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These last few months have been kind of eventful for me. I used to sit at home playing games like a boss every weekend, never went to parties, never went out, rarely met new people.
I am kind of introvert, get bored easily by the usual small talk and I take forever coming up with something to say because I sit there thinking about what to say. This often leaves me being pretty quiet since once I come up with what to say and have decided upon how to say it, the conversation has moved on.
I turned 18 a year ago soon, which is the legal age of drinking here in Sweden. My brother and sister (both older than me) took me out to a party. It was obvious that their only goal with that night was to get me drunk and they achieved that goal. Boy, did they ever! I found that I had an easier time talking to people, I didn’t think about everything too much anymore and just had more fun overall (with people I didn't know. I can have plenty fun with friends).
I didn’t really go out again until just a few months ago when a close childhood friend dragged me out to a bar. I had a great time and so I kept going out every weekend.
Now, to this post's real purpose - whining about girl problems. I’ve never had a girlfriend, not even one of those “girlfriends” when you’re 10 where you just hold hands and break up a day later. Back when girls were still kind of scary. Although to me, they’re still pretty scary – only a little bit more than guys. They’re more intriguing these days, though.
Four weeks ago I went out with my friend again and met a girl, Lucy. She was really good looking and I was kind of (extremely) psyched. She was getting massaged by a friend but after a while that friend had to go to the bathroom. She begged the rest of us at the table to continue the massage. I’m kind of lucky I had alcohol in my blood then because I had a hard enough time taking the spot behind her to give her the massage she wanted.
Man this feels really weird to write down. Anyway, later that night we kissed. I seriously had no fucking clue what I was supposed to do. I told her as much but she just laughed at me and continued.
Best feeling ever.
We went to eat something and then I saw her to her bus home. I got her number and the following two weeks I tried to get her to come out with me again or just meet in some way or form. She was busy with work so nothing happened until three weeks later. Lucy was going out with one of her friends, Linda, again and we agreed to meet. I was psyched but had no idea what to do.
We met at the bar that I usually go to but they were going to this club later to go dancing. I agreed to come with even though dancing really isn’t what I like to do. I have to be drunk enough and even then I am fully aware of how silly it feels and looks but I just don’t care enough.
I wasn’t that drunk though and the queue that we had to stand in to get into the club made me almost completely sober when we came in. Once there, the drinks were almost twice as expensive than they were at the bar.
Anyway, I stood on the dance floor with these two girls. I felt like a fool every time I tried to start “dancing” but I probably looked the bigger fool when I just stood there with these two girls dancing in front of me. I saw a fair bunch of people (mostly guys) look at me with both jealousy and glee which made me feel even more stupid.
We went to get something more to drink. Linda had to go to the bathroom. It was obvious even to me that Linda liked me which put me in a weird spot. It got even more weird when Lucy said that Linda liked me and asked me what I thought of her. I looked at her and was just about to say something along the lines of “she’s okay but it’s you that I like” when she said that I should just kiss Linda when she got back.
Hearing that sucked. I didn’t really know what to say or do. I know I should have just said that it was her that I liked and not Linda but I froze. Linda came back and she knew something was up. After she’d inquired a bit Lucy said what had happened and suddenly I had this girl Linda kissing me.
I still don’t know why I let that happen. Even more, I don’t know why I did what I did after this night either. I, again, just saw the girls off to their bus home and got Linda’s number. I had a bunch of thoughts in my head. Things like “Lucy wouldn’t dump me on her friend if she liked me”, “I guess I have to ‘settle’ for this then” and other thoughts like that.
I talked to Linda the coming week over Facebook and text messages but never Lucy. Another mistake… I should have just asked her what she’d really meant, if she really wasn’t interested at all. I had, after all, made it quite clear that I liked her. Except, you know, when I kissed her best friend...
So this past Friday I went out again and had agreed to meet with Linda again. Lucy showed up later and seeing her made me further realize that it was her that I liked and not the girl next to me and still I said nothing, did nothing. My childhood friend seemed convinced that Lucy liked me but that I was too “inexperienced”. Yet I did nothing, said nothing. Instead, I took Linda home that night. We took the tram to her stop, the complete opposite direction of where I lived.
Her mom was home and so was mine so we didn’t do anything other than that but even that was too much, I’ve come to realize. It was cold, really cold and she kept me company until my tram back came. By company I mean that we just stood there embracing each other. It was cool but it would have been great if it would have been the girl that I actually liked. Linda is a sweet girl and I like her but it feels unfair to both me and her when it’s her best friend that I really want/like.
Got even worse when just before I went on the tram Linda said she liked me and I said it back. Might as well just get a tattoo with “D-bag” on my forehead.
Feels like I either break it up with Linda now or forever ruin my chances with Lucy. They may even be ruined all the same but perhaps I should take my chances. At the same time Linda seems a safe bet. This looks so bad! A “safe bet”.
Somehow I’ve gone from never having been even close to having a girl to meeting two girls at the same time. And it’s the “never having been close to having a girl” that makes me even hesitate to break it off with Linda, the “safe bet”.
Life was much more comfortable to live when girls were still those things that I liked to look at but never really talked to.
As I already said, this was just to vent and if you’ve read this far, that’s awesome. If you haven’t, fully understandable. This is just a huge fucking wall of text about an insecure guy who doesn’t have a clue anyway.
 
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Well, the best advice anyone can give you is to be honest-- with yourself and with other people. The sooner you fix things the better. Even if you ruined your changes with Lucy, do you really want Linda thinking you two are getting to be something, and constantly wanting to be around you/telling you she likes you/etc?
It is a sucky situation to be in. But it is very rare for anyone to ever find someone they actually want to spend their life with without having a few of these kinds of experiences. Don't give up!
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a "social recluse" with two girls who fell in your lap, I have a hard time feeling sympathetic 
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Estonia4644 Posts
i can definitely relate to the part where you go from 0 to 2.
Had the exact problem a couple of months ago. Had two girls who i were into to an extent and i just kept communicating with both of them. All 3 of us in different cities.
My friends kept bugging me and asking so which one do you like and i was like... I dunno, I don't have to make the choice right now, I'll just keep having a good time with both of them.
Sooner or later, the inevitable happened, and I just had to make a choice, it was nagging me properly. Even though i had made the choice in my mind days ago, i was still just reluctant to face the facts and man up and come clean to both of em.
So on a warm summer night after work, while fairly inebriated, i chatted both of them up on msn (separately but at the same time O_O) to have a more serious sort of a talk.
Told one that I don't share the feelings she has for me.
Told the second that i like her.
1. was confused but seemingly accepting the terms (I SWEAR IT WAS LIKE SHE SCROLLED THROUGH THE ToS AND JUST CLICKED OKAY >_<)
2. was even more confused and thought i was rushing things.
So I at the time felt that i had just screwed up two potentially great relationships in one night.
So the next day, 1. visited me at work and seemed more than okay with everything, and everything was cool and jolly again with 2., while both of us taking it a wee bit slower >_>
Oh and then 1. stopped talking to me for 2 months :'D
So the moral of this long-winded yet semi-useless vent of mine is that -
Tell both of them your point of view.
1 - Stop deceiving yourself
2 - Stop deceiving them
Easiest and least painful solution in the long run (not painless löl)
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I've read it all!
In the same way you describe your post as "one more post of whiny insecure guy with no girlfriend (usually)", it also happens that the answer is quite cliche.
The usual white-knight, honorable thing to do would be to confess to both girls (separately) your feelings. Cool guys in movie usually do this, and if you happened to do it, then well, I believe that everyone around you would respect your choice, and you'd definitely be a "nice guy".
Now then, comes real life. I believe, from what I read, that you fell in some kind of love-at-first-sight with Lucy (mainly because she's pretty). And in comparison, the idea of liking Linda looks like a betrayal of some sort. Like you're cheating on Lucy. You'd like to say "no way, it's you and only you", stand strong and keep your initial position. Well, life's a bit more complicated than that...
So, my advice, for what it's worth : you probably don't stand a chance with Lucy. You like her mainly because she's pretty (you've been with her only once, right?), that prevents you from seeing that perhaps, you should look at Linda as a unique girl (and not the girl-you-want-to-hit-best-friend). Just give it a shot, like, a saturday walk, then a restaurant and a cinema in the end.
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Estonia4644 Posts
lol
what if
like
he ACTUALLY likes Lucy?
Why would he have to sort to Linda because Lucy is definitely out of her league "because thats what happens in the movies"?
Can't force to settle for something/someone you don't want just for the sake of it tbh.
And its not like he has to choose either of these two if it doesn't work out >_<
But in all fairness, OP, think all the counterpoints through, both answers are valid in case you think it through properly, every girl and situation is unique and individual even if common 'guidelines' apply ^___^
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Meet others girls. You probably blew it with both of them.
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Neither are going to be long-term relationships at this point. Don't get attached, have some fun, move on. You've proved to both of them that you're indecisive and therefore not the man they will end up with, use the experience to learn how to be more decisive when you find a girl you want to claim in the future.
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If they both fell on you that easily, they probably aren't gonna stick around for a while either. Use them as confidence boosters though  now that you've gotten used to being around girls, getting more will be much much easier.
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Canada5565 Posts
Are you guys being negative out of jealousy?
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I will say two things:
1. Linda is bad news.
2. There is a rule with women: When you are alone, no one wants you. When you are with someone, *****es are all up on your ****.
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Social Recluse Tries Girls - Finds Problems
Film at 11:00!!
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beggars can't be choosers and such, shut up and enjoy what you have
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On October 17 2011 22:44 Hawk wrote:
beggars can't be choosers and such, shut up and enjoy what you have
The fuck.
Are you saying he has to settle for Linda then? Even though he already kissed Lucy and there's a chance that Lucy likes him? That's a terrible attitude.
OP, just be honest otherwise you'll always regret it and you'll never know what could have been.
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I think, OP, you being a prior social recluse shouldn't be an excuse as to why you can't talk out and voice your own opinions and what you want.
Stop thinking "I didn't do anything! It must be because I'm socially awkward!" That's not gonna help you in your future endeavors.
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On October 17 2011 22:52 Wohmfg wrote:Show nested quote +On October 17 2011 22:44 Hawk wrote:
beggars can't be choosers and such, shut up and enjoy what you have The fuck. Are you saying he has to settle for Linda then? Even though he already kissed Lucy and there's a chance that Lucy likes him?
Pretty much, yeah.
Besides, at that age, you should be thinking with your dick and not your head, just like every other 19 year old out there.
Let your dong guide you op! He has laid dormant for far too long for your head to be messing this up.
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Think you should talk to Lucy first and tell her how you really feels, if she turns you down I guess you could either
a) continue the douchery and go out with her best friend
b) show Lucy how much you really cared by turning down her bf (pseudo-breakup?)
but then again, b) would screw over Linda ESP. since u already said u liked her
so choose a) if u want to continue living in a lie, if all you care about is being with girls/having sex/having fun then forget about lucy and just get yours.
choose b) if you care about your feelings enough to man up to your mistakes. b) is obviously the harder choice and you'll likely be left with neither girl, but at least you will have a free conscious. Free of burdens. if u play your cards right you might be able to sail out of this one friend
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On October 17 2011 10:44 Aldehyde wrote:
“Lucy wouldn’t dump me on her friend if she liked me”
You've got your answer right there. She most certainly wouldn't dump you on to her friend if she liked you.
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Hm...how about a threesome?
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EPT
