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It's really hard to complain, about anything. I've had a virtually stress-free life for most of my twenty-seven years on this planet. I have two healthy parents and one healthy brother. I grew up in middle-class, and got all the game systems I wanted (which is all I wanted). Grade school was, easy. Met my sweetheart in high school. I was easilly approved for college loans. Computer Science Major at College was fun. Got married. I got hired by a local Defense Contractor, bought a house close my hometown, blah blah blah.
Maybe I have no right to complain, since my life has been so picture-perfect. But, for the first time ever, I lie awake at night, sad, and scared. I'm afraid that I'll never have a baby.
After one year with no success, we sought help. It turns out that I have a low sperm count (just low, not none) and my wife has a mild case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. You probably guessed what low sperm count is. And in case you don't know, in abbreviated summary, a mild case of PCOS means that the woman does not ovulate every month.
So, situationally, this was actually good news. Good in the fact that we are healthy. Good in the fact that there IS a chance. After other extensive tests, all done on my wife, there is no other reason why we can't get pregnant. They have medicine to induce ovulation, and artificially inseminate (IUI) to ensure the sperm gets to the egg, which helps people with low sperm count.
Well, two years of injecting hormones each month, inserting pills daily, four to five internal ultrasounds each month to monitor folicles, swallowing pills daily, again, all of these for the wife (and nothing for the husband but a healthy diet), all of which affect mood and personality. And, nothing. Yes, that's three years so far of infertility.
I've found all kinds of stories through various books and blogs. I understand that we are fortunate to be healthy. Many people have a 0% chance, where we have greater than 0% chance. Some people try for twelve years and end up adopting. Some people completely give up. It seems, scientifically, that there is hope for us.
It just seems like all of our close friends have no trouble popping out babies. They will tell us things like "Don't worry, your time will come, you just need to be patient" and "We're here for you, you can call anytime you need to talk". This is a bit hard to explain how it feels to hear this, because this is EXACTLY the kind of emotional support that any infertile couple is looking for. I just don't want to hear it from someone with 3 kids, who when we do call, is talking to her newborn the same time she is talking to us. These same people are complaining how hard it is to be pregnant, how much pain they are in, how it's not fair, morning sickness, pain. I am only thinking to myself, "lucky bastards." It's a hard emotion to explain, since there are times when I hate anybody with kids, but I'm truley happy for them simultaneously. When shopping at Walmart or someplace, I see people that are four years younger than me, that I recognize from high-school, and they have a baby in the cart. Frustrating.
The whole journey is an emotional rollercoaster, that drains you. I have the time, just not the ambition, to play Starcraft. I just never feel like playing. Lately I'd much rather watch (Thank you Chill, LzGaMer, and Day[9], for streaming) than play. Although not having kids sucks, losing your ambition to do something you love sucks too. Emotions play a big part for the woman. I've read that simply being stressed, can reduce your chance of conception. In many stories, people conceive after they adopt, once the pressure is off. We're trying ways to stay relaxed, but it's tough, because we can say "Whatever, it happens when it happens" but we are both deeply, constantly, thinking about having a baby.
I started to worry this January. This is when my employer switched health insurances. We descovered in January that the new insurance does not cover infertility treatment at all. This was devistating news to us. Our journey continues without assistance of modern medicine. After many days of talking, we are at peace with this. It's actually quite a relief in some way, no more hormone injections. For the past month, I've had my wife back. I am thankful for that, I had actually started to forget how cheerful she can be when her mood is not affected by artificial hormones.
So, I feel guilty for a few things. I feel guilty that I'm glad we are not getting fertility treatment anymore, because I do want a baby. I feel guilty for being angry at my close friends for their successful fertility. Infertility is the only valid complaint I have about my life. I feel guilty complaining about it. I have this image that life would be "perfect" if it wasn't for this one thing, and I am complaining that my life isn't "perfect".
Nonetheless, life goes on. I just pray that I'm fortunate enough that it goes on with a child, someday.
 
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gl 
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I hope you guys get what you want anyways! I would think it's very difficult to have a real good relationship when these "problems" are standing in the way.
I hope one day you will post pictures of your wife's large belly to celebrate the day all the problems faded. I hope you two get strengthened by the fact that you want something together, and not get problems because of it being hard to get it.
Best of luck!
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Wow. Good luck, and don't forget to play SC. 
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Hopefully you can get lucky... you just gotta hope for it. If you can't do you think you would ever adopt?
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i would kill to be sterile, no jokes :C
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God, every time I read a title like that i think it is a Tdot blog.
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All you have to do to increase sperm count is be healthier. Stop eating any fried denatured foods and go more raw. That will fix it. Don't eat cooked dead life-sucking meats all the time. Sperm count has gone down across the board in this world. It's only because of our shitty modern lifeless diets.
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On February 07 2010 01:25 HowitZer wrote:
All you have to do to increase sperm count is be healthier. Stop eating any fried denatured foods and go more raw. That will fix it. Don't eat cooked dead life-sucking meats all the time. Sperm count has gone down across the board in this world. It's only because of our shitty modern lifeless diets.
It's not always so simple... There are plenty of things that can cause low-sperm count, it's not just diet.
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On February 07 2010 01:19 JohnColtrane wrote:
i would kill to be sterile, no jokes :C
???
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On February 07 2010 01:06 meeple wrote:
Hopefully you can get lucky... you just gotta hope for it. If you can't do you think you would ever adopt?
Three years ago, I would have said no, but I have always just assumed it wouldn't be a task to get pregnant. After giving it lots of thought, my answer is yes, I would adopt.
On February 07 2010 01:41 meeple wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2010 01:25 HowitZer wrote:
All you have to do to increase sperm count is be healthier. Stop eating any fried denatured foods and go more raw. That will fix it. Don't eat cooked dead life-sucking meats all the time. Sperm count has gone down across the board in this world. It's only because of our shitty modern lifeless diets. It's not always so simple... There are plenty of things that can cause low-sperm count, it's not just diet.
I actually was the perfect example of a shitty eater. Over the last year, by eating better, I've brought my weight down from 250 lb to 200 lb. (I'm 6'1".) I typically don't exersise, I am assuming that would help also. I'll take all the advice I can get, seeing as we're not "broken", just "damaged".
Rather than quote everyone else, thanks to all who said good luck =)
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On February 07 2010 01:48 ZeroCartin wrote:Show nested quote +On February 07 2010 01:19 JohnColtrane wrote:
i would kill to be sterile, no jokes :C ???
amount of money u can save in condoms/birth control for many years...
you know it adds up
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United States24775 Posts
I would be completely on board with your blog if you were a little older. You are still only 27? There's nothing wrong with having a baby at 27 if you and your wife are ready.... but you are making it seem like you are almost out of time. People 4 years older than you have babies and that upsets you? They are having them too young most likely... don't let that bother you in the way that it is. I'm sure you'll love having kids when the time comes, but also enjoy what you have that your friends with kids don't have.
Continue doing whatever is suggested to increase chances of conception... and tell yourself not to worry until you are nearing your mid 30s... that's when the clock really starts to tick.
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All the best to you and your wife.
Good luck!
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think about adopting a child if you haven't done so already. best of luck
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Pray. God is a God of miracles!
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You srly think praying will help?
lol...
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On February 07 2010 02:34 .AbrHAm wrote:
You srly think praying will help?
lol...
Not the time or place.
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why are you trying so hard to pass your infertility genes on? i dont understand why all the effort... in a world that is on top of that overpopulated too.
why are you doing this?
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On February 07 2010 02:37 enzym wrote:
why are you trying so hard to pass your infertility genes on? i dont understand why all the effort... in a world that is on top of that overpopulated too.
why are you doing this?
Maybe cause he wants a fucking kid.
Best of luck man, you just have to hope, and do everything you can to increase your chances..I hope things turn out well for you and your wife ^^
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EPT
