[Q&A] Girls/Relationships - Page 10

On August 05 2011 16:36 Primadog wrote:
A "GIRL". That alone qualifies her to offer relationship advice.

On August 05 2011 23:52 StorkHwaiting wrote:


Err... Girls often give terrible relationship advice. They have a lot of logical, well thought out ideas that sound good, but then in the actual moment the girl will do something completely irrational instead. Because that's how they felt at the time.

On August 06 2011 16:06 rad301 wrote:
I need some advice fair and wise TL. Here's my dilemma in point form:
-I get tired of being the only person in my group whose a virgin (believe it or not I'm 17)
-I go to a party with new people, in hopes of attaining "sexings" from a nice young lady
-Party is lame at first, but I level up and discover that with a few drinks I can out party everyone there
-I get close to a number of girls, but in my drunken stuper end up with one of the not so attractive ones. She wasn't ugly, but she wasn't that good looking either. A real 5 on the scale. I had serious beer goggles on so it wasn't a big deal at the time
-We make out a bit and her friends keep trying to goad us into engaging in the sexings with each other, but despite being completely tanked, I think better of it. I don't want my first time to be in someone's fucking back yard
-We cuddle and talk for the rest of the party, and avoid having the sexings thankfully.
-I walk across Greater Victoria to home, stopping at a Tim Hortons along the way.
-I get home, have sleep.
-I wake up, and her friend facebooks me that I forgot my ipod player at the party, but she can bring it to me.
-Said friend gives me my ipod back which makes me happy, but the I find out that said girl I cuddled and made out with a bit was really happy and excited about that occurring, and wants to "hang out" some time soon, probably for the sexings.
-I really don't want to get involved with her further, but at the same time I don't want to hurt her feelings. I know it sounds superficial, but I can do a lot better, and to be honest if a girl puts out like that after like 30 minutes of flirting I don't want the sexings with her anyway.

How do I let a girl know that I'm not interested without hurting her feelings? I really don't want to have to do the whole "Look, I was really drunk that night..." talk.

Thanks.

On August 06 2011 16:30 Torte de Lini wrote:


Irrelevant, if you think your virginity is important, an age-specific thing to be rid of or on the clock, you're being sway by terrible views of social conventions and trying too hard. Consider other prospects in life and stop making sex and your virginity an issue when it never was or will be. If people tease you, tell them you accept yourself for all your qualities and that not having sex doesn't make you less of a man or a person.If they disagree or continue teasing, remind them that harping on someone for pay attention to more important affairs in their life is not only ironic (because they're now acting like a less civil person), but also moronic because they'll soon realize that sex doesn't achieve as much as you think in the world.



Bzzt, wrong. You go to a party to mingle and engage with the opposite or same sex. If coitus is your main objective, people will smell it a mile away. Establish a relationship, then consider sex with the agreement of the other party. This isn't 40-year old virgin, this is 17-year old dude just looking to explore the endeavors of relationships and friendships. Intercourse is a consequence to those explorations, not a treasure cove to plunder.



You objectify the woman on a meaningless scale.
You compare her to other women.
Your judgement is imbalanced by the amount of drinks you've had.
Your intentions are superficial and poor.
You intentionally put yourself in a vulnerable state, but can't handle the consequences or your lack of control after the effects come into play.



Yet you go to the party with the intentions to get laid. Somehow the place or timing isn't to your suiting despite being bogged down by trivial insecurities like being a virgin? edit: and later on, she's not your type or isn't good enough for you



You can't do better because you have your values, views and ideas wrong. The reason you haven't gotten laid yet is because your ultimate goal is as immature as you see the world.



Mention how you're still a virgin and lack the insightfulness to see that your true fault isn't your virginity, but lack of understanding of the opposite sex, basic relationships and core moral values to boost your self-esteem. She'll appreciate your frankness and completely leave you alone.

---

Am I being harsh? You bet, but I hope it shakes you out of your premadonna toils that really shouldn't have an effect on you.

Imagine how much weight would be lifted off your shoulders if you weren't pinned or anxious to get laid as soon as possible and with anyone that is to your liking. Imagine how little would be teased if you considered the basic notion that sex isn't the pinnacle of your social progression or career, but rather just a celebration of maturing to a level of social acceptance to the deepest level of commitment from a partner you can trust, love and commit to without any regrets within the now or surrounding time.

If I was a wizard, I'd stick you in a poor reboot of Shallow Hal. But I'm hoping my Aesop fable of reality will ring a bell :3

---

For further tips try:



+ Show Spoiler [reference] +

On August 07 2011 01:22 Torte de Lini wrote:
I think if you condone this behavior, you're part of the problem. Social conventions don't always mean they're right or correct, but just the norm or mainstream. A large number of guys who go to parties go to get laid when they've already been to bed before-hand.

Additionally, he's only going there to complete a part he feels is detrimental to his self or self-esteem. I don't use others boost my self-confidence and then drop them like 4th grade french. If you think that's normal, then your morals are a bit mixed, but that's your call.

Just because people compare, doesn't mean it's right. That's another misconception you're making. Comparing women physically and then stating that you could do better when you've had no prior experience with sex, not specifying who you want to do it with, but just want to do it and then hypocritically saying that this person isn't who you want to have sex with and feel you can do better without any actual experience or actual accomplishment (how can he do better if he's never had sex, never got a women to be interested in sex and has no actual previous experiences to compare if he could do better).

He's not dating, he's trying to get laid. He's skipping the entire relationship section. Another part you've missed. He even said, I don't want to have sex with someone who wants to have sex after 30 minutes of flirting.

What kind of person is he fucking looking for? I think even he is unsure.

I think you should go back and read a bit.

What's normal is a lot of guys wanting to rid their virginity, but when push comes to shove and they start getting finicky, it's really a cop-out to not wanting to do it because of the very self-esteem issues they're trying to compensate (fear of not being as good, fear of not being accepted as a person, of your body, etc.).

I'm all for exploration and multiple sex partners at a young age to discover your sexual self, I'm not for giving advice on how this guy can drop one girl so he can hunt for another to satisfy a piece of himself that he feels is unsatisfactory.

On August 07 2011 01:27 Torte de Lini wrote:


God I miss ILK :/

On August 07 2011 02:00 Torte de Lini wrote:


No, because I've presented to alternatives to my very own viewpoint. So, no.



It's not a relationship. Go back and read again.



Already gave him an equal solution that isn't based on wrong viewpoints of people like yours. Ugly women are used to being rejected? That couldn't be more wrong and narrow-minded.

He's not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking to get laid

Seriously, go back and read champ.