EPTI used to teach chess to little elementary school kids when I was in college. Shit paid like $60 an hour, it was cash. After watching these little kids play chess, you start to realize that you take things for granted as a good player. Simple things, like mating patterns.
So there are two things I want to talk about today: Posturing and mating patterns.
Posturing:
Posturing is what I see a lot of really terrible players do in games. They'll hang out in the middle of nowhere by themselves trying to intimidate the enemy team just because they have nothing to do. It's like when you're playing chess against someone and they just keep checking your king for no fucking reason but because they don't know what to do. There are clearly better things to be doing, but they see an opportunity to check your king and they're like hurrr durrrrrrrrrr check durrrrrrrr.
This is retarded.
Don't check to check. You can't win a game through check. Nobody ever died from check. Stop fucking posturing. You took the inhib? Good, get the fuck out. Don't try to stand around in their base zoning them off of the outside of their base. You're not hurting them in any way by sitting around in their base by yourself after you took their inhib. You lost a tower? Okay, whatever, don't fucking defend the middle of the lane. Unless you have complete ward coverage of the map (hard now with the ward changes) or are pushing/controlling the wave for a reason (dragon's up soon, this wave needs to be pushed so I can be there), there's no fucking reason to keep a wave's equilibrium point way the fuck out in the middle of nowhere. Again, it's fine if you know where everyone is and that they can't get you where you are, but I see a lot of bads defending waves in the middle of nowhere without any wards or reason to be defending there. Just let it push or push it and go gank/shop/ward/jungle.
Mating Patterns
When you let little kids play chess, the game eventually comes down to, invariably, one kid with just a king and another kid with a king and 1-3 minor pieces like a queen/rook/bishop/knight. If you were the kid with the pieces, you'd checkmate in like six moves max. The game ends up lasting another 40 minutes because neither of them have any idea what is going on in the game or how to finish it.
It's pretty similar to what I observe many LoL players doing in games.
Chess has a ton of complicated checkmating patterns, like mates with just one knight (sac a piece that's protected to block a king into a corner surrounded by two pawns and a rook, then put a knight on the square attacking the king where it can't be taken by anything) or crazy complicated eight-move forced checkmates but in general games at the elementary level are won by one tactic: steamroll. You steamroll someone by pushing their king into a wall with queens and rooks. It's fucking easy once you know how to do it, and it's like the most basic checkmate that everyone knows, but you watch a little kid play chess and he has no idea this tactic is even possible. Here are the steps to steamroll the enemy team in LoL:
Step 1: Do something that sets you up with baron buff.
Win a fight. Shroom the top side of the map. Ward fucking everywhere. Be in position when the enemy is out of position. Sneak it. It doesn't matter how you get baron, as long as you can get it when the enemy can't kill you while you're doing it or immediately afterwards.
Step 2: Gather as a full team in the mid lane in a safe spot at full or close to full hp/mana.
If you have to heal, go heal. Get your buffs. Buy your items. Light a cigarette. Do whatever the fuck you need to do to be full health and in the mid lane with your team.
Step 3: Siege the mid towers.
THIS is what your ranged carry is for. It's pretty common for people to say stuff like "we need a ranged carry" during champ select without having any idea WHY you need a ranged carry. Your ranged carry is for winning tower exchanges when you have baron buff. Their goal is to do as much damage to the tower as possible every time the creeps get near it without getting your team too hurt. Teams melt towers with a baron buff and a little bit of focus. Ideally you want a big wave behind you so the enemy can't just instaclear the creeps and use the tower aggro to keep you from hitting it, but generally you want to get the tower low and either start a fight while killing it, kill it -> start a fight, or kill it -> repeat at next tower.
Step 4: Take the mid inhib.
Hoo-fucking-raaaaay! You killed all their mid towers. Mid is the most important lane because it provides the most map control and it's more easy to defend at the same time as a side lane than saaaaay, top and bottom are. So now that you've got their towers, take their inhibitor. Baron buff should ALMOST ALWAYS be used to get an inhibitor, maybe two.
Step 5: Go fucking nuts on the other objectives.
Get the fuck out of the base, right now, unless they're all dead and you can just win it. Go take buffs and dragons and outer towers and shit. If you still have time on baron, go back, heal, buy shit with your newfound money and repeat the process on another lane. Generally you don't push the lane that's already pushed. Like, there's no point in pushing mid anymore. Pretty much at all. It will push itself, and everything important there has already been taken. Five man another lane and take a second inhib.
Step 6: Second inhib.
Derp
Step 7: Nexus
Now that you've cleared two of the inhibitors in their base it should be pretty simple to clean their nexus out. You can't really do it with just one inhibitor down because you don't have the creep control to do it, but with two down minions start to bunch up inside their base where you fight and then you get this nice huge ball of super creeps to tank shots and raze towers with you.
INSERT THIS STEP WHEREVER IT HAPPENS: Ace the enemy team.
OH SHIT, you just engaged them because they were out of position and you FUCKIN ACED THEM! HI5! Talk some shit in chat and immediately rush for the most important tower or inhibitor you can take. Keep your tab button held down and just take shit as fast as possible. If you can't win the game gtfo before they can kill you. Be a little safe and gtfo slightly early unless it's absolutely crucial that you get something to stay in the game. If they couldn't hold their nexus towers, well, gg.
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So yeah, I think people are lacking in basic game sense and not having to explain this to someone who's like "DERRRR WE GOT BARON IMMA GO PUSH TOP HURRR WHILE U GUYS 4 MAN MID DURRRRRRR I NEED 400 FOR ZHONYAS DERRR" would be nice.
Hi5!
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