EPTThis post is going to be about a topic which gets a lot of attention on TL: girls and love.
So, to start off, I finished my junior (3rd year of college) and am getting ready for my senior year and the real world. But the past 3 years have been hectic. I got bad grades throughout my college years, and at one point was close to being dismissed because of my poor gpa. I took a summer course to remediate myself this summer, and am about to get an A in the class, which would bring up my average to over a 2.0 (I know, absolutely terrible). But all seems to be alright again. I finally seem to have developed good study habits and concentration but, most importantly, I seem to have conjured up a state of peace of mind and self-worth. And it all started with a girl.
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Rewind to September 1999. First day of 5th grade. Luckily for me all my best friends were in the same class as me. All was perfect.
Then something caught my eye. While the teacher was taking role call that morning, a girl walked in late, saying she missed the bus and her dad had to drop her off. I will never forget that day. The sun shone so brightly in the mid-autumn morning sky, the dewdrops on the grass seemed more vibrant, everything was more colorful than before.
This girl (let's call her Katie) took over my consciousness. Even when I was with friends I would constantly think about her. Now I know some people would say that a 5th grader wouldn't even know the first thing about love, but I was deeply enamored by her innumerable charms.
She lived in the development across the street from me. My family used to live in an apartment, and her family was living across the street in a single family house. I remember taking long showers at night gazing absentmindedly through the bathroom window, peering out into the cold heavenly darkness, knowing the love of my life was somewhere in that abyss.
But I never worked up the courage to talk to her. Indeed, it seemed like I was invisible to her. She talked with many boys but never with me.
When 5th grade ended, my family had to move to another state because my dad got a job someplace else. I started middle school in another state but there was always with emptiness in the pit of my stomach. I did well in school, had a lot of friends, and was generally happy, but missed Katie so much.
We came back to our old neighborhood at the start of 7th grade, and I saw Katie again, walking out of math class. Hardly anyone I knew back then was talking about girls, so I thought maybe I was weird or something. But after that brief encounter I never saw her again. Middle school is a big leap forward from elementary school, and since everything was so spread apart and chaotic, I got to see less and less of her. Fortunately, I started crushing on a girl in my class (let's call her Vicki). At the time, I thought my feelings for Vicki were genuine, and it seemed to me she actually acknowledged my presence. But middle school is exactly that...when I was in middle school I felt like every day was spring, love was always in the air.
At the end of 7th grade my family had to move again, this time not out of state but far enough that I couldn't see my old friends again except in the summer. 8th grade was relatively uneventful: I had my eye on a lot of girls, and I got good grades.
High school. Long story short...I wish I had spent more time studying in high school instead of goofing off. I barely got into the college of my choice, since my gpa was around 2.6, but my SAT score of 1940 was supposedly higher than average for the students at that college. I finally worked past a lot of my shyness (especially around girls) and became more of a funny guy and started to focus on small talk when hitting off with girls. I became just not caring about anything or anyone and walking my own road...the road I thought would make me happy. I didn't exactly date anyone but I was friends with a lot of girls. But still...still...there was an empty feeling inside.
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Fast forward: May 2010. A few days before the end of my junior year of college I saw Katie again, and I couldn't believe it!! I hadn't seen in her over 10 years, but I immediately recognized her in the split second I saw of her. I didn't even know she was in the same college as me. Anyway, I thought about talking to her, but I figured it would just be too weird. There was no way I could project my longings and desire for her in a way that wouldn't come off as creepy, and on top of that she barely knew who I was anyway (lol).
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Mood: a little conflicted. She practically turned my life around. After seeing her, I knew what I had to do...I had to get my act together and prepare myself for the real world. I turned myself around completely, promised to do well in the summer session so I wouldn't get kicked out of college, stopped drinking for the time being, and generally tried to improve myself. And it all started with a girl.
Rinrun is right. Better to know what happened and not what if. Plus you never know. Maybe she thought you were a cute guy in 5th grade and was thinking about you just as much as you were her :O Worth a shot at least ^_^ but if you don't talk to her, and she ends up in a class with you next year... dude seriously talk to her then ^_^
