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I may have just done something incredibily stupid. - Page 3

Blogs > Kerotan
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QuanticHawk
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States32051 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-14 16:14:31
February 14 2011 16:13 GMT
#41
On February 14 2011 18:42 Navane wrote:
Maybe the other guy is bisexual too and you can be in heaven?


hahahahahahaha

that sucks op, good luck with that!

either way, you'll be happier in the long run that you aired it out rather than letting that build up inside
PROFESSIONAL GAMER - SEND ME OFFERS TO JOIN YOUR TEAM - USA USA USA
anatem
Profile Joined September 2010
Romania1369 Posts
February 14 2011 17:41 GMT
#42
letter = perfectly ok, assuming she's the type to appreciate that kind of thing

anonymous = wrong; so wrong, jesus christ

macho =/= manly/mature
therefore
macho bullshit criticism and "suggestions" from some people in this thread = ignore please

try to not beat around the bush so much when it comes to this kind of thing in the future. frankly, coming clean with your feelings for her straight-up would have landed you a better shot at actually achieving something, especially since the situation isn't exactly status-quo

though by the looks of it you seem pretty confused as well as to what your relationship and feelings with/for her are exactly, when she approaches you about 'this love letter she got', you need to go for it. i emphasize this because i have a feeling these 'contingency plans' you mentioned are a backup pussying out plan

if you made a decision the friendship isn;t enough anymore, follow it through to its conclusion, which may be that things stay the same, you two hit off, or you lose her completely. there is ofcourse the hollywood dream world where you'd get to threesome hit it with her boyfriend but if that happens you need to let us know here or reddit about it for a million internet points

good luck
'Tis with our Judgements as our Watches, none / Go just alike, yet each believes his own.
jlim
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Spain943 Posts
February 14 2011 17:57 GMT
#43
On February 15 2011 02:41 anatem wrote:
letter = perfectly ok, assuming she's the type to appreciate that kind of thing

anonymous = wrong; so wrong, jesus christ

macho =/= manly/mature
therefore
macho bullshit criticism and "suggestions" from some people in this thread = ignore please

try to not beat around the bush so much when it comes to this kind of thing in the future. frankly, coming clean with your feelings for her straight-up would have landed you a better shot at actually achieving something, especially since the situation isn't exactly status-quo

though by the looks of it you seem pretty confused as well as to what your relationship and feelings with/for her are exactly, when she approaches you about 'this love letter she got', you need to go for it. i emphasize this because i have a feeling these 'contingency plans' you mentioned are a backup pussying out plan

if you made a decision the friendship isn;t enough anymore, follow it through to its conclusion, which may be that things stay the same, you two hit off, or you lose her completely. there is ofcourse the hollywood dream world where you'd get to threesome hit it with her boyfriend but if that happens you need to let us know here or reddit about it for a million internet points

good luck


best post in this thread.
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
February 14 2011 19:15 GMT
#44
Wait anonymously? I can't believe I missed that T.T

I must apologize for all my raging earlier this thread.
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
Belial88
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States5217 Posts
February 15 2011 01:36 GMT
#45
Ok, you're right. I'm wrong about a letter being a bad idea. I'm sure she'll love thinking about how some creepy old man put a creepystalker letter to her, then to find out, even better, her gay friend, isn't really gay! And, can't tell her to her face, and isn't honest.

Just be direct with her, god forbid you tell the truth to your best friend. You're supposed to tell her you're nervous and questioning things, there's no need to come off as macho, and I'm not saying that at all either. The point of developing a relationship with someone is to be honest with them, and if she realizes you are incapable of that she won't like you at all. There's a reason your friends, I'm sure she appreciates your quirks. There is a point woman differentiate between friends and dating material, largely by assertiveness/manliness (if you're just friends woman won't care you won't take charge). Hence, take charge of the situation.

She said she likes you, right? Then she knows how you are. Don't try to hide it, and you may even impress her more if you show her that, despite it, she's worth that effort. Woman love a guy who doesn't think they are worth expressing their sexuality (no pun intended) to their face....

Happy Valentines day!
How to build a $500 i7-3770K Ultimate Computer:http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=392709 ******** 100% Safe Razorless Delid Method! http://www.overclock.net/t/1376206/how-to-delid-your-ivy-bridge-cpu-with-out-a-razor-blade/0_100
Belial88
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States5217 Posts
February 15 2011 01:41 GMT
#46
I mean I'm sure it'll impress her that, when or if she finds out rather than from you, directly, now, that you're trying to weasel her out of a relationship she's perfectly happy with at the moment...

Of course, she's going to thank you for making the relationship miserably by sabotaging it because you know what she *really* wants right? She should *really* be with you right?

A boyfriend hardly changes the situation at all. Just be direct and honest with your best friend. Now, how hard you press her, is totally up to you, and clearly she either isn't worth it, or you can't get over your shyness (which she KNOWS about). But whatever you do, you need to be honest to her face. Not a note, that's scary and screams clingy.

And as for someone saying I'm insecure, I don't know what you're trolling about. A man, or a boy, or whatever 'insecurity' you're referring to (not sure what you're implying) takes charge and sweeps a woman off her feet.
How to build a $500 i7-3770K Ultimate Computer:http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=392709 ******** 100% Safe Razorless Delid Method! http://www.overclock.net/t/1376206/how-to-delid-your-ivy-bridge-cpu-with-out-a-razor-blade/0_100
plated.rawr
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
Norway1676 Posts
February 15 2011 02:15 GMT
#47
Normally, I'd say shut it, hide your feelings and stay out of their way. You had your chance when she was single, even though you didn't realise you were as bi as you apparently are. Now that someone else's got her, wait your turn.

The problem, though, is that you're going to be living with them. Bottling up your emotions will be very destructive on the cohabitat relationship between the three of you, and WILL result in drama that nobody will be better off for, because strong emotions seep out no matter how hard you try to keep them hidden. I would at least approach her and explain the situation. Most preferably, you should be a gentleman and offer to find someplace else to live, since the three of you together would probably be problematic even with the cat out of the bag. If you're lucky, she'll dump her boyfriend right there and go for you, but I would prepare for the worst and have the backup living plan ready.

If she wants you to live with her and her boyfriend "because she cares", realise that this will lead to any number fo these scenarios - you being horribly depressed most of the time since she's being with and getting fucked by someone else so damn close to you; her boyfriend not tolerating your friendship with her, causing drama; her breaking up with her boyfriend, causing drama; she cheating with her boyfriend with you, causing drama; you all enjoying hot threesomes for the rest of the year.

... okay, maybe not so much the last part, but anyhow.

Your best bet is to just forget about her for a while, get some space for yourself and meet other people. If you're still as interested in her after half a year, or a year, contact her and see if anything's changed.

TLDR - living with them will be drama. Plan for someplace else to live, and let her know your feelings. If she picks him over you, cut contact for a while.
Savior broke my heart ;_; || twitch.tv/onnings
TechniQ.UK
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United Kingdom391 Posts
February 15 2011 23:01 GMT
#48
On behalf of the TL.net community I demand an update !
Fan of: Acer.Scarlett and Liquid'NonY //
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
February 16 2011 01:22 GMT
#49
please let us know how it worked out or if its in the process.. or I'll tell everybody you smell like poop!
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
Kerotan
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
England2109 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-16 01:52:06
February 16 2011 01:49 GMT
#50
Yeah, anonymously was a fucking bad idea, I can't believe I did it like that.

As regards to an update:

Nothing really happened. Nothing bad or good. I came over her house later the same day, and everyone behaved as normal, so we must be all experts at hiding the elephant in the room or some shit like this.

Quite frankly, I can't believe I was so lucky, I behaved like a fucking selfish idiot creeper, and it took like a page of honest replies from the TL community to make realise what a fucking buffoon I was.

If I was to do it all again, I would just be honest with her and tell her face to face, it would have been a better start than what I actually did.

But realistically, it was unrealistic to expect anything to happen (for so many reasons), so why did I feel the need to tell her? to stir shit up? or was I really that deluded? A bit of both maybe.

So now that things are more less back to square one, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place.

Get
Over
Her.

P.S.
Anatem: You give the best advice of anyone.
Nerdette // External revolution - Internal revolution // Fabulous // I raise my hands to heaven of curiosity // I don't know what to ask for // What has it got for me? // Kerribear
EtherealDeath
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States8366 Posts
February 16 2011 04:51 GMT
#51
Whew let my breath out at the end. Maybe the letter was not read yet ><
SONE
Profile Joined May 2010
Canada839 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-16 05:03:25
February 16 2011 05:02 GMT
#52
Any hints if she actually read the letter? You just said you left it at her house, I'm guessing her mailbox and it was addressed to her? I'm sure we are all wondering if the letter was indeed read.
Servius_Fulvius
Profile Joined August 2009
United States947 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-02-16 05:16:11
February 16 2011 05:12 GMT
#53
On February 16 2011 10:49 Kerotan wrote:
So now that things are more less back to square one, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place.

Get
Over
Her.


I wish I could say it works that way, but it doesn't.

In high school I pursued my best friend. For two and a half years. I knew we weren't right for each other, but I couldn't give up the friendship, either. Big mistake. There was this tension between us knowing that I had feelings for her she didn't reciprocate, yet hanging out so much increased them. This, in turn, made me miserable which, in turn, made her feel awkward. Things built up so much that we had a huge falling out. High school drama? A little. Valuable life lesson? Definitely.

First things first, and you know this already, but come clean to her. In person. She probably does know, but even if she doesn't you still need it out of your system.

Next step - put the ball in her court, so to speak. After coming clean with your feelings ask her if she feels the same. Seeing as she has a boyfriend, she probably doesn't (so be prepared for this), but if she does then you have a next step forward (in form of a long, confusing conversation of what the heck she's going to do). If she doesn't feel the same way then tell her you need time to yourself. How much time? It varies, so I can only say "when you can look at her the same way you look at your other friends (that you're not in love with)".

What does "I need time" mean? It means you cut off all or most communication, try not to be in the same place, avoid checking her facebook (even if it means blocking her temporarily), and take anything she gave you, box it up, and give it to a friend to hold on to until "you're better". Is this going to suck? Yes. Is it better than the alternative? Well, let's find out...

Let's say you do nothing in fear of creating drama, try and get over her while still seeing her constantly, and keep life generally the same. You're going to start to drive yourself crazy (if you haven't already). Let's say it goes far enough into the future that you're under the same roof with her and her boyfriend - this would drive anyone crazy! Plus, now there's this anonymous letter that could create elephants in the room, so if she knows she also knows you're not being totally upfront with her (and now the friendship is in danger from lack of trust). Eventually frustration, awkwardness, and maybe even anger will build up and explode, probably while you're living together. The method of avoidance leaves room to be friends again when you're over her, but in this scenario one or both of you will hate each other.

I'm sorry about your situation, but there's really no easy way out of it. Good luck.




SpoR
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United States1542 Posts
February 16 2011 05:45 GMT
#54
On February 15 2011 01:13 Hawk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On February 14 2011 18:42 Navane wrote:
Maybe the other guy is bisexual too and you can be in heaven?


hahahahahahaha

that sucks op, good luck with that!

either way, you'll be happier in the long run that you aired it out rather than letting that build up inside


lol my thoughts exactly. If you guys all move in together and have a 3 way relationship that could be pretty cool.
A man is what he thinks about all day long.
Kerotan
Profile Blog Joined May 2008
England2109 Posts
February 16 2011 16:43 GMT
#55
On February 16 2011 14:02 SONE wrote:
Any hints if she actually read the letter? You just said you left it at her house, I'm guessing her mailbox and it was addressed to her? I'm sure we are all wondering if the letter was indeed read.

It was read, I saw the envelope on the table with the letter missing.

In regards to getting over her, I have little choice, I can't and don't really want to back out of living with them, and telling her the feelings I have for face to face doesn't really help one, at least not me, and its certainly not friendly to the person I'm supposed to be friends with I.E. the boyfriend.

Generally I think its better I try and find a guy/girl who is actually available and more likely to accept.
Nerdette // External revolution - Internal revolution // Fabulous // I raise my hands to heaven of curiosity // I don't know what to ask for // What has it got for me? // Kerribear
StorkHwaiting
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
United States3465 Posts
February 16 2011 20:33 GMT
#56
I think you should try to get other roommates lol. It's easy to say you're going to put feelings aside. Actually doing so is a whole nother story. I doubt it will end pretty if you live with them.
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