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QuanticHawk
United States32160 Posts
On February 14 2011 18:42 Navane wrote: Maybe the other guy is bisexual too and you can be in heaven? hahahahahahaha that sucks op, good luck with that! either way, you'll be happier in the long run that you aired it out rather than letting that build up inside | ||
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anatem
Romania1369 Posts
anonymous = wrong; so wrong, jesus christ macho =/= manly/mature therefore macho bullshit criticism and "suggestions" from some people in this thread = ignore please try to not beat around the bush so much when it comes to this kind of thing in the future. frankly, coming clean with your feelings for her straight-up would have landed you a better shot at actually achieving something, especially since the situation isn't exactly status-quo though by the looks of it you seem pretty confused as well as to what your relationship and feelings with/for her are exactly, when she approaches you about 'this love letter she got', you need to go for it. i emphasize this because i have a feeling these 'contingency plans' you mentioned are a backup pussying out plan if you made a decision the friendship isn;t enough anymore, follow it through to its conclusion, which may be that things stay the same, you two hit off, or you lose her completely. there is ofcourse the hollywood dream world where you'd get to threesome hit it with her boyfriend but if that happens you need to let us know here or reddit about it for a million internet points good luck | ||
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jlim
Spain943 Posts
On February 15 2011 02:41 anatem wrote: letter = perfectly ok, assuming she's the type to appreciate that kind of thing anonymous = wrong; so wrong, jesus christ macho =/= manly/mature therefore macho bullshit criticism and "suggestions" from some people in this thread = ignore please try to not beat around the bush so much when it comes to this kind of thing in the future. frankly, coming clean with your feelings for her straight-up would have landed you a better shot at actually achieving something, especially since the situation isn't exactly status-quo though by the looks of it you seem pretty confused as well as to what your relationship and feelings with/for her are exactly, when she approaches you about 'this love letter she got', you need to go for it. i emphasize this because i have a feeling these 'contingency plans' you mentioned are a backup pussying out plan if you made a decision the friendship isn;t enough anymore, follow it through to its conclusion, which may be that things stay the same, you two hit off, or you lose her completely. there is ofcourse the hollywood dream world where you'd get to threesome hit it with her boyfriend but if that happens you need to let us know here or reddit about it for a million internet points good luck best post in this thread. | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
I must apologize for all my raging earlier this thread. | ||
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Belial88
United States5217 Posts
Just be direct with her, god forbid you tell the truth to your best friend. You're supposed to tell her you're nervous and questioning things, there's no need to come off as macho, and I'm not saying that at all either. The point of developing a relationship with someone is to be honest with them, and if she realizes you are incapable of that she won't like you at all. There's a reason your friends, I'm sure she appreciates your quirks. There is a point woman differentiate between friends and dating material, largely by assertiveness/manliness (if you're just friends woman won't care you won't take charge). Hence, take charge of the situation. She said she likes you, right? Then she knows how you are. Don't try to hide it, and you may even impress her more if you show her that, despite it, she's worth that effort. Woman love a guy who doesn't think they are worth expressing their sexuality (no pun intended) to their face.... Happy Valentines day! | ||
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Belial88
United States5217 Posts
Of course, she's going to thank you for making the relationship miserably by sabotaging it because you know what she *really* wants right? She should *really* be with you right? A boyfriend hardly changes the situation at all. Just be direct and honest with your best friend. Now, how hard you press her, is totally up to you, and clearly she either isn't worth it, or you can't get over your shyness (which she KNOWS about). But whatever you do, you need to be honest to her face. Not a note, that's scary and screams clingy. And as for someone saying I'm insecure, I don't know what you're trolling about. A man, or a boy, or whatever 'insecurity' you're referring to (not sure what you're implying) takes charge and sweeps a woman off her feet. | ||
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plated.rawr
Norway1676 Posts
The problem, though, is that you're going to be living with them. Bottling up your emotions will be very destructive on the cohabitat relationship between the three of you, and WILL result in drama that nobody will be better off for, because strong emotions seep out no matter how hard you try to keep them hidden. I would at least approach her and explain the situation. Most preferably, you should be a gentleman and offer to find someplace else to live, since the three of you together would probably be problematic even with the cat out of the bag. If you're lucky, she'll dump her boyfriend right there and go for you, but I would prepare for the worst and have the backup living plan ready. If she wants you to live with her and her boyfriend "because she cares", realise that this will lead to any number fo these scenarios - you being horribly depressed most of the time since she's being with and getting fucked by someone else so damn close to you; her boyfriend not tolerating your friendship with her, causing drama; her breaking up with her boyfriend, causing drama; she cheating with her boyfriend with you, causing drama; you all enjoying hot threesomes for the rest of the year. ... okay, maybe not so much the last part, but anyhow. Your best bet is to just forget about her for a while, get some space for yourself and meet other people. If you're still as interested in her after half a year, or a year, contact her and see if anything's changed. TLDR - living with them will be drama. Plan for someplace else to live, and let her know your feelings. If she picks him over you, cut contact for a while. | ||
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TechniQ.UK
United Kingdom391 Posts
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
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Kerotan
England2111 Posts
As regards to an update: Nothing really happened. Nothing bad or good. I came over her house later the same day, and everyone behaved as normal, so we must be all experts at hiding the elephant in the room or some shit like this. Quite frankly, I can't believe I was so lucky, I behaved like a fucking selfish idiot creeper, and it took like a page of honest replies from the TL community to make realise what a fucking buffoon I was. If I was to do it all again, I would just be honest with her and tell her face to face, it would have been a better start than what I actually did. But realistically, it was unrealistic to expect anything to happen (for so many reasons), so why did I feel the need to tell her? to stir shit up? or was I really that deluded? A bit of both maybe. So now that things are more less back to square one, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place. Get Over Her. P.S. Anatem: You give the best advice of anyone. | ||
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EtherealDeath
United States8366 Posts
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SONE
Canada839 Posts
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Servius_Fulvius
United States947 Posts
On February 16 2011 10:49 Kerotan wrote: So now that things are more less back to square one, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place. Get Over Her. I wish I could say it works that way, but it doesn't. In high school I pursued my best friend. For two and a half years. I knew we weren't right for each other, but I couldn't give up the friendship, either. Big mistake. There was this tension between us knowing that I had feelings for her she didn't reciprocate, yet hanging out so much increased them. This, in turn, made me miserable which, in turn, made her feel awkward. Things built up so much that we had a huge falling out. High school drama? A little. Valuable life lesson? Definitely. First things first, and you know this already, but come clean to her. In person. She probably does know, but even if she doesn't you still need it out of your system. Next step - put the ball in her court, so to speak. After coming clean with your feelings ask her if she feels the same. Seeing as she has a boyfriend, she probably doesn't (so be prepared for this), but if she does then you have a next step forward (in form of a long, confusing conversation of what the heck she's going to do). If she doesn't feel the same way then tell her you need time to yourself. How much time? It varies, so I can only say "when you can look at her the same way you look at your other friends (that you're not in love with)". What does "I need time" mean? It means you cut off all or most communication, try not to be in the same place, avoid checking her facebook (even if it means blocking her temporarily), and take anything she gave you, box it up, and give it to a friend to hold on to until "you're better". Is this going to suck? Yes. Is it better than the alternative? Well, let's find out... Let's say you do nothing in fear of creating drama, try and get over her while still seeing her constantly, and keep life generally the same. You're going to start to drive yourself crazy (if you haven't already). Let's say it goes far enough into the future that you're under the same roof with her and her boyfriend - this would drive anyone crazy! Plus, now there's this anonymous letter that could create elephants in the room, so if she knows she also knows you're not being totally upfront with her (and now the friendship is in danger from lack of trust). Eventually frustration, awkwardness, and maybe even anger will build up and explode, probably while you're living together. The method of avoidance leaves room to be friends again when you're over her, but in this scenario one or both of you will hate each other. I'm sorry about your situation, but there's really no easy way out of it. Good luck. | ||
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SpoR
United States1542 Posts
On February 15 2011 01:13 Hawk wrote: hahahahahahaha that sucks op, good luck with that! either way, you'll be happier in the long run that you aired it out rather than letting that build up inside lol my thoughts exactly. If you guys all move in together and have a 3 way relationship that could be pretty cool. | ||
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Kerotan
England2111 Posts
On February 16 2011 14:02 SONE wrote: Any hints if she actually read the letter? You just said you left it at her house, I'm guessing her mailbox and it was addressed to her? I'm sure we are all wondering if the letter was indeed read. It was read, I saw the envelope on the table with the letter missing. In regards to getting over her, I have little choice, I can't and don't really want to back out of living with them, and telling her the feelings I have for face to face doesn't really help one, at least not me, and its certainly not friendly to the person I'm supposed to be friends with I.E. the boyfriend. Generally I think its better I try and find a guy/girl who is actually available and more likely to accept. | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
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