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Have you ever been caught jacking off? - Page 3

Forum Index > General Forum
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SK.Testie
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Canada11084 Posts
July 19 2008 02:33 GMT
#41
Maybe those liars are eunuchs.
Social Justice is a fools errand. May all the adherents at its church be thwarted. Of all the religions I have come across, it is by far the most detestable.
alffla
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Hong Kong20321 Posts
July 19 2008 02:43 GMT
#42
rofllllllll yubee hahahaha
Graphicssavior[gm] : What is a “yawn” rape ;; Masumune - It was the year of the pig for those fucking defilers. Chill - A clinic you say? okum: SC without Korean yelling is like porn without sex. konamix: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!
boesthius
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States11637 Posts
July 19 2008 04:42 GMT
#43
--- Nuked ---
lejason
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
57 Posts
July 19 2008 04:53 GMT
#44
ya my girlfriend caught me, but it wasnt awkward at all. in fact im glad she caught me
calgar
Profile Blog Joined November 2007
United States1277 Posts
July 19 2008 04:55 GMT
#45
No, I have not thankfully. I'm good about doing it when no one else is around. Day[9] your story made me laugh so hard. That is a priceless moment for sure when the stewardess opens the door.
GeneralStan
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
United States4789 Posts
July 19 2008 04:57 GMT
#46
On July 19 2008 11:09 Day[9] wrote:
WTF i get caught jacking off all the time

i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually

FOR EXAMPLE

so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."

its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: *ding* "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.

i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.

then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH SHIT. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH SHIT."

do you know how hard it is to cum when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON CUM YOU PUSSY, DO IT CUM." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your dick to come. "please cum!!!" you'd weep "i wanna cum soooo bad!!!!!"

so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to cum.

HOLY FUCK i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i cum directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes *ding ding ding ding*, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.

"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY DICK." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little dick tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.

so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."

???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"

so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of cum on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to cum when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:

"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."


ROFL

golden!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Skittled
Profile Joined July 2007
United States160 Posts
July 19 2008 05:09 GMT
#47
Like 3-4 times, each time on my comp. Sometimes the urge is strong. Too strong.
Dave[9]
Profile Blog Joined October 2003
United States2365 Posts
July 19 2008 05:16 GMT
#48
Wow day..

I mean Wow.

Well there was this one time when I was surfin shit up on the net and my computer is faced so the entrance to the room is like right next to it, and its a hallway so you have to listen for footsteps if you want to attempt to take covor before whoever it is comes. So, naturally i have my headphones on and im on a website that for some reason has a lot of dicks on it and my mom come RUNNING IN to get her phone, i had no time at all... but SHE FUCKING REACHES OVER ME TO GET HER CHARGER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DESK and she's like "oh SORRY SORR SORRY" as she turns her head to see the giant dicks on the screen. I thought i was gay after that or something, but she left the room and acted like it never happened.

P.S. my dick was out when i was typing this
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=104154&currentpage=316#6317
Zeller
Profile Blog Joined August 2004
United States1109 Posts
July 19 2008 05:16 GMT
#49
[image loading]
Last.Epic , Epic[LighT]
IntoTheWow
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
is awesome32274 Posts
July 19 2008 05:36 GMT
#50
OMFG DAY hahahaAHAHAHaaHAHA
Moderator<:3-/-<
lejason
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
57 Posts
July 19 2008 05:36 GMT
#51
Day[9] you ever perform at yukyuks?
IntoTheWow
Profile Blog Joined May 2004
is awesome32274 Posts
July 19 2008 05:36 GMT
#52
And i never got caught.
Moderator<:3-/-<
Krzycho
Profile Joined July 2007
Poland442 Posts
July 19 2008 05:39 GMT
#53
I have never been caught while masturbating.
Sigrun
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
United States1654 Posts
July 19 2008 05:40 GMT
#54
On July 19 2008 14:36 IntoTheWow wrote:
And i never got caught.


You never got caught because there's nothing to see.
Graphics
Raithed
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
China7078 Posts
July 19 2008 05:42 GMT
#55
yep. im sure a lot of people has.
il0seonpurpose
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5638 Posts
July 19 2008 05:45 GMT
#56
I was doing it once and then my brother came in and was like what were you doing and I was just silent and said I don't know. haha sutpid
DeadVessel
Profile Blog Joined April 2006
United States6269 Posts
July 19 2008 05:52 GMT
#57
OMG sean LOOOOOOOOL
il0seonpurpose
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5638 Posts
July 19 2008 05:55 GMT
#58
My parents figured out I was watching porn. I used to watch it with a friend because it was funny how girls were getting banged real hard. then he came over and we went to a site right when my dad got up, then he came back and we xed it real fast. i think he saw the history.
mikeymoo
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
Canada7170 Posts
July 19 2008 05:55 GMT
#59
You know if we compiled these we could make a great anthology.
o_x | Ow. | 1003 ESPORTS dollars | If you have any questions about bans please PM Kennigit
SoMuchBetter
Profile Blog Joined April 2003
Australia10606 Posts
July 19 2008 06:01 GMT
#60
On July 19 2008 11:19 Day[9] wrote:
Show nested quote +
On July 19 2008 11:19 YanGpaN wrote:
lmao Day[9] I hope thats not a true story...


rofl of course it is, and its a damn good story too

i use it in my standup comedy routines sometimes

hurry up and upload it to youtube
AUSSIESCUM
TeamLiquid eSTROgeneral #1 • RIP
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