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I'm graduating college in May and hitting that phase. I'm a 5th year senior, so a lot of friends are currently in the phase you're going through. It sucks. I'm experiencing the start of it too.
I started college with the idea of doing something I loved. I chose engineering combining two things I really enjoyed (chemistry and problem-solving), but then found that the real world was much different from my ideals, that most engineers in my field only work to increase profits.
I'm very focused on people, and that's where a lot of fulfillment comes from. I'm an RA at my University and it's the most fulfilling job I've ever had. The best is the look residents get when they take control of their life. I love the feeling of helping them along their way. A lot of this is practice from being a big brother, but it is hinting towards something more. About a year ago I determined that what I really wanted to do was become a father. I'm only 23, so that's not happening anytime soon; I need a LOT more life experience before I'm ready for that!
So what is next? I could try and find someone to spend the rest of my life with. It's very hard and discouraging, plus all the best women in my life have come in when I haven't been looking. Employing that strategy, all that's left is my potential career. I have only had one other job that left me feeling fulfilled: my tenure as a high school janitor. I love being the behind-the-scenes worker and cleaning up the mess left by others. No matter how bad life was on the outside, my job was to clean. To this day I look at things I did at that school and feel nothing by pride. Three years ago I did hurricane relief on the US Gulf Coast after a devastating hurricane and experienced many of the same feelings. This is why I want this drive and my gifts for chemistry and problem solving; I want to engineer manmade systems to emulate natural systems to remediate hazardous waste, pollution abatement, and recovery. I need an advanced degree for this kind of work and research, so now I'm applying to graduate schools.
The message I'm trying to get across is that my life lacked meaning until I experienced a wide array of people and places. Through them I found what I consider to matter the most. We all follow different paths, but I've never seen anyone that just KNOWS what they want. You need to experience life to know what it's all about.
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Music is basicly what keeps me going.
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The hope that tomorrow, or maybe the day after, something will click into place, and all the tedious work so far has all been worth it.
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We're all like that dude in Camus' book
Life is meaningless, but we assign it meaning.
Personally all I want to do is lie on a beach I own with a girl I love.
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This blog made me depressed.
I'm trying to have a lot of good and crazy experiences that turn into great memories. Totally got thrown of course today though as I noticed that the tickets that I had bought for a crazy weekend abroad were for a flight that left Norway one month ago :D
When I'm done experiencing the world, crazy weekends and a variety of beautiful women then I'm chosing between these two options:
-Become an air traffic controller and make a really good buck working standard hours. Travel a lot and live a comfortable life.
-Become a scientist in a pointless subject (like astrophysics or something) so that I don't have to worry about ethics (like with pathology which I also find interesting) and just learn, learn, learn shit. I love learning stuff.
Both of these two options includes a family.
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On January 05 2010 18:57 Skyze wrote:
Music.
Pretty much yes.
Doesnt matter how much life sucks, music and the will to learn to play instruments will always be reason enough for me to keep on living, however sad and retarded it sounds.
To all of you that have had ridiculously hard lives with death threats, broken families and fatal diseases I offer you my condolences. A TON of people do not realize how lucky they are when it comes to upbringing and quality of life. Ignorance is bliss and sometimes bliss can be taken advantage of and not appreciated.
This is so true.
All I want is a normal life, really, and sometimes it just feels impossible..watching my friend having a loving family with 2 children and all just makes me feel so crappy.
WHINEWHINE im drunk, shoot me.
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Self-improvement. Anything is fine as long as I'm not stagnating.
On January 06 2010 01:12 duckett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 06 2010 00:08 alffla wrote:
thinking too much is bad i guess lol. just gotta keep it simple. wekjdsfk! o_o I totally share this attitude. Live to live, and try not to think too hard about it. Thinking is the enemy.
Can't stand this mentality. Running from something you're not capable of confronting makes no sense when that something is inescapable and the act of running keeps you incapable of facing it.
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Nothing at the moment, my life is in a standstill. Gotta find work and go back to school, or both.
Until one, the other, or both comes I'm going to keep drinking, gaming, and be a lumberjack man..
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I often find myself trying to do something in order to avoid avid thinking about where my life is and where my life is going. That's why Starcraft became so important for me during high school it just got me so drawn into something that I rarely had time to think about other things.
Now, that I hardly play Starcraft. I find myself aimlessly searching for random stuff on the internet, playing quick games of quake live or watching videos on youtube just to sustain my sanity. Honestly, if it wasn't for my family and girlfriend I wouldn't have much to live for.
School isn't fulfilling and I find myself more worried about coasting through + getting good marks rather than actually learning anything.
I guess I look forward to having a family, most importantly a daughter since I never had a sister. The simple things in life and well just trying to make a positive difference in the world. I know it sounds corny, but I really don't have much else.
edit: I've also started enjoying watching horror movies and classic action movies.
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Didn't have to think that much at all to answer this: Family.
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On January 06 2010 10:01 armed_ wrote:Self-improvement. Anything is fine as long as I'm not stagnating. Show nested quote +On January 06 2010 01:12 duckett wrote:On January 06 2010 00:08 alffla wrote:
thinking too much is bad i guess lol. just gotta keep it simple. wekjdsfk! o_o I totally share this attitude. Live to live, and try not to think too hard about it. Thinking is the enemy. Can't stand this mentality. Running from something you're not capable of confronting makes no sense when that something is inescapable and the act of running keeps you incapable of facing it.
Some things in life you don't beat or get over. Some things really aren't capable of confronting. "Running" is just a buzzword that implies living with any failure is bad, but failures exist in life.
I used to have a total rational basis atheist perspective on life...That changed on the second or third of my five nights, when my brother was dangerous and armed and drove away in his car. There was nothing I could do, so I prayed. I didn't face my problem, did I? There was nowhere for me to face. To be honest, at that moment I didn't know if I believed in God, but I needed to feel better about it...reality is not cast in the black and white heroics your post implies.
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Just because life is ultimately meaningless, that doesn't mean it's not worth living.
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This is something I've been troubled by lately. I don't know what I'm living for. I've had this idea that I want to be a full-on teacher with my own classroom and my own students but so far I haven't even made the first step towards that goal beyond earning my BA (1.5 years ago) Music usually puts me in a good state of mind, or at least helps me to relax and analyze things more objectively. I feel sorry for people for whom music isn't an important part of life.
When I look at what's going on in my life (or rather, what isn't going on) I realize I have it way easy compared to so many people (thanks so no fek for sharing your touching story) I really should just "man up" and focus on getting things done, but it is very difficult because I'm lazy and a procrastinator with a horrible past experience working on schedules and deadlines. I've had it too easy so I've never been forced to focus on keeping on task for extended periods of time.
I guess I live for good food.
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On January 06 2010 16:25 FastEddieV wrote:
This is something I've been troubled by lately. I don't know what I'm living for. I've had this idea that I want to be a full-on teacher with my own classroom and my own students but so far I haven't even made the first step towards that goal beyond earning my BA (1.5 years ago) Music usually puts me in a good state of mind, or at least helps me to relax and analyze things more objectively. I feel sorry for people for whom music isn't an important part of life.
When I look at what's going on in my life (or rather, what isn't going on) I realize I have it way easy compared to so many people (thanks so no fek for sharing your touching story) I really should just "man up" and focus on getting things done, but it is very difficult because I'm lazy and a procrastinator with a horrible past experience working on schedules and deadlines. I've had it too easy so I've never been forced to focus on keeping on task for extended periods of time.
I guess I live for good food.
Become a music teacher?
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I live my life a quarter mile at a time.
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I don't know, just thinking about it it all seems kind of pointless. You have kids, and then you die, then your kids might become depressed or drug addicts or maybe they'll be successful and happy and have their own families, but in the end, what is the point of continuing our species?
pretty much the way i've felt since I was like 15. The meaning of life is that there is no meaning.
As lucky as we are for this planet even being formed, with the distance to the sun perfect, with water, and surviving major catastrophes, rising to dominance in the ecosystem, etc. you'd think we would be due for some random gamma ray burst, or comet, or whatever to just wipe our whole planet out of existence. No trace, no data left behind, no monuments, nothing that will ever show that we existed at all. No purpose and no worth to the entire universe. Life is so insignificant and meaningless and the more of us there are, it loses even more worth.
I guess this is why lots of people believe in a religion. It gives them hope of some worth, something surreal to look forward to a meaning after this meaninglessness. But as logic and science would defunkt so many things from religion, it's hard to believe in these days.
What I really wonder is how life will be in 50 years, how much technology will have advanced (maybe I could take a commercial space flight one day), how people and things will have evolved and work more together, how government & peoples' mentalities and general ideas will have changed, how the style of everything will evolve.
So that's what I live for.
+ Show Spoiler +Since a person's goals don't really matter, I am just going to try and survive and observe (and try to have fun along the way).
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I am sort of inclined to believe that we have reached/are reaching some what of a plateau for technology and evolution in thought/ideas and society. Take clothing styles or car styles for example;
There is only so much that can be done with these things as long as efficiency and aesthetics are balanced. So I am anxious to see if anything unorthodox changes them if anything can at all.
Then take all the sci fi elements from tv and movies and filter out all the retarded shit like flying cars and bubble clothes and we pretty much have a lot of it now. The only things left are the really crazy ones, like time travel, teleportation, Robots/AI, Aliens, Nuclear Apocalypse, etc etc.
I want to prove myself wrong and live some sci fi.
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what we live for now might change when we get older and priorities change (esp when you become a parent)
for now, i live to learn
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I want the live in the Amazon with the Machiguenga before I die.
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EPT
