So its 6am local time, and I haven't been to bed, so I'm a little tired. Its also Valentines day, and for the first time in my 21 years of being alive, I decided to do something romantic. There is a girl, lets call her EE, because that nearly matches her real initials and I enjoy MGS references.
EE is perhaps my best friend, but being a "gay" guy having a girl as your best friend is hardly remarkable, but the thing was that more or less since I met her, I felt different about her, but for nigh on 2 years, I passed it off as just being great friends, the tipping point was when she got a new boyfriend, not only that, the new BF is one of those guys who always complains that nice guys like him never get the girl, so they stand a good chance of going distance together. I became so depressed so quickly that it became clear to me that the feelings I had, where more than just the "friend" variety.
This is where the first problems start, I generally identify as gay, partly because I generally like dudes more than ladies, partly because I hadn't had a crush on a girl in a while and as bad as it sounds, classing myself as bi seemed like a cop out, like it wasn't good enough. Either way, she doesn't know the truth, because quite often when we are alone she tells me that "if I didn't bat for the other team, she would tap that" Alot of the time it doesn't seem like she is joking either.
Now the second problem, the boyfriend. I know him, and he is a nice chap, and if I didn't interfere he would have a better chance than most of going the distance.
Third and final problem, I will be living with both of them next year, in a small house.
So, quite clearly anything I do to express my feelings runs a serious risk of ending in some awkwardness, but I have to do something, because I'm driving myself crazy thinking about her.
So here's what I did which is the possibly stupid thing in the title:
Since I'm incredibly old fashioned, I wrote her a letter, a letter so soaked in over emotional feeling, it certainly deserves the title "love letter". Being the geek that I am, I made a plan, and stuck to it, Black ink on white paper, only folded once, not twice, sufficient practice improving my god awful handwriting, proof reading the text 4 times, and importantly, left anonymous, and delivered to her house early in the morning.
Now, I sit at my desk playing the waiting game, having walked the mile or so to her house.
This act could ruin my friendship with 4 people, then again I could be with someone I'm fucking crazy about. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.
I just hope for you that this other guy is truly a good guy cuz if you do indeed get her, he (may) get pissed or something... and the fact that you will be living together nxt year makes this even more of a dilemna. In any case, this is quite brave, because no matter what, there will be repercussions and hopefully, only 1 person gets hurt and it's not you... there's a chance all 3 of you get hurt .
If you really felt like this, it would have been so much better to go up to her and tell her in person. Be prepared for the worse. But don't rule out everything going perfect.
You should include some clues in the letter that its you but make it so that it can also describe someone else so you can pass it off. That way, the letter should remind her of you but not tell her its you...
It's the beginning of this year, and you plan on living together next year? Yeah that's not a solid promised thing, you should never count on things like that so strongly, you will often be disappointed.
On February 14 2011 15:56 HollowLord wrote: Good luck man, just watch out for Vamp.
Enjoyed
On February 14 2011 15:56 Aeres wrote: I was going to say that that's a pretty damn risky move, but all I can comment on is the misspelling of "incredibly" in the title. D=
Still a rough situation, though. I hope it works out somehow!
What can I say, I'm really sleepy.
On February 14 2011 16:00 Meldrath wrote: do it. you live once and you should take any shot you have at true happyness becuase it doesnt come around to often.
These where my thoughts exactly when i first decided to do it.
On February 14 2011 16:00 D4L[invd] wrote: I just hope for you that this other guy is truly a good guy cuz if you do indeed get her, he (may) get pissed or something... and the fact that you will be living together nxt year makes this even more of a dilemna. In any case, this is quite brave, because no matter what, there will be repercussions and hopefully, only 1 person gets hurt and it's not you... there's a chance all 3 of you get hurt .
On February 14 2011 16:02 Blisse wrote: If you really felt like this, it would have been so much better to go up to her and tell her in person. Be prepared for the worse. But don't rule out everything going perfect.
Yeah, I kinda feel like I should have just told her, but I'm a coward and I always worry about pulling a "tod" (seen to be pretending to be gay to get close to women)
On February 14 2011 16:08 ReketSomething wrote: You should include some clues in the letter that its you but make it so that it can also describe someone else so you can pass it off. That way, the letter should remind her of you but not tell her its you...
good luck!
Yeah, I should have mentioned this, but I did end up leaving clues, most notable my hand writing, I really practised, but my hand writing is really distinctive and I use the same black pen that I use to make lecture notes where I sit next to her, I think she will know pretty fast, and either way she will most likely talk about it this morning.
Also i do have contingency plans for when it all goes wrong, and I'm bad at counting, hopefully it goes wrong, it will only be awkward for a while as I tell her shit like, "I can't help how I feel" and then shit will return to normality.
I should most likely try and sleep, I have to attend a lecture with her in a few hours.
Quite frankly, I can't believe I made a girl blog, well I guess there is a first time for everything.
-edit
On February 14 2011 16:18 Aberu wrote: It's the beginning of this year, and you plan on living together next year? Yeah that's not a solid promised thing, you should never count on things like that so strongly, you will often be disappointed.
The Academic year hasn't though, I'm in my second semester of my second year, and I've already paid up on the house.
The more and more I think about this the more fucking stupid it gets, but not turning back now.
On February 14 2011 16:09 buckbo1604 wrote: Dude..good luck man.. Report us in on the results
I will do either way, and I felt bad not responding to you when I responded to everyone else.
In a few years times you could be with said woman and you wouldn't regret that you had the guts to try.
Worst case scenario is she says no, you have an awkward year and then part ways. You'd regret not trying though. I agree with above post that you should have put your name on it otherwise who is she gonna think its from.
Personally I wouldn't want my guy friends trying to take my woman from me but as he's not particularly your best friend I don't see an issue. Though I don't suggest trying to hit on your real m8's partners ever.
I hope it's not a 'want what you can't have' situation. If she chooses you and you start getting second thoughts about the whole thing then it's going to be a giant shitstorm.
Don't ever, ever write a letter. It's creepy, condescending, and it shows that your feelings are not in her best interest even if she were to pursue you, because it shows you dont have the manliness/assertiveness woman are attracted to in men, that you don't have the courage to be with her, and that you view her more as an object of puppy adoration (at best) as opposed to someone to develop a two-way relationship with.
There's many things you can do (moving in sounds pretty bad...) but don't write a letter. I would recommend you remove the letter, and if she gets it, that isn't bad either - just confront her about it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and tell her you were freaking out (which you are) and just had to let her know. Why would a girl go out with someone who won't express love to them face to face? You think that kind of thing would work in a relationship?
Seriously. Just google it. Writing a letter is SOO creepy and juvenile. I understand what you are going for, but writing a letter screams desperate and clingy - an instinct for men no doubt, but something that can scare women away.
As far as anything else, I'd hesitate to really say. I think you should just talk to her, something isn't right if you can't explain things to your best friend that's how I feel about that. Obviously the boyfriend is an issue, so just tell her straight up he's an issue for you (be clear, adamant, but not hostile!) and that you would like to see her happy, so you'll leave it alone, and maybe come back to it. That way, you can stay friends, and hook up when they go apart. I mean it's not like she's gonna marry the guy, you are all young still.
And how many times do you hear of the whole two-people-like-eachother-but-one-or-the-other-is-dating-someone-while-the-other-is-single. You really can't do anything insidious with this *temporary* boyfriend (he will be temporary, all are at this stage), even if you did, if she ever found out, which she will, she will be destroyed. Just tell her what's up (or don't, but you should be honest to your BEST FRIEND) and that clearly, since things are in the way, it's whatever. You can at least make it clear you're thinking of being straight "for the right girl" and drop hints. She'll know, every girl likes attention from a man (read: not a written anonymous letter that her instinct will tell her is from a 40 year old creeper not a young cute guy) so she'll probably take it with a blush, and remember it one day.
Also i do have contingency plans for when it all goes wrong, and I'm bad at counting, hopefully it goes wrong, it will only be awkward for a while as I tell her shit like, "I can't help how I feel" and then shit will return to normality.
...right. Girls find it SO hot that a guy has to have contingency plans just to say I like you. God forbid you guys ever have passionate sex one day (girls do think about this...). Really on the bad foot here, confront her *like a man*. It takes balls, and the more balls it takes the more she respects you. Even if you trick her into dating some unattractive, nonspontaneous 'coward' she'll be miserable, and break up when she figures it out. Show her your faults, your insecurities, your goofyness, and she'll love you all the more for it. She will find out sooner or later.
Just sounds like you don't have the balls to be with this girl, she's clearly too much woman for you to handle, am I wrong? I'm not trying to be a dick, but there are clear gender roles in man/feman relationships. Take charge. And she's your friend, I can't believe you'd be this roundabout and deceptive to your best friend. You really think she'll like these games?
What do you expect to happen? Oh, you like me and aren't gay, sweet let me break up with my good boyfriend to date you. No. No!
Tell her how you feel, and it's clear where things are. Just be honest about what's going on. Take control of the situation. Never, ever force a girl to ask you out. By writing her a letter you're forcing her to make the decision of being with you or not (past an approving smile). A woman likes to be asked out, to be given attention. Don't *EVER* play the role of the woman, don't ever put her in the position to figure it out. Because if a woman has to ask a man out, chances are she won't find it worth it.
And yea, i get it. some woman ask men out blah blah blah. You really need to figure woman out, and if you had the experience I'd tell you that maybe this boyfriend isn't an issue at all. Treat her like she isn't dating anyone. But you clearly aren't at that level, so just tell her how you feel honestly, and do your thing while you wait for her to have her fill of sex with this guy, get bored, and jump to you. Or you can handle the situation. Or, you can just leave it, wish her happy, and when the time comes, be there - and it won't be creepy because she'll know you like her and waiting for her.
Jesus, at least if you don't listen to me just realize the mistake in a letter. Just GOOGLE if it ever worked. Ask girls at your job, or school "hey, has a guy ever written you a love letter?"
EPT
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