Internet dating really is not that different from regular dating. You are the guy, so you have to do all the work. And after nearly two months, you either realize that you either took the wrong turn somewhere and it is not recoverable, or that you simply have been played the entire time. I don't know yet which one it is, but it hurts equally bad.
Basically it is easy. You write some and finally you meet. And then, more often than not, nothing happens because it just doesn't fit. It is at least interesting and you get to know some girls and it is not particularly painful.
Until you find a girl that you like, before you have even seen a proper picture. She lives far away, but you just have to write her. She responds, and then it is just wonderful for a couple of weeks. I came on a little strong, she just triggered something inside me, I was never like this in contact with other women. Anyway, I pressured a bit too much sometimes, but everything was well.
Just for reference, she is 21 and I am 30.
She wasn't to eager to get on the phone with me, I never understood that. So we just wrote. She is a soldier, so when the floodings came to east germany, she just was very busy and contact died down a little bit. But after all is said and done, she said she has two weeks off in july and she wants to visit me. She wanted to stay at my place, I though that was a brave move at best, fucking stupid for a 21 girl to stay with someone she hasn't even talked to is probably the more appropriate term. But after 6 weeks of contact... I don't know, I guess there is already something fishy about that.
The cancellation comes a week later, saying she isn't feeling to well and has a doctors appointment and probably has to go to the hospital. I respond saying that now I really need to talk to her (on the phone) the same day. When she doesn't respond until 10pm, I write an SMS, telling her if she doesn't want to talk, she just needs to tell me. All hell breaks lose, she responds that she is tired of me telling her that she does not write back frequently enough.
We fight a little bit over the weekend, she is telling me she is not too sure about us anymore. If I can't handle not hearing from here sometime, it could never work out with her job and the distance...
I really don't think that expecting someone to respond to SMS sometime is that much of a stretch, if you're hundreds of miles apart. And it is not like 20texts a day, I basically write one every other day. Besides, am I really that crazy to want to talk to her on the phone urgently after six fucking weeks? All the other women wanted to meet me in 2 weeks time for crying out loud. Besides, I was already dialing it down, giving her way more space... since she was going to visit me anyway...
After the fighting, she says let's calm down and not talk tonight, but tuesday, after the meeting with her doctor. I agree, I really don't have any other choice, at this point.
Tuesday at noon, she writes that she is now going to the hospital and therefore calling could be difficult, getting out of the station and all. I don't know how much sense that makes. Nothing happens.
Wednesday (today) I sent her a message that I am at home and we could talk... no response, again. But she had time to write on her FB, so she has surely gotten my message.
(Just for the sake of it, unless everything is a lie (onlinedating-profile, FB-profile, FB-friends), she really is at a hospital right now.)
Now what the fuck to do? Do I go on writing, pretending nothing happened, to get in our normal groove again? Is it unreasonable for me to want to talk to her while she is in the hospital (with some stomach issues, she doesn't have a stroke for crying out loud...)? Is it just me or are hospitals mostly a boring affair where you have time to spare? Couldn't she just answer my sms "sorry, I don't feel well"?
After 7 weeks of chatting and filling 50 pages full of text, am I stupid to think that one heated discussion should be recoverable?
Did she ever really want to visit me in the first place? I mean how likely is it that she doesn't even needed to talk to me before committing...
Or is it just because she is just fucking 21 and basically still a child in some aspects of this, at least compared to me.
Right now, I feel like I am being played and the reasonable thing would be to walk away. After all, if she cares, she will answer eventually. And if she doesn't, well, there is my answer.
I guess I just should wait for her to write me. And then I'll just tell her in a friendly way, that if she wants this to go on, she knows my phone number. It probably won't help me to run after her. God, how I hate those games between the two sexes, I really really hate them.
If she hadn't offered to come to visit me, this would all have been so much easier. I was ready to call her out before that for just not committing. After all, it is very easy to write one email every other day. But to maybe plan that kind of thing, offering to visit with the goal of cancelling... how batshit insane of a plan would that be? And if she really wanted to come, how likely is it that one weekend conversation gone bad is gonna change her mind so drastically?
I am at a total loss right now. Yeah, I probably should not care that much over someone I haven't even seen (in real life) or spoken to. But yeah, with her it just felt different. And that is what makes it so hard to accept that the most likely answer is, that something about this smells fishy. Feel free to disagree with me, please
EPT
