edit: I will be lowering the post count requirement as time passes by if nobody comes forward.
EDIT:: ITS OVER! AFTER SEARCHING AROUND SPENGUIN SEEMS LIKE A GENUINELY NICE, RESPECTABLE GUY WHO, AFTER ENTERING NUMEROUS BETA KEY CONTESTS, WAS UNABLE TO SNAG ONE. IN ONE OF THE BETA KEY COMPETITIONS HE EVEN MADE A RECOMMENDATION FOR CONTRIBUTERS TO TL.NET WHO DESERVED BETA KEYS, SUCH AS THE LIQUIPEDIA STAFF. HIS KIND HEART WAS ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ME TO LOWER THE POST COUNT REQUIREMENT TO 3099, AND AS A RESULT, SPENGUIN WINS!