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So, I've read a lot of "relationship issue" blogs, and used to woner why people would even bother throwing their problems out there to the wolfpack known as TL... until now.
I just received a message via "Gmail chat" from my ex, and my heart is through the floor.
"I understand if you hate me, and never want to talk to me or think about me again in your whole life, but i have to put it out there that even though i know the relationship was poop, I'm going to miss your friendship and the good times more than anything in the world."
Now, to Tarantino this...
Our anniversary was October 3rd, we had been dating for a year. We went to the beach, her favorite spot in the world. I reserved us a hotel room for the weekend, just the two of us. We had an amazing weekend... but something just wasn't right - more so than normal.
See, a few months ago, my girlfriend moved in with her mother and her grandmother. Her mother is a jobless alcoholic, with no motivation and severe depression, her grandmother, a passive-aggressive nutbag that cares more about her garden than all of her family combined. While my girlfriend found this necessary for her mother, to help her, it also killed her inside slowly. Doing so put us an hour drive away. She works and goes to school, which makes free time sparse. Beforehand, we were used to, and happy with seeing each other a couple of times a week. After the move, however, this was not the case. She slowly became more and more jaded. The stress of her living situation was eating her up inside, and eating us up as well.
Before the anniversary, we actually took a small break apart, because we wanted to eliminate the chance of stress ruining our anniversary - absence makes the heart grow fonder. While we did have a really great time (she loved the necklace I got her), with passionate sex, a lot of laughing, and happiness in each other's arms, I knew it was still there, eating her up. A couple of times, she got upset for what seemed to be no reason at all. She even asked me at one point if I was sure we were going to be ok. I wasn't, but I said I was. A couple of weeks passed, and we saw each other a couple times a week, as per usual. Have you ever been doing something, feeling like at any moment, the world would just explode around you? That's what it felt like.
We reached a week before Blizzcon, and she said that she was already thinking about how much she was going to miss me while I was there. She couldn't go, as work and school would hardly let her have 2 days free, let alone 4 (I drove down from Oregon). The following day she called me and asked permission to study with a boy from her french class on Sunday (4 days before I left). I'm not a jealous boyfriend at all, so I thought nothing of it.
The night she got home from studying with him, she called me. She told me he was insane, and pulled some shamanistic crap on her. She also said he was psychic, and was replying to her thoughts like it was conversation. She was really creeped out and scared, and I tried to calm her down, but to no avail. After turning into fighting my attempts and helping, I suggested she take some time to just think.
The following day, she called and told me that it was so real, and saying the world wasn't real, and that it's all just our imagination. Again and tried to work with her, but I couldn't, and we ended up hanging up again. I was supposed to see her on tuesday, the day before I left, but for the first time in forever, she didn't even text me good morning. I took this as her trying to tell me she didn't want to see me. I asked what was up, and she acted dumb, like I was supposed to confirm that she was going to come see me, and that it was "too late now". I was left confused, but just tried not to overthink it.
On my way down to California, I sent a couple of texts telling her how much I loved her, and that I couldn't wait to come back home and hold her. I got no response. When I finally arrived after 16 hours of driving, I asked why she was ignoring me, she replied "I'm done with this relationship." My heart dropped. I asked why, and she replied "I just want to be done, I'm tired of it". I couldn't believe it... she just broke up with me, through text, the day before something I had been looking forward to for months, and she knew it. My friends tried to console me, and I acted like I was moving on, but I really wasn't.
Two hours after this text, her Facebook status, which goes to my SMS said ":D :D :D". I was very confused. Two hours following that, her relationship status went from single... to in a relationship... with the French Class guy. My heart sank again... even deeper. I went and checked her wall, and one of her friends had immediately asked who the new boyfriend was. She replied "He's this really cute guy from my french class, he took me dancing!" (what she was really doing when we were supposed to see eachother). My heart exploded.
All of Blizzcon I tried to just enjoy where I was, and all the people I was with. The first night I spent drunkenly with Tasteless and Artosis in their hotel room. The second I spent with all the highups of Nvidia (I was the only non-Nvidia employee) getting drunk off over $1000 dollars in liquor. But none of that really mattered. My mind was clouded, and my heart shredded. I couldn't believe that she had done this to me. If she had just broken up with me before I left, or even had the decency to wait until after I got back, I wouldn't have been even close to as destroyed. But she didn't. Blizzcon was Brokenheartcon.
Now, it's been over a week, and I finally have moved on. I finally realized that she did me a favor, and that I'm much better off now. I'm ready to move on with my life. And after a day of Starcraft 2 and enjoying myself, I check my email to find a message.
"I understand if you hate me, and never want to talk to me or think about me again in your whole life, but i have to put it out there that even though i know the relationship was poop, I'm going to miss your friendship and the good times more than anything in the world."
And here I am, again, heartbroken. The pieces are scattered again. I can't do this hell week again. It's not fair.
 
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Dude, I feel for you. Even though after reading that I am mad angry at her and how much I'd like to go WTF at your ex and make her explain everything, I wish the best for you in the future and hope you find a better girl in the future.
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There isn't really a cure for your broken heart, but if it makes any difference I feel for you. Go take a hot shower in the dark and mull it over, don't push it away and let it fester. Confront it, and you'll be that much closer to being able to bear it.
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Fuck that bitch. (sorry, man, just call'n it like I see it)
She lied to you, she strung you along, and she dropped a bomb in your lap the day you left to go on vacation. That's shady in 101 different ways.
edit:
Maybe I'm kinda jaded... But still. If everything went down like you said, she's too shady for you to be getting all bent out of shape over.
Try to put it out of your head. Maybe give yourself a couple more days to be sad. But you need to set a date, and then draw the line in the sand. "After Monday, I'm not going to think about you anymore".
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Wow...my condolences man. That sucks majorly. If you can get through the next few weeks you'll be stronger for it, try not to allow her to jerk you around with that email message.
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Whatever you do don't let her pull you back in (Also, avoid pulling her back in @_@.) If you're any thing like me, that's going to be the real hard part.
p.s that sucks I am sorry.
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That's tough. Hope you recover quickly man. It's probably best to cut her out of your life completely at this point.
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Brunei Darussalam622 Posts
Your girl sounds like a nut.
You need to decide asap whether or not she is someone you want in your life regardless of what has happened previously. If its a yes and you can forgive her, then start the reunion process but take it slow.
If its a no, then just cut all ties. I personally have a hard time forgetting something so personally damaging like this, so I'm afraid in your shoes I would most likely take this route and never respond to her ever again.
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Sucks for you, but she seems like she's completely unstable (psychic shit and the bizarre asshole-text breakup). I totally wouldn't be surprised if she tries to get back together with you, but If you have any self control it should be obvious that thats an absolutely terrible idea.
give her an "ok." reply and move on.
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you sound young from your post and im assuming she is young also (i could be wrong)
at a young age MOST girls think the world revolves around them in the worst way and generally dont think twice about anyone else. I would avoid being too invested in relationships now.
when your dating girls around 20-22 years old you can start expecting them to be more realistic in forming a relationship on trust and respect.. untill then they are usually attention seekers and generally dont give a fuck about anyone that they hurt in the process.
breaking up with you over a text message on vacation. perfect example.
I would toss her under the bus and not think twice.
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On November 02 2010 16:07 Coagulation wrote:
you sound young from your post and im assuming she is young also (i could be wrong)
at a young age girls think the world revolves around them in the worst way and generally dont think twice about anyone else. I would avoid being too invested in relationships now.
when your dating girls around 20-22 years old you can start expecting them to be more realistic in forming a relationship on trust and respect.. untill then they are usually attention seekers and generally dont give a fuck about anyone that they hurt.
I'm almost 23... :/
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how old is she? thats what makes the difference.
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Don't feel down about this at all. Be glad that at least you won't have to deal with this bitch and all the mental disorders that will probably arise in her sooner or later. You're lucky this cunt two timed you because now you wouldn't have invested as much time as you would have into a relationship that would basically be a burden to you in the future.
People like her are just disgusting. It's nothing to feel down about. They basically use people until they can hitch a better ride without the decency of letting their partner know about their true intentions. More people are like this than you think, but a lot of people also have compassion and aren't so heartless about how they go about into a transition. This girl never even cared that you'd see her status or her updates. She didn't give one shit because she was having a good time at that moment. If she had an ounce of compassion, she'd hold off on the facebook updates for the sake of your sanity, but no, apparently it didn't phase her.
Fuck her. Don't even waste your time thinking about it. It's experience now that will make you stronger. While you're at, fuck her best friend. But don't even give her the satisfaction of knowing that what she did will still entail her keeping on good terms with you. Assholes need to know that they're assholes.
+ Show Spoiler +I have Mondayitis, sue me
And this shouldn't be another hell week. Yeah, easier said than done, but it seems like this is just the person this girl happens to be. If it didn't happen now, it would happen down the road. You're lucky it was only a year and not 10 years down the road with a family and a mortgage. Go out there and have fun, but don't feel down. She relinquished you from her selfishness.
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Ignoring someone you still have feelings for isn't the way to go. If you still feel anything for her let her know in what way she has hurt you. Write a edited version of this to her explaining how it made you feel step by step and what you think she actually did (aka going out with french dude).
If you ignore the feeling you might regret it later
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On November 02 2010 16:11 Coagulation wrote:
how old is she? thats what makes the difference.
Yeah, she's 20. I know that it makes complete sense, but at the same time, sense means almost nothing to me right now.
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dude, i dont know how old are you, but you must know women are attention seekers, and some are obsessed with that, when you were away she dumped you with someone who could pay her attention much closer. having said that, now you can understand why she wrote you an email, because thinks arent working so good with the other guy, and now she needs attention and is looking for you to do that.
Think about it. someone like that is no good for you to stay around you. Just decline any "frienship" she is offering.stay strong. best wishes to you.
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You should really get off facebook for a while... future status updates/wall posts/status texts can drive you nuts.
Really hope you feel better 
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On November 02 2010 16:13 Marradron wrote:
Ignoring someone you still have feelings for isn't the way to go. If you still feel anything for her let her know in what way she has hurt you. Write a edited version of this to her explaining how it made you feel step by step and what you think she actually did (aka going out with french dude).
If you ignore the feeling you might regret it later
>.<
I disagree.
Man up. If I've learned anything in my 25 short years of dealing with women, its that running to her every time she opens the door is the bitchiest thing you can do.
Maybe she lets you in for a second, but in the end, you're just being strung along at her beck and call.
I stand by my first post: Fuck that bitch.
But if you do decide you want to try and get her back, writing her a letter about how she hurt your feelings, in my opinion, isn't the way to go about it.
On November 02 2010 16:18 insanet wrote:
dude, i dont know how old are you, but you must know women are attention seekers, and some are obsessed with that, when you were away she dumped you with someone who could pay her attention much closer. having said that, now you can understand why she wrote you an email, because thinks arent working so good with the other guy, and now she needs attention and is looking for you to do that.
Think about it. someone like that is no good for you to stay around you. Just decline any "frienship" she is offering.stay strong. best wishes to you.
Yes! This guy gets it!
On November 02 2010 16:11 Masamune wrote:Don't feel down about this at all. Be glad that at least you won't have to deal with this bitch and all the mental disorders that will probably arise in her sooner or later. You're lucky this cunt two timed you because now you wouldn't have invested as much time as you would have into a relationship that would basically be a burden to you in the future. People like her are just disgusting. It's nothing to feel down about. They basically use people until they can hitch a better ride without the decency of letting their partner know about their true intentions. More people are like this than you think, but a lot of people also have compassion and aren't so heartless about how they go about into a transition. This girl never even cared that you'd see her status or her updates. She didn't give one shit because she was having a good time at that moment. If she had an ounce of compassion, she'd hold off on the facebook updates for the sake of your sanity, but no, apparently it didn't phase her. Fuck her. Don't even waste your time thinking about it. It's experience now that will make you stronger. While you're at, fuck her best friend. But don't even give her the satisfaction of knowing that what she did will still entail her keeping on good terms with you. Assholes need to know that they're assholes. + Show Spoiler +I have Mondayitis, sue me And this shouldn't be another hell week. Yeah, easier said than done, but it seems like this is just the person this girl happens to be. If it didn't happen now, it would happen down the road. You're lucky it was only a year and not 10 years down the road with a family and a mortgage. Go out there and have fun, but don't feel down. She relinquished you from her selfishness.
^^ This too.
Especially the part about fucking her friend.
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Ah dude that sucks :/. I'd say you should spend a day being utterly pissed and miserable and then move on. Acknowledge you were hurt but don't give her more power over you by dwelling on it.
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If I were in your situation, the worst part would be not knowing why it happened. Gathering from your story, I would imagine that your girlfriend was just captivated by the thrills of a new romance. The most exciting part in a relationship for a lot of people is learning about someone that you are curious about. Your girlfriend was probably in this boat while you were ready to commit to all the stress that comes in a relationship afterwards.
Being away from each other may be a good way to miss each other, but at the same time, it may also cause one to step back and realize how unfulfilling the relationship is. Your girlfriend most likely did not realize this until she met the French guy, at which time she was mesmerized by the excitement that a new love brings. When she called you to ask permission to study with him, she already had thoughts about the French guy or else she wouldn't even have thought of asking you. You should have just been a jealous boyfriend and told her no. She's not gonna listen to you, but this way if she actually just studies with him, nothing will happen, and if there's more than just studying, she'll feel very insecure about it.
When she posted her status on Facebook, she was excited about her new relationship and wasn't even thinking about you. If she had the slightest bit of guilt, she would not have been able to do such a thing. She dumped you by ignoring you for a long time and then just telling you that the relationship is over. This means that it wasn't something she planned out, it was something she decided to do after meeting the French guy. She finally got back to you after a week, probably because it's the first time she actually remembered that you exist. Feeling guilt for the first time, she decided to email you to acknowledge your feelings. Seeing her message, I still don't think she really understands, but at least it's a start.
All this goes to show that your girlfriend was just very young and immature. There's nothing wrong with having a girlfriend that is young and immature, but it doesn't work too well when you are a bit more grown up and ready to commit to something more then just an exciting fling. The best thing you can do right now is to realize that it wasn't something you did wrong, it was a compatibility issue. Although it may feel that girlfriend deserves to be punished for being so childish and ignorant, it won't do any good because she didn't choose to hurt your feelings, she just doesn't understand anything. Eventually, she will grow up and realize everything that has happened. Women usually mature a lot later than men do. Sometimes it's easy for men to label such women as 'bitches' or 'cunts', but in actuality they're just kids. The best thing you can do for your girlfriend is to give her some closure and allow her to enjoy her new relationship, because one day when she finally understands, you'll be happy that you did it.
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EPT
