It's been two years since her passing and it seems like I just get worse and worse every year that I'm with out her. I'm crying right now as I write this; I can't hold the pain in any more. I feel like I want to explode every day. My life may change, but the pain I carry everyday that I can't speak, see, hear my mom doesn't. It's been the hardest two years of my life. For those that say they hate their parents, for those that always fight with your parents, that take your parents for granted; Please I urge you to reconsider your feelings towards them. I urge you to make your bond with your parents as best as you can, 'cause once they leave this world, it will hit you on how much you will miss them. It has never been the same for me and it will never be. My mom put up with everything I did, everything I ever put her through. I think back and I regret everything I've ever done in my teen years. I look back and just think about the good times I've had with her. I remember this one year, we had no money at all, yet we made enough to take a vacation to Orlando. That was my fondest memory of her and I. That was the last time I ever actually hanged out with my mom and I was only 14. I regret not going out with her more, I regret not spending more time with her.

My mom dedicated this song to me when I was a child and forever young my mom will be in my heart.

I love you Mom, what I would do just to be with you again.
[image loading]

obesechicken13

United States10467 Posts

June 14 2011 21:17 GMT

How'd she die?

I regret not going out with her more, I regret not spending more time with her.

If it was sudden, you wouldn't have had much chance to. If it wasn't then you at least got an opportunity to spend some time with her.

ShoCkeyy

7815 Posts

June 14 2011 21:22 GMT

On June 15 2011 06:17 obesechicken13 wrote:
How'd she die?

Show nested quote +

If it was sudden, you wouldn't have had much chance to. If it wasn't then you at least got an opportunity to spend some time with her.

She had a heart problem and went in for a routine check up. No one thought anything of it, it was a small problem. Well during the check up, one of her valves exploded and they had to preform open heart surgery. She didn't make it past recovery. The thing is as well, I had gotten into a huge fight with my mom before she passed away.

te3l

Canada126 Posts

June 14 2011 21:23 GMT

I cant say I know how it feels but being without someone that you have known for so long for sucks. I got all teary eyed reading. I can't imagine how I would be if i lost my mom although she is half way around the world and I cant physically see her just knowing that she is okay puts my mind at ease. It's good you're letting it out through an outlet instead of keeping it bottled. I'm sorry for your loss.

You say your life has been getting worse and worse, what's up?

ShoCkeyy

7815 Posts

June 14 2011 21:27 GMT

My life is fine, but emotionally, I get worse and worse. I feel like soon I just won't have any emotions at all from the pain I go through everyday.

Pandain

United States12989 Posts

June 14 2011 21:45 GMT

My Dad died when I was in third grade. I guess I'm actually luckier than you because I hardly knew him, even now he's a faint memory of a childhood long gone. But I'm sure at the time he was as physically present as day and night, for tears rolled out of my eyes when I heard of his passing.

But you have to remember: There's nothing you can do. Over the years my tears stopped flowing and, while I never forget him, I don't mourn him. I celebrate him, I rejoice in the fact that I was able to live in the presence of someone who was so "holy." I mean, I'm not celebrating his death(that would be weird), but I celebrate and cherish the memories we share. At one point or another you should realize that she never truly died, for her influence spreads itself with every passing moment. Her body may not be with us, but she certainly is.

And never forget that your mom was never angry at you, or hated you, or even truly in a fight. Your mom loved you like only a mother can, and you must never forget that she loved you until the end.

Maliris

Northern Ireland2557 Posts

June 14 2011 21:47 GMT

how old are you and how old was she went she died?

ulszz

Jamaica1787 Posts

June 14 2011 21:48 GMT

keep on fighting man... must be tough as hell.

the sadness of the thread and subject reminds me of this song

I was going through your old blogs and saw one about colorado university. u still go there? i'm in boulder now

te3l

Canada126 Posts

June 14 2011 21:54 GMT

On June 15 2011 06:45 Pandain wrote:
But you have to remember: There's nothing you can do. Over the years my tears stopped flowing and, while I never forget him, I don't mourn him. I celebrate him, I rejoice in the fact that I was able to live in the presence of someone who was so "holy." I mean, I'm not celebrating his death(that would be weird), but I celebrate and cherish the memories we share. At one point or another you should realize that she never truly died, for her influence spreads itself with every passing moment. Her body may not be with us, but she certainly is.

And never forget that your mom was never angry at you, or hated you, or even truly in a fight. Your mom loved you like only a mother can, and you must never forget that she loved you until the end.

This is so touching

Trezeguet

United States2656 Posts

June 14 2011 22:12 GMT

#10

Did your mom teach you to be such a generous person?

damahammer

Germany111 Posts

June 14 2011 23:26 GMT

#11

a great thread, your mom can be proud having a child which cares so much about her

Sauron

Romania169 Posts

June 14 2011 23:31 GMT

#12

I don't post much but this is a great blog. 5 stars.

ShoCkeyy

7815 Posts

June 15 2011 00:08 GMT

#13

On June 15 2011 06:45 Pandain wrote:
My Dad died when I was in third grade. I guess I'm actually luckier than you because I hardly knew him, even now he's a faint memory of a childhood long gone. But I'm sure at the time he was as physically present as day and night, for tears rolled out of my eyes when I heard of his passing.

But you have to remember: There's nothing you can do. Over the years my tears stopped flowing and, while I never forget him, I don't mourn him. I celebrate him, I rejoice in the fact that I was able to live in the presence of someone who was so "holy." I mean, I'm not celebrating his death(that would be weird), but I celebrate and cherish the memories we share. At one point or another you should realize that she never truly died, for her influence spreads itself with every passing moment. Her body may not be with us, but she certainly is.

And never forget that your mom was never angry at you, or hated you, or even truly in a fight. Your mom loved you like only a mother can, and you must never forget that she loved you until the end.

Pandain my respect for you has mutliplied by x1000. I thank you for these comforting words at a moment like this.

On June 15 2011 06:47 Maliris wrote:
how old are you and how old was she went she died?

I am about to turn 22, she passed away when she was 51; I was 19.

On June 15 2011 07:12 Trezeguet wrote:
Did your mom teach you to be such a generous person?

Yes she did and learned by watching her. My mom was always generous and I still want to know exactly how your MLG went

And thank you everyone for your kind words, I love this community and I hope to keep serving it.

obesechicken13

United States10467 Posts

June 15 2011 00:17 GMT

#14

On June 15 2011 06:22 ShoCkeyy wrote:

Show nested quote +

Maybe she just didn't want to pass away with you still wanting her, maybe she wanted to push you away with the fight because she thought it would make you not miss her as much. I think that's what I would do.

Maliris

Northern Ireland2557 Posts

June 15 2011 00:28 GMT

#15

So sad

I am 19 too and I'm really close to my mother, I can't imagine life without her atm ;-; i was tearing up reading the OP.

AspenY

19 Posts

June 15 2011 00:34 GMT

#16

sorry to hear, stay strong bud, all things happen for a reason

MetalMarine

United States1559 Posts

June 15 2011 02:42 GMT

#17

That sucks man, truly sorry for your loss. I'd be devastated myself if I were in your position. Be strong and know that she loves you.

RaLakedaimon

United States1564 Posts

June 15 2011 03:06 GMT

#18

So sorry for your loss brother I hope you can live a good life and I'm sure she'd be very proud of you for doing that. Nothing worse than losing your mother, stay strong man. Not much you can say to someone whose gone through something like this.

BLinD-RawR

ALLEYCAT BLUES50114 Posts

June 15 2011 03:23 GMT

#19

At least you still remember your mom and knew who she was,my dad died when I was 9(I'm 18 now) every year,I feel like I know less about him...I hope whatever fight you had with your mom before she died was something important because the last conversation I had with my dad was probably the most trivial argument ever(even for a 9 year old).

VIB

Brazil3567 Posts

June 15 2011 03:38 GMT

#20

Well, one thing to enlighten your mood is that the fact that you miss and care so much about her, is because you had such a great mom. Some people lose their mom and are relieved it happened. These people would love to have had a mom they would miss one day, in the first place. And would envy you. You're blessed to have an awesome mom.

So when you're sad that she's gone. Try to remember that you're only sad because you had a wonderful mom that you got to spend all those times together. Remember how fortunate you were to have her in your life, in your education and in your memory.