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In Korean time, today is my birthday. I officially turn 21 tomorrow. But for me, tomorrow will be a day like any other. Go to class, go to work, and come home and finish stupid fluid mechanics homework that I haven’t started on yet: a typical Wednesday. Perhaps I’ll watch some Nana Mizuki videos, but I do that on a regular basis anyway. People tell me I should have fun, party, and drink, especially on 21 of all birthdays, but I don’t care for those things. If you asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I honestly could not tell you a single physical item that I really want. Now everyone who knows me here will say “you want more Nana goods.” That is of course true, but it’s something I can live without. Name any physical item that money can buy and I’ll probably tell you I can live without it, at least as a gift. I can buy anything I want or need; I don’t need you to buy me anything. That’s what I’ve thought for the past several years. If you still insist on getting me something, buy me a trip to Tokyo so I can attend Nana Mizuki’s Live Castle King’s Night and Queen’s Night concerts. Oh wait, I would’ve bought that for myself but it’s literally the weekend before finals. Why, Nana, why?
But there is something I would like: something that people seem so unwilling, or even unable, to give. That is simply sitting down in a room and having a nice chat. It sounds cheesy, I know, but I’m being honest here: the one thing I value most in this world is friendship and relationships. Maybe this is a result of me being a socially awkward introvert my entire life, but is it really such a bad thing to value relationships with other people so much? I love listening to people; I love hearing about people’s lives, and I love building up relationships through serious conversations. But I admit: I’m a bad talker. I try, really I do, but I’m really bad at talking, and maybe that’s why people don’t like to have long chats with me. Maybe that’s also why I’m like a different person on the internet – because I can take the necessary time needed to say what I want to say.
On that note, today’s conversational values make me sad. I remember when texting first started and it was a rare feature for the rich (you know, when texting plans didn’t exist). Now everybody who’s anybody texts. I guess I’m a nobody because I don’t text. I agree that texting is incredibly useful and I text when needed, but I don’t have any sort of plan nor do I expect to get one anytime soon. Texting has become the most dominant form of “communication,” and I really don’t like that. I miss the days when you would talk on the phone for hours, being able to hear someone’s voice and knowing that any laugh was a genuine laugh or that any tears were genuine tears. Lol. It seems to me that people just don’t value real conversations anymore. If you want to talk to me, call me, I say. “But you just said you don’t text.” No, I don’t, but I do have a phone. You know, for calling people. Even so, I can appreciate the power of today’s technology. Most of my conversations with people are now online, whether I know them in real life or not, and it's really helpful to keep in touch with people who live far away. But online talking is still so limited. People don't give you their full attention; you just become another one of their tasks to complete while their computer is on. I don't like that, I want your full attention and I'll give you my full attention but I'll take what I can get from people. In the end, there is nothing that makes me happier than having an awesome conversation with a friend as we sit in a room looking like losers who have nothing to do on a Saturday night.
So I tell people: just come hang out with me for my birthday, and they ask is there drinking? No. Music? Nana Mizuki, who you hate. Girls? I don’t know any real ones, so no. Disappointment. I’m sorry I disappoint you, and maybe another reason I can’t seem to have the conversations and relationships I yearn for is people can’t believe an obsessive anime and Nana lover can actually be serious and insightful (I would like to think I have my moments). Maybe I just haven’t found the right people who think the same way I do. Or maybe if people actually understood just how much I value their friendship, they would see me completely differently. At (almost) 21, I understand I have experienced nothing, but I understand enough to know that friendships come and go all the time. Real friends, real lifelong friends are hard and rare to come by and I think I’ve met 1, maybe 2 at the most. It wouldn’t surprise me if that dropped to 0. I understand the harshness of reality. Even so, I don’t like living expecting 99.9% of my relationships to disappear. I want to invest as much time as possible into everyone and I want them to do the same for me. When I say someone’s my friend, I mean it. That friendship might end abruptly on any given day or slowly disappear into the sands of time, but until that happens, you can be sure I’m not going to give you shit and will always do everything I can to help you to the best of my abilities, although right now that seems limited to making Nana playlists. I guess that’s the only thing I’m good at since people don’t seem to ever rely on me for anything. But I’m beginning to digress and I’ve stated everything on my mind at the moment.
Twenty-one is just an age and my birthday is just a day. There’s no reason to get me anything or make it a special occasion. If you’re really my friend then I would know that without you doing or saying anything, and that is truly enough for me. Then again, things like this are always welcome. Thank you, Nagisama for showing me this. As I said in ADT, it made my day. Something stupidly simple that only a tsundere lover like myself could enjoy. Shout out to ADT, which is actually my home address; I really didn’t expect all the birthday wishes especially since I always forget TL is on Korean time. I feel so loved…n-not that I care or anything. It-it should be expected that you wish me happy birthday, baka! URUSAI! Thanks Blasterion (x3), Nagisama (x2), Emnjay808, Ferrose, ZNF, NationInArms, Outlaw, Rebs, and Moonbear. I’m only going to say something this cheesy once: online or real life, I don’t care. If you invest time into me, I will do the same. If you ever want to chat, just PM me, stalk me yandere style or anything in between and I’ll gladly respond. Thanks for reading.
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Totally feel the same way about the whole texting thing. It's not nearly the same hearing someone actually laugh at your jokes over the phone, rather than a quick "lol". People text so much nowadays, It's like they aren't even used to actually talk to people anymore. The only time I ever have decent conversations with other people is at home on my phone. I think it's great that you just want someone to talk with on that one day most people look forward to for the whole year. I'm happy for ya xD.
Happy Birthday, have a great one!
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I, too, have been quite introverted for most of my life. After leaving high school and being at university, I can only empathise with your words; all I really, really want nowadays is just good friendships that actually matter.
I've felt the same way on brithdays as you have here, I can't really think of a physical object that I truly want as a gift. All I want is to get to know the people around me better and make more friends.
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Happy 21st!
And yeah, I also agree with Suc, physical objects just, well, they don't come to mind on birthdays. I just want to be with people who care about me, and of course I love to meet new people, which is one of the reasons I created a TL account, to meet new people and discuss Starcraft with others who have similar interests. But I hope you have a nice day.
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On November 16 2011 14:01 KazeHydra wrote:
It seems to me that people just don’t value real conversations anymore. If you want to talk to me, call me, I say.
Sounds like more than them wanting to talk to you, you want to talk to them. So call them. Don't sit around waiting for a phone call that you know is never going to happen. Find an excuse to call them, and if you don't have an excuse, call anyway.
I was like you a couple of years back when I started uni. I stayed in my room, watched crap and played video games. But then I made a concerted effort to talk to my peers. Not go up to random girls in clubs (still cant do that lol), but just talk more to the people aroudn me, in lectures, etc, etc. I joined the video gaming society (does your uni have an anime soc? Go along, even if they're watching something you don't like the fact is there'll be people there you already have a conversation point with). I proposed trips to the pub with people I know. There are more people like you than you would care to imagine.
Friends you'll keep for life are incredibly hard to come by, but friends you'll keep for the next couple of years aren't, and who knows, one of them may turn into a friend for life if you try hard enough. Just like in The Sims. You won't get best friends by sitting around moping about how you don't have big friends. I'm not saying you're stupid or anything, I'm not saying it will be easy, but you should at least try.
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Happy 21st!
I know what you mean. But you know what? You can't rely on other people to maintain your relationships. If you want to have friends, go and talk to more people. Talk to more of your friends. I am certain that you have friends who want the same thing you want, but think nobody wants to talk to them. Pick your friends wisely though.
Then again, what do I know, I'm younger than you.
ADT is a pretty cool place.
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Read my mind. My 21st is coming up in a few months and i still haven't decided what to do. I definitely want to do something (that doesn't involve crazy partying or clubbing). Avoiding presents is another one cause i know i'll probably get crap i don't want. I was thinking about setting up a page for a charity i want to support and get my friends to funnel money that would've originally gone to materialistic crap into something worthwhile.
I sympathise with you as i am quite the introvert (especially in HS) and i honestly suck at conversations when they die but i am able to meet new people easily and generally get along. I eventually learnt how to approach randoms at parties since i found that just sitting in a corner was boring and even if i had friends i knew, i still wanted to meet different people. Even through all of that there is nothing better than to sit in front of a computer and surf the net or immerse yourself in a game you enjoy.
I actually hate all forms of phone communication, useful for asking for something small or trivial but not to have proper conversations. That should be left for face to face interactions unless impossible due to a large distance.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51493 Posts
I am kind of in the same situation as yourself, i dont really go out with my mates much, i work 8-4 mon-fri and when i get home i put the computer on and chat with my mates over the internet, play games with them (sc2/wow/mw3) and talk to them on skype/vent if need be.
I go out to the pub every friday, i usually do something saturday morning/afternoons but 9/10 i find myself infront of my PC playing games and talking to my mates on the internet. I think this is just the knew way of life like you said with texting instead of calling. I remember when i was in my teens growing up with mobile phones, the "in thing" to do was text but i still remember having hours of phone calls with girls because it was the popular thing to do, is to ring up and have a long conversation with a girl! Now i would never do that, would be texting them to death then seeing them in a bar if i could be bothered ^_^ normally its just sex and then i get bored. But thats another story!!
What im trying to say, is you live your life the way you live it, i wouldn't say you come across lonely but i feel you might need someone to share a bit more of your life with, someone to talk to more often then the people who are online when you are on your computer! I hope you find some people who like you for being you! (Anime and Nana Mizuki’s)
Happy Birthday!
I was 21 on Oct 5th aswell :D
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Straight outta Johto18973 Posts
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Happy birthday, have a good one 
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Happy birthday, and thanks for quite a sentimental post =)
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You sound (sound like read?¿?) like a nice person 
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@bbm and youngminii: yeah I definitely agree I need to put in my own effort as well. Relationships aren't one-sided after all. It's something I still need to work on but have improved in the past couple years.
@KawaiiRice: 有難う御座います~ Seems like you always post in my blogs! Must be because Nana is always in them XD Good luck at MLG! Will be following you as always. Hope you teach Nestea to use something other than baneling busts against you.
@Moonbear: hehe I've already read all those links. also, that picture is scary...perfect tsundere in a perfect yandere pose is a bad combination D:
@ZNF: hehe such good tsundere impersonation and better tsundere pics! N-not that I care or anything. Do whatever you want. It's not like I l-l-like you or something. Don't misunderstand! You b-b-better be grateful I'm accepting your gifts! Hoping Ayase's tsundere level continues to rise. Kana Hanazawa = good tsundere? Never would have guessed.
@Inzek: It may be counter-intuitive but "sound" is correct and in this context sort of implies " from reading"
Thanks everyone else too!
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