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This is sort of a follow on to my most recent blog post..
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=244783
I know it's about a girl and there are endless posts of something like this but it's gotten to the point where I'm scared.. I feel alone and I don't know what to do and any second I'm alone, I start to have panic attacks and I just can't take it anymore..
I've tried texting and calling anyone I can and I really need help here guys.. I really do..
I've been through rough situations with girls before but in this case.. something within me, it's killing me inside...
I can't sleep.. I've had 4 hours a night for the past week..
I can't eat... my body is telling me I'm hungry but my head and mind and feelings just don't have the strength to pick something up to eat..
I miss her.. I love her.. I can't stop thinking about her and I'm doing everything I can to block her out but I mentally and physically can't.. I need anyone..
If any of you guys can help.. please.. even talking on MSN.. I just need someone..
  
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Buddy just grab a couple of your closest friends who aren't busy with school/work and host a massive drinking party for the weekend (or the entire week, who cares!). This is personal advice from personal experience.
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train your body, wear it out. go for walks for hours. i dont know about alcohol...friends is probably a good idea, but try not to sob.. 
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On July 19 2011 04:33 OpticalShot wrote:
Buddy just grab a couple of your closest friends who aren't busy with school/work and host a massive drinking party for the weekend (or the entire week, who cares!). This is personal advice from personal experience.
I tried man.. I didn't know how lonely I really was until I stopped talking to her..
I have no one right now..
People are willing to see me on the weekend but I'm having a panic attack at this moment.. I just am hoping for anyone's support and help right now..
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there is nothing anybody can do to directly starting "curing" your emotional state.... there is nothing you can do but stick it out and wait till you can accept and be okay with the way things are subconsciously, which is something that must come naturally and should not/cannot be rushed. the best thing you can do is to hang out with people, go do active things that are fun/distracting and will keep you occupied to pass the time that your mind needs to get back on its feet while also making good memories and strengthening friendships in the process.
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Do you have a mom that you can talk to?
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On July 19 2011 04:39 jjun212 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 04:33 OpticalShot wrote:
Buddy just grab a couple of your closest friends who aren't busy with school/work and host a massive drinking party for the weekend (or the entire week, who cares!). This is personal advice from personal experience. I tried man.. I didn't know how lonely I really was until I stopped talking to her.. I have no one right now.. People are willing to see me on the weekend but I'm having a panic attack at this moment.. I just am hoping for anyone's support and help right now..
Jesus, this sounds serious.
Gimme a PM if a little chat could help you at all and you got noone else.
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On July 19 2011 04:43 caruso wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 04:39 jjun212 wrote:On July 19 2011 04:33 OpticalShot wrote:
Buddy just grab a couple of your closest friends who aren't busy with school/work and host a massive drinking party for the weekend (or the entire week, who cares!). This is personal advice from personal experience. I tried man.. I didn't know how lonely I really was until I stopped talking to her.. I have no one right now.. People are willing to see me on the weekend but I'm having a panic attack at this moment.. I just am hoping for anyone's support and help right now.. Jesus, this sounds serious. Gimme a PM if a little chat could help you at all and you got noone else.
thank you man.. i sent a pm..
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You can always talk to Teamliquid! one of the nicest communities out here in the sc2 scene!
Girl problems happen to a lot of people that i know, but they will pass dude, its just a big hill that you will have to try and climb over it, I believe you can do it
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Blazinghand
United States25551 Posts
Hey man, hope things are going okay :"(((
It won't be easy to think about anything else if you're not doing anything else. Maybe it's time for a 48 hour starcraft marathon? Something to occupy your hands might also occupy your mind, and give you a break from pining away-- or at the very least, give you something else to think about.
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Yeah, you weren't in love dude, sorry. That doesn't happen from chatting with someone over the internet a bunch and then seeing them twice. It's real easy to make yourself seem like a wonderful person to a stranger on the internet
Go watch the movie Catfish. It will make you realize how stupid that whole situation is, which will help you get over it.
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On July 19 2011 04:39 jjun212 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 04:33 OpticalShot wrote:
Buddy just grab a couple of your closest friends who aren't busy with school/work and host a massive drinking party for the weekend (or the entire week, who cares!). This is personal advice from personal experience. I tried man.. I didn't know how lonely I really was until I stopped talking to her.. I have no one right now.. People are willing to see me on the weekend but I'm having a panic attack at this moment.. I just am hoping for anyone's support and help right now..
Weekend? What, today is Monday so you gotta wait it out for 5 days, ok so that's not going to go well at the current state lol. I dunno, I'm pretty comfortable listening to emotional talk so you can send me a PM, but trust me talking to random people online is NOTHING compared to sitting down with friends/family and having a couple drinks.
You feel alone but you are probably not that alone... unless you live in the middle of nowhere (which you don't, because you have internet right now). So scroll through that contact list on your phone and call up a couple people. Preferably immediately.
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Shoot me a PM and maybe I can help.
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Listen, i know how first days can be hard, all the thoughts, memorys, regrets. But hold on man, i guarantee you that your going to be just fine, dont worry.
Try to watch some tv or play something, keep ur mind busy.
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On July 19 2011 04:49 Hawk wrote:
Yeah, you weren't in love dude, sorry. That doesn't happen from chatting with someone over the internet a bunch and then seeing them twice. It's real easy to make yourself seem like a wonderful person to a stranger on the internet
Go watch the movie Catfish. It will make you realize how stupid that whole situation is, which will help you get over it.
Thank you for the reply.. I'm actually really serious about my gratitude because it feels nice just knowing that someone knows that I'm in pain.. because she sure doesn't know.. And that hurts even more..
But I was trying to act cool in the previous blog post. Cool as in.. trying to be a man about it and trying to be logical and just move on.. but in reality.. it's killing me more than any other relationship I've had with any other person..
I actually knew her from 4 years back.. we were just friends.. but we started talking intimately 1 year ago; so she isn't just someone I found on the internet.. she's been someone close to me for much longer.. Even though I hadn't seen her in years.. I hold her so close to my heart..
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Rated a 3 because I went through this type of experience before...
Let me just say that what my ex-girlfriend did to me trumps your teen angst about tenfold.
I do feel for you though. I had all kinds of horrible dreams, couldn't eat (lost 10 lbs), couldn't work out, couldn't work, and generally felt like crap. It's a scary state to be in but there are many ways of dealing with it. Here's a brief summary of how I got out of it:
First of all I could always talk to my parents. On multiple occasions I could either talk to my mom or my dad and they would be genuinely concerned for my well-being and try to build me up again. Your parents should always be your final call if you have no one else. Who else can you turn to if you can't turn to them? No one.
Second, I think my friends picked up on what happened at least to some degree (or at least how I felt) and they made an effort to hang out with me. My friendships have built up hugely over the past couple months. You can never cure a depression like that without friends. Even when you think that no one will hang out with you there has to be at least someone who will.
For immediate panic help though I'd go straight to my parents. Friends are willing to be confidantes but not always at random times. You don't want to bug your friends too often, only when you really need it.
Finally, you should have realized by now that this is a ridiculously small situation, and it is not worth getting this upset over. Deleting her texts is OK but killing all of Facebook over it is such an overreaction. You'll look back on this later when a girl has really fucked you over and realize that this was small-time.
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Relax dude, you aren't going through anything that many others haven't gone through. I'll chat with you if you want, but you need to relax and not be so attached.
To feel better you could do some stuff other than dwelling on it. I would recommend the TL Health and Fitness thread. Don't knock it til' you try it, it will change your life.
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=180919
If you don't want the easy way out (distractions) then you can take the best path of all and that is questioning why you are scared and depressed and facing it head on.
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On July 19 2011 04:59 TheGiz wrote:
Rated a 3 because I went through this type of experience before...
Let me just say that what my ex-girlfriend did to me trumps your teen angst about tenfold.
Story! Story! Story!
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On July 19 2011 05:02 caruso wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 04:59 TheGiz wrote:
Rated a 3 because I went through this type of experience before...
Let me just say that what my ex-girlfriend did to me trumps your teen angst about tenfold.
Story! Story! Story!
I love it when TL blogs are full of drama. YES STORYYYYYY
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Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly.
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On July 19 2011 05:11 caruso wrote:
Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly.
Did she try to give you a Wet Willie?
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On July 19 2011 05:14 iGrok wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 05:11 caruso wrote:
Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly. Did she try to give you a Wet Willie?
I wish.... I wish so much.
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On July 19 2011 05:14 iGrok wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 05:11 caruso wrote:
Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly. Did she try to give you a Wet Willie?
Damn I hate wet willies during blowjobs!
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On July 19 2011 05:11 caruso wrote:
Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly.
she tried to stick her finger into your penis?
because that is the worst place I can imagine
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On July 19 2011 05:27 travis wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 05:11 caruso wrote:
Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly. she tried to stick her finger into your penis? because that is the worst place I can imagine
I was actually thinking that too, but it would be kind of impressive if she managed to do that during a blowjob.
Ah sorry for adding to the derail, but that was too hard to resist. No pun intended.
I would really really really suggest opening up to whoever you trust most. Personally I go prayer, parents, closest friends, and if all that hasn't fixed it up all the way, grandparents. I'm not sure what kind of relationships you hold with those around you, but the older people around me have the advantage of experience and it helps a whole lot. I mean I'm pretty closed off emotionally but I still manage to open up a little or however makes me comfortable. It took me awhile to figure out but it is a lot easier to let out just a little bit and possibly loosen up your feelings from that point rather than trying to keep it inside, over thinking it, or just plain getting scared.
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Blazinghand
United States25551 Posts
On July 19 2011 05:27 travis wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 05:11 caruso wrote:
Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly. she tried to stick her finger into your penis? because that is the worst place I can imagine
well done... well done. my day is now traumatized.
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My initial advice is to not look for anyone else's help, but that's probably why I'm so cold-hearted and dead now. You may become stronger if you can stand this kind of pain on your own, but it may also be too much to handle and break you to the point of no return. No matter the case you've got to find the trust in yourself to hold on until someone can help. You don't happen to have seen a therapist before have you? They usually are ok with people calling them if you're in this kind of trouble.
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this kind of experience sucks -- and it's not at all uncommon. the best thing for you to do is to try and put things in perspective. common responses are:
you're still young
she's not as special as she seems -- there are other girls you may like even more than you like her
prioritize other aspects of your life
these responses are standard but they are misunderstandings -- they're subjective, which is your problem. as travis says, you're focused on yourself, on your desires and attachments. right now it seems like the sensible thing to do is to indulge your whims and use whatever means is available to numb the pain or loss that you feel. most people don't appreciate the bitter pill. that this experience and others like it will occur over and over again until you take a different path.
instead of searching for a replacement, or even for companionship; instead of drinking away your sorrows or using other methods of intoxication, the only way for you to 'exceed your level' or to make 'progress' is to calm your mind either by meditation or by performing some simple, relaxing activity while placing your full focus on the activity. continue to refocus yourself for as long as it takes to find some sense of stability (don't, for instance, play starcraft or indulge in some highly exciting activity. do something simple, but do it with your whole being). at first this focusing of the mind may seem very difficult or even impossible, but if you try for half an hour, constantly bringing your attention back to the activity that you're performing, you'll recognize that your mind is significantly more stable. once your mind is stable, gently consider your situation and try to pierce through the 'illusions' that have brought you to such a miserable pass.
you'll discover that much of what's driving you is 'monkey mind' or instinct. when you develop a sense of how little control your ego affords you, you'll naturally develop more stability as the you are less identified with your attachment. awareness and recognition will give you more, and lasting stability. as will the exercise of focusing your mind on a simple activity, gradually and gently braiding the strands of your attention so that your mind is not simply a frayed thread. as long as you remain in a state where your mind is simply a flood of uncoordinated thoughts, whatever you do will be miserable. if you drink, you'll be a danger to yourself and your company (this is true of other substance use as well). if you seek companionship, you'll have nothing to offer in return, and ultimately you'll do a disservice to both yourself and your friends, and knowing this, your bad mood will only worsen.
these problems are your problems, and no one else can address them for you. turning to activities, substances or companionship for distractions or indulgences will inevitably backfire. embrace this as an opportunity for growth, seek advice, don't rely on distraction.
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also, if you follow my advice, it will almost certainly bring about positive results in your mood and cure much of your anxiety
of course you'll need to make a sincere effort to continually refocus your attention for half an hour or so. the first few minutes are gonna seem especially hard and you'll probably think that what you're doing is in vain, but if you persist, for the full time you'll see significant positive results in your mood. the most important point is that you make a sincere effort to constantly bring your attention back to the simple activity and each time you find your thoughts straying to self-pity, disappointment, or loss, you gently refocus your attention on the activity. this will probably be very difficult since your will is weak, but you'll be surprised how much progress you can make in a short time
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On July 19 2011 05:11 caruso wrote:
Maybe we can cheer the OP up by telling him our worst girl stories.
Mine was a ONS who during a blowjob actually tried to stick a finger...
Well I can't say it, but imagine the worst place she could stick a finger into.
No need to mention I threw her out instantly.
Don't understand why most guys are so turned off by that. I don't think I would want her to go full tilt, but I'd actually encourage her to fondle it.
OP. Relax dude. I would be more depressed and scared about the fact that you consider yourself incapable of standing on your own two feet rather than anxiety of being betrayed.
You need to regain your foundation and accept that we are all capable of moving on and building new relationships. You'll bounce back.
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failsafe great advice, the only problem with it is how incredibly incredibly low the odds are that anyone ever takes that advice haha
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On July 19 2011 05:43 travis wrote:
failsafe great advice, the only problem with it is how incredibly incredibly low the odds are that anyone ever takes that advice haha
I really tried..
I worked out everyday for 3 months straight in order to lose body fat in order to see her with confidence...
Now everytime I change into my workout clothes.. everytime I'm on my yoga mat.. I'm reminded of her..
I worked out so much to the point that she was my motivation to eat healthier.. to exercise regularly...
If someone asked me why I'm depressed and struggling... it's the thought of her right now..
But if you ask me right now what my happiest memories are.. it's also of her..
I don't know what to do.. I don't want to let go of someone I love so much.. that I hold so close to my heart..
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cheer up bro the cares of this world are moot
jesus loves you & he's coming back real soon
peace of god be with you bro
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jjun read failsafe's advice thats what im responding to im not talking about working out
but the working out im talking about anyways is the kind where you push yourself so hard that you're dripping sweat and you can't keep going and you have to take a nap because you can't stay awake anymore.
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On July 19 2011 05:58 Coraz wrote:
cheer up bro the cares of this world are moot
jesus loves you & he's coming back real soon
peace of god be with you bro
Maybe it's not Jesus but the Spanish gardener jhesus and he doesn't love him but his girlfriend instead.
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On July 19 2011 04:30 jjun212 wrote:This is sort of a follow on to my most recent blog post.. http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=244783I know it's about a girl and there are endless posts of something like this but it's gotten to the point where I'm scared.. I feel alone and I don't know what to do and any second I'm alone, I start to have panic attacks and I just can't take it anymore.. I've tried texting and calling anyone I can and I really need help here guys.. I really do.. I've been through rough situations with girls before but in this case.. something within me, it's killing me inside... I can't sleep.. I've had 4 hours a night for the past week.. I can't eat... my body is telling me I'm hungry but my head and mind and feelings just don't have the strength to pick something up to eat.. I miss her.. I love her.. I can't stop thinking about her and I'm doing everything I can to block her out but I mentally and physically can't.. I need anyone.. If any of you guys can help.. please.. even talking on MSN.. I just need someone..
MSN will do for me, pm me for my username and I can offer a skype too. I'll be on all day.
When I fell deep in a crush two of my friends helped me out a lot. Another pushed me closer QQ
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stay away from internet girls... far far away
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1. Take your clothes off, all of them
2. Get in the shower, turn it on full blast as cold as possible
3. Stay in 2 for 3 minutes screaming at the top of your lungs
4. Put your clothes back on and go outside in the sun, be a new man
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i PM'd you my skype id if u still need someone to talk =]
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skype : telecomrg
aim : streetsweeper113
TL : pm me here
I've been through what you went through, if you need someone to talk to just hit me up, Don't worry about a thing, Love comes again~ and again~ and again~~~ in life theres always two things that keep coming and going, women and bus's !
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On July 19 2011 05:51 jjun212 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 05:43 travis wrote:
failsafe great advice, the only problem with it is how incredibly incredibly low the odds are that anyone ever takes that advice haha I really tried.. I worked out everyday for 3 months straight in order to lose body fat in order to see her with confidence... Now everytime I change into my workout clothes.. everytime I'm on my yoga mat.. I'm reminded of her.. I worked out so much to the point that she was my motivation to eat healthier.. to exercise regularly... If someone asked me why I'm depressed and struggling... it's the thought of her right now.. But if you ask me right now what my happiest memories are.. it's also of her.. I don't know what to do.. I don't want to let go of someone I love so much.. that I hold so close to my heart..
I don't know if this is the best advice, but I might as well say it since it helped me. I will preface it by saying I am a little weird so this may not be for you. When I am feeling down about a girl, I tend to watch depressing movies or TV shows, and that makes me feel better since then I feel like other people are dealing with the same shit I am dealing. But my problem is relating too much to fictional people rather than real people.
I think most of the advice in this thread is pretty solid already. You don't have a friend that can take a few hours out of his Monday to come hang out with you? Or a couple of friends to play some stupid board games or something, or some ridiculous custom starcraft games, casual stuff that won't be flexing your energy too much? I find that stuff helps me.
Good luck man, I really feel for you.
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On July 19 2011 05:51 jjun212 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 05:43 travis wrote:
failsafe great advice, the only problem with it is how incredibly incredibly low the odds are that anyone ever takes that advice haha I really tried.. I worked out everyday for 3 months straight in order to lose body fat in order to see her with confidence... Now everytime I change into my workout clothes.. everytime I'm on my yoga mat.. I'm reminded of her.. I worked out so much to the point that she was my motivation to eat healthier.. to exercise regularly... If someone asked me why I'm depressed and struggling... it's the thought of her right now.. But if you ask me right now what my happiest memories are.. it's also of her.. I don't know what to do.. I don't want to let go of someone I love so much.. that I hold so close to my heart..
you don't love her. what you're experiencing is neurosis and selfish attachment. you're experiencing 'love' in the sense that a dominant male animal feels 'love' -- which is instinct and is not love at all. you're experiencing love in the way cultural and society has described 'love' -- a sort of possessive clinging in which neither person can function without the other belonging to them; again this is not love at all. love isn't conditioned on the desire to possess the other person "in a relationship", it doesn't cause you pain because of unrequited desires, and it doesn't involve your desire leading you to influence another person to suit your wishes. in short, if you loved her you wouldn't be experiencing the problem that you're experiencing simply because you can't possess another person.
so maybe you love her. but your true love can't be seen or felt because it's conditional, and it's obscured by your own self-love. it seems what you really love is yourself (this can be the case even if you don't feel positively about yourself). you seem obsessed with her, but is she simply an answer to your loneliness? you have trouble approaching girls, or at least want to be perceived as attractive; so a relationship with this girl also a desire for self-affirmation? if you're willing to face yourself, you'll discover your obsession with her is only an extension of an obsession with yourself. you're complete in yourself, so if you are suffering, the reason is in you, it is not external.
you describe your motivation for exercise as anything but intrinsic: a chain of dependencies. you work out to improve your appearance, you improve your appearance to feel more confident, you want to feel more confident to approach a girl. positive, reliable motivation is intrinsic, i.e. you work out because you enjoy working out. when your activity is just a means to an end all sorts of problems tend to arise, not the least of which is that you don't enjoy what you're doing. the world works in a certain way that if you take care of things they'll take care of you. in other words, if working out is right for you, then do it. if not, then do what is. if you know what's right for you, and do it, then things will work out.
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The reason she doesn't want to be your girlfriend is because girls aren't attracted to guys who are weak. Here's an excerpt you might find helpful:
For women, friendships and romantic relationships are two separate things. They are NOT the same.
One can lead to another, but it's RARE when it happens.
Remember that.
While most men would sleep with most of their female “friends” if the woman “came on” to them, most women would NOT sleep with most men that they consider “just friends.”
But why is this?
How do women differentiate between “just friends” and “I'll be intimate with you?“
I believe that the answer comes down to understanding HOW women “know” when they want to “be intimate” with a man… and, even MORE importantly, understanding how women “know” when they DON'T want to “be intimate” with a man…
The thing that tells a woman whether the guy she's with is “friend” material or “lover” material is how she FEELS.
It's a combination of EMOTIONAL feelings and PHYSICAL feelings.
It is NOT logic.
She might USE logic to “rationalize” her decision… or she might USE logic to SOUND like she has a good reason for either “being with” or “not being with” a particular guy.
But don't let that distract you.
Logic isn't important AT ALL in this context.
A woman FEELS something emotionally and/or physically, then she uses those FEELINGS as the basis for her “decisions” and actions with a particular guy.
If she feels that “Ewwww Yuck!” feeling, then her “logical” conclusion will probably not be that she wants to date the guy in question.
If she feels that “It's Gettin' Hot In Here” feeling, then her “logical” conclusion will probably be that this guy is interesting and attractive, and a good “choice” to date. At this point she'll take ACTION on her feelings and thoughts…
Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're trying to compensate for the fact that you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then you're REALLY screwed
So how do you trigger the “it's gettin' hot in here” feeling?
Most men try to use gifts and compliments and being thoughtful to LET A WOMAN KNOW HE'S INTERESTED…
…HOPING that when the woman sees these displays she'll be interested in him.
But almost NONE of the things men do to court women make women FEEL ANYTHING even remotely similar to “Attraction” and “Arousal”
Of course, you know this.
You've probably done this stuff about a bazillion times. I have, too. I know what it's like to try OVER AND OVER to let a particular woman know that I'm interested… only to have her NOT RESPOND in a “romantic” way.
The PROBLEM with this kind of thing is that it communicates clearly that YOU DON'T GET IT. It tips a woman off INSTANTLY that you're not hip to what's going… and it kills your chances with her.
Say what?
You mean that doing nice things for women, and trying to show how you feel can actually HURT your chances with a woman?
Yea, it can.
Look, if you've been dating a woman exclusively for six months, and her birthday comes… it's OK to buy her a gift and tell her that you like spending time with her.
You're Already In A Relationship.
But if you've known a woman for six DAYS and you try this kind of thing, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot.
Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're trying to compensate for the fact that you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then you're REALLY screwed (or not screwed, as the case may be).
Remember what I'm about to tell you.
Write it on a sticky-note and put it on your computer monitor…
SINGLE, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WATCH MEN TRY TO WIN THEM OVER ALL DAY LONG. THEY KNOW WHEN A GUY DOESN'T “GET IT”… AND THEY'RE ANNOYED WHEN A GUY WHO DOESN'T “GET IT” JUST KEEPS TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING.
Keep in mind that single, attractive women watch guys do this stuff 24/7. They shake their pretty heads and say “He doesn't get it… He doesn't get it… He doesn't get it” over and over and over.
How To Stop Being Just A Friend To Women
The point is that if you DON'T GET IT, then nothing you do is going to work for you.
Women aren’t INTO guys who are obsessed with them.
Women are INTO guys who are interesting, mysterious, challenging… guys who trigger ATTRACTION in them, not AFFECTION.
Here’s what most guys think when they’re giving a woman a boatload of attention:
“It feels good, so do it.”
“She seems to enjoy it, so keep it up.”
“I don’t want to lose her, so I must continue to smother her with attention.”
Going with your emotions and giving her TOO MUCH attention isn’t always as “good” as it “seems” like it should be
“This is the only chance I get, so I must take it to the max.”
“If I don’t do something, some other guy will, and I’ll be heartbroken.”
MOST guys think and act this way.
Hell, I did this stuff for years…
But here’s what’s probably going on in HER mind:
“He’s always there whenever I want to talk.”
“He’s such a sweet, nice, caring guy.”
“Maybe if I keep talking to him, I’ll feel something…“
“…But for some reason… I just don’t FEEL IT for him… and I can’t make myself feel it…”
“I don’t want to hurt him, so I’d better be nice to him.”
She probably feels a lot of guilt… because maybe she is thinking that she “led you on”.
Here’s something for you to think about:
“Getting, KILLS Wanting.”
If someone gets something, or even knows that they HAVE IT whenever they want it, that thing becomes much less interesting to them.
As a rule, we humans desire things that aren’t easy to get.
The more you don’t know how she feels about you, and the more you try… the more you WANT HER.
Here’s the bottom line:
Going with your emotions and giving her TOO MUCH attention isn’t always as “good” as it “seems” like it should be.
If you smother her with too much attention, she’s going to run from you and go find a challenging guy.
Why Giving A Woman A Lot of Attention BACKFIRES
She’s giving you all the “I really like you, you’re a sweet guy, I can’t bear to break your heart, and I DON’T FEEL IT FOR YOU” signals.
You should always carefully consider your situation, and decide what you REALLY want.
Here’s something for you to remember:
Attention from a man can be like a DRUG for a woman… even if she isn’t attracted to him.
A woman will often allow a guy that is IN LOVE with her to pour his heart out, confess his feelings, and demonstrate his devotion… even though she has ZERO INTENTION of feeling the same way herself.
Remember:
Women feel ATTRACTION for “MEN”.
On the other hand. they feel AFFECTION for “nice guys” that wind up becoming FRIENDS.
Instead of waiting until the very end, when you are convinced that a woman isn’t into you, before doing what you’re learning from me… do it from the BEGINNING.
You must SPARK the ATTRACTION right from the start.
You can’t wait until the end.
Just knowing this can make a HUGE difference in your dating life.
For more information visit doubleyourdating.com and sign up to the guy's mailing list. He gives really good advice in his initial e-mails before asking you to buy his book.
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On July 19 2011 05:51 jjun212 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 19 2011 05:43 travis wrote:
failsafe great advice, the only problem with it is how incredibly incredibly low the odds are that anyone ever takes that advice haha I really tried.. I worked out everyday for 3 months straight in order to lose body fat in order to see her with confidence... Now everytime I change into my workout clothes.. everytime I'm on my yoga mat.. I'm reminded of her.. I worked out so much to the point that she was my motivation to eat healthier.. to exercise regularly... If someone asked me why I'm depressed and struggling... it's the thought of her right now.. But if you ask me right now what my happiest memories are.. it's also of her.. I don't know what to do.. I don't want to let go of someone I love so much.. that I hold so close to my heart..
This still all sounds normal. And my previous comment stands - sucks, doesn't it?
Your current strategy of getting rid of everything "her" in your life and continuing as normal doesn't seem to be working. I guess I can see why - the relationship was based on the internet and your head. Therefore, going back to normal life is almost the same as continuing to pine over this lady.
Alternative strategy: start doing new things. Make new friends, try out new hobbies, see new movies, and do a different workout regimen. You seem to be associating a lot of current activities with her, so what have you got to lose doing something different?
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On July 19 2011 05:51 jjun212 wrote:
I really tried..
I worked out everyday for 3 months straight in order to lose body fat in order to see her with confidence...
Now everytime I change into my workout clothes.. everytime I'm on my yoga mat.. I'm reminded of her..
I worked out so much to the point that she was my motivation to eat healthier.. to exercise regularly...
If someone asked me why I'm depressed and struggling... it's the thought of her right now..
But if you ask me right now what my happiest memories are.. it's also of her..
I don't know what to do.. I don't want to let go of someone I love so much.. that I hold so close to my heart..
Watch this video:
[mod edit]
Now picture this. You are the guy at the start of the video. Now remove yourself from the picture.
Watch the other guys gangbanging her. That is her in that video. While you are at home self-pitying yourself, she is out there sucking on some other guy's cock. Stop thinking of her as the perfect angel, 'cos chances are if you're in love with her so is some other guy who is fucking her.
User was temp banned for this post.
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Are we really linking straight to porn on TL and telling someone who is struggling to imagine it is his girl?
Seriously... what the hell is wrong with you duck?
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Blazinghand
United States25551 Posts
On July 19 2011 09:01 jdseemoreglass wrote:
Are we really linking straight to porn on TL and telling someone who is struggling to imagine it is his girl?
Seriously... what the hell is wrong with you duck?
It seems like he has exercised, one might say, a lack of discretion.
Seriously though, dude, that's pretty messed up. The guy needs some emotional help, not a link to a pornographic website. OP, don't even click that link, or listen to his advice-- it won't make you feel any better.
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United States42656 Posts
On July 19 2011 04:49 Hawk wrote:
Yeah, you weren't in love dude, sorry. That doesn't happen from chatting with someone over the internet a bunch and then seeing them twice. It's real easy to make yourself seem like a wonderful person to a stranger on the internet
Go watch the movie Catfish. It will make you realize how stupid that whole situation is, which will help you get over it.
Won't help. It's his age.
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Crappy situation. Not sure what to say that other's haven't been saying. Trying to hang out with friends, family, and trying to distract yourself from just sitting there and thinking about it in general, at least in a negative "this sucks" way.
It's pretty normal to get totally down over a girl, I'm pro at it, but it passes eventually.. If things get even worse or so I think there is no shame in looking for professional help.
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I went through something very similar to this a few years back and what is happening to you has only one name: emotional dependency.
It sucks, you feel like absolute shit, like nothing else matter, as if you had lost something so valuable, unique and irreplaceble and the you just can't function anymore as a human being.
For me it took many months to eventualy get over this experience, I talked about again and again with anyone willing to listen, to the point I actually feel that I humilliated myself from how I acted from losing that girl. It was terrible, yet in the end neccesary to mature as a man.
Most likely you actually loved her... In some very basic, raw and inmature way, but the whole feeling is more like 80% dependency 20% love.
You'll feel like shit for some time, days, weeks, maybe even months depending on who you are, but the whole situation will eventually end and you will be one step closer to being a man.
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LMAO @ Duck so unexpected in here. Had me rolling...awesome lol
@ Op ez solution to your problem is to just have lots of sex. Trust me, you'll be over her in no time.
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Tons of heart felt, mushy advice in here...
I'm gonna go another way with this:
The best way to get over a old girl is to get under a new one.
Heartbreak is a bitch. But nothing will clear your head faster than getting your dick wet.
Might be a jaded way to look at things, and its probably not what you want to hear, but man to man, I'm telling you, you need to go get some ass.
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On July 19 2011 11:53 MrBitter wrote:
Tons of heart felt, mushy advice in here...
I'm gonna go another way with this:
The best way to get over a old girl is to get under a new one.
Heartbreak is a bitch. But nothing will clear your head faster than getting your dick wet.
Might be a jaded way to look at things, and its probably not what you want to hear, but man to man, I'm telling you, you need to go get some ass.
that's easier said than done for a lot of guys bro
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I'm trying to sleep right now.. but I keep looking at my phone hoping for the goodnight texts she always used to send..
I know she isn't going to send one.. but I can't stop myself from looking at my phone and hoping..
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I can't believe that you got stringed along for a year. That's a really long time to be talking to someone nightly. Nothing is a full cure to the pain, not even starcraft, but time will help. Learn from this experience and one day you'll be laughing at the memory.
Get some exercise. Punch a concrete wall, scream, do whatever you have to to let it out. It helps.
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Hey I dont know how appropriate it is here but I always found that getting into something else to take my mind off problems really helps me get through rough spots like this. I was engaged once and got broken up with after a natural disaster devastated my hometown and family. I mean something like a TV series you haven't watched, books you haven't read, or video games you might not have gotten around to playing. I keep a reserve of cool things around these days and when times are rough I get into them as a way to keep myself sane.
Otherwise theres nothing you can do but spend time with friends or family until you get over it.
D
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On July 19 2011 12:44 jjun212 wrote:
I'm trying to sleep right now.. but I keep looking at my phone hoping for the goodnight texts she always used to send..
I know she isn't going to send one.. but I can't stop myself from looking at my phone and hoping..
Turn your phone off and stick it in another room. No texts till morning!
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On July 19 2011 05:58 Coraz wrote:
cheer up bro the cares of this world are moot
jesus loves you & he's coming back real soon
peace of god be with you bro
This right here.
I'm sorry to hear jjun but we might be in the same boat hah! Maybe you've arrived at the sad ending before me.
I think those girls that we text to will always consider us as friends. Unfortunately they're not the ones that were meant to be with us.
Anyways, if you want to talk about our similar situations PM me~!
Hope you will be ok! Fighting!
PS. Reading this blog just made me think about my wanting to ask to see this girl (only started talking to her since senior year high school.. such a shame) whom I've been texting for 3+ years everyday..
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Been there, done that, took a few weeks and everything was fine again (Believe it or not).
Don't try to fight the feeling, just let it pass. If you feel like it, lay down in bed and cry an hour. It doesn't matter.
It hurts now, but the only thing that can really heal it is time.
Just try to live your life like before and in a few days/weeks you'll be in perfect (mental) shape again, ready to find a girl that finally really appreciates you.
I would say stay away from the internet girls, but i found my last (5.5 year long) relationship online (though we were in the same city at that time and met in reallife just hours after the first online contact) and my ex found her new boyfriend in WoW and she is really happy with him, so i cannot wholeheartedly give that advice.
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Shit.
Reading this makes me realise that TL is even more awesome, provided people are truthful/aren't lying.
I can see why Chill hates people lying about stuff in the blog section.
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this is whats bad about "online relationships"
people just fall for girls too ez without actually knowing anything about them and then they're like wtf when the girls freaks out and isn't interested
don't ever get attached to girls you met on the internet -_____-
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On July 19 2011 05:02 caruso wrote:
Story! Story! Story!
Maybe I'll blog about it in a couple days...
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Hey OP update us with brighter news~ you doing better there bro?
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U need a cougar son. Girls your age don't know how to fuck anyway.
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"i dont want to let go of her"
you should see that in this position you dont have to let go of her forever. you can come back in 1 year or 5 years or even 10 years, many times stronger and more attractive than you are now, and win her back again. theres no rush to do it right now!
unless shes dead of course
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Listen, everyone goes through this. Hell, I just went through this last month. You fell hard for someone but don't worry man you'll find someone else. You're from Ontario right? PM me your msn I'm from Toronto. If worst comes to worst I'll try helping you out by finding someone else so you can get your mind off of this girl.
p.s. It's okay being alone. It gives you time to find yourself. You can't say you found yourself if you're miserable being alone since that just means you're not content with being by yourself. (I hope that makes sense lol)
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^Same offer to anyone from T.? Lol jokes. How are you today OP?
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EPT
