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So today I had one of the least pleasant days in recent memory. It started out fine, until one of my best friends texts me saying that she has to tell me something. I get worried easily, so all sorts of horrible things start running through my head about what it could possibly be. Usually its just an over reaction and the "something" is just a cancellation of plans or something of that nature. However, today it actually was bad news. Horrible news.
Yesterday, as my friend told me, her dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. She said she was told he will be fine and not to worry, but of course I'm still worrying. I have no idea if it's one of those really bad cancers or one of the still bad, but fairly treatable cancers. I'm too scared to look it up on the internet since webmd says everything will kill you, so has anyone had experience with prostate cancer in the family or anything? Can you tell me if it's that bad?
Also, her family is very religious, but I am not at all. I'd like to offer some kind of support, but I know that I can't very well say that God is looking over him or anything because they would know it's bullshit. What can I say to them/him? To be honest, I still can't wrap my mind around this actually happening. I've never really been in this situation before and I don't know what to do.
PS: This is actually my second time writing this blog. The first time it was a garbled, anxious mess so I took a few hours to get my head straight before I tried again.
Thanks for the help.
 
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It's not one of those that spell certain death, but cancer isn't an exact sience, sometime people make it sometimes people don't. As for offering support... just offer support, why would you need to bring up religion?
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I completely understand the position you're currently in.
However, it sounds as though you believe you can or must do something about it.
But you need to understand that life is life. The ones doing the best job to help the man get better are the doctors treating him. The best thing you can do for him is show your friend that you care. That's it.
It's definitely a terrible situation to be in for anyone, and I wish your friend and her dad good luck.
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I brought it up because she said they were praying for him and all of that, but I didn't feel like I could do it with them.
edit again: sorry I keep saying the wrong thing. I meant that they offered to have me do it with them, but it would feel disingenuous.
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Just say that you hope for his recovery and offer them your assistance in any matters. Sorry to hear about your friends dad. If it was found early there is a good chance the treatment will work.
Like I already said, tell them that you are hoping with all your heart for a steady recovery and everything to go smoothly. I really hope everything works out for you and your friend's father.
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Just give them all a big hug and tell them your there for them. All you have to do. Also Prostate cancer isn't the worst, depending on stage obviously. Several men in my family have had it and all have beaten it pretty quickly with minimal treatment. If the doctors are confident in the treatment working, i would trust it but anything can happen so you definitely can't take it lightly and just give them support. As Hynda said, why bring up religion? Just give them good moral support and let them know your there for them.
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My grandfather has it, and had a cancerous growth on his kidney as well. Thankfully prostate cancer is extremely slow growing, and has several methodss are treatment. My grandfather is doing radiation, though I'd have prefffered he'd get it surgically removed. Anway, it's understandable after the surgery he had on the kidney he was under for nearly 10 hours, and the recovery was hard. I felt sick sometimes just taking care of him, and removing the fluid from the area.. was unpleasant and nearly made me sick. Anyway, I'd advise you to not worry so, much, there are many other cancers which are worse and I'm sure he will be ok.
He is going to seek treatment right, though? My grandfather's friend who is very religious and was also recently found to have prostate cancer wants to let the Lord heal it. I'm not sure he is is scared of getting it treated or is very religious, but it is sad nonetheless, and none of us have been very successfull in talking him into getting in treated. I'm not religious myself, so I am quite frustrated and saddened by this. Anyways, best of luck to your friend's father.
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Good thing I re-read the op. Thought you said he had pancreatic cancer. Phew - that's awful. A friend of mine, her father was diagnosed with it around Halloween and they expect him dead by Labor Day. Prostate cancer caught early is easily treatable.
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Google "Invasion of the Prostate Snatchers." It is a book that advances the idea that prostate cancer is very frequently better managed as a chronic condition as opposed to removal of the prostate. Basically there is a lot of evidence that radical prostatectomies (spelling?) are extremely overprescribed so doctors can cash in on the insurance fees.
That may or may not be the case for your friend's father, of course.
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Hate to bring bad news to the OP, but yes, prostate cancer is deadly. A lot of it depends on when it is caught (as with any cancer), but if it is too late then, well, it is too late. If I remember, prostate cancer was actually one of the leading deaths in Men from cancer, which is why it is common to get a prostate exam similar to a breast exam for lumps :| .
My dad died when I was 7 (he was like 45 or so I believe) from prostate cancer. Even with intense chemotherapy it still slowly destroyed him.
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Prostate cancer is one of the more easily survivable cancers. Without knowing the details of your friend's father's case I can't give you a percent chance that something bad will happen. At the end of the days these percentages don't reallly matter anyway, we have to deal with whatever actually happens. Just try to be supportive overall, but don't add to your friends anxiety. Listening is more important than talking, and a lot of times it is best not to give any direct advice that might come back to haunt you anyway.
Off topic spoiler
+ Show Spoiler +Ingenol is right that if prostte cancer is found on screening there is a good argument not to treat it. According to the New England Journal of Medicine "The report on the ERSPC trial appropriately notes that 1410 men would need to be offered screening and an additional 48 would need to be treated to prevent one prostate-cancer death during a 10-year period, assuming the point estimate is correct" http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMe0901166So basically if you are planning on checking PSA, then you are saying that you are willing to take the risks of prostate cancer screening (impotence, incontinence, etc), on the 3-4% chance that you will be preventing your death from prostate CA. Most doctors recommend PSA testing anyway. This is not because the lab will offer us big bags of cash for this testing. It's because if one of our patients is counseled not to get PSA testing, and later dies of prostate cancer with a PSA of 5000, the we will get sued into oblivion. I tell my patients the benefits and risks and let them decide, but this takes time.
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is she asian?
User was warned for this post
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On July 01 2011 06:17 Br3ezy wrote:
is she asian?
uhh no. Why does it matter?
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distract her from it , make her have fun, dont talk about it, change the subject, get her to laugh, take her on a trip to some random villages. you're not going to be able to help any other way and it will eat you up inside and she will not feel better from anything you say about it, infact she will likely get pissed off and bored that you are not trying to make her have fun and be fun around her. take her out to some place. DO NOT sit alone with her talking in a dark room. that is not fun and neither her nor you will ever benefit from it
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As others are saying, the danger with prostate cancer really depends on how early they detected it, and what stage it is in. A bad sign is if it spreads to other parts of the body (metastasized)... that can really reduce the chance of survival. It will likely take them a while to do all the tests to determine if it has spread or not... the worst part of the first month or so is not knowing how serious it is.
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Err, you're freaking out coz your friend's dad has a cancerous nut? ... You must really be in love with this girl or a total bleeding heart. Sure, it's not happy news, but it's not something I'd go running to blog others about and asking for advice on how to emotionally cope. It just doesn't seem that impactful to me, unless this guy was like a father figure to you.
He'll lose a nut and it'll be fine. Or else he's got a virulent tumor and he's in deep doo doo, which would suck. But I mean, that's cancer. There's nothing you can do about it.
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Why wouldn't you just immediately do your own research?
www.google.com, be self-reliant.
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Cancer fucking sucks. No question. Best thing you can do is just be there for her. Just because you don't agree with her religion doesn't mean you can't just listen. Me and my family disagree on matters of religion, but they don't shove it in my face, and I don't shove it in theirs, and we get along great.
Even if you don't believe prayer helps him, if it gives them a moral boost, then just politely bow your head when they do, even if you're not praying.
Edited for better term.
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EPT
