EPT
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/vunmX.jpg)
A spectre is haunting esports – the spectre, of elephants.
The above image was taken at MLG Anaheim. Barely discernible to the untrained eye, there is an elephant in this image. It has disguised itself well, but you might see it if you look closely enough. Be vigilant, my friends.
For some of us, simply achieving greatness is beyond our reach. I am neither a progamer, nor as impressive a man as the Day[9]s of this world. For some of us, greatness must be achieved by dint of deposing something bigger than ourselves. To paraphrase, by taking arms against a sea of elephants, and in doing so … Even Jaedong first came to prominence with the name “The Legend Killer.” Coincidence? I think not.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/ipG3Y.png)
She demands fealty.
For Orwell, it was in being forced to hunt the elephant that he realised the true nature of the relationships maintained between the empire and its colonies; the breakdown of the clear delineation metropole/periphery as it’s experienced by those on the ground. If the destruction of something beautiful is what it takes to make a great man, then I fear that I too, like these fine men before me, have been forced to hunt a beast whose majesty is beyond doubt. A gentle beast whose simple beauty and straightforward affection we take fore granted.
Gentlemen, tonight we hunt the rarest game of all.
Tonight we hunt the Esports Elephant.
Tonight we hunt the Esports Elephant.
Given her arsenal of weapons, it is necessary that we use every advantage available to us. If man’s rise has taught us anything, it is that the human brain should be at the forefront of any effort to take down a target. We should apply our ability to reason to the problem presented by “Elly.”
Know Your Elephant:
The question then becomes one of just how we are to bring down so noble and well-armed a beast. I will tell you this, gentlemen, it won’t be easy, but I have devised a plan. As ever, the first step in preparation for any conflict should be analysis; know your enemy. Find her weaknesses.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/RFbXS.png)
Psyblades: If Praetor Fenix has taught us anything, psyblades are unreliable at the most inconvenient moments.
From the above diagram, we can surmise that Elly is weak to the one thing that many Esports fanatics have come to see as the quintessential esports item: the mechanical keyboard. Assaulted by innumerable clicking sounds, Ellie’s vast pachyderm ears [which seem to indicate African origin] will serve only do distract her from the real threat.
As a result, I will be able to take her on on my terms. The then becomes, “How does one assault a quasi-conceptual anthropomorphic elephant imbued with the qualities of both endless nerds and squalling infant?”
The Weaponisation of Esports:
There are few times that a man will look at a rifle and say,
“No, no, this simply will not do. I’m hoping to bring down an animal with a brain-pan a foot wide and a skull an inch and a half thick. Can you please fetch me your elephant gun?”
Yet, if we are to hunt the esports elephant, these are the very thoughts we must think.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/RwwcD.png)
Esports will provide.
Once the hunt is on, I intend to use the very weapons of Elly’s chosen field against her. You see, while Elly has been protecting and nurturing esports all her life, she has neglected one thing; that esports provides a great many of the very tools that might be used to harm an elephant.
Do you remember the first time you used the awp? Do you remember the first time the sound tore through your ear canals? The thunder, as though God himself had simply reached down and clapped above your enemy with a strength so ferocious he simply fell dead on the spot? Few things are more likely to help us in our cause, but there is a backup plan, a just-in-case plan, an abandon-all-hope plan.
+ Show Spoiler +
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/XLVji.png)
But let’s simply hope it doesn’t come to that…
In my Sights:
It was only once I had her in my sights that I realised that this might not be who I am. Orwell had regretted his murder of the great beast before he’d quite managed to pull the trigger. Perhaps I simply wasn’t man enough to get the job done, but as I gazed down the ESPORTS scope, I realised that I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have it in me.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/0a8Gg.png)
These are the moments when a man learns who he really is.
I had thought that it would be only through being robbed of something we love that this community would realise what we had. No one would ever thank me for what I’ve done, but in years to come, it will be this loss that comes to define us.
For once we would have had real drama, rather than this he-said-she-said, chair-stealing, player-pinching kafuffle, all of which amounts to simply airing one’s esports linen in public.
Lumber on, Elizabeth; you will never know how much esports needs you.
+ Show Spoiler +
Iconography:
I’m using some Elly artwork as desktop icons at the moment, any other Mac users who want can use the images posted below as icons. I’m not sure, but if anyone has a way to make them into Windows icons that’d be pretty cool too :D
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/VhSho.png)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/ty5eU.png)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/mWWFb.png)
I’m using some Elly artwork as desktop icons at the moment, any other Mac users who want can use the images posted below as icons. I’m not sure, but if anyone has a way to make them into Windows icons that’d be pretty cool too :D
* Massive thanks to HawaiianPig for supplying me with all of his pictures of my preferred pachyderm. Elly is one of my favourite things about TL
