Chasing Eden

All things must come to an end. It’s the ultimate truth so often denied. For fans, casters, and writers, the finite nature of progaming is the unspoken threat lurking on the horizon. For players though, it’s an even grimmer reality. Mortgaging a future for what? A few years living a dream while military service looms like a nagging taskmaster. Mvp and NesTea retired on their own terms. They went out as legends. It’s hard to imagine someone like INnoVation will have too many regrets when his time comes. There are others—Zest, Classic, Stats and so many more who have every reason to be satisfied with how their careers went. Far more players retire in quiet though, with a few tweeted words in hangul being the only thing to mark their passing. They never won anything, never made a mark, but they lived the way they wanted, even if it was only for the blink of an eye.

And then there’s soO. soO has suffered like no other player in StarCraft II history. He’s fallen upon the sword over and over. He has stood on the GSL stage six times while his opponent celebrated with confetti streaming from the rafters. He’s stared out at a crowd cheering for someone else, saying all the right things before retreating to stitch himself back together and try again. soO’s bravery is unquestionable. He wouldn’t have been able to endure so much if he weren’t courageous. He’s experienced regret, anxiety, disappointment, guilt - a gambit of emotions that would have stopped a lesser man in his tracks. But he keeps on going because this is his dream. And even on evenings where he loses a final and that dream morphs into a nightmare, he still wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. Every programer has thoughts of lifting a trophy, of a triumph so vibrant it overshadows the losses that came before it. soO still dreams of that moment. He’s driven by it, spurned to forever chase his eden.

KeSPA Cup was not that moment. Sure, by his own admission it was wonderful. It even made him feel why someone would dream of being a progamer. But it wasn’t what he really wanted. It was a minor event lacking in prestige. The victory had less historical consequence and would be lost among the shuffle. GSL was what really mattered. We knew it. soO knew it. And this realization transformed a blissful moment into its own form of torture. By this point soO was long since established as a Kong. He succumbed to legend, becoming that which StarCraft players fear most. Only a suitable victory could break the curse and this weekender was not it. soO’s victory at KeSPA Cup was too similar to the hollow victories of his idol, YellOw, the original Kong. It was fitting, a taunt reserved for the most anguished man in the game. Someone who was hurtling through a career that had long since gone off the rails. One which had become a graveyard of shattered dreams a world away from the paradise he intended it to be when it first began.

And now twilight nears. soO has been a progamer for nine years. He is 25 years old and reality is catching up with him. He’s trying harder than ever before, but that’s partly because the game doesn’t come as easily as it once did. 2014 soO was a titan who won through brute force. Carried by peerless mechanics that transcended metas and conventional ways of playing, he smashed his way through tournaments with assured ease, leaving opponents bruised and battered in his wake. soO was wrathful and stubborn to a fault. Dubbed the Angry Zerg, he thrived on conflict. Jests, ceremonies, even flashy plays were fuel to the fire. soO was unstoppable, until he wasn’t and it all came crashing down around him.

2017 soO is different. His mechanics are still among the best, but LotV is a different game and it’s not as easy to overpower someone through injects and multitasking as it once was. Years of suffering have made him capable of processing defeat and finding the joys he might have once missed along the way. He’s smarter now, more adaptable mid-series. He’s an improved strategist, able to attack opponents from a multitude of angles instead of relying upon raw strength. In a purely mechanical sense, soO is a worse player than he was when he made his first four finals. But this soO is greater in every other way.

He’s a better, more mature person who has faced the worst StarCraft II can throw at him and emerged on the other side. He’s hung around because he still yearns for that moment he first became a progamer for. To lift a trophy and finally have it really matter. He loves his fans, he pushes himself to his limit for them. He even wrote an article for them, so they could know exactly how he feels. He wants to win in front of them because that would make it more complete. Win for himself, for everyone who has supported him through his journey and live out their dreams along with his. He’ll never give up chasing that moment of indescribable perfection.

BlizzCon could be that moment. It could be his chance to write over a troubled past and shatter shackles of despair unlike any in StarCraft history, StarCraft II or otherwise. To break the curse and become his own man, not the embodiment of disappointment and regret, would be the apex of his career.

Retirement is coming to claim soO. Maybe sooner rather than later. He’s running out of time to create the legacy he wanted, but because of that he’s more determined to make an account of himself he could be proud of than ever before. He’s living in the moment, charging up the mountain like Sisyphus never could. Because soO isn’t a Kong. He’s too brave and resolute to always fall short. Too kind and selfless to be jeered for his failings. Too skilled to never reach the zenith and too determined to never make his dreams reality.

soO is a champion. He always has been, but we have never gotten proof. soO once said that Classic played with a desperation to win that inspired him. He will have to find that within himself at BlizzCon because the hourglass is almost empty. Failure here consecrates him as the great ape falling off the Empire State Building, slain by the beauty of an impossible ideal. soO will always be remembered for the near-misses and botched opportunities. He will forever be the uncrowned champion.