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I don't know, it's definitely I've thought about a lot for the last seven or eight years of my life (I'm turning 20 this month, btw). And over the years, I haven't been able to find an answer. At the moment, I'd say it's food, animals, and partially family. Which is really sad, and definitely isn't a happy living.
I say partially family, because I have a brother, sister, and mom, plus some relatives I see more often than others, but still not too often, spread out across the US. My brother, I love dearly, but he's moved out of town, so I see him a couple nights a week at best. I have nieces whom I love, but I see them even less than I see him. My sister, I'm not fond of, and while I'm living with her, I try to keep things civil, but I'm not sure I want her in my life ten years down the line. My mom and I support each other. I worry about her though, she's working too hard, and is easily depressed these days, and I question her health, as she's in her mid 50s and is a moderately heavy smoker. I do what I can to relieve the burden on her shoulders, but everyone else around does nothing but take, take, take.
Back when I was younger (5-11), my dad, sister, and ex-sister-in-law were heavily into meth, and I remember calling it to my brother and mother's attention the earlier years (I honestly remember going up to my mom when I was 6-7 and telling her that my dad and sister were doing drugs in the computer room). They chose not to see things for the longest time, and I remember a hurtful time when I told my brother what was going on, and he essentially called me liar. But who would believe a kid over and adult, so I can't necessarily blame him. Anyhow, this all continued on, eating away at our family (I remember another case, when my mom and dad were separated for a time. I was over my dad's for the weekend, in his apartment, and I was left in the living room, to watch tv, for hours, while he, my sister, and their friend did meth in a locked room - it's experiences like that that I remember most about my father these days), and the light bulb didn't go off in their head until my father died when I was 11.
The years since then have been pretty much just as rocky. My mom and I moved into a small two bedroom trailer, in an attempt to start fresh. It was supposed to be just the two of us, because this place is rather small, and not really big enough to house three people comfortably. Since we've lived here (going on 7 years now), I think the entire period of time its been the two of us is a combined 6 months. Alternating between my brother and sister taking over the living room (okay, it was pretty much my brother taking over my couch, but my sister takes over the entire living room, and bathroom, and pretty much everything). I can't really blame my brother, as he was trying his hardest, and he's also had to go through a lot, but my sister... she's just squandered every single chance she's been giving, and keeps on asking for more.
Eh, sorry for ranting, but sometimes it just feels good to get a load off the chest.  Back on topic. I had made some unfortunate decisions during my last few high school years, and dropped out at the beginning of my junior year, for health reasons. Looking back on it, I think it was mainly due to depression, but I also had some pretty severe sinus issues, that lead to headaches leaving me absolutely unable to concentrate. I didn't really do much for a year or two, and was essentially a shut in, with the worst possible thing in the world, WoW.
I got my GED back in 2008, without any trouble. I did have pretty decent grades in school, especially considering my absolutely terrible attendance, even before dropping out. But now I'm finally taking some community college classes, in an attempt to find something I enjoy in life. My plan is to get some general courses out of the way, as well as varying classes as much as possible, to get some feel for something I enjoy doing, and then transferring over to the university once I'm eligible. (I need 24 credits to be eligible for transfer, I now have 10, I think.) Unfortunately, I have no direction on what I want to do in life, and am essentially grasping for straws, attempting to find something that calls to me. Haven't had much luck so far.
I don't really have any interests in life. College is okay, and I'm immersed while in class, but once I'm out, my interest kind of dies along with it. I thoroughly enjoy watching StarCraft, and I'd say it's probably my greatest interest. I play games, but at this point, I'd say it's less of a passion, and more of a way to dull time.
My view on life is rather jaded. I'd like to have a family some day, but as to how I want to achieve that goal, and what I want to do with my life, I haven't the slightest clue. At the moment, I don't really see the appeal of making it past 60 or so, dealing with everything that occurs with age. I already feel pretty damn old. I'm sure this outlook with change if I manage to start a family, as I'd want to see my children grow up, and grandchildren too, but I definitely share a similar view as you: Would I really want to see my kids grow up if they become people like my sister or father? Not really.
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Nice writeup
To be honest, I consider these kinds of questions not worth considering during certain phases in life.
The answers are often terribly difficult to find, and by the time you do find them, what you were looking for in the first place may have changed entirely; and then you're back to square one in the cyclic game that is life.
My advice is to stop looking for purpose, go on with life, and appreciate your purpose when the answer stumbles across and finds you.
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i can't believe what you've gone through, so no fek, it must be really hard.
my response to the OP...
i am also in this phase of life, i also have no clear direction in my life and still confused. what keeps me moving on is my optimism in the future and my faith in god that whatever my life would be years from now, everything's gonna be okay.
if you could think of atleast one reason to smile each day, whether it's starcraft, bf/gf, family, friends, pets, etc., then this could be the start of meaning in life. and yeah, sometimes you just have to stop searching, let's just go with the flow. cheer up guys 
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On January 05 2010 21:05 Kazius wrote:
I still haven't had a foursome with a 32 year old woman, her 16 year old daughter and a stripper in her 20s.
keep dreaming
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
nice writeup so no fek, sounds like you're managing things much better now, which is good i guess i shouldn't 'search' for a 'meaning' to life.. although that kind of brings me back to the point that there's not much purpose to living - _-; lol
hm.......
thinking too much is bad i guess lol. just gotta keep it simple. wekjdsfk! o_o
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To do what I want
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strange dreams that i think are signs, killer whale cries, downloading anything i want to listen to and blasting it, meaningful interactions with people, the whimsical nature of things through a certain lense, the thought that there is some interesting female to spend my time with, the infinite questions about the world that aren't answered, the interesting ways the senses can be stimulated, trying to communicate forreal with cats and dogs. Simply, beauty and wonder if i wanted to be succinct.
if you think about it there isn't much purpose to anything, everything just kind of is.
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On January 06 2010 00:08 alffla wrote:
thinking too much is bad i guess lol. just gotta keep it simple. wekjdsfk! o_o
I totally share this attitude. Live to live, and try not to think too hard about it. Thinking is the enemy.
I spent most of high school helping my brother (+9 years on me) deal with his mental illness...We don't really know what it is but the diagnoses have varied between bipolar and schizophrenia. It has been really savage, as freshman, sophomore, and junior years (for me) he had incidents where he would totally disrupt our family life and threaten my mom and dad's lives. I think overall it adds up to 6 months I spent living with him while he was really off and would make up lies about my parents and think they were dangerous and think there were conspiracies/CIA/etc linked with my dad. And there were total 5 nights where I almost lost everything...my parents and my brother. It was really hard and the a) worries I had and b) despair over my brother's future/situation made me ask some of the questions you're asking.
But I love my brother. He always had the illness, and it always fucked up our relationship, but he was a really awesome older brother at times too. So I would go on drives with him when he had the illness, was getting out of it, or was getting into it, and try to talk things through with him and reason it out. And one day we were talking about the worst kind of shit, about the prospect of electroshock and all the horrible things he might do and how his illness functioned etc etc, but it was a normal sane conversation at least, and then we pulled into my garage and he said:
"you know what david? I know this is hard, and I don't know what will happen in the future, but this thing, this thing we have right now...It's good."
So whenever I have trouble I go back to that, think on how hard things were and how fantastic every moment of my existence, absorbing the world for the pleasure of being, when I don't have to worry about my life collapsing around me like it once threatened to do. I try not to think too hard about the future, because while he has been perfectly sane and functioning awesome for two years (exactly two years like yesterday, haha) we have come to live with the expectation that his illness could control him again later...but for now, it's good.
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To the young kids out there, just set your priorities up.. like you want to be financially free like em capitalist make some innovation or get a career in sales. if you just want to have a fulfilling career, then go for anything that will make you smile and work hard for it at the same time, like for example, being a pornstar is pretty okay since you get to get laid and paid for it at the same time.
but kidding aside, really, just check out what you need to do in life. you just need to set some long term goals where you want to be headed to then provided short term goals so that you can get to your long term goals.
it really doesn't matter if you want to set goals for yourself, your family, for your girlfriend/wife as long as you love that goal then you are going to do what ever it takes to get that.
Currently, my goal is to get 20,000 - 40,000 per year here. (which is a fucking big deal since stuff is cheap here. that's already 1 million to 2 million pesos, not going to be on the details how the fuck I'm going to get it) so that my girl doesn't need to bring her ass to another country (like Saudi Arabia which sucks for most women) just for the sake of earning more, which is the Filipino way of dreaming -_-.
If I were you guys, learn about financial shit and stuff, at my age it's kinda late already but still there is time. Most of the issues I found out has always something to do with money, if you're pretty disciplined already regarding how to spend money and doesn't financial fantasized that your money unlimited, then that shouldn't be much of an issue.
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Calgary26004 Posts
I've never really had hard-fastened goals. Just always gone with the flow I guess...
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Nothing except random and futile enjoyment
Since i don't want to be married and have children existence has no real meaning for me.
If i wasn't a coward i wouldn't be affraid to die.
I wish i could be an artist or a genius thinker to leave a vast body of work instead of stupid genes but hélas it is easier to be mediocre.
Hopefully we have beer.
edit: i'm an atheist also but that's easy to guess lol.
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On January 05 2010 19:30 decafchicken wrote:
I miss Marsh 
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being A on iccup would be the ultimate life achievement.
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Music, as previously mentioned, and love.
Yup, i'm a loser.
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Past family, friends, girls, movies, biking, Frisbee, traveling, hanging out, shopping, hiking, doing drugs, pulling pranks, helping others, partying, education, discovering cures for diseases, saving lives, writing novels, going on adventures, seeing new things, inventing products, getting in movies, making a name for myself, making money, becoming famous, getting laid, getting married, having kids, landing a respectable, long-term job, securing a successful career, getting to know the world in more than one way, seeing my kids growing up, growing old with a soul-mate, living a life without regrets, and dying happy... whatever people want in life, for me...
+ Show Spoiler +it always comes back to God.
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continuning off the title:
ever
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To all of you that have had ridiculously hard lives with death threats, broken families and fatal diseases I offer you my condolences. A TON of people do not realize how lucky they are when it comes to upbringing and quality of life. Ignorance is bliss and sometimes bliss can be taken advantage of and not appreciated.
My goal in life is to explore as much of the universe as possible either directly or indirectly by designing spacecraft and satellites in order to do this. This is the ultimate goal: explore the unknown. Life is the unknown so why not try to explore as much of it as you can?
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