someone who doesn't know what he wants. PS: I'm not mad at all towards the OP because, hey, that shit just happens cause no one ever tells you how things work. I had that stuff happen to me multiple times in my life as well. Get over it, learn from it, all good. I'm more mad at all the guys telling him that he did well and it was all the evil, evil womans fault. Teaching a man that he's not responsible for the outcome of a situation is the best way of throwing him into a non-satisfying sexlife for the next ten years till he figures it out by himself. Edit: On January 01 2012 09:08 Detrimentally wrote: You told her how you feel. Never talk about feelings until you're at least 6 months into a relationship. Instant friend zone. On top of that, you had your chance to make a move and you didn't. You have to be the dominant one; sweep her off her feet and make her dependent on being with you. EDIT: And playing SC2 with a girl and helping her get better at it probably put you in the friend zone, too. Meh, you're exaggerating the whole friend zone issue. =P Talking about feelings is fine as long as she starts the whole talk. If you have a cool time, have sex together, do stuff that's basicly already a relationship. All that's needed is her asking "So, um... what is this between us?" - that's when you can answer "I guess you got me hooked" with a smile on your face. But please no "Would you like to be my girlfriend?!?!" without even having kissed her. =D | ||
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Detrimentally
United States78 Posts
Meh, you're to exaggerating the whole friend zone issue. =P Talking about feelings is fine as long as she starts the whole talk. If you have a cool time, have sex together, do stuff that's basicly already a relationship. All that's needed is her asking "So, um... what is this between us?" - that's when you can answer "I guess you got me hooked" with a smile on your face. But please no "Would you like to be my girlfriend?!?!" without even having kissed her. =D He said he started the talk about feelings, though. That's why I brought it up. And the friend zone is a huge issue in high school. Its a trap many, many people fall into, and its exactly what the OP did. | ||
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Stratos
Czech Republic6104 Posts
The fact you didn't take the first opportunity with the kiss is one of the things that might have killed it for you. It did for me. When I first met my big love, we would go out, talk much and I would never even touch her. That's probably since my image of her was that of an innocent beauty who could hardly think about touching or kissing or even sex after the first two weeks. Then she stopped seeing me all of a sudden. I asked for the reason and she kept giving me one after another since she didn't want to hurt me... I even stalked her a bit (I mean like waiting 5 hours watching her icq status, not anything serious). While you're not a typical teenager in some ways, you're still the same as anyone else when it comes to all this relationship drama. Basically there's not much to tell that can help you understand, you will have to live through it all on your own - the first big love, the first break up, wanting the answers, perhaps some innocent stalking. Eventually, relationships won't come as that serious to you and you will know how to behave and why. Some things you'll probably discover: 1) A woman wants a man, and a man knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. 2) A man knows that a woman needs him to want her (sexually)... to want her so badly, that he will overcome his fear and insecurity and reach for her, grab her and make love to her. 3) Keep in mind, the above is only about sex. When it comes to sex you need to make sure the girl knows you want her, and trust me when it gets to touching boobies and stuff, you won't have to pretend anything  . Otherwise, however, it's a completely different story. => Because a man knows, at the same time, that there are plenty of other girls and they're all there waiting for him.4) A man knows that if he makes the girl feel like she's his only chance, she isn't attracted to him at all. 5) If a man is in love, he might still feel like that little boy, he might still see the girl as the only possible queen of the universe... BUT he will bear in mind what he found out and he will stick to it, because he knows it works. = That's imo the most important part. You're not a man yet, but one day you will be. Until then just relax and discover all the good stuff. You will succeed and you will fail, just like everyone else... Take some time to get over this girl (don't try and be friends with her, don't ever) and then try your luck with another one. Good luck and have fun! | ||
Xxio
Canada5565 Posts
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Ushio
Canada868 Posts
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xavra41
United States220 Posts
Girl was fine with you at first. She found a better option. Wanted to let you down easy (friend zone) From the way you describe things it seems the other guy just has more balls than you do. Up your confidence and be bold ( repeatedly wimping-out of the kiss is soooo bad lol and i hope you didn't show her that picture LOL) Talk to as many girls you think are pretty as you can. Getting a relationship with good chemistry is mostly a numbers game. Also you sounded really desperate and needy. Girls can smell that shit and it's a huge turn off. Practice escalating with girls as much as possible and you'll turn into a natural in no time! | ||
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Bigtony
United States1606 Posts
-You didn't escalate when you had your chances. A girl wants to be touched, kissed and more. Hugging and cuddling is all fine and cool, but that's what friends do, not lovers. Gonna disagree wholeheartedly on this point. Most girls of that age while they may be interested in those things, they aren't dealbreakers. Most are looking for emotional relationships and support. When they are really into physical things, it's usually because they want to please their boyfriend to get emotional things, or as a replacement for emotional attention. TL;DR - you'll find another girl. Do your own thing it'll be fine. Don't rush into a physical relationship at such a young age. | ||
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ShaLLoW[baY]
Canada12499 Posts
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iSometric
2221 Posts
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RogerX
New Zealand3180 Posts
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Shai
Canada806 Posts
The reason you and she are not compatible is because you both want to be the passive one. It is not the man or woman's job to be the initiator. Someone has to be. I tend to be the more passive one in relationships, and that's fine, I tend to be with more "active" females. Males tend to be the initiators. You will find that a lot of females expect that from you. If you don't want to make the first moves, though, you'll have to accept that that limits your pool. | ||
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udgnim
United States8024 Posts
First of all, I am not a typical teenager. FYI you're acting like a typical teenager | ||
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DoctorHelvetica
United States15034 Posts
People want different things out of a relationship, she's not a bitch and you're not retarded for being uncomfortable but don't fall into the trap of being the "friend". You don't have to be a jerk to get girls, you just need to be comfortable, confident, and honest. I don't know a lot about you and you didn't go into a lot of detail so this is all just speculation but you seem like the kind of guy who'd talk about how other guys just want sex and you're the one who "really cares" but ignore that whole aspect of a relationship when you really need a balance between the two i.e wanting sex or intimacy doesn't make you a jerk who doesn't care about her It'll be harder and harder to get away with that kind of passive friendly attitude as you get older so work on it now imo | ||
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RogerX
New Zealand3180 Posts
Er thats pretty much what everyone said. | ||
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Azzur
Australia6259 Posts
You need to get rid of all those feelings about wanting to get back with her, for she is not worth it. Also, it won't be good for your future relationships if you think this way. | ||
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Endymion
United States3701 Posts
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mrGRAPE
Singapore293 Posts
The problem isn't with her though. The problem is with you. You took too long, you gave her mixed signals, to her you probably seemed like you weren't interested SEXUALLY enough to be with her. It's probably the opposite of what you're feeling, but if you set your sights on a girl and for whatever reasons you want to be in a relationship with her, don't take too long to let her know! This is further worsened by the fact that you've known her for a good 6.5 years before you made any sort of move. One thing about teenagers in general is that they don't know who they want to be with yet. So take my advice (or leave it) - Got a target, take it. If you're not sure, take it anyway. The worst that could happen is that you won't be friends with her again or she rejects you - but what does that matter? You've been doing good for 6.5 years despite not being with her anyway. | ||
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Black[CAT]
Malaysia2589 Posts
And, dont delay too long to let a girl know u liked her in the future. Worst case, well try imagine something worse than this. Best case, you become couple. Middle ground case, you guys become fuck buddies  | ||
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