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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
On October 21 2011 14:47 Torte de Lini wrote:
If not, it just sounds you're more worried about the outcome of situations and your life rather than paying attention to the interview and breaking down the moment so you can easily ingest. Are you worried at all about your future (more than you'd usually be)? Do you fear not getting a job or ending up being financially in a pickle (we all worry about it, but when it seems more imminent or approaching, this could cloud your thoughts and cause you to subconsciously fail)?
Pretty much sums up what I'm going through. I think I worry too much about the future instead of focusing on the present. The thinking is held too far down the line instead of just focused on today's train of thought.
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infinity21
Canada6683 Posts
Learn and move on. I think it boils down to that.
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Don't be hesitant to talk to yourself. In fact, that's what I would suggest. Talk to yourself in the morning or day of the interview or social event. You don't really have to be optimistic or pat yourself on the back, just practice talking, narrate what you are doing or a plan through your head, what you think he'll say, etc. Something loose and nothing concrete or to rely on. Talking keeps your mind out in the open and keeps your head a bit higher because you aren't alone. You know you're talking to yourself, but talk to yourself like it's a conversation (I did it for 3 years, my father used to make me read this motivational paper twice a day that was essentially a list of positive adjectives and that I love myself, rofl. I still remember bits of it and it didn't do anything then, but he made me read it with empowerment and voice, strength and it kind of changed who I am now).
When you're in the review, my two main points I would suggest sitting on is A: It's a conversation, keep it as such and B. Reflect. Don't finish his sentences, but when answering, justify it with something he can confirm like sentence-finishers such as: "Those are sort of things you'd be looking for in an employee anyways, right?"
I'm not interview wizard and if that isn't you, don't do it. But just keep it laxed, comfortable and casually friendly. They are good ways to keep the tone of the interview light and between two conversationalists rather than in-between two people (tension).
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Conclusion: bla bla bla if you go in think you'll fail, you'll fail bla bla bla you already know this, doesn't hurt to mention it anyways :B
More opportunities will arrive, there's no true countdown to doomsday, so don't fret about interviews or social gatherings.
Hope this helps or at least tells you something not try rofl
(oh and ask why he asks a question, a simple one-liner to answer that why and you'll find what to say super ez)
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On October 21 2011 14:51 Torte de Lini wrote:
Yeah, I just edited it, my bad (When I speed-read, I go by Bill Cosby's way of reading. With problems, I read the core issue than spiral from the inside out to the surrounding variables or situation).
You approach life the right way my friend.
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Not with that atrocious typo "than"
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Yeah I used to do this all the time. It was with many things though, not just interviews. A few months ago I got into running and it hasn't happened since. I would recommend trying to clear your head by not thinking about such things and distract yourself with something like a movie.
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On October 21 2011 14:10 RageOverdose wrote:
I'm the same way. It's actually probably causing me to be depressed.
But I think that one of my biggest problems is that I never actually think about what I'm going to say before a conversation starts and I never ask for feedback from people I know. So I really have no confidence that I'm learning anything or that I have a solid answer. I'd probably have just that little bit more I would need if I would just rehearse things days before I do them.
I am in a similar boat as you, I was actually just about to blog about it but, lo and behold, I thought too much about what I was saying and refreshed the blogs and bam, here this is. So I guess it isn't all bad. Still, I haven't had the chance to work on this so I don't know if what I'm saying is even helpful.
So all I can say is that you aren't alone, but I, unfortunately, can't provide a solid answer.
Dude I'm the EXACT same. Well, not really.
I've been depressed this past month, because of me overthinking everything, but I've always overthought things, and I think this depression might just be coincidence.
Kinda different from you though, I always overthink conversations before I actually get into them, and that totally screws with me because I get so high strung before anything's even happened. -.-
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
>Roffles.
This is an EXCELLENT trait to have in business, because you prevent yourself from seriously screwing yourself spontaneously
As for your interview woes, I think you need to prepare more thoroughly beforehand. I had many interviews last year, and for 80%+ of the questions, I already knew the general idea of what I was going to say, because I had already come up with a comprehensive Q&A list. Politicians are excellent at this, and twist any question response into an answer they've already prepared.
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
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The way you describe it, I think I do it. And I have found a solution for it.
It is not the way thedeadhaji describes it. Thinking thoroughly about things is one thing - but what you are describing is anxiety inducing, and leads to negative experiences.
It can often be a complete hindrance to what you want to do.
This is going to sound kind of fluffy, and I never bought into this kind of stuff until I tried it. The solution I have found is to just think positive, and more importantly: don't think negative. It is the negative thinking that causes the anxiety, which causes the ill-fated execution of your interview, which causes more negative thinking. It is a bad cycle. I'll explain my context and go into more detail:
It started for me just a year ago. In law school we are assigned to be the discussant for a class, and the discussant gets randomly asked questions about the relevant cases all class. I used to sit there and think, think, think. I would be thinking about every possible answer I would have to give. The problem is that I would get anxious as if I didn't know it. At the time I didn't know I was anxious (because I wasn't used to the feeling), but now looking back the anxeity was there and when it finally came time to answer the questions, my mind would be in 10 spots at once. What exactly is she looking for? Should I be relating these cases to one another? Hm, I wonder if I interpreted this correctly. Am I taking too long? Etc. etc. etc. The question would come and I would end up with what I can only describe as a clouded mind that would get cloudier the more I think. I would get the question, maybe sort of right, and then I would get more and more anxious until by the half-way point in class I couldn't really think straight and couldn't answer even trivial questions I knew so well beforehand...I was just stuck thinking, thinking, thinking.
So the next time I was discussant I would read extra, go to class, think think think. Same thing: I'd be thinking about all the things she might ask that I wouldn't know...and then I'd try to learn them as the discussion continued.... the problem was exacerbated because all my recent recollections of having to be discussant were negative. I would think about the previous negative experiences and take that with me into class, and the cycle continued.
So I did a whole bunch of googling, tried for months to figure out what was wrong with me, went to the doctor thinking I had breathing or circulation problems (which I don't)... I just couldn't do it. I figured I had a breathing problem, leading me to think improperly: but in reality it was just the anxiety causing me to feel short of breath. Eventually I got around to reading about "social anxiety". I read a TON on "social anxiety", which is I think what you describe. All the solutions that I have read are that you just need to think positive. Its that simple. What you want to do is bring as many positive experiences into your daily interactions as possible, and you just plain stop thinking about all of these negative consequences. Doing self-affirmations is key.
It just so happened that my discovery of social anxiety as my problem coincided with me doing the Brian Tracy Phoenix Seminar (which I swear by) that claims, to be successful at life, just to think positive about everything. When you catch yourself thinking negative...do whatever techniques you need to think positive. Self affirmations are a big part of this. Another is trying to bring as many positive experiences into your interviews, or whatever else, that you can.
But what if you don't have positive experiences to bring in? Or if your positive experiences are in the distant past?
Ever since we are little, we are told to visualize and imagine what we want to achieve. If you want to hit a home run, close your eyes and imagine yourself hitting that home run. If you want to be a great hockey player, close your eyes and imagine yourself doing the things that make you a great hockey player. Embrace the emotions of how great it feels to do these things. The effect of doing this, is that you essentially have the experience, without having to actually do it. You can then bring this positive experience with you when you actually get into the batting box, or into your interview.
I had botched 6 or 7 discussant classes in a row. I finally did this. I did self affirmations, thought positive, visualized myself only doing things correctly, and went in feeling great. I had essentially tricked myself into feeling phenominal. I got asked a question...BAM i fuckin nailed it. Then it just started picking up momentum. I was answering questions that everyone else in the class was getting wrong - eloquently and accurately.
It comes down to lacking confidence, for whatever reason. It just sort of creeps up slowly as all these bad experiences cloud our perceptions, and force us to over think. I never thought I had any reason to lose confidence, but I guess at some point it happened. Once you diagnose it, its sooooo easy to fix just with positive thinking.
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Well, interviews are often problematic, but it's just a matter of practice. I've gone through maybe 20-30 interviews in the last 10 years and after 10 or so i'm not nervous anymore and answer most questions freely because i've answered them before multiple times.
However, i can feel with you on the part of where the fear of saying something wrong influences your life. I'm a perfectionist, i don't want to get caught saying something that is not "perfect", so i usually end up not saying anything at all.
I even tried casting SC2 to learn to just say what is on my mind and talk more freely but i failed horribly and ended up deleting the channel after publishing more than 100 videos.
All i can recommend as someone who failed to get past it is:
Try to get into a mindset of "Well, who cares, i'll just say it and if it's wrong, bad or not funny... well, shit happens".
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it's just like after getting drunk and whoring
you just don't want to think about it
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Roffles
Pitcairn19291 Posts
Thanks for all the help guys. I think I've got a better understanding of what I need to attempt to do in order to correct these habits. I'll update if I see any results.
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Actually this blog makes me feel better about my own shyness/awkwardness I don't necessarily overthink things, but I always watch out so I don't say or do anything stupid, and I try to have a sense of humor but I try not to come off as moronic or incompetent in any way. Overthinking in real life is a lot like playing starcraft or chess...because you're looking several steps into the future, you will be indecisive/nervous at this very moment. I can relate to this but I feel like my main problem is that I have a hard time trying to articulate myself at all
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EPT
