On December 14 2013 10:20 TheDougler wrote: As far as ADD goes, I really think that attention span and related "disorders" all fall on a spectrum. About ten doctors in my childhood said I didn't have ADD, and then one guy did and so I went on some medication for a while (concerta) that did absolutely nothing for me and then dropped it and moved on with my life. Most people I know have been told at some point that they have ADD, and I think in a lot of ways it's kind of a matter of opinion, and rarely blck and white.
I definitely agree with you about them falling on a spectrum. I also think the way we interact with society nowadays develops a habit of us simply not having a long attention span unless the subject matter is engaging. The bar for something to be engaging grows be the year it feels like.
@ MarlieChurphy - The ADD debate is incredibly interesting. I’m not currently on any ADD medication and have 0 plans to ever be on it again. If there’s anything I’ve found more addicting than anything else in my entire life, it’s ADD medication. Just watch the movie “Limitless” if you want to see the type of experience you can have on that medication. When I watch Limitless I see a guy on Adderall.
I appreciate the info you provide. I’d be curious to hear what your thoughts are on the porn addiction debate and how it relates to video game “addiction”.
Do you believe what the speaker says about how after 90 days of a detox your brain chemistry begins to alter back to its normal form, away from the addiction type responses?
Very interesting. I was just talking about how novelty and variety is a core STRONG drive in male brain in someone's girl blog. I think I may just join this nofap reddit for science purposes. Although, I may actually be addicted to the internet and games myself which would just fill that void anyways.
As far as the 90 days thing, yes. As long as there is no permanent brain damage, as drugs like: LSD, meth, ecstacy, inhalants, etc., cause, then our brain will naturally rewire itself to whatever we begin filling it with. Other drugs that do no cause brain damage are better at dealing with this of course, heroin, cocaine, marijauna, etc. Although, obviously some of these drugs are part of a stronger reward mechanism and also effect the entire nervous system more, so they reactivated just as easily during a relapse.
A rather interesting note about heroin actually, is that there are no long term side effects of it, and no real permanent damage is done from it's use. The only real issues are: an overdose which can kill you by shutting down your body's normal programs, sharing diseased needles, mixing with other drugs, or getting infections. Which is exactly why opiates are so great and useful to medicine.
Marijauna is a good example, because often times MA recovering addicts will all the sudden be able to remember where they left their keys or sunglasses, or other notable improvements in daily activities. And many users who started chronic addiction with pot before the brain was done fully developing (prefontal cortex isn't done til about 25) will resume where they left off and their mentality and everything can begin to change dramatically.
I actually wonder if something similar in the brain with pot, also happens with other "soft" addictions like internet, games, porn, etc. I also think it's important to not that there is a difference between porn and sex addiction though. SA is often people who are spending lots of money at porn shops, on hookers, having unprotected sex, doing dangerous sexual things, committing crimes etc. Sex addicts can start out from porn obviously though.
The most interesting thing about that talk for me though is the symptoms of it, I probably have a couple, and the long term ED thing is a bit of a kick in the ass (I wouldn't want that to happen to me later on in life O_O ). And the fact that the figures change based on the suspected reason that high speed internet porn was introduced after these men were adults versus the teens who grew up with it. I am actually in a group of very unique males where (high speed) internet didn't become mainstream until about half way through my porn career. I started out on playboys and videos, then there was like 56k pictures and short 10 second clips (that took hours to DL), and it wasn't until I was in my late teens did it become the norm.
Here is a great video on (porn) addiction, and how it rewires and hijacks the brain.
The nofap movement is very interesting. I’ve gone through the 90 day detox multiple times and have found positive differences in my life.
Interestingly enough after watching the porn addiction TEDx talk I became more discouraged from smoking pot, which was something I had done for a long time. From my experience I used to think smoking pot had a positive impact on my life but after going back and analyzing the times that my life has been the best and I’ve been happiest, it’s actually the times that I wasn’t smoking pot - even though in the moment when I’m stoned I’d argue that point intensely.
Thanks for the video, I’ll check it out.
On December 14 2013 12:10 KiWiKaKi wrote: my name is KiWiKaKi, and I am an addict
Nice to e-meet you.
On December 14 2013 14:09 THEPPLsELBOW wrote: I used to be addicted to porn, which slowly escalated to sex, given my intelligience, I was able to break down all the bullshit surround the PUA community and do what works for me etc... I eventually had this lifestyle where I was have sex, coming from orgasms at least 4 times a day. Suffice to say, no other drug (coke, addy, mj, lsd) can beat that high for me (hav enot tried heroin), which is pretty neat! SC is pretty high up there too, but eventually I'll realize where my true ambitions lie :D
That's interesting. Thanks for sharing your experience. Why do you think SC is so high on that list?
On December 14 2013 15:51 SomethingWitty wrote: It's excessively hard for me to see things like video games and sex as "addictions" in the traditional sense of the word. I feel like calling things like having lots of sex or playing lots of video games "addictions", just serves to detract from "real" addictions like opiates, benzodiazepines etc... It honestly feels like we are somewhat trying to give a disorder, disease or addiction to everything in this thread, all of which is by the way being self-diagnosed.
I don't know, it just sounds insanely weird to me for someone to suggest video games as an addiction and I cringed possibly harder than I ever had before when he stated that he "quit cold-turkey" like he was quitting something with actual withdrawal effects. It honestly sounded like complete shit when he continues on about how people want to quit video games so bad but can't, which is entirely fallacious, especially when you consider people who have "actual" addictions who can quit and don't just sit there feeling sorry for themselves.
Yes, I watched the video and yes I know that he said we're spending too much time trying to figure out whether this is a disease or not etc... Which is insanely ironic considering his infliction, tone and the title of his speech which dictates that with complete certainty video game addiction exists.
Thanks for commenting. I'm certainly not the biggest fan of the word addiction in general, although the DSM-5 has recognized the potential of video game addiction and I'd be shocked if the next version didn't officially include it as more scientific research is done.
Note, I had no control over the title of the speech, and the tone I tried to take was one of bringing awareness to the issue while still championing the gaming community. Unfortunately, and this may simply be your own experience, but there are in fact a significant group of people who DO want to quit and CAN'T. At least that's been my experience with daily emails flying into my inbox stating that exact problem.
Regardless, I appreciate the comment. Thanks for checking it out and adding your input.
I used to play a lot of games too, but I mean common sense at some point kicks in when your playing 16 hours a day every single day of the week for months like this guy was. Lots of people have addictions though it really all depends at what point you consider it a serious problem, but it can happen with anything not just games. This guy is an extreme case. I wonder what games he spent so much time on hopefully not WOW. I would also argue that the majority of the population has what many would consider an addiction just not to games. I think some of this though is just taking an extreme case as some kind of motivational speaker type of thing
@ Colbert, funny you should bring that up about pot use (it's a common thing drug users/addicts say). There is a quote from the late 'Uncle Howie' (who was a couple of underground hip-hop guys' uncle [heroin addict etc]). They often use his conversations as skits because they are funny/crazy stories. In one of them he talks about how he has the most exciting times when he was using, but he has the best times when he wasn't.
He was in and out of heroin use and rehabs and it eventually took his life maybe a few years ago. RIP
On December 14 2013 10:20 TheDougler wrote: As far as ADD goes, I really think that attention span and related "disorders" all fall on a spectrum. About ten doctors in my childhood said I didn't have ADD, and then one guy did and so I went on some medication for a while (concerta) that did absolutely nothing for me and then dropped it and moved on with my life. Most people I know have been told at some point that they have ADD, and I think in a lot of ways it's kind of a matter of opinion, and rarely blck and white.
I definitely agree with you about them falling on a spectrum. I also think the way we interact with society nowadays develops a habit of us simply not having a long attention span unless the subject matter is engaging. The bar for something to be engaging grows be the year it feels like.
Except there is no spectrum for these disorders. ADD is not a diagnosis. There is ADHD with or without the Hyperactivity/Impulsivity. Also, from a diagnostic standpoint there are usually clear signs that there is an issue with functioning. Where it gets tricky is that Autism Spectrum disorder, Bipolar disorder, damage to the frontal lobe of the brain or an underdeveloped frontal lobe, and ADHD have a little overlap in symptoms but very different treatment approaches.
As for the person that was originally quoted, clearly if multiple doctors say you did not have it then the one that did is the one that is wrong. Far more common the issue is a child sees one medical doctor gets ADHD medication and the parent does not get a second opinion. Everyone has lapses in attention but it is really a lot harder to get diagnosed with ADHD if you are not presenting with the hyperactivity or impulsivity because it requires far more impairment in functioning on an attention level to necessitate a diagnosis. And it's the hyperactivity/impulsivity that makes people more susceptible to addiction.
On December 14 2013 15:51 SomethingWitty wrote: It's excessively hard for me to see things like video games and sex as "addictions" in the traditional sense of the word. I feel like calling things like having lots of sex or playing lots of video games "addictions", just serves to detract from "real" addictions like opiates, benzodiazepines etc... It honestly feels like we are somewhat trying to give a disorder, disease or addiction to everything in this thread, all of which is by the way being self-diagnosed.
I don't know, it just sounds insanely weird to me for someone to suggest video games as an addiction and I cringed possibly harder than I ever had before when he stated that he "quit cold-turkey" like he was quitting something with actual withdrawal effects. It honestly sounded like complete shit when he continues on about how people want to quit video games so bad but can't, which is entirely fallacious, especially when you consider people who have "actual" addictions who can quit and don't just sit there feeling sorry for themselves.
Yes, I watched the video and yes I know that he said we're spending too much time trying to figure out whether this is a disease or not etc... Which is insanely ironic considering his infliction, tone and the title of his speech which dictates that with complete certainty video game addiction exists.
Honestly, making this an issue of semantics does nothing to help the people that want to quit but cannot. Food addictions are a big thing nowadays as well, are they any less real than drug addiction? The only fundamental difference between drug addiction and any other "addiction" is that the drug is directly altering brain chemistry rather than the action leading to a brain process which leads to altered brain chemistry. Drug addictions just cut the middle man. Technically food addiction would fit somewhere in between because some foods directly alter brain chemistry.
And the rest of your statements are rather cringe worthy and take a blame oriented approach to these people that have a problem that at the very least is a real problem to them. Ever heard of psychosomatic illness? It's a fancy way of saying that you can make yourself sick without any physical cause for the sickness. It's all in your head. But it is still a real problem to the people having to cope with it. Panic attacks are another example of a very real problem with no physical cause.
On December 18 2013 10:00 snakeeyez wrote: I used to play a lot of games too, but I mean common sense at some point kicks in when your playing 16 hours a day every single day of the week for months like this guy was. Lots of people have addictions though it really all depends at what point you consider it a serious problem, but it can happen with anything not just games. This guy is an extreme case. I wonder what games he spent so much time on hopefully not WOW. I would also argue that the majority of the population has what many would consider an addiction just not to games. I think some of this though is just taking an extreme case as some kind of motivational speaker type of thing
Thanks for your comment. I disagree that it's simply just about common sense, because one of the insights into people who struggle to quit is that they are aware of the fact that they are playing too much and want to stop but don't know how. It's easy to over-simplify it and say they should just quit... but if that worked so well why are so many people still unable to?
Of course, I agree that it can be that simple, but what I've found most effective is helping to educate people on why they play so much, because when they have a deeper understanding of it they have shown a significantly higher success rate to quit. At least that's been my experience.
I don't disagree that the rest of society has addictions to various other vices. The question is, what do we do about it?
On December 19 2013 20:24 MarlieChurphy wrote: @ Colbert, funny you should bring that up about pot use (it's a common thing drug users/addicts say). There is a quote from the late 'Uncle Howie' (who was a couple of underground hip-hop guys' uncle [heroin addict etc]). They often use his conversations as skits because they are funny/crazy stories. In one of them he talks about how he has the most exciting times when he was using, but he has the best times when he wasn't. http://youtu.be/bSRIuDePsQc
He was in and out of heroin use and rehabs and it eventually took his life maybe a few years ago. RIP
The exciting times vs. best times is very very interesting. For me I definitely relate to that a lot. In the moment I feel on top of the world, but when I take a zoom out and see the periods of my life where I was smoking a lot of pot, it's clear I was significantly more passive and overall "content" with where things were. (Of course, being content is fine, but in my case it made me lazy, etc.)
On December 19 2013 22:41 Cheerio wrote: insightful, gave me some ideas for my own work.
Thanks for commenting! I'm glad you found it useful.
On December 14 2013 10:20 TheDougler wrote: As far as ADD goes, I really think that attention span and related "disorders" all fall on a spectrum. About ten doctors in my childhood said I didn't have ADD, and then one guy did and so I went on some medication for a while (concerta) that did absolutely nothing for me and then dropped it and moved on with my life. Most people I know have been told at some point that they have ADD, and I think in a lot of ways it's kind of a matter of opinion, and rarely blck and white.
I definitely agree with you about them falling on a spectrum. I also think the way we interact with society nowadays develops a habit of us simply not having a long attention span unless the subject matter is engaging. The bar for something to be engaging grows be the year it feels like.
Except there is no spectrum for these disorders. ADD is not a diagnosis. There is ADHD with or without the Hyperactivity/Impulsivity. Also, from a diagnostic standpoint there are usually clear signs that there is an issue with functioning. Where it gets tricky is that Autism Spectrum disorder, Bipolar disorder, damage to the frontal lobe of the brain or an underdeveloped frontal lobe, and ADHD have a little overlap in symptoms but very different treatment approaches.
As for the person that was originally quoted, clearly if multiple doctors say you did not have it then the one that did is the one that is wrong. Far more common the issue is a child sees one medical doctor gets ADHD medication and the parent does not get a second opinion. Everyone has lapses in attention but it is really a lot harder to get diagnosed with ADHD if you are not presenting with the hyperactivity or impulsivity because it requires far more impairment in functioning on an attention level to necessitate a diagnosis. And it's the hyperactivity/impulsivity that makes people more susceptible to addiction.
This thread is very interesting and hits home pretty hard.. The video makes some serious points about why people are addicted to games; for me the ones that stick out are Instant gratification and showing progress. I am a musician (music degree) but its so hard to really note "progress" as a musician; it takes months or years to really feel like you are learning and improving. So If I have 2 free hours, playing and WINNING (keyword for me) is more gratifying than 2 hours of guitar practice.
I get stuck in this loop.. When I was young and in highschool, I was able to play starcraft/WC3 all day long and I was always near the top of the ladder (top 10 in wc3 most of the seasons/etc) and it was great. Now, since a little before SC2 even, I am an "adult" and have to work a fulltime job. Of course, that drastically reduces my hours of gaming and keep in mind, I still play a few hours of guitar each day. I get stuck in this loop of thinking I should be at the top of every ladder still, yet I can't play enough to achieve it to the rate I want to (I dipped in and out of GM since sc2 started, and now in dota dipping around 4200) - but I keep playing, thinking one day I'll be back to the "skill" of my youth and dominate everyone.
But in the end, I don't even know why I do it. I have no interest in becoming a semi-pro again in any game, mainly because I don't have the time and my #1 hobby is music.. if I did anything super intense, I'd want it to be music. So why do I keep trying to climb the gaming ladder, despite knowing I'll never do anything when/if I got to the top?? I wish I knew.. Its the addiction.
I am trying to make some sort of "achievement chart" with music for the new year.. to make me really want to focus on that. Something that may sound incredibly stupid to other people, but hopefully it'll give me that fire and drive of competitiveness that gaming gives me. Something like trying to gain massive numbers of songs learned/covered on youtube.. trying to promote music and get a higher number of hits on a website.. things like that. I know it wont be competing against other people, but hopefully that thrill of improvement will keep me going somehow.
I just know in 2014, I need to fix this.. it also may be terrible that since I don't watch TV anymore, I watch a lot of esports. And in turn, it makes me want to play games.. I actually prefer watching Dota or SC2 over most normal sports except NFL.. But damn, I think the only way I'll be able to quit is to stop watching those events sadly.
On December 22 2013 14:20 SnowfaLL wrote: This thread is very interesting and hits home pretty hard.. The video makes some serious points about why people are addicted to games; for me the ones that stick out are Instant gratification and showing progress. I am a musician (music degree) but its so hard to really note "progress" as a musician; it takes months or years to really feel like you are learning and improving. So If I have 2 free hours, playing and WINNING (keyword for me) is more gratifying than 2 hours of guitar practice.
I get stuck in this loop.. When I was young and in highschool, I was able to play starcraft/WC3 all day long and I was always near the top of the ladder (top 10 in wc3 most of the seasons/etc) and it was great. Now, since a little before SC2 even, I am an "adult" and have to work a fulltime job. Of course, that drastically reduces my hours of gaming and keep in mind, I still play a few hours of guitar each day. I get stuck in this loop of thinking I should be at the top of every ladder still, yet I can't play enough to achieve it to the rate I want to (I dipped in and out of GM since sc2 started, and now in dota dipping around 4200) - but I keep playing, thinking one day I'll be back to the "skill" of my youth and dominate everyone.
But in the end, I don't even know why I do it. I have no interest in becoming a semi-pro again in any game, mainly because I don't have the time and my #1 hobby is music.. if I did anything super intense, I'd want it to be music. So why do I keep trying to climb the gaming ladder, despite knowing I'll never do anything when/if I got to the top?? I wish I knew.. Its the addiction.
I am trying to make some sort of "achievement chart" with music for the new year.. to make me really want to focus on that. Something that may sound incredibly stupid to other people, but hopefully it'll give me that fire and drive of competitiveness that gaming gives me. Something like trying to gain massive numbers of songs learned/covered on youtube.. trying to promote music and get a higher number of hits on a website.. things like that. I know it wont be competing against other people, but hopefully that thrill of improvement will keep me going somehow.
I just know in 2014, I need to fix this.. it also may be terrible that since I don't watch TV anymore, I watch a lot of esports. And in turn, it makes me want to play games.. I actually prefer watching Dota or SC2 over most normal sports except NFL.. But damn, I think the only way I'll be able to quit is to stop watching those events sadly.
Damn dude, I went through a lot of the same shit lol (an artist struggling with his desire for competitive gaming), and I'm not exactly a shining example of improvement myself, but I felt like I should say something considering how similar my situation is to yours, and how I moved on from my addiction. I apologize for the wal of text in advance, it's a bad habit of mine, but I want to make sure I portray all the details. After I started finding the joy in my art over my video game addiction, I like to rant on about my experiences in hopes that others can have a similar experience and move on too.
I was in the same boat through my college years (from like 18-22/23, im 26 now). I got REALLY into fighting games, Marvel vs Capcom 2 (marvel 2 for short) was my drug. Every second I could play marvel 2, I would play marvel 2. I was also really active in a WoW guild, and raided like 3-4 nights a week.
Now at the same time, my love for illustration kind of sprouted its head (maybe around end of high school). I always drew as a kid, but growing up as a chinese kid, my parents never really nurtured it, they wanted me to get good grades in the normal math, science, history, english, etc etc classes. So I never took art classes as a kid, I never carried a sketchbook around, but I would always end up drawing and writing, with no provocation or reason, just did it because I wanted to.
So anyway, I took my first art class at the end of high school (Senior year) and absolutely fell in fucking love with it. I attended a normal college for a year then transferred to a game design/art college. I started taking art classes and would draw some of the time, but my video game addiction would always rear its ugly head.
So going back to what i mentioned earlier, at the art/design college, that's when I got my first taste of high level marvel vs capcom 2. From there I just absolutely addicted. I wanted to be as good as I could be. Every chance I got to play, I played. Every time I lost, I would just hunger to play more. I would literally play marvel 2 instead of sleeping, and the adrenaline from the 12 hours of play or whatever would just fuel me for the next day. I FUCKING loved that game. AANNND I Was also addicted to Wow. So 2 games that took up pretty much all my time didn't leave much room for me to draw.
I am still embarassed at my younger self for leaving class 5 minutes early to make a raid on time, or telling my art buddies "NAh, im not gonna spend 10 hours on saturday hanging at starbucks practicing figure drawing, I GOT MARVEL TO PLAY!"
After my college, I got hired by a company that starts with B that has some pretty heavy affiliations with this site... It was awesome, I wanted to work there for pretty much my whole life. I got in a game master position, hoping to move my way up to development at some point.
But the gaming addiction stayed. I worked there for about 3 years, and after every day of work, I would go home and play WoW or League of Legends. And after 3 years, I wondered why I didn't have the skills to get into development, when all I did with my time was play video games.
Then the big lay off happened 600 people cut, I was one of them. At that point I had to make a decision in my life of where I wanted to go considering I failed moving up into a position I wanted.
After doing a few more jobs here and there, I finally decided that I wanted to be a creator of my own work. Not make art for someone else's characters, but to make my own characters, story, world, etc.
I started writing and working some ideas that had been in my head for a while, but at this point I really wasn't that skilled of an illustrator and had little to no experience doing comic work (I tried back in high school and it was horrible).
I started looking for an illustrator to do my comic art, but I couldn't pay anyone, and I had a very specific style I wanted. After a few more weeks of unsuccessfully finding an artist, I just tried it again myself, hoping what I learned over my years of college would fucking mean something.
Now the reason I get to this is my whole "improvement" part. My first few pages I hated, they were omega ass. They sucked. But then I looked at successful comic artists, and their early work sucks too, but the differences is they understand its part of the learning process. From there, they just draw and draw and draw the comic, and use the comic as practice and motivation to keep getting better. All of a sudden, their work is way better, and they did it just out of love for their comic.
So I bit the bullet and just fucking went for it. I released my webcomic, the early pages hurt me to see, but I know it's a part of being a successful artist. YOU HAVE TO HAVE FAITH THAT YOU WILL improve with practice, regardless of what you actually see. I'll link a picture here, and it shows a before and after my my main character, drawn about.. 9 months apart.
During those 9 months, I saw little improvements here and there, but I was sitll worried I wasn't good enough. And then I compared my early work to my current work, and I realized that you just gotta have faith that practicing a skill will make you better at it (what a concept!). I know the feeling you mention, where it takes a long time to improve as an artist but in gaming you get nice little badges that pat you on the back every few days or hours. Which leads me into the next part:
Gratification in video games. I was really able to overcome this finally when I just made peace with myself on how good I was at gaming. My main games right now are marvel vs capcom 3, street fighter 4, and League of Legends (I mostly play league because it was designed for internet play, unlike marvel vs capcom 3).
So I hit gold in League, I still hunger for that diamond rating. But it kind of just came down to setting a goal, and feeling if it's worth it. Each game of league is like 30-50 minutes about. I see some of my friends who are about as good as me (or better), grind to diamond, takes them a few hundred games. etc. etc.
So I calculated what the net worth of that is in my head. IF i average each game is about 40 minutes, and lets say it takes me... 300 games to get me to diamond (as a lot of those will be bouncing ELO up and down), that's... 200 hours of my life, GONE, for what? Some fucking badge? (I'm personally not trying to go pro here). What's the fucking point?! THat's 200 hours of my life that I didn't spend becoming a better artist, 200 hours I didn't spend getting pages done for my comic, 200 hours not developing my characters that I love and that are my property... you get the point.
When I started thinking of it from that perspective, it became a NO brainer when it came to what to spend my time on. My art skills/comic are FAR more important than getting better at league of legends. I started playing/training SMART over hard in league of legends. I still play league (and marvel and street fighter), but my main concern is just to play as best as I can GIVEN how much time I spend playing. No, I am not going to be as good as I would be if I played a lot more. But can I hold my own against people better than me? Yes. Can I have flashes of briliance every once in a while? Yes. Do I make dumb mistakes that I wouldn't have made if I played more? Yes. Do those mistakes eat at me? YES!!!!
But again, this is where the peace comes in. When these mistakes happen, there are 2 ways to go about it. I sit there and I train "smart." I do my best to learn from the mistake that first time it happens. The other path is to go "il just practice until it doesn't happen anymore." Which takes much more time. I'm not doing the 2nd path, so I just say "ill do my best to avoid it again" and I find myself making the mistake much less. Sometimes I still do, and it kills me inside, but again, I come to terms with it going "I'm human, and if I don't put in the effort, I won't be the best, and I am okay with that, because I am happy with my skill level for how much time I put in."
You gotta just... be at peace knowing you won't be as good in sc2, and be at peace knowing that being much better in your music will be MUCH MORE REWARDING both in the here and now and in the future. Honestly, I told myself "If my comic is great, man, why the hell do I care about my rating in league of legends, I can show people my fucking comic that I created myself, and my league of legends rating won't even be dust in the wind to me anymore."
My suggestion to get your artistic drive going is to give yourself a long term project that you actively work toward. My webcomic I plan to run for a few years atleast (like 5 or so, longer if I find a good reason to), and this has given me more drive than I could ever hope for. Before my comic, I would just sketch characters in my sketch book in poses here and there, maybe do a few random designs, and then get bored. BUt now, I have direction, and purpose to my drawing.
Every time I draw, it is bringing my characters more to life, I'm progressing in a story, im fulfilling a dream project of mine. Every night I go to sleep I sit there and think about what to do with my characters next. When I wake up, all I want to do is draw my characters and move on with my story. I can tell you right now, without my comic, I sure as hell wouldn't have this fire to draw as much as I do. I've had friends ask me "how do you find the drive to draw" and I say "simple, I love my comic."
So i really do suggest giving yourself a project, like making a 16 track album or something (i dont relaly know how a musician's mind thinks, but just throwing examples). Keeping track of progression for progressions sake imo gets tedious after a while, it's just like chasing badges in SC2 and shit. I really think a project, an actual project you WILL release, gives all the drive you need. Maybe that covering songs idea and releasing them on your youtube account isn't a bad idea.
And don't get me wrong, I truly know the feeling of gaming. The last job I worked was full time, and on certain days, I would come home and just play League over working on my comic. ANd right now, sometimes I do play league over working on my comic. It's really about moderation. Don't cut the games out of your life, just use them as a relaxation/break between what you really should have passion for, which is your music. I know first hand it's VERY hard to work a full time job and then come home and work on your craft (it's easy to just want to chil and play video games!), I tried doing it for 4 years =P. But again, it just comes down to how bad do you want it. I was able to finally do it near the end of the 4 years, and now that I have more free time on my hands (I saved a lot during those 4 years), I'm making sure I don't let it go to waste, and I'm focusing very hard on improving my craft.
I still watch tons of esports events, but I only use them as supplementary entertainment while I work on my own comic. I watch them, and am at complete peace with "they are the pros, they can entertain through their skill there, and I will entertain through my art skills here." I no longer feel the need to play whichever game I'm watching anymore when watching pros play.
Again, sorry for the wall of text, but I feel that I had to get a lot of the details in to truly illustrate my point, and I didn't really want to be lazy about explaining this stuff when it has a chance to potentially change your whole outlook on your art and what not.
I feel like all the realizations have been made and I know what I have to do, its just putting it all into action. I actually feel 100% done with SC2, no interest to play it at all anymore but all that drive has been replaced with dota 2. That is the big issue now lol - which is even more frustrating because A) games are 3 times longer and B) its a team game, so if my team sucks then I lose also, which is the worst feeling ever. I'm also one of those guys who can't take ending on a loss, so if I lose 5 games in a row, I keep going until I win. That may mean I stay up til 3am and have to work at 6am.. Not good.
But I feel very positive about 2014. I just need to find that balance at least for dota in terms of moderation. Because of the game length, it seems to just eat up 5-6 hours at a time instantly. It's not even that fun when you are teamed with bad pub players, but I know the potential for the game is so awesome and fun that I keep thinking it'll be different next time I play lol Ah..
Oh well, 2014 is a year of many changes for me, and I hope it all adds up. I have upped my guitar playing by double lately so I hope it continues that way.
Ahaha dude, I have the same feelings with League for pretty much the same reasons. A lot of the examples above do translate over to any competitive game, but for sake of Dota 2, I figure I should say some shit from my league experience (they are similar enough when it comes to this stuff).
A) games are 3 times longer
-Yes... they are ahahah. This is definitely a rough spot.
B) its a team game, so if my team sucks then I lose also, which is the worst feeling ever.
-This is another "at peace" moment that you may have to develop. I know this feeling all too well. Even though I've taken a lot of steps to get less mad about this, man it still bothers me when I do well and my teammates suck, but it's a LOT less than before.
How I ended up combating this is to just again, only worrying about how much of my OWN potential I can fulfill. Right now, in most of my losses that happen because of this, I can honestly say after the game "I played well, so I'm fine with that loss."
Now to be real, I'm not ALWAYS like that, there are times where I do feel pretty damn pissed that I did all I could but my team sucked. But that's what you sign up for with a team game... you just gotta hold that.
The whole "end on a win thing" i know ALLLLL too well. This was especially relevant during my marvel vs capcom 2 days, It got to the point wher it became a joke that when I said "last game for this session" my friends would say "you mean 'last game unless you lose'" And then it got to the point where I would feel bad for asking for the extra game, so I would give my friend a last game to redeem himself, and if I lost, well, ANOTHER LAST GAME. We eventually made the rule of, if you win 2 in a row, YOU are the champion of that set, and the loser has to just hold that. Oh man, when I had to hold that, it hurt so bad.
But anyway, going back to Mobas/League/dota, I know this feeling, that "GOD JUST LET ME FUCKING WIN GODDAMMIT" as you queue for the 7th loss in a row, you are on tilt and furious. I've done this before plenty of times lol. This is hard to combat though. Sometimes you just got that hunger lol.
I know what you mean though, especailly when you are on a losing streak, and you get bad pubs, and you know the next 30-50 minutes are going to be SO BORING. What I started doing is just ONLY playing with friends that are as good or better than me, so I know that we can atleast increase the odds of our team not sucking, and it makes the game a social experience also. I found this made the game a lot more fun, and the wins come much more consistently, but I know it's not always possible. Sometimes your friends aren't on or something like that. If my friends aren't on, I just don't play. But then again, I'm not hungry in league anymore. IF you still got that dota 2 hunger... well, I would again suggest that you just "be at peace with your own performance" and move on. I know that's easier said than done though... So... you know yourself hopefully, figure it out ahahah. That's the best you can hope for in the situation imo.
Losing 5-6 hours a day to it is easy... Again, you just gotta combat it by ending it as early as possible (or not playing for that day), or just letting your want to get better at guitar fuel you to just play less dota.
It's good doubled your guitar play, that's a good step, but again, try to get it to the point where it's not about how much time you put in, or it will just devolve into "if i play for X hours,then i have X hours for dota!" FAll in love with your guitar, and get to the point where you play it because you just really really realy realy want to, and you do it over Dota because it's more fun/rewarding to you than dota (sorry Gabe newell).
Anyway I ranted long enough, ur a grown man, u know urself, and some shit I do may no work for you. But I wish u the best of luck with your music. Hopefully your habit changes work out and stay consistent
Snowfall and black0ut, I can relate a lot with your stories as well. This feels like a recovery meeting now. The part about winning is probably a common thing, and it's one of the key components to gambling addiction. I'm not well researched on it but the gist of it is that the gamblers live in a perpetual state of lows; chasing that big win to make them feel good for a night or however long it last. Until they spend all their money and put themself back in their low state so they can chase the big win again. It's never enough. It's like a thrill of the hunt kind of thing.
Anyway, I also am an artist and I was pretty passionate about it ever since I was a kid until I got into competitive gaming which took over everything I was involved in (which was good and bad). And then I discovered pro gaming and all I wanted to do was play at that level and possibly cash in on that. Really in hindsight, it felt more important just to do something different and interesting (most people have no idea what goes on with games at all). Like you could imagine yourself at a party or something and people would ask "So what do you do?" and have the envy of almost every person. However, the reality of that is that progaming is ridiculously time consuming and you sacrifice your soul and normal life and social learning to do that. I realized this long ago, but you will still justify it because it's better than going out drinking with your idiot friends right? The other reality of it is that very very few people make it into pro gaming or something esports related. And you have to ask yourself, is their life even all that good? Even commentators etc, is their life fulfilled any more than anyone else? We don't know what goes on in their personal endeavors, if they even have a personal life. Not trying to put anyone down, but I'm just saying nothing lasts forever and the whole gaming this is a big question mark. No one knows what will happen with the industry etc. What good is all the fame and money if you can't use it, or you can't enjoy it. You won't ever have a real relationship because the only woman who will put up with that lifestyle probably has issues (co-dependent or otherwise).
I never got into the whole team game side of gaming. I always preferred solo games, or one on one style games. The most I will play on my own is 2v2, and even then I just can't stand having to rely on partners. It just enrages me to play my absolute best and notice that the opponents are both half the skill of I but a sorry partner is just like straight noob status and bring it down. So team games, especially long moba style ones are just zero appeal to me. And same with fantasy games where you have a guild and do team raids etc. It's just zero satisfaction even if your team was all made of your clones somehow. It's just coordinating all the people and shit is a hassle and not fun to me. Also it doesn't feel like you 'won' either if you just beat a bunch of other shitty players. It's all hollow. Pretty much the only times I ever played teamed games is with IRL friends via lan or over skype and I don't even try 100% because I know it doesn't matter. It's just casual gaming at that point.
I digress, I was always drawing ever since I was a kid. In 4th grade I won a competition to see a famous cartoonist (I wanted to do cartoons), Ray Nelson, who taught us tricks and techniques to drawing cartoon faces and stuff like that. He even gave me a couple sheets of his sketches on the giant paper rolls to take home (I wonder if they are still around somewhere). And I would draw and doodle all up until about 11th grade when I got really invested into BW. And then It just tapered off.
I have been picking up the art stuff more again in the past year + and tbh, it's not all that great either. Sure I can get paid here and there, but it's hard to be passionate about something that isn't consistent or fulfilling. I mean I guess the only thing I can say is just keep practicing and forcing your own luck but when do you come to the conclusion that you're not that great or not exactly what people are interested in and to move on. And then where do you go? I've noticed that most of my endeavors gravitate me towards things that are not mainstream and often bordering criminal and/or not accepted by society.
Enough with the depressing truths. @ Colbert, Here is a related movie I just watched about the sex/porn addiction stuff earlier. It's not that great of a movie, but it's pretty solid on reality.
EPT
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Sw9KOd5.jpg)
