EPT
Zerg
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/UYcpJ.gif)
People like to say that Zerg needs the most multitasking, and that it's the best race for people from BW who already have great macro. Zerg players like to button mash 'SDDDDDDDDDDD' to build the drones right when the larva pops instead of just holding down 'D' to do the same thing. They'll tell you that holding down buttons turns you into a n00b, while button mashing turns you into Jaedong. BW players like to complain all the time, so it's no wonder that all they like to talk about is how mech is so imba, ultras suck, their race is the only one that needs skill, and they want to QQ IRL. Most of all, Z players like to talk about how their race should be more like it was in BW, even though most of them were not Z players in BW. They talk about hydras being slow, but will refuse to make creep tumors. Z players always either build roach+hydra, or muta+lings, with an occasional botched baneling strat. Even if they mass lings, they will never get the Adrenal upgrade, nor do they know what it does. Z never uses burrow except in the 1% of games that they get infestors to take out your worker line. And also, Z players will remind you that ultras suck and need blink + forehead lasers in order to be viable. Oh, and something about some roach nerf.
Terran
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/r2ybH.gif)
There are a lot of people coming from FPS games, so Terran is for the people that want to camp and pretend it's counterstrike: sniping stuff with long range units like tanks and vikings without lifting a finger. There are also a lot of former WoW players that are flocking to T. I find it a bit far fetched, but I heard that 100% of WoW players are fat little kids, so it makes sense that the Terran units are slow. Word on the street is that stim packs are made of capri-sun and gushers. Also, you can play mech with one hand while you hold your hotpocket in the other, so that's a big win. T players just gorge in their base until they run out of hotpockets, then they move their whole force 10 feet away to get to the next hotpocket expansion. But only one base at a time because they're not animals. If their base is under attack while pushing, they just continue to inch forward while lifting their whole base to an island. T players like to talk about how awesome nukes are, but they never use them. Instead they do standard bio, or standard mech, or both. Their complaints are mostly about void rays, because apparently having scan, floating barracks/factories, cloaking ghosts, hellions, and 50 mineral marines are not enough ways to scout. Some T players actually complain that bio isn't good enough against Z, because I guess they feel they need multiple ways to dominate TvZ.
Protoss
![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/QoQLB.gif)
Then there's the people that come from "non-econ-centric" RTS games like WC3, DotA, and all those "other" games. These players don't know how to macro so they need an easy race that doesn't need to expand. They like small armies and lots of pretty fairy units with rainbows and glitter. P players like to micro, but they can't micro as well as BW players of course, so they need lots of spells to cast in order to fart sparkles, dance around with their glow sticks, and look at the pretty colors. P players complain that their race can't macro like Z, and can't defend like T. Most P players actually played a little of SC1, but didn't like it or were terribad. Still, they know what reavers were and wonder why Z now has the reavers, and all they got in exchange is a crappy tier 1.5 unit that makes ice cubes and has a smart version of dark swarm. P players only know how to either mass warpgates or sneak voidrays. If somehow the game lasts long enough, you're guaranteed to see both. Whenever a toss loses, it never has anything to do with macro or unit composition, it's always because they needed 8 more warpgates. If you see a P actually upgrade shields, you are required to GG and let him have the win. Make sure to screenshot that and send it in to blizzard.
Random
There are actually two types of random players. The first type only plays random to exploit early game cheese. I don't know who these random players are, I haven't seen many of them. Maybe they're those Street Fighter players I heard moved over or something. They probably only spam fireballs and dash-throw. Who knows.
The other type of random player is the complete opposite, they announce their race at the start because they just want a fair fight and will never cheese. Really what they're doing is reminding you that they're random and are playing with a handicap, so it doesn't look as bad when they lose. These players are either just indecisive noobs who haven't read this guide, or live streamers, but mostly they're both. They like to dress up and pretend to be both Day9 and TLO at the same time. But honestly we all do that once in a while, so I guess you can't blame them for that. I guess you should be nice to these people since they're trying to help others out by streaming. But really you should just 6 pool them.
So there you have it. By now you should know exactly what kind of player you are and what race you've been assigned. You can thank me later.
/s
:D
(PS -- If anyone didn't get it, this was just a joke. There is a bit of truth in z/p/t being the macro/micro/turtle races. But this is not how things really are or have to be. It's more how things have been stereotyped and exaggerated so far. It's like a caricature of how the general community sees itself. Some of it is true, some of it is untrue, and some of it is grossly unfair. You don't have to fit into any type, nor should you want to. Go out and 1 base as Z, hard macro as T, and skip that warpgate as P!)
