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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 26 2013 05:21 ziggurat wrote:Show nested quote +On July 25 2013 09:49 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:On July 25 2013 06:12 Geiko wrote:On July 25 2013 06:05 QuanticHawk wrote:
nice guys finish last because the self professed nice dudes are guys who think nice = buying shit for women, doing things for women means youre owed sex, and then get pissed when their approach backfires Nope. Nice guys finish last because women like confident men, and most nice guys aren't that confident. You're not much more correct than he is. Confident women like confident men. Awkward, insecure, etc. girls are typically scared of confident, sociable, outgoing dudes, unless they really, really know said guy. That said, confident guys that are douchebags (ie. not nice) will literally scare off every single girl that isn't confident and secure and often times a bitch as well. Unfortunately, many girls who have low self-esteem respond very well to assholes. I don't exactly understand the psychology of this but it's an observable fact. I think it's something along the lines of "he's treating me like shit, I must have done something to deserve it, I'll have to try to be even nicer to him." Ironically, many "nice" guys seem to have the same attitude when women walk all over them.
Girls just see it as a challenge. When so many guys bow at their feet and they are presented with someone who provides a challenge, they want to see if they can get the guy. Conveniently, being confident and not giving a fuck also makes girls do the same, without actually having to be an asshole. Not fake confidence though, you just end up looking like a nerdy douche if you try to pretend to be confident.
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On July 26 2013 06:08 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On July 26 2013 05:21 ziggurat wrote:On July 25 2013 09:49 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:On July 25 2013 06:12 Geiko wrote:On July 25 2013 06:05 QuanticHawk wrote:
nice guys finish last because the self professed nice dudes are guys who think nice = buying shit for women, doing things for women means youre owed sex, and then get pissed when their approach backfires Nope. Nice guys finish last because women like confident men, and most nice guys aren't that confident. You're not much more correct than he is. Confident women like confident men. Awkward, insecure, etc. girls are typically scared of confident, sociable, outgoing dudes, unless they really, really know said guy. That said, confident guys that are douchebags (ie. not nice) will literally scare off every single girl that isn't confident and secure and often times a bitch as well. Unfortunately, many girls who have low self-esteem respond very well to assholes. I don't exactly understand the psychology of this but it's an observable fact. I think it's something along the lines of "he's treating me like shit, I must have done something to deserve it, I'll have to try to be even nicer to him." Ironically, many "nice" guys seem to have the same attitude when women walk all over them. Girls just see it as a challenge. When so many guys bow at their feet and they are presented with someone who provides a challenge, they want to see if they can get the guy. Conveniently, being confident and not giving a fuck also makes girls do the same, without actually having to be an asshole. Not fake confidence though, you just end up looking like a nerdy douche if you try to pretend to be confident.
Actually I think most people can't have their behavoir generalized by their gender.
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Northern Ireland26359 Posts
Generalisations are fun though, at least those with one foot in reality.
I don't know, in my life experiences really hot girls respond to the ballsy type precisely because it's relatively rare that they get approached in such a manner.
Plenty of attractive girls can be introverted personalities, or have very niche interests and what have you. When it comes to them getting cold-approached though, the guy doing it isn't aware of these subtleties, seeing only a hot chick.
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you're all like "girls" are this way and "chicks" are that way.
i'm pretty sure you're correct that people that recieve a lot of interest from other people find confidence attractive.
pretty sure this doesn't have much to do with some kind of in ground truth of all women.
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Sorry, I guess I should have specified. This is a general trend among all my female friends (most of my friends are female), girls I've slept with, ex girlfriends and current girlfriend. This doesn't apply to all women, just all that I know. This ranges from the most innocent girls to really nerdy girls to really smart girls to party girls.
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Eh I'm wondering how you guys meet girls after college, say in your mid-twenties. I find there to be a distinct lack of opportunities where I am.
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Northern Ireland26359 Posts
On July 27 2013 03:11 targ wrote:
Eh I'm wondering how you guys meet girls after college, say in your mid-twenties. I find there to be a distinct lack of opportunities where I am.
Any kind of regular organised social activity I guess, classes and all that kind of thing. I mean, ideally there are courses and classes that interest you as something to do in and of themselves, rather than just as a potential place to meet girls.
For people who aren't particular fans of the bar scene, I find those kind of environments are more relaxing, you see the same faces returning weekly or whatever and there's less pressure to nail anything immediately.
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I want to ask out a girl who was a TA for a class I had last year. She's a phd student but I started studying a few years after high school so we're around the same age (as far as I can tell).
However, I only know where to find her in her office, which she shares with somebody. I can imagine she'd be more inclined to say no if I ask her with her colleague there but I wouldn't really know how or when else to do it, apart from emailing or calling her work phone, which sucks. Any ideas?
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On July 27 2013 08:17 Mikau wrote:
I want to ask out a girl who was a TA for a class I had last year. She's a phd student but I started studying a few years after high school so we're around the same age (as far as I can tell).
However, I only know where to find her in her office, which she shares with somebody. I can imagine she'd be more inclined to say no if I ask her with her colleague there but I wouldn't really know how or when else to do it, apart from emailing or calling her work phone, which sucks. Any ideas?
Confidence, dude. Waltz over to that office like you're supposed to be there. Maybe around lunch time or some shit like that: "Hey I just realized I was around your office and it's lunch time. Wanna grab a bite? Hey, you, other coworker dude! Wanna grab lunch with me and Felicity?" Once you have confidence, you can do anything.
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Nothing says date like a third wheel.
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On July 27 2013 09:10 chadissilent wrote:
Nothing says date like a third wheel.
Agreed do everything the guy above said, including saying hey to the co-worker guy if he's there. But don't invite him along lol.
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Well since this thread is here I'll go ahead and write in it.
Long story short, I'm 24 now, I was dumped on dec 23rd last year, been single since, had a few things with girls I couldn't see myself staying with for the long run but nothing really interesting.
A few weeks ago I bumped into this girl, Olivia. We talked a bit in university some 3 years ago, but I lost track of her after we were done with that class. I was with my ex at the time. As it turns out, she lives 5 minutes away from me. She's smart, beautiful, fun, 3 good qualities to have. She's also shy, which I find to be both adorable and very helpful, having historically been less than savvy at dates. She's slightly nerdy in normal-people terms, in that she likes some Nintendo classics and whatnot.
After bumping into her at a coffee shop, we shared our interwebs info and we've been flirting a bit online. Earlier, she told me "I really like talking to you" in the middle of a long conversation which touched many topics of various degrees of hotness... It all sounds like a teenage crush because it pretty much plays out like one, but hey, whatever works!
Anyway, after that happened, I gathered my balls and called her to ask her on a date, and she sounded really surprised and excited about it. So I've got a date tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked, and I think it's the first time in my life I haven't been nervous about a first date. I don't know her all that well, but I know she's fun and easygoing, I'm just kind of looking forward to it. Somehow I'm not worried about "impressing" her or any of that shit, and I'm just excited to see her. But yeah, hopefully it goes well anyway ^_^
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Northern Ireland26359 Posts
On July 27 2013 12:12 Djzapz wrote:
Well since this thread is here I'll go ahead and write in it.
Long story short, I'm 24 now, I was dumped on dec 23rd last year, been single since, had a few things with girls I couldn't see myself staying with for the long run but nothing really interesting.
A few weeks ago I bumped into this girl, Olivia. We talked a bit in university some 3 years ago, but I lost track of her after we were done with that class. I was with my ex at the time. As it turns out, she lives 5 minutes away from me. She's smart, beautiful, fun, 3 good qualities to have. She's also shy, which I find to be both adorable and very helpful, having historically been less than savvy at dates. She's slightly nerdy in normal-people terms, in that she likes some Nintendo classics and whatnot.
After bumping into her at a coffee shop, we shared our interwebs info and we've been flirting a bit online. Earlier, she told me "I really like talking to you" in the middle of a long conversation which touched many topics of various degrees of hotness... It all sounds like a teenage crush because it pretty much plays out like one, but hey, whatever works!
Anyway, after that happened, I gathered my balls and called her to ask her on a date, and she sounded really surprised and excited about it. So I've got a date tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked, and I think it's the first time in my life I haven't been nervous about a first date. I don't know her all that well, but I know she's fun and easygoing, I'm just kind of looking forward to it. Somehow I'm not worried about "impressing" her or any of that shit, and I'm just excited to see her. But yeah, hopefully it goes well anyway ^_^
Gratz man! My evening involved a drunken mother of my mini-bat lambasting me in a bar, but your palpable enthusiasm has raised my dampened spirits. Sounds like the 'natural' approach is paying dividends, so I guess continue in that vein!
PS, shouldn't have named the object of your affections, one of us socially maladjusted nerds will track her down 
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On July 27 2013 12:14 Wombat_NI wrote:Show nested quote +On July 27 2013 12:12 Djzapz wrote:
Well since this thread is here I'll go ahead and write in it.
Long story short, I'm 24 now, I was dumped on dec 23rd last year, been single since, had a few things with girls I couldn't see myself staying with for the long run but nothing really interesting.
A few weeks ago I bumped into this girl, Olivia. We talked a bit in university some 3 years ago, but I lost track of her after we were done with that class. I was with my ex at the time. As it turns out, she lives 5 minutes away from me. She's smart, beautiful, fun, 3 good qualities to have. She's also shy, which I find to be both adorable and very helpful, having historically been less than savvy at dates. She's slightly nerdy in normal-people terms, in that she likes some Nintendo classics and whatnot.
After bumping into her at a coffee shop, we shared our interwebs info and we've been flirting a bit online. Earlier, she told me "I really like talking to you" in the middle of a long conversation which touched many topics of various degrees of hotness... It all sounds like a teenage crush because it pretty much plays out like one, but hey, whatever works!
Anyway, after that happened, I gathered my balls and called her to ask her on a date, and she sounded really surprised and excited about it. So I've got a date tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked, and I think it's the first time in my life I haven't been nervous about a first date. I don't know her all that well, but I know she's fun and easygoing, I'm just kind of looking forward to it. Somehow I'm not worried about "impressing" her or any of that shit, and I'm just excited to see her. But yeah, hopefully it goes well anyway ^_^ Gratz man! My evening involved a drunken mother of my mini-bat lambasting me in a bar, but your palpable enthusiasm has raised my dampened spirits. Sounds like the 'natural' approach is paying dividends, so I guess continue in that vein! PS, shouldn't have named the object of your affections, one of us socially maladjusted nerds will track her down
If any of you guys track down "Olivia" off of her first name, please feel free to PM me, I respond well to blackmail and extortion.
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On July 27 2013 12:27 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 27 2013 12:14 Wombat_NI wrote:On July 27 2013 12:12 Djzapz wrote:
Well since this thread is here I'll go ahead and write in it.
Long story short, I'm 24 now, I was dumped on dec 23rd last year, been single since, had a few things with girls I couldn't see myself staying with for the long run but nothing really interesting.
A few weeks ago I bumped into this girl, Olivia. We talked a bit in university some 3 years ago, but I lost track of her after we were done with that class. I was with my ex at the time. As it turns out, she lives 5 minutes away from me. She's smart, beautiful, fun, 3 good qualities to have. She's also shy, which I find to be both adorable and very helpful, having historically been less than savvy at dates. She's slightly nerdy in normal-people terms, in that she likes some Nintendo classics and whatnot.
After bumping into her at a coffee shop, we shared our interwebs info and we've been flirting a bit online. Earlier, she told me "I really like talking to you" in the middle of a long conversation which touched many topics of various degrees of hotness... It all sounds like a teenage crush because it pretty much plays out like one, but hey, whatever works!
Anyway, after that happened, I gathered my balls and called her to ask her on a date, and she sounded really surprised and excited about it. So I've got a date tomorrow. I'm pretty stoked, and I think it's the first time in my life I haven't been nervous about a first date. I don't know her all that well, but I know she's fun and easygoing, I'm just kind of looking forward to it. Somehow I'm not worried about "impressing" her or any of that shit, and I'm just excited to see her. But yeah, hopefully it goes well anyway ^_^ Gratz man! My evening involved a drunken mother of my mini-bat lambasting me in a bar, but your palpable enthusiasm has raised my dampened spirits. Sounds like the 'natural' approach is paying dividends, so I guess continue in that vein! PS, shouldn't have named the object of your affections, one of us socially maladjusted nerds will track her down If any of you guys track down "Olivia" off of her first name, please feel free to PM me, I respond well to blackmail and extortion.
And he has the money according to his TL+ membership! :p
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Northern Ireland26359 Posts
Hm, perhaps somebody gifted him the hallowed status of TL+ member?
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On July 27 2013 12:34 Wombat_NI wrote:
Hm, perhaps somebody gifted him the hallowed status of TL+ member?
I bought 12 months a few minutes after it was announced. Nobody likes me.
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Northern Ireland26359 Posts
I am somewhat sad that my chief cheerleader McBengt has disappeared, being my best chance of getting that TL+ 
Also Olivia likes you right? She's quite the catch judging from her (insert social network here) profile
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On July 27 2013 12:41 Wombat_NI wrote:I am somewhat sad that my chief cheerleader McBengt has disappeared, being my best chance of getting that TL+ Also Olivia likes you right? She's quite the catch judging from her (insert social network here) profile
huehuehuehueuh
I no wear u liev.
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Northern Ireland26359 Posts
Joking aside, it blows my mind how many people have their home addresses on my Facebook. I was curious :p
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EPT
