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CaucasianAsian United States. April 22 2010 16:31. Posts 5824 PM Profile Blog Quote
just read it, and i feel for you man. But in all honesty, worry about your life first, before hers. If she's not showing any interest into you romantically anymore.
Besides, you're far away from each other, and long distance relationships generally don't work out. People need a physical attachment just as much as an emotional one to be with the one they care about.
Good job on bettering your life thus far, and since you've left so many things behind, leave her behind too. If in the end you guys meet up eventually again, for whatever reason and you hit it off then great.
I know it hurts, and it's hard to leave the one you care about so much alone, you have to do it. She probably sees you as this guy whose way too attached, when she can't even see you. It's not fair for both of you to try something that's not even plausible. There's so many other girls in the new town or wherever you are. Start meeting people at your college (I'm assuming community college?) and meet some girls there to get your mind off of your ex.
Also you'd be surprised how often girls can't stand not having attention from someone who they 'know' wants them. It's a self-confidence boost for them, that they are attractive and can get someone if they wanted. So she probably sees you as just a mere confidence boost as of now. When you no longer give her that attention, she'll start to want it back, and when you guys talk, she'll be more open to you and actually care because she wants your attention again.
If she doesn't then you know it's over and you can move on. Meet up with other girls, and talk to them, get over her. Bring on your new life. Your lucky you have the opportunity to do such a thing as a do-over. Enjoy it and make the best of it. Don't be caught up in what you left behind.
There's an old saying, I forget the exact wording but it goes something along the lines of: When you keep looking at closed doors you miss the ones that open for you.
Just wanted to say I think this is a really good post, and pretty sound advice for the OP's situation right now. Kudos, mr. CaucasianAsian. =)
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move on while you're still young
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some things even tho u give 100% dont work out
dont sweat it find another
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good read for a girl blog. i can't say i know what you're going through, i can't offer any advice, but the least i can say is good luck. u kinda opened my eyes cause my life is rather similar to yours...struck a chord in my heart. thx i guess
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Military sounds like a really good idea, go for it!
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There are quite a lot of stuff that I can relate to. At the end of the day though, the only one who you're going to have is yourself. Love yourself first. That is the most important advice that anyone can give you.
And how do you do that? By making improvements on yourself everyday. You said you have goals that you want to achieve; then do so. Unfortunately you can't control her actions but you can control yours.
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Abusing drugs and alcohol will of course get you into all sorts of problems. First step is to kick those habits. Second, girls come and go, and they're a bad motivation to start doing things as you are only being "good" to improve your image, not because you are actually being less self-absorbed. You could try to get back with her or something, but why bother? Love is only hormones anyway.
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United States4796 Posts
Change yourself before you get her back.
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You need to be able to accept that it's ok not to be with her before you can progress in any direction.
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You need to take someone time and clear your head, its hard to think of moving on at all but it might just be the best you do concerning her. it'll put things in perspective of whats really important and what you really want without emotions clouding you up.
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Everything I do is basically revolving around her.
gg no re
I don't want to tell your business but, this was the one thing that sort of sums up why you won't ever get her back.
Also, you said daps, and that's awesome.
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This girl's not some super catch, she's definitely playing hard to get.
Make no mistake, this chick still likes you. But you need to leave her alone for a bit lest she feels she has you totally wrapped around her finger.
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On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
I had many new friends, the teacher was really cool... I couldn't really ask for much else, right? Parents still paying my bills, free pot, and the list goes on. I had it good.
SOUNDS AWESOME
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
So she moved in. Oh man... I had it made. My girlfrend was living in the next room over, and had birth control [hurp derp?]. I was smoking pot, was out of school... basically, I was getting everything and not having to do anything for it. I was spoiled rotten, basically.
AND? ARE YOU COMPLAINING?
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Then... one day... I looked at myself in the mirror, fresh out of the shower, and thought to myself, "Alex... what the fuck bro. You have always hated people like this. You are a slacker, a mooch, a horrible son, a horrible boyfriend, and - most likely - a horrible Man. You have no job, do almost nothing for your girlfriend, who loves you to 'death'. You help little to none with hosuehold chores. All the fuck you do all day is sit around playing video games, smoking pot, and eating food. You are a fucking disgrace."
OH WAIT LOL YES YOU ARE COMPLAINING
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
It really depressed me, so I started drinking.
It was a problem, and I knew it.
My life was in shambles, and it was all my fault.
I should have been happy.
I got to fuck my girl whenever I wanted.
I got free weed, food, water, etc etc.
But I just wasn't happy.
I needed to be happy with myself.
I was an absolute mess, and the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got.
The more depressed I got, the more 'pain' I held inside.
THE FUCK SON?
On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Take all my brothers medication for his epilepsy. I would be out like a light, and never turned back on.
EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sorry but it's fucking true.
Everyone else has been really nice and given you a lot of helpful advice, so I think at least one person needs to say that your problems are really pathetic and you shouldn't get yourself worked up about it you are 19 years old a long distance relationship was never going to last you have your whole life to live don't fuck it up freaking out about this shit it TOTALLY DOESN'T MATTER.
Best advice I can give you. Seriously.
You basically had the perfect life for a 19 year old, complained it wasn't enough, moved away to find something more, then complained when the good parts of your old life didn't move with you, or wait for you indefinitely where you may or may not return.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
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No, Reason, it was plenty more than enough, it was just wrong. You can't live a good life if you had the kind I did.
Am I supposed to just forget about it? You have obviously never really truely been in love, whether with a girl, or love itself as a previous poster said might be my case.
Thanks so much for posting, but if all your going to do is tell me how stupid I am, with no sense of decency, just shut your fucking mouth.
"EMMMOOOOOOOOOOO"
Oh fucking damn, I show emotions? Fuck man I guess I'm a horrible person, right? I guess it makes me a worse guy for not being such a stuck up fucking prick, like you, who thinks being open and honest is for faggots.
Just shut your stupid fucking face, because you have nothing useful to add to this thread.
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Well it is kinda stupid to contemplate suicide because your life is too easy
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On April 23 2010 02:25 fulmetljaket wrote:
No, Reason, it was plenty more than enough, it was just wrong. You can't live a good life if you had the kind I did.
Am I supposed to just forget about it? You have obviously never really truely been in love, whether with a girl, or love itself as a previous poster said might be my case.
Thanks so much for posting, but if all your going to do is tell me how stupid I am, with no sense of decency, just shut your fucking mouth.
"EMMMOOOOOOOOOOO"
Oh fucking damn, I show emotions? Fuck man I guess I'm a horrible person, right? I guess it makes me a worse guy for not being such a stuck up fucking prick, like you, who thinks being open and honest is for faggots.
Just shut your stupid fucking face, because you have nothing useful to add to this thread.
I have to say while I dunno if the approach was right, he is speaking truth. Ive had similar situation and I was absolutely pathetic until someone pointed out to me to stop it, because that isnt what she wants from me, being a wreck and needy bitch aint gonna bring anyone back and wasn't what was attractive. Yeah she wants you to care but not that way. You gotta try and get a grip of yourself.
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Great blog. Thanks for sharing. To a lot of the people posting... I really don't think they should be giving advice. Too much focus on ego all around.
I think your girlfriend is pissed off that you abandoned her for your own interest. While you say you're doing this for her, in her mind, she probably thinks you just fucking bailed on her because you weren't man enough to pull yourself together in Florida.
She sees you leaving as abandonment. The reason she is holding your love/relationship hostage is most likely because she feels powerless in the relationship. Nobody likes feeling powerless. Going out with other guys was probably her attempt at reasserting some control over her life/happiness and to prove to herself that she could make it without you.
Think about it. You guys have been dating since high school (mad young). She left her own family to move in with you. You became her father/provider of a sort. Now you bail on her and what is she left with? Is she even living with your family still? I didn't see you describe that detail (which is a rather important one). Nor did I see you describe how you explained the move to her. Not saying you did a bad job of this, but the omission is a red flag to me. You also told us of her accusation that you are a bad communicator. That to me is a clear signal that your departure from Florida was not handled well.
(Being present to talk is not good communication. That's merely one aspect of communication AKA availability. Example: I could be willing to talk 24/7 with my girlfriend, but if my communication technique is to punch and shove, that wouldn't be very good communication.)
This girl stuck with you through all your useless druggery, drunkenness, etc. Albeit, some of that was probably because you were a great escape from her previous life, which sounded unpleasant. So, this might not be saint-level behavior from her. Regardless, she will view your relationship as one in which she stayed true to you and was always devoted, whereas you screwed around and then just bailed on her.
Most likely, she is trying every ploy she can think of to get you to move back to Florida. You will either need to explain to her your long-term goals for your future together, and how living in North Carolina is conducive to that, or you break up with her.
You also need to understand this girl is young. She was probably also raised in a culture of immediate gratification (I'm assuming from what you shared with us). Telling her abstract things like future career, having a financially stable future together, etc. is probably incomprehensible to her. And, I don't think any girl would willingly sign on to be a military wife. I doubt you're going for officer corps, so she'd probably have to live in the States while you're shipped off to Afghanistan. This is an altogether horrible situation for her. I don't blame her at all for wanting to break out of he current predicament.
Also, the distance factor is probably huge for her. Girls get just as horny as guys, if not more so. The fact you guys used to have sex all the time probably factors highly into her frustration. Going from constant sex to zero sex is a really hard transition. And the fact your communication is probably shoddy makes her emotional volatility that much worse. It'd be very difficult for a girl in this society to remain chaste/loyal in that situation. The best you can do is constantly reiterate that you are trying to work long-term for your future together, that you are being loyal, and that you're trying to do this for the two of you. If you can't address her physical needs, the least you can do is address her emotional needs.
And if she's THAT important to you, you should try to find a way to move her up to North Carolina. Get a job as a waiter. Rent an apartment together. Or take some bartending classes and become a barback/tender. There are plenty of ways to make money other than joining the military. Not trying to tell you what to do, but I'm pretty sure if you go off to the military, this girl is going to be gone for good.
On your end, you are just trying to put the pieces together again, salvage what you liked from your old life, while building things up in your new life. It's a hard process, and one in which you will probably experience loss of some sort. You have a lot of hard decisions ahead of you, but that's what life is about. The entire point of taking these hard decisions is to build up your mental fortitude and maturity, and to teach you wisdom when you see the results of your decisions. This is all part of becoming a man, a path which you are firmly on now. You're doing good things. Don't stress about the problems in life. They are omnipresent. Just stay firm in trying to do good for yourself and those around you, and if sometimes things don't go the way you planned it, it's okay. Not everything is within your control. Just don't give in to temptation/weakness.
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On April 23 2010 01:53 Reason wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
I had many new friends, the teacher was really cool... I couldn't really ask for much else, right? Parents still paying my bills, free pot, and the list goes on. I had it good.
SOUNDS AWESOME Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
So she moved in. Oh man... I had it made. My girlfrend was living in the next room over, and had birth control [hurp derp?]. I was smoking pot, was out of school... basically, I was getting everything and not having to do anything for it. I was spoiled rotten, basically.
AND? ARE YOU COMPLAINING? Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Then... one day... I looked at myself in the mirror, fresh out of the shower, and thought to myself, "Alex... what the fuck bro. You have always hated people like this. You are a slacker, a mooch, a horrible son, a horrible boyfriend, and - most likely - a horrible Man. You have no job, do almost nothing for your girlfriend, who loves you to 'death'. You help little to none with hosuehold chores. All the fuck you do all day is sit around playing video games, smoking pot, and eating food. You are a fucking disgrace."
OH WAIT LOL YES YOU ARE COMPLAINING Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
It really depressed me, so I started drinking.
It was a problem, and I knew it.
My life was in shambles, and it was all my fault.
I should have been happy.
I got to fuck my girl whenever I wanted.
I got free weed, food, water, etc etc.
But I just wasn't happy.
I needed to be happy with myself.
I was an absolute mess, and the more I thought about it, the more depressed I got.
The more depressed I got, the more 'pain' I held inside.
THE FUCK SON? Show nested quote +On April 22 2010 16:05 fulmetljaket wrote:
Take all my brothers medication for his epilepsy. I would be out like a light, and never turned back on.
EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Sorry but it's fucking true. Everyone else has been really nice and given you a lot of helpful advice, so I think at least one person needs to say that your problems are really pathetic and you shouldn't get yourself worked up about it you are 19 years old a long distance relationship was never going to last you have your whole life to live don't fuck it up freaking out about this shit it TOTALLY DOESN'T MATTER. Best advice I can give you. Seriously. You basically had the perfect life for a 19 year old, complained it wasn't enough, moved away to find something more, then complained when the good parts of your old life didn't move with you, or wait for you indefinitely where you may or may not return. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
This post deserves a ban, IMO.
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If a ban is the price for speaking the truth I'll accept one gladly.
On April 23 2010 02:25 fulmetljaket wrote:
No, Reason, it was plenty more than enough, it was just wrong. You can't live a good life if you had the kind I did.
Am I supposed to just forget about it? You have obviously never really truely been in love, whether with a girl, or love itself as a previous poster said might be my case.
Thanks so much for posting, but if all your going to do is tell me how stupid I am, with no sense of decency, just shut your fucking mouth.
"EMMMOOOOOOOOOOO"
Oh fucking damn, I show emotions? Fuck man I guess I'm a horrible person, right? I guess it makes me a worse guy for not being such a stuck up fucking prick, like you, who thinks being open and honest is for faggots.
Just shut your stupid fucking face, because you have nothing useful to add to this thread.
Really man?
It sounds to me like you had the perfect life, or as perfect as anyone can rightfully hope for which is my point.
And yes, you are supposed to just forget about it.
No matter how hard you try to do this you will never succeeed so at least try and forget it and maybe it won't consume your life, rather be an important part of your past like it should be.
Yes I have been in love, and I reacted much worse than you when it ended and it consumed my life for years thereafter which is precisely why I am being as harsh with you as I am.
Here I am, looking back on it all, and it just really didn't fucking matter man.
It just doesn't matter.
No, your not a horrible person.
No, I'm not a stuck up prick.
I don't think being open and honest is for faggots. I never said that.
I think you need a reality check.
"You basically had the perfect life for a 19 year old, complained it wasn't enough, moved away to find something more, then complained when the good parts of your old life didn't move with you, or wait for you indefinitely where you may or may not return."
What part of your story did I misinterpret?
This seems like a pretty accurate summation to me.
basically perfect life for 19 year old - check
complained it wasnt enough - check
moved away to find something more - check
complained some more when your 19 year old long distance girlfriend didn't stay celibate until your return somewhere in the possibly non existent future - check
This is all from your own account. Please correct me if I'm wrong.
edit: btw EMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO isn't a dig at expressing emotions, it's about expressing too much of the wrong kind of emotion about the wrong shit.
edit2: hey stork I think you deserve a ban for not spoilering that massive, useless quote and for backseat moderating.
epic post though. you are way more patient/sympathetic/forgiving towards this guy than I could ever be.
Frankly I was disgusted.
Not at the girl issue, everyone freaks out about that, just the whole my life is great gonna become alcoholic and want to kill myself for some reason part.
That's what pissed me off.
I was just talking about this the other day to my friend about how no matter how cool guys we are, no matter how content/well adjusted we are and no matter how well we succeed in life, there will be some poor guy in a third world country who lives a happier life than we.
No matter how much we get we always want more, it's never good enough.
I'd managed to forget about this depressing truth until I read this bullshit thread.
Anyway surely for every 9 people saying oh my god I can't believe you are still alive and posting this if I was in your situation I don't think I would have managed to resist the temptation to commit suicide that was some seriously life-ending-worthy shit going down there
you need 1 person saying yo man chill the fuck out it wasn't that bad.
No?
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EPT
