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It's really hard to complain, about anything. I've had a virtually stress-free life for most of my twenty-seven years on this planet. I have two healthy parents and one healthy brother. I grew up in middle-class, and got all the game systems I wanted (which is all I wanted). Grade school was, easy. Met my sweetheart in high school. I was easilly approved for college loans. Computer Science Major at College was fun. Got married. I got hired by a local Defense Contractor, bought a house close my hometown, blah blah blah.
Maybe I have no right to complain, since my life has been so picture-perfect. But, for the first time ever, I lie awake at night, sad, and scared. I'm afraid that I'll never have a baby.
After one year with no success, we sought help. It turns out that I have a low sperm count (just low, not none) and my wife has a mild case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. You probably guessed what low sperm count is. And in case you don't know, in abbreviated summary, a mild case of PCOS means that the woman does not ovulate every month.
So, situationally, this was actually good news. Good in the fact that we are healthy. Good in the fact that there IS a chance. After other extensive tests, all done on my wife, there is no other reason why we can't get pregnant. They have medicine to induce ovulation, and artificially inseminate (IUI) to ensure the sperm gets to the egg, which helps people with low sperm count.
Well, two years of injecting hormones each month, inserting pills daily, four to five internal ultrasounds each month to monitor folicles, swallowing pills daily, again, all of these for the wife (and nothing for the husband but a healthy diet), all of which affect mood and personality. And, nothing. Yes, that's three years so far of infertility.
I've found all kinds of stories through various books and blogs. I understand that we are fortunate to be healthy. Many people have a 0% chance, where we have greater than 0% chance. Some people try for twelve years and end up adopting. Some people completely give up. It seems, scientifically, that there is hope for us.
It just seems like all of our close friends have no trouble popping out babies. They will tell us things like "Don't worry, your time will come, you just need to be patient" and "We're here for you, you can call anytime you need to talk". This is a bit hard to explain how it feels to hear this, because this is EXACTLY the kind of emotional support that any infertile couple is looking for. I just don't want to hear it from someone with 3 kids, who when we do call, is talking to her newborn the same time she is talking to us. These same people are complaining how hard it is to be pregnant, how much pain they are in, how it's not fair, morning sickness, pain. I am only thinking to myself, "lucky bastards." It's a hard emotion to explain, since there are times when I hate anybody with kids, but I'm truley happy for them simultaneously. When shopping at Walmart or someplace, I see people that are four years younger than me, that I recognize from high-school, and they have a baby in the cart. Frustrating.
The whole journey is an emotional rollercoaster, that drains you. I have the time, just not the ambition, to play Starcraft. I just never feel like playing. Lately I'd much rather watch (Thank you Chill, LzGaMer, and Day[9], for streaming) than play. Although not having kids sucks, losing your ambition to do something you love sucks too. Emotions play a big part for the woman. I've read that simply being stressed, can reduce your chance of conception. In many stories, people conceive after they adopt, once the pressure is off. We're trying ways to stay relaxed, but it's tough, because we can say "Whatever, it happens when it happens" but we are both deeply, constantly, thinking about having a baby.
I started to worry this January. This is when my employer switched health insurances. We descovered in January that the new insurance does not cover infertility treatment at all. This was devistating news to us. Our journey continues without assistance of modern medicine. After many days of talking, we are at peace with this. It's actually quite a relief in some way, no more hormone injections. For the past month, I've had my wife back. I am thankful for that, I had actually started to forget how cheerful she can be when her mood is not affected by artificial hormones.
So, I feel guilty for a few things. I feel guilty that I'm glad we are not getting fertility treatment anymore, because I do want a baby. I feel guilty for being angry at my close friends for their successful fertility. Infertility is the only valid complaint I have about my life. I feel guilty complaining about it. I have this image that life would be "perfect" if it wasn't for this one thing, and I am complaining that my life isn't "perfect".
Nonetheless, life goes on. I just pray that I'm fortunate enough that it goes on with a child, someday.
 
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gl 
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I hope you guys get what you want anyways! I would think it's very difficult to have a real good relationship when these "problems" are standing in the way.
I hope one day you will post pictures of your wife's large belly to celebrate the day all the problems faded. I hope you two get strengthened by the fact that you want something together, and not get problems because of it being hard to get it.
Best of luck!
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Wow. Good luck, and don't forget to play SC. 
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Hopefully you can get lucky... you just gotta hope for it. If you can't do you think you would ever adopt?
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i would kill to be sterile, no jokes :C
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God, every time I read a title like that i think it is a Tdot blog.
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All you have to do to increase sperm count is be healthier. Stop eating any fried denatured foods and go more raw. That will fix it. Don't eat cooked dead life-sucking meats all the time. Sperm count has gone down across the board in this world. It's only because of our shitty modern lifeless diets.
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On February 07 2010 01:25 HowitZer wrote:
All you have to do to increase sperm count is be healthier. Stop eating any fried denatured foods and go more raw. That will fix it. Don't eat cooked dead life-sucking meats all the time. Sperm count has gone down across the board in this world. It's only because of our shitty modern lifeless diets.
It's not always so simple... There are plenty of things that can cause low-sperm count, it's not just diet.
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On February 07 2010 01:19 JohnColtrane wrote:
i would kill to be sterile, no jokes :C
???
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On February 07 2010 01:06 meeple wrote:
Hopefully you can get lucky... you just gotta hope for it. If you can't do you think you would ever adopt?
Three years ago, I would have said no, but I have always just assumed it wouldn't be a task to get pregnant. After giving it lots of thought, my answer is yes, I would adopt.
On February 07 2010 01:41 meeple wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2010 01:25 HowitZer wrote:
All you have to do to increase sperm count is be healthier. Stop eating any fried denatured foods and go more raw. That will fix it. Don't eat cooked dead life-sucking meats all the time. Sperm count has gone down across the board in this world. It's only because of our shitty modern lifeless diets. It's not always so simple... There are plenty of things that can cause low-sperm count, it's not just diet.
I actually was the perfect example of a shitty eater. Over the last year, by eating better, I've brought my weight down from 250 lb to 200 lb. (I'm 6'1".) I typically don't exersise, I am assuming that would help also. I'll take all the advice I can get, seeing as we're not "broken", just "damaged".
Rather than quote everyone else, thanks to all who said good luck =)
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On February 07 2010 01:48 ZeroCartin wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2010 01:19 JohnColtrane wrote:
i would kill to be sterile, no jokes :C ???
amount of money u can save in condoms/birth control for many years...
you know it adds up
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United States24676 Posts
I would be completely on board with your blog if you were a little older. You are still only 27? There's nothing wrong with having a baby at 27 if you and your wife are ready.... but you are making it seem like you are almost out of time. People 4 years older than you have babies and that upsets you? They are having them too young most likely... don't let that bother you in the way that it is. I'm sure you'll love having kids when the time comes, but also enjoy what you have that your friends with kids don't have.
Continue doing whatever is suggested to increase chances of conception... and tell yourself not to worry until you are nearing your mid 30s... that's when the clock really starts to tick.
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All the best to you and your wife.
Good luck!
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think about adopting a child if you haven't done so already. best of luck
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Pray. God is a God of miracles!
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You srly think praying will help?
lol...
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On February 07 2010 02:34 .AbrHAm wrote:
You srly think praying will help?
lol...
Not the time or place.
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why are you trying so hard to pass your infertility genes on? i dont understand why all the effort... in a world that is on top of that overpopulated too.
why are you doing this?
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On February 07 2010 02:37 enzym wrote:
why are you trying so hard to pass your infertility genes on? i dont understand why all the effort... in a world that is on top of that overpopulated too.
why are you doing this?
Maybe cause he wants a fucking kid.
Best of luck man, you just have to hope, and do everything you can to increase your chances..I hope things turn out well for you and your wife ^^
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On February 07 2010 01:00 Nosmo wrote:Wow. Good luck, and don't forget to play SC.
hmm this could actually be counterproductive because lots of computer -> high rate of infertility
but he is 27, and I don't think he's played as much games on the computer as we have
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I am glad that your wife stopped using injections and such. Just wait few years and then think about adoption as option. For now try to enjoy your life with your wife as having good time as much as possible (fancy meals/movies/what she likes and I hope she does too) who knows maybe sudden pregnancy might happen.
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On February 07 2010 02:41 Megalisk wrote:Maybe cause he wants a fucking kid. maybe someone will find value in deep thought and will read it... so im going to leave it here.
http://mathialee.wordpress.com/2009/03/08/procreation_ethics/
On February 07 2010 00:54 Neo27 wrote: i dont support your cause, but i do feel somewhat bad for you, because it doesnt seem like you have done anything to deserve to have that problem over any other person.
so my other thoughts on this are: you said you already went through changing your diet, to hormone therapy etc for your wife, so i would assume that you have a doctor that you can trust and talked this through with. didnt he also explain to you in detail other things you can do to increase the amount of healthy sperm you produce? you said yourself that some fitness activity would probably help (yes, overweight is a major sperm killer) but didnt your doc explain it to you in detail?
and the other thought i had was what about artificial insemination? that should make it possible to ignore problems like low sperm count.
adoption is another option, although it can be difficult to associate with that child and i wouldnt do it for other, personal reasons (dont need to discuss that now).
but it takes what is already there, improves the life of that kid and quite possible yours too, if you can make that cut and accept it as yours.
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in theory.. cant u take an egg then fertilize it, and then put it mmm where it should be? that can be made right?
i dont want kids... but gl to you...
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“If an action you took necessarily results (albeit indirectly) in the death of another person, is it ethical for you to take this action? “
The intutive answer that most people would give is “Of course it is UNETHICAL!”
Perhaps they would attach a condition, like ‘unless it’s for self-defense/to save many more lives/as a punishment for crime’ etc etc.
However, these people would have no qualms about the act of procreation.
Yet, Procreation is an Act which Necessarily results in the death of another Peson.
As soon as a person is conceived, the only certain event in his/her life is Death.
Anyone who takes this argument seriously is a dolt.
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the article is very interesting for its comments. was a while back that i read it but have kept it since. not many people think about such things so thats some value there, and it wasnt exactly awfully written. so i was very happy to have it. o_o
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Oh man. Thanks for posting this. I feel bad for you, and will pray for you and your wife. How long are you going to keep trying vs adopting a child?
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That article was ridiculous actually.
Good luck to you and I hope everything works out. If it comes down to adopting a child, live with no regrets and love the child like it was your own. GL
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On February 07 2010 03:20 enzym wrote:
the article is very interesting for its comments. was a while back that i read it but have kept it since. not many people think about such things so thats some value there, and it wasnt exactly awfully written. so i was very happy to have it. o_o
Are you seriously going to say that the act of creation is meaningless simply because what is created will inevitably end? What is created holds more meaning than simply the value of physical existence itself. Don't pull this kind of existential nihilist bullshit into this thread.
I hope things work out for you, OP. You're still only 27. That's not even considered old at this time of age, and besides, this everything else is going alright for you. Just keep trying.
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best of luck, don't lose hope! you're only 27, you have time
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You could always adopt.
i dont understand why all the effort... in a world that is on top of that overpopulated too.
I agree completely.
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my aunt and uncle had similar problems, so they adopted. about a year after, they had a successful pregnancy, and now they have two lovable girls. don't get too frustrated because you have time and you can always adopt as others have said
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Good luck!
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At the very least its good her mood is no longer being controlled by the injections. Eventually the planets will align and it will come. You know it is possible and higher than 0% chance, keep banging and enjoy the days. I'd say adopt but I'm sure you've already thought about it and want your own baby with your wife. So just keep at it and hope.
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is awesome32274 Posts
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On February 07 2010 03:23 never_toss wrote:
Oh man. Thanks for posting this. I feel bad for you, and will pray for you and your wife. How long are you going to keep trying vs adopting a child?
Probably six years or so. Like many have reminded me in this thread, I am young. It just doesn't feel like it sometimes, that's all. It helps to hear that there is plenty of time.
Part of the reason I feel behind is, when my father was my age, I was 7 and my brother was 6.
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On February 07 2010 02:46 Nal_rAwr wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2010 01:00 Nosmo wrote:Wow. Good luck, and don't forget to play SC. hmm this could actually be counterproductive because lots of computer -> high rate of infertility but he is 27, and I don't think he's played as much games on the computer as we have
Yeah seriously, not anymore. My prime time with games was the NES. That "real life" thing happens fast.
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You seem like a very sound person, I wish you the best of luck in bringing forth more sound people into existence
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On February 07 2010 01:48 ZeroCartin wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2010 01:19 JohnColtrane wrote:
i would kill to be sterile, no jokes :C ???
cum into a jar and freeze it. if you need kids, break out the jar, wipe it all over ur fingers and fingerpop ur gf
putting on condoms and worrying about the pill and its sideaffects/taking it everyday is such a goddamn pain
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I think if you really want a kid I think artificial insemination is the best choice. Odds of fulfilling conditions for both you and your wife to be fertile on the same day is kinda difficult.
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People who tell you to forget about it/adopt/save the world by not having kids have no idea what it is like to live with a woman who really wants a baby and knows her chances decrease every year. The ticking clock thing is all too real and there is no snooze/off button on it. The whole experience is much harder than most posters seem to understand.
This can take over your life, from what you eat to what boxers you wear, when you have/don't have sex, when you exercise, to random crap like what temperature showers you take (hot showers are bad for motility). EVERYTHING slowly becomes regimented when you get 3 years into it. You of course become resentful of others who seem to get pregnant "on the first try", or plan "a may baby" since its better for their schedules than June, or even worse get pregnant "by accident". It seems as natural and easy as breathing to others, and that makes you feel like an biological misfit / loner. The romance isn't there in your marriage anymore and worse, at some point you inevitably start blaming each other. Things you cannot take back are said...and the marriage changes forever, regardless of the end result of your efforts.
Good luck to you and your wife. Hope you make it out of the tunnel soon.
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Low post count + semi-controversial topic = T.DOT
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you're doing it wrong if you haven't heard yet.. the necessary steps to get your lady pregnant:
1. oral sex
2. nut on knife
3. stab wife in stomach
4. baby
5. ???
6. live your dreams through child
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
On February 07 2010 13:17 ulszz wrote:
you're doing it wrong if you haven't heard yet.. the necessary steps to get your lady pregnant:
1. oral sex
2. nut on knife
3. stab wife in stomach
4. baby
5. ???
6. live your dreams through child
uhh tahts some fucked up shit man
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On February 07 2010 13:17 ulszz wrote:
you're doing it wrong if you haven't heard yet.. the necessary steps to get your lady pregnant:
1. oral sex
2. nut on knife
3. stab wife in stomach
4. baby
5. ???
6. live your dreams through child
...what's wrong with you.....
And best of luck to you. You're only 27 , so you still have time! Don't give up!
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On February 07 2010 12:20 citi.zen wrote:
It seems as natural and easy as breathing to others, and that makes you feel like an biological misfit / loner. The romance isn't there in your marriage anymore and worse, at some point you inevitably start blaming each other. Things you cannot take back are said...and the marriage changes forever, regardless of the end result of your efforts. relationships like that form because they had an evolutionary purpose. there is no other reason to it. you want these relationships because you are an animal. and because it is not needed for that purpose to keep these relationships going for a very long time they are also, like almost everything else, destined to end.
studies have shown that most relationships wont last more than 4 years at most, or at least that "romance" wears off rather quickly regardless of what you do.
the same goes for women wanting to have babies. they think they need it to feel complete, which isnt thought through very well.
i do understand your point though and i wont challenge that it can lead to stress. but people should really understand such things before letting it go out of hand like that.
also thisOn February 07 2010 12:20 kyzers0ze wrote:
Odds of fulfilling conditions for both you and your wife to be fertile on the same day is kinda difficult. and another thing is that the older a becoming mother is during pregnancy the higher the risk of the kid to be born with some form of health problem. if i remember correctly an age of 35-40 is already pretty late.
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I always wondered about such extremes in pregnancy rates. What would be the chance of two very young, fertile teenagers having a pregnancy from a single encounter? And how much would it go down by having a lower sperm count, etc? I would feel a lot better in that situation if I had a probability, so I could guess whether I'm unlucky or unlikely.
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On February 07 2010 22:04 igotmyown wrote:
I always wondered about such extremes in pregnancy rates. What would be the chance of two very young, fertile teenagers having a pregnancy from a single encounter? And how much would it go down by having a lower sperm count, etc? I would feel a lot better in that situation if I had a probability, so I could guess whether I'm unlucky or unlikely.
i cant tell you anything about possibilty of occurence as it depends on so many factors that it is best described as an rng event, but you can have your sperm examined to find out how healthy and how far from the average it is.
you can get an idea about how good your chances are compared to other samples, but its much harder (almost impossible) to name a percentage of success for exactly one encounter that has any bearing at all. even if you could get that number it still wouldnt mean much, because chance doesnt indicate the outcome of an individual event.
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EPT
