So its 6am local time, and I haven't been to bed, so I'm a little tired. Its also Valentines day, and for the first time in my 21 years of being alive, I decided to do something romantic. There is a girl, lets call her EE, because that nearly matches her real initials and I enjoy MGS references.
EE is perhaps my best friend, but being a "gay" guy having a girl as your best friend is hardly remarkable, but the thing was that more or less since I met her, I felt different about her, but for nigh on 2 years, I passed it off as just being great friends, the tipping point was when she got a new boyfriend, not only that, the new BF is one of those guys who always complains that nice guys like him never get the girl, so they stand a good chance of going distance together. I became so depressed so quickly that it became clear to me that the feelings I had, where more than just the "friend" variety.
This is where the first problems start, I generally identify as gay, partly because I generally like dudes more than ladies, partly because I hadn't had a crush on a girl in a while and as bad as it sounds, classing myself as bi seemed like a cop out, like it wasn't good enough. Either way, she doesn't know the truth, because quite often when we are alone she tells me that "if I didn't bat for the other team, she would tap that" Alot of the time it doesn't seem like she is joking either.
Now the second problem, the boyfriend. I know him, and he is a nice chap, and if I didn't interfere he would have a better chance than most of going the distance.
Third and final problem, I will be living with both of them next year, in a small house.
So, quite clearly anything I do to express my feelings runs a serious risk of ending in some awkwardness, but I have to do something, because I'm driving myself crazy thinking about her.
So here's what I did which is the possibly stupid thing in the title:
Since I'm incredibly old fashioned, I wrote her a letter, a letter so soaked in over emotional feeling, it certainly deserves the title "love letter". Being the geek that I am, I made a plan, and stuck to it, Black ink on white paper, only folded once, not twice, sufficient practice improving my god awful handwriting, proof reading the text 4 times, and importantly, left anonymous, and delivered to her house early in the morning.
Now, I sit at my desk playing the waiting game, having walked the mile or so to her house.
This act could ruin my friendship with 4 people, then again I could be with someone I'm fucking crazy about. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.
I just hope for you that this other guy is truly a good guy cuz if you do indeed get her, he (may) get pissed or something... and the fact that you will be living together nxt year makes this even more of a dilemna. In any case, this is quite brave, because no matter what, there will be repercussions and hopefully, only 1 person gets hurt and it's not you... there's a chance all 3 of you get hurt .
If you really felt like this, it would have been so much better to go up to her and tell her in person. Be prepared for the worse. But don't rule out everything going perfect.
You should include some clues in the letter that its you but make it so that it can also describe someone else so you can pass it off. That way, the letter should remind her of you but not tell her its you...
It's the beginning of this year, and you plan on living together next year? Yeah that's not a solid promised thing, you should never count on things like that so strongly, you will often be disappointed.
On February 14 2011 15:56 HollowLord wrote: Good luck man, just watch out for Vamp.
Enjoyed
On February 14 2011 15:56 Aeres wrote: I was going to say that that's a pretty damn risky move, but all I can comment on is the misspelling of "incredibly" in the title. D=
Still a rough situation, though. I hope it works out somehow!
What can I say, I'm really sleepy.
On February 14 2011 16:00 Meldrath wrote: do it. you live once and you should take any shot you have at true happyness becuase it doesnt come around to often.
These where my thoughts exactly when i first decided to do it.
On February 14 2011 16:00 D4L[invd] wrote: I just hope for you that this other guy is truly a good guy cuz if you do indeed get her, he (may) get pissed or something... and the fact that you will be living together nxt year makes this even more of a dilemna. In any case, this is quite brave, because no matter what, there will be repercussions and hopefully, only 1 person gets hurt and it's not you... there's a chance all 3 of you get hurt .
On February 14 2011 16:02 Blisse wrote: If you really felt like this, it would have been so much better to go up to her and tell her in person. Be prepared for the worse. But don't rule out everything going perfect.
Yeah, I kinda feel like I should have just told her, but I'm a coward and I always worry about pulling a "tod" (seen to be pretending to be gay to get close to women)
On February 14 2011 16:08 ReketSomething wrote: You should include some clues in the letter that its you but make it so that it can also describe someone else so you can pass it off. That way, the letter should remind her of you but not tell her its you...
good luck!
Yeah, I should have mentioned this, but I did end up leaving clues, most notable my hand writing, I really practised, but my hand writing is really distinctive and I use the same black pen that I use to make lecture notes where I sit next to her, I think she will know pretty fast, and either way she will most likely talk about it this morning.
Also i do have contingency plans for when it all goes wrong, and I'm bad at counting, hopefully it goes wrong, it will only be awkward for a while as I tell her shit like, "I can't help how I feel" and then shit will return to normality.
I should most likely try and sleep, I have to attend a lecture with her in a few hours.
Quite frankly, I can't believe I made a girl blog, well I guess there is a first time for everything.
-edit
On February 14 2011 16:18 Aberu wrote: It's the beginning of this year, and you plan on living together next year? Yeah that's not a solid promised thing, you should never count on things like that so strongly, you will often be disappointed.
The Academic year hasn't though, I'm in my second semester of my second year, and I've already paid up on the house.
The more and more I think about this the more fucking stupid it gets, but not turning back now.
On February 14 2011 16:09 buckbo1604 wrote: Dude..good luck man.. Report us in on the results
I will do either way, and I felt bad not responding to you when I responded to everyone else.
In a few years times you could be with said woman and you wouldn't regret that you had the guts to try.
Worst case scenario is she says no, you have an awkward year and then part ways. You'd regret not trying though. I agree with above post that you should have put your name on it otherwise who is she gonna think its from.
Personally I wouldn't want my guy friends trying to take my woman from me but as he's not particularly your best friend I don't see an issue. Though I don't suggest trying to hit on your real m8's partners ever.
I hope it's not a 'want what you can't have' situation. If she chooses you and you start getting second thoughts about the whole thing then it's going to be a giant shitstorm.
Don't ever, ever write a letter. It's creepy, condescending, and it shows that your feelings are not in her best interest even if she were to pursue you, because it shows you dont have the manliness/assertiveness woman are attracted to in men, that you don't have the courage to be with her, and that you view her more as an object of puppy adoration (at best) as opposed to someone to develop a two-way relationship with.
There's many things you can do (moving in sounds pretty bad...) but don't write a letter. I would recommend you remove the letter, and if she gets it, that isn't bad either - just confront her about it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE and tell her you were freaking out (which you are) and just had to let her know. Why would a girl go out with someone who won't express love to them face to face? You think that kind of thing would work in a relationship?
Seriously. Just google it. Writing a letter is SOO creepy and juvenile. I understand what you are going for, but writing a letter screams desperate and clingy - an instinct for men no doubt, but something that can scare women away.
As far as anything else, I'd hesitate to really say. I think you should just talk to her, something isn't right if you can't explain things to your best friend that's how I feel about that. Obviously the boyfriend is an issue, so just tell her straight up he's an issue for you (be clear, adamant, but not hostile!) and that you would like to see her happy, so you'll leave it alone, and maybe come back to it. That way, you can stay friends, and hook up when they go apart. I mean it's not like she's gonna marry the guy, you are all young still.
And how many times do you hear of the whole two-people-like-eachother-but-one-or-the-other-is-dating-someone-while-the-other-is-single. You really can't do anything insidious with this *temporary* boyfriend (he will be temporary, all are at this stage), even if you did, if she ever found out, which she will, she will be destroyed. Just tell her what's up (or don't, but you should be honest to your BEST FRIEND) and that clearly, since things are in the way, it's whatever. You can at least make it clear you're thinking of being straight "for the right girl" and drop hints. She'll know, every girl likes attention from a man (read: not a written anonymous letter that her instinct will tell her is from a 40 year old creeper not a young cute guy) so she'll probably take it with a blush, and remember it one day.
Also i do have contingency plans for when it all goes wrong, and I'm bad at counting, hopefully it goes wrong, it will only be awkward for a while as I tell her shit like, "I can't help how I feel" and then shit will return to normality.
...right. Girls find it SO hot that a guy has to have contingency plans just to say I like you. God forbid you guys ever have passionate sex one day (girls do think about this...). Really on the bad foot here, confront her *like a man*. It takes balls, and the more balls it takes the more she respects you. Even if you trick her into dating some unattractive, nonspontaneous 'coward' she'll be miserable, and break up when she figures it out. Show her your faults, your insecurities, your goofyness, and she'll love you all the more for it. She will find out sooner or later.
Just sounds like you don't have the balls to be with this girl, she's clearly too much woman for you to handle, am I wrong? I'm not trying to be a dick, but there are clear gender roles in man/feman relationships. Take charge. And she's your friend, I can't believe you'd be this roundabout and deceptive to your best friend. You really think she'll like these games?
What do you expect to happen? Oh, you like me and aren't gay, sweet let me break up with my good boyfriend to date you. No. No!
Tell her how you feel, and it's clear where things are. Just be honest about what's going on. Take control of the situation. Never, ever force a girl to ask you out. By writing her a letter you're forcing her to make the decision of being with you or not (past an approving smile). A woman likes to be asked out, to be given attention. Don't *EVER* play the role of the woman, don't ever put her in the position to figure it out. Because if a woman has to ask a man out, chances are she won't find it worth it.
And yea, i get it. some woman ask men out blah blah blah. You really need to figure woman out, and if you had the experience I'd tell you that maybe this boyfriend isn't an issue at all. Treat her like she isn't dating anyone. But you clearly aren't at that level, so just tell her how you feel honestly, and do your thing while you wait for her to have her fill of sex with this guy, get bored, and jump to you. Or you can handle the situation. Or, you can just leave it, wish her happy, and when the time comes, be there - and it won't be creepy because she'll know you like her and waiting for her.
Jesus, at least if you don't listen to me just realize the mistake in a letter. Just GOOGLE if it ever worked. Ask girls at your job, or school "hey, has a guy ever written you a love letter?"
being a man means not hiding behind anything and grabbing life by the balls
it doesnt matter if youre gay, straight, or bi. you can be man enough to admit and accept homosexuality. you can be man enough to tell other people about it. so why scared to accept hetero tendencies?
as far as the girl goes. im not sure about your past relationship experience, but believe me. you will always fall for other people if you dont find love with one person. you dont need to feel you have to put all your eggs in one basket. to be successful in relationship you need to be not scared of direct confrontation. there is no shame in admitting you like someone.
Also i do have contingency plans for when it all goes wrong, and I'm bad at counting, hopefully it goes wrong, it will only be awkward for a while as I tell her shit like, "I can't help how I feel" and then shit will return to normality.
...right. Girls find it SO hot that a guy has to have contingency plans just to say I like you. God forbid you guys ever have passionate sex one day (girls do think about this...). Really on the bad foot here, confront her *like a man*. It takes balls, and the more balls it takes the more she respects you. Even if you trick her into dating some unattractive, nonspontaneous 'coward' she'll be miserable, and break up when she figures it out. Show her your faults, your insecurities, your goofyness, and she'll love you all the more for it. She will find out sooner or later.
Just sounds like you don't have the balls to be with this girl, she's clearly too much woman for you to handle, am I wrong? I'm not trying to be a dick, but there are clear gender roles in man/feman relationships. Take charge. And she's your friend, I can't believe you'd be this roundabout and deceptive to your best friend. You really think she'll like these games?
What do you expect to happen? Oh, you like me and aren't gay, sweet let me break up with my good boyfriend to date you. No. No!
Tell her how you feel, and it's clear where things are. Just be honest about what's going on. Take control of the situation. Never, ever force a girl to ask you out. By writing her a letter you're forcing her to make the decision of being with you or not (past an approving smile). A woman likes to be asked out, to be given attention. Don't *EVER* play the role of the woman, don't ever put her in the position to figure it out. Because if a woman has to ask a man out, chances are she won't find it worth it.
And yea, i get it. some woman ask men out blah blah blah. You really need to figure woman out, and if you had the experience I'd tell you that maybe this boyfriend isn't an issue at all. Treat her like she isn't dating anyone. But you clearly aren't at that level, so just tell her how you feel honestly, and do your thing while you wait for her to have her fill of sex with this guy, get bored, and jump to you. Or you can handle the situation. Or, you can just leave it, wish her happy, and when the time comes, be there - and it won't be creepy because she'll know you like her and waiting for her.
Jesus, at least if you don't listen to me just realize the mistake in a letter. Just GOOGLE if it ever worked. Ask girls at your job, or school "hey, has a guy ever written you a love letter?"
umm LOL. i hate to be blunt, but this person is right on the money. writing a letter was what i did in elementary school. then in middle school i had a friend ask out some girl for me, that didn't go too well. i remember girls telling me that getting asked out to a dance by text was super lame, so i'm not sure if confessing love via a letter is such a great idea. besides, if you talk in person you can pretty much read girls by using certain words and seeing their reaction, and you can play it safe that way. girls like to be told "i love you" in person if possible, if not in person then at least on the phone. text and letters don't even count in this day and age. it might have been chivalrous like 90 years ago. i would highly suggest you talk to her...in person.
thats risky, and really romantic. i remember when i left a letter in a gal's locker in 8th grade (but i put it in the wrong one LOL!) it still worked then. good luck, im rooting for you.
Also i do have contingency plans for when it all goes wrong, and I'm bad at counting, hopefully it goes wrong, it will only be awkward for a while as I tell her shit like, "I can't help how I feel" and then shit will return to normality.
...right. Girls find it SO hot that a guy has to have contingency plans just to say I like you. God forbid you guys ever have passionate sex one day (girls do think about this...). Really on the bad foot here, confront her *like a man*. It takes balls, and the more balls it takes the more she respects you. Even if you trick her into dating some unattractive, nonspontaneous 'coward' she'll be miserable, and break up when she figures it out. Show her your faults, your insecurities, your goofyness, and she'll love you all the more for it. She will find out sooner or later.
...
What do you expect to happen? Oh, you like me and aren't gay, sweet let me break up with my good boyfriend to date you. No. No!
...
Jesus, at least if you don't listen to me just realize the mistake in a letter. Just GOOGLE if it ever worked. Ask girls at your job, or school "hey, has a guy ever written you a love letter?"
watch out, your insecurity is showing through. go somewhere else dick.
On February 14 2011 19:15 yourwhiteshadow wrote: umm LOL. i hate to be blunt, but this person is right on the money. writing a letter was what i did in elementary school. then in middle school i had a friend ask out some girl for me, that didn't go too well. i remember girls telling me that getting asked out to a dance by text was super lame, so i'm not sure if confessing love via a letter is such a great idea. besides, if you talk in person you can pretty much read girls by using certain words and seeing their reaction, and you can play it safe that way. girls like to be told "i love you" in person if possible, if not in person then at least on the phone. text and letters don't even count in this day and age. it might have been chivalrous like 90 years ago. i would highly suggest you talk to her...in person.
first, stop kicking a man when he's down. he's not looking for expert advice, he needs somebody to tell about whats on his mind at 6 am. you'd be nervous too.
second, a well-written passionate love-letter is something every woman secretly wants. if you don't have the balls behind it in the first place it won't work but if you do--its fucking gold. a love letter pulled off well is something a woman will remember the rest of her life and keep in a chest in the attic. do not bash the love letter because it didn't work for you. so what you wrote it in elementary school, love doesn't have an age limit.
Confessing your love through a letter = wrong move
More likely than not, she's going to reject your feelings. By writing a letter, you obviously can't express your feelings to her face, so how is she going to respond back if you clearly don't like direct contact? Why would she be interested in someone who can't even articulate his thoughts to her? The housing situation will become extremely awkward with a vigilant boyfriend, and you'll probably lose most of your emotional ties with this girl.
On the off-chance that she does mirror your feelings, you'll still have to deal with the housing situation. Are you just going to kick out her new boyfriend? Do you really want to be with someone willing drop a new boyfriend like that?
Chasing girls is a waste of time, and chasing one girl is an even bigger waste of time. You should ignore your feelings for this one girl, verify your sexual orientation by going out and meeting other (attractive) girls/boys, and improve yourself (GYM, TAN, LAUNDRY) to build up confidence. You'll find a girl 10x better than this girl you know right now, guaranteed.
i wonder how many more unsolicited replies will spit this same "what youre doing is wrong, improve yourself, go to gym buy better clothes date more women!"
well this IS the woman. the feelings are there, they're real, and hes acting on them in the best way he knows how. thats what going for it really means. stop spouting this shit, stop cutting at his knees, and whether it works or doesnt its better to have tried than to delude and procrastinate under the pretense of self-improvement
There are some pretty harsh people in this thread. Everyone seems to be throwing advice left and right about what a nono it is to write letters and that he has to be a MAAAAAN! MY PENIS IS HUGEEEE! Seriously though, everyone seems to be making huge assumptions on the preferences of of the woman in question. While with the average woman a lot of these "be a man assert yourself" statements are not too far off the mark, is this girl average like them? Keraton, regardless of how you chose to do it, good on you for taking steps towards expressing yourself to her. This STUFF is always heavy and hard to deal with and you've done the hardest part by initiating. NOW JUST MAKE SURE YOU"RE IN A GOOD POSITION FOR ENGAGEMENT AND MICRO YOUR BALLS OFF! Give it all and even if it doesn't work out, you can still gg without regretting the things you never did ^^ GLHF!
Don't diss the love letter too hard. When it doesn't work, its usually because the sender is too much of a wuss to even talk to the girl in the first place. THAT is lame. But If you already know her well, then a love letter can be pure gold.......if she wants you.
While some of these criticisms make for pretty harsh reading I can't help but agree with at least some of them, especially since nothing as yet has happened, I missed the only lecture today where I was going to talk to her. Right the outcome seems to be abject failure based on the lack of daily communication I get from her and from some of the more critical replies in thread.
On February 14 2011 21:27 KurtistheTurtle wrote: i wonder how many more unsolicited replies will spit this same "what youre doing is wrong, improve yourself, go to gym buy better clothes date more women!"
well this IS the woman. the feelings are there, they're real, and hes acting on them in the best way he knows how. thats what going for it really means. stop spouting this shit, stop cutting at his knees, and whether it works or doesnt its better to have tried than to delude and procrastinate under the pretense of self-improvement
The chance that writing a love letter to a girl from a guy she perceived as gay actually works is extremely slim. When would she have ever had the opportunity to develop feelings for him? They're instantly shot down when she remembers that he's fucking gay. Here's an exercise for you: recall the last time you were hanging out with your best male friend(s) and contemplated how much you would love them if they were the opposite sex. You can't.
He's essentially putting her on a pedestal by giving her complete control of the situation and ultimately his feelings. His immediate future is at her whim. Tell me, does he display any self-respect or confidence by doing that? There are better ways of going about this than writing a love letter, like improving himself and his confidence and letting girls chase him instead.
On February 14 2011 21:57 Kerotan wrote: Right the outcome seems to be abject failure based on the lack of daily communication I get from her and from some of the more critical replies in thread.
Love letters usually fail, but your case are so bloody unique so i doubt no one here has had the exact same thing happened.
Still wishing you good luck, if you have not heard anything by the end of the day i would reccomend texting her and telling her you would like to speak to her and ask her to come over.
just be sincere to her no matter in what fashion you do so and you'll have done your 100%. if she likes you she'll start something with you and if she doesn't, she'll reject you. as easy as that.
if she's worthy she will feel the sincerity of your words and will answer you back with the same sincerity. if she falls for any of the many strats, tricks and role-playing attitudes displayed by my fellow liquidians maybe she's not worth your devotion, unless you're contented with that, of course.
letter = perfectly ok, assuming she's the type to appreciate that kind of thing
anonymous = wrong; so wrong, jesus christ
macho =/= manly/mature therefore macho bullshit criticism and "suggestions" from some people in this thread = ignore please
try to not beat around the bush so much when it comes to this kind of thing in the future. frankly, coming clean with your feelings for her straight-up would have landed you a better shot at actually achieving something, especially since the situation isn't exactly status-quo
though by the looks of it you seem pretty confused as well as to what your relationship and feelings with/for her are exactly, when she approaches you about 'this love letter she got', you need to go for it. i emphasize this because i have a feeling these 'contingency plans' you mentioned are a backup pussying out plan
if you made a decision the friendship isn;t enough anymore, follow it through to its conclusion, which may be that things stay the same, you two hit off, or you lose her completely. there is ofcourse the hollywood dream world where you'd get to threesome hit it with her boyfriend but if that happens you need to let us know here or reddit about it for a million internet points
On February 15 2011 02:41 anatem wrote: letter = perfectly ok, assuming she's the type to appreciate that kind of thing
anonymous = wrong; so wrong, jesus christ
macho =/= manly/mature therefore macho bullshit criticism and "suggestions" from some people in this thread = ignore please
try to not beat around the bush so much when it comes to this kind of thing in the future. frankly, coming clean with your feelings for her straight-up would have landed you a better shot at actually achieving something, especially since the situation isn't exactly status-quo
though by the looks of it you seem pretty confused as well as to what your relationship and feelings with/for her are exactly, when she approaches you about 'this love letter she got', you need to go for it. i emphasize this because i have a feeling these 'contingency plans' you mentioned are a backup pussying out plan
if you made a decision the friendship isn;t enough anymore, follow it through to its conclusion, which may be that things stay the same, you two hit off, or you lose her completely. there is ofcourse the hollywood dream world where you'd get to threesome hit it with her boyfriend but if that happens you need to let us know here or reddit about it for a million internet points
Ok, you're right. I'm wrong about a letter being a bad idea. I'm sure she'll love thinking about how some creepy old man put a creepystalker letter to her, then to find out, even better, her gay friend, isn't really gay! And, can't tell her to her face, and isn't honest.
Just be direct with her, god forbid you tell the truth to your best friend. You're supposed to tell her you're nervous and questioning things, there's no need to come off as macho, and I'm not saying that at all either. The point of developing a relationship with someone is to be honest with them, and if she realizes you are incapable of that she won't like you at all. There's a reason your friends, I'm sure she appreciates your quirks. There is a point woman differentiate between friends and dating material, largely by assertiveness/manliness (if you're just friends woman won't care you won't take charge). Hence, take charge of the situation.
She said she likes you, right? Then she knows how you are. Don't try to hide it, and you may even impress her more if you show her that, despite it, she's worth that effort. Woman love a guy who doesn't think they are worth expressing their sexuality (no pun intended) to their face....
I mean I'm sure it'll impress her that, when or if she finds out rather than from you, directly, now, that you're trying to weasel her out of a relationship she's perfectly happy with at the moment...
Of course, she's going to thank you for making the relationship miserably by sabotaging it because you know what she *really* wants right? She should *really* be with you right?
A boyfriend hardly changes the situation at all. Just be direct and honest with your best friend. Now, how hard you press her, is totally up to you, and clearly she either isn't worth it, or you can't get over your shyness (which she KNOWS about). But whatever you do, you need to be honest to her face. Not a note, that's scary and screams clingy.
And as for someone saying I'm insecure, I don't know what you're trolling about. A man, or a boy, or whatever 'insecurity' you're referring to (not sure what you're implying) takes charge and sweeps a woman off her feet.
Normally, I'd say shut it, hide your feelings and stay out of their way. You had your chance when she was single, even though you didn't realise you were as bi as you apparently are. Now that someone else's got her, wait your turn.
The problem, though, is that you're going to be living with them. Bottling up your emotions will be very destructive on the cohabitat relationship between the three of you, and WILL result in drama that nobody will be better off for, because strong emotions seep out no matter how hard you try to keep them hidden. I would at least approach her and explain the situation. Most preferably, you should be a gentleman and offer to find someplace else to live, since the three of you together would probably be problematic even with the cat out of the bag. If you're lucky, she'll dump her boyfriend right there and go for you, but I would prepare for the worst and have the backup living plan ready.
If she wants you to live with her and her boyfriend "because she cares", realise that this will lead to any number fo these scenarios - you being horribly depressed most of the time since she's being with and getting fucked by someone else so damn close to you; her boyfriend not tolerating your friendship with her, causing drama; her breaking up with her boyfriend, causing drama; she cheating with her boyfriend with you, causing drama; you all enjoying hot threesomes for the rest of the year.
... okay, maybe not so much the last part, but anyhow.
Your best bet is to just forget about her for a while, get some space for yourself and meet other people. If you're still as interested in her after half a year, or a year, contact her and see if anything's changed.
TLDR - living with them will be drama. Plan for someplace else to live, and let her know your feelings. If she picks him over you, cut contact for a while.
Yeah, anonymously was a fucking bad idea, I can't believe I did it like that.
As regards to an update:
Nothing really happened. Nothing bad or good. I came over her house later the same day, and everyone behaved as normal, so we must be all experts at hiding the elephant in the room or some shit like this.
Quite frankly, I can't believe I was so lucky, I behaved like a fucking selfish idiot creeper, and it took like a page of honest replies from the TL community to make realise what a fucking buffoon I was.
If I was to do it all again, I would just be honest with her and tell her face to face, it would have been a better start than what I actually did.
But realistically, it was unrealistic to expect anything to happen (for so many reasons), so why did I feel the need to tell her? to stir shit up? or was I really that deluded? A bit of both maybe.
So now that things are more less back to square one, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place.
Any hints if she actually read the letter? You just said you left it at her house, I'm guessing her mailbox and it was addressed to her? I'm sure we are all wondering if the letter was indeed read.
On February 16 2011 10:49 Kerotan wrote: So now that things are more less back to square one, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place.
Get Over Her.
I wish I could say it works that way, but it doesn't.
In high school I pursued my best friend. For two and a half years. I knew we weren't right for each other, but I couldn't give up the friendship, either. Big mistake. There was this tension between us knowing that I had feelings for her she didn't reciprocate, yet hanging out so much increased them. This, in turn, made me miserable which, in turn, made her feel awkward. Things built up so much that we had a huge falling out. High school drama? A little. Valuable life lesson? Definitely.
First things first, and you know this already, but come clean to her. In person. She probably does know, but even if she doesn't you still need it out of your system.
Next step - put the ball in her court, so to speak. After coming clean with your feelings ask her if she feels the same. Seeing as she has a boyfriend, she probably doesn't (so be prepared for this), but if she does then you have a next step forward (in form of a long, confusing conversation of what the heck she's going to do). If she doesn't feel the same way then tell her you need time to yourself. How much time? It varies, so I can only say "when you can look at her the same way you look at your other friends (that you're not in love with)".
What does "I need time" mean? It means you cut off all or most communication, try not to be in the same place, avoid checking her facebook (even if it means blocking her temporarily), and take anything she gave you, box it up, and give it to a friend to hold on to until "you're better". Is this going to suck? Yes. Is it better than the alternative? Well, let's find out...
Let's say you do nothing in fear of creating drama, try and get over her while still seeing her constantly, and keep life generally the same. You're going to start to drive yourself crazy (if you haven't already). Let's say it goes far enough into the future that you're under the same roof with her and her boyfriend - this would drive anyone crazy! Plus, now there's this anonymous letter that could create elephants in the room, so if she knows she also knows you're not being totally upfront with her (and now the friendship is in danger from lack of trust). Eventually frustration, awkwardness, and maybe even anger will build up and explode, probably while you're living together. The method of avoidance leaves room to be friends again when you're over her, but in this scenario one or both of you will hate each other.
I'm sorry about your situation, but there's really no easy way out of it. Good luck.
On February 16 2011 14:02 SONE wrote: Any hints if she actually read the letter? You just said you left it at her house, I'm guessing her mailbox and it was addressed to her? I'm sure we are all wondering if the letter was indeed read.
It was read, I saw the envelope on the table with the letter missing.
In regards to getting over her, I have little choice, I can't and don't really want to back out of living with them, and telling her the feelings I have for face to face doesn't really help one, at least not me, and its certainly not friendly to the person I'm supposed to be friends with I.E. the boyfriend.
Generally I think its better I try and find a guy/girl who is actually available and more likely to accept.
I think you should try to get other roommates lol. It's easy to say you're going to put feelings aside. Actually doing so is a whole nother story. I doubt it will end pretty if you live with them.
EPT
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