We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
Glad things are going well! I guess I'm not surprised when you said right after the bat you got snagged, and then said your doing well on Tinder.
PS: we have a running thread here on TL.
by doing well on Tinder I do not mean I had a LOT of dates. Actually I did not have much of em, but I've met some really interesting women. It gave me hope Too bad I did not fell in love.
btw, question for you 30+ guys that were in a relationship. Do you fall in love like you were younger (fast-ish), or it takes you more time than before?
Glad things are going well! I guess I'm not surprised when you said right after the bat you got snagged, and then said your doing well on Tinder.
PS: we have a running thread here on TL.
by doing well on Tinder I do not mean I had a LOT of dates. Actually I did not have much of em, but I've met some really interesting women. It gave me hope Too bad I did not fell in love.
btw, question for you 30+ guys that were in a relationship. Do you fall in love like you were younger (fast-ish), or it takes you more time than before?
To me that's the ONLY definition of doing well on Tinder that counts. 👍😁
Honestly, cant say on falling in love. Either I don't know what that means, or it's not something that's happened for me.
I very much dislike dating. As a male, I find females in general to be too self-absorbed to even bother. Not only that but my views on life, and the worldly mechanisms by which we harm ourselves and each other, never sits well with them.
If it's them that are wrong every time, either you should write a book about it or do some more introspection why that might be the case.
Or, you know, give us a bit more background, tangible things you struggled with, to work with apart from generalities. Idk if you think anybody knows what you mean by worldly mechanisms which we harm us with and especially what your supposed solutions to these problems look like. Or how these conversations about that topic came to be and were leading to such intense disagreement that it ostensibly discourages you from dating/bringing up the topic.
Got nothing on that until you elaborate on this cryptic nonsense (right now what you've said could mean literally anything) about:
Not only that but my views on life, and the worldly mechanisms by which we harm ourselves and each other
Like....wut?
Also, if you're having problems with females, it's likely you. You make it sound like all females are totally different creatures that think differently from males on worldly matters. Not even close. Huge variety of views by women on a vast array of topics.
Yes, there are certainly patterns and similarities to which you can lump many women into, but there are always lots of exceptions, and it's usually not with philosophical views on the world.
Actually, I take that back. It's not "likely you". It IS you. You stated you find "most" females to be "too self absorbed". This is patently not the case. Either you're generalizing a few bad experiences to most, looking in the wrong places (bar/club scenes, college/HS age, etc.)or have limited experience around actual women and are gleaning tons of information from social media, where that side is ridiculously on display. It is not hard at all to find women who are solid human beings and care about more than how they look to the world.
On September 10 2019 15:18 Artisreal wrote: If it's them that are wrong every time, either you should write a book about it or do some more introspection why that might be the case.
Or, you know, give us a bit more background, tangible things you struggled with, to work with apart from generalities. Idk if you think anybody knows what you mean by worldly mechanisms which we harm us with and especially what your supposed solutions to these problems look like. Or how these conversations about that topic came to be and were leading to such intense disagreement that it ostensibly discourages you from dating/bringing up the topic.
On September 10 2019 13:29 aeligos wrote: I very much dislike dating. As a male, I find females in general to be too self-absorbed to even bother. Not only that but my views on life, and the worldly mechanisms by which we harm ourselves and each other, never sits well with them.
All I feel I can say for certainty is that you haven't really met a lot of women or that you're awfully bad at choosing which ones you date. You make is sound like you're super unique that there couldn't possible be any girls like you. Which more than likely is not even close to the truth.
On September 10 2019 13:29 aeligos wrote: I very much dislike dating. As a male, I find females in general to be too self-absorbed to even bother. Not only that but my views on life, and the worldly mechanisms by which we harm ourselves and each other, never sits well with them.
All I feel I can say for certainty is that you haven't really met a lot of women or that you're awfully bad at choosing which ones you date. You make is sound like you're super unique that there couldn't possible be any girls like you. Which more than likely is not even close to the truth.
Not to mention he also implies that basically all the women he runs into are super self absorbed. This just isn't true. Either he flat out doesn't meet women and has had some bad experiences, or he is really looking in the wrong places (some dating site, bars, clubs, social media, etc.)
first time chiming in here Read a few posts and the conversation seems interesting. I'm a 34, soon to be 35 year old male from Croatia that has started to date for the first time in his life just 2 years ago. The story on why is actually not that complicated. For most of my adult life, I've been sick: Crohns disease, but I have been in remission for the last 9 years and feeling fantastic. Right off the bat, 9 years ago, after my recovery, with my freshly found confidence I got snagged off the market by a very nice girl that I shared my life with for 7 years (we even lived together for 5 and a half). Unfortunately, it did not work out, we drifted apart and she left me. Its been 2 years and I can say I'm getting over it. Still not fully there yet.
What's interesting is, I'm enjoying dating. In my youth I did not have my health, so this is my first, long time on "the market". The problem lies in my access. I work as a teacher and there is zero influx of new workers, so I meet very little females through work. Students are off limits ))) I also climb and run, but I train running alone and climbing here is mostly a male sport, but there is some influx. 90% of my friends are in a relationship and are not up for going out, but to be honest, neither am I. So, I'm using Tinger with success. I've met some really nice girls, although I have not fallen in love, I can't say I'm regretting those experiences Glad to share this with strangers ))
That's so good to hear! Keep searching, you will find her.
I have a couple of female friends who climb, so i didn't think it was mostly a male sport.
Any chances you can change the place you train for running? There are probably places with tons of girls
On another note. I've been FWB with a girl for more than 9 months now. Our snap streak is at 233. We've become pretty good friends. Been hanging out a lot this summer, and generally just sleeping in the same bed at nights. Neither one are in love.
She wants to fall in love and have a real boyfriend and I feel like it's getting close to end for our thing now. I was really sad about it the other day. While we weren't bf/gf we might as well could have been. I'm getting over it though. We'll see if we will remain friends or not. Probably it will just slowly disappear where we no longer talk to each other.
Hot damn I had to look up what a snap streak is lol. Thought it was some expression for sleeping in the same bed continuously (due to the context).
Interesting, and I mean that genuinely, that you think it'll fade out after,if, the bodily intimacy of your relationship is gone. Even though you appear to have gotten to know each other on many levels apart from the corporal.
On September 10 2019 16:43 bloodwhore~ wrote: On another note. I've been FWB with a girl for more than 9 months now. Our snap streak is at 233. We've become pretty good friends. Been hanging out a lot this summer, and generally just sleeping in the same bed at nights. Neither one are in love.
She wants to fall in love and have a real boyfriend and I feel like it's getting close to end for our thing now. I was really sad about it the other day. While we weren't bf/gf we might as well could have been. I'm getting over it though. We'll see if we will remain friends or not. Probably it will just slowly disappear where we no longer talk to each other.
How she ends it will tell you alot. If she ends it "to look for a serious relationship" then she saw you as dating, but not serious...because even if you guys say it and logically she believes it (which she might not), she still is thinking of you as a BF, because you're acting like one. Daily texting, spending most days together, being really sad she is going to be out of your life, etc.
If she just stops responding and you notice she has a BF now...well then she actually did think of you as a FWB. But I'd bet alot this isn't the case.
Maybe not in love, but this is not a "FWB". You're clearly dating, even if you didn't slap the label on it. Sounds like you know she is about to break up with you because you dont want to commit (and no, that's not judgemental whatsoever).
I dont know if you're bummed because the arrangement is nice and you would have liked it to last a bit longer, or because you're genuinely interested in this girl and want something more serious.
On September 10 2019 16:59 Artisreal wrote: Hot damn I had to look up what a snap streak is lol. Thought it was some expression for sleeping in the same bed continuously (due to the context).
Interesting, and I mean that genuinely, that you think it'll fade out after,if, the bodily intimacy of your relationship is gone. Even though you appear to have gotten to know each other on many levels apart from the corporal.
That's the way of most relationships though. There isn't room for two of those. If this girl goes to look for a serious BF...she cant maintain that emotional connection with bloodwhore. Thus, it fades away. Or in many cases she cuts off communication altogether.
Now, depending on how it ends, there is a good chance in 6 months, or a year, or four years, that this girl will re connect with him when she leaves her next relationship.
On September 10 2019 16:43 bloodwhore~ wrote: On another note. I've been FWB with a girl for more than 9 months now. Our snap streak is at 233. We've become pretty good friends. Been hanging out a lot this summer, and generally just sleeping in the same bed at nights. Neither one are in love.
She wants to fall in love and have a real boyfriend and I feel like it's getting close to end for our thing now. I was really sad about it the other day. While we weren't bf/gf we might as well could have been. I'm getting over it though. We'll see if we will remain friends or not. Probably it will just slowly disappear where we no longer talk to each other.
How she ends it will tell you alot. If she ends it "to look for a serious relationship" then she saw you as dating, but not serious...because even if you guys say it and logically she believes it (which she might not), she still is thinking of you as a BF, because you're acting like one. Daily texting, spending most days together, being really sad she is going to be out of your life, etc.
If she just stops responding and you notice she has a BF now...well then she actually did think of you as a FWB. But I'd bet alot this isn't the case.
Maybe not in love, but this is not a "FWB". You're clearly dating, even if you didn't slap the label on it. Sounds like you know she is about to break up with you because you dont want to commit (and no, that's not judgemental whatsoever).
I dont know if you're bummed because the arrangement is nice and you would have liked it to last a bit longer, or because you're genuinely interested in this girl and want something more serious.
It’s strange to me how confident you are that other people are in love but you claim to have no idea what love is. Can you see yourself living and having children with someone and not ever knowing whether you were in love the whole time?
On September 10 2019 16:43 bloodwhore~ wrote: On another note. I've been FWB with a girl for more than 9 months now. Our snap streak is at 233. We've become pretty good friends. Been hanging out a lot this summer, and generally just sleeping in the same bed at nights. Neither one are in love.
She wants to fall in love and have a real boyfriend and I feel like it's getting close to end for our thing now. I was really sad about it the other day. While we weren't bf/gf we might as well could have been. I'm getting over it though. We'll see if we will remain friends or not. Probably it will just slowly disappear where we no longer talk to each other.
How she ends it will tell you alot. If she ends it "to look for a serious relationship" then she saw you as dating, but not serious...because even if you guys say it and logically she believes it (which she might not), she still is thinking of you as a BF, because you're acting like one. Daily texting, spending most days together, being really sad she is going to be out of your life, etc.
If she just stops responding and you notice she has a BF now...well then she actually did think of you as a FWB. But I'd bet alot this isn't the case.
Maybe not in love, but this is not a "FWB". You're clearly dating, even if you didn't slap the label on it. Sounds like you know she is about to break up with you because you dont want to commit (and no, that's not judgemental whatsoever).
I dont know if you're bummed because the arrangement is nice and you would have liked it to last a bit longer, or because you're genuinely interested in this girl and want something more serious.
It’s strange to me how confident you are that other people are in love but you claim to have no idea what love is. Can you see yourself living and having children with someone and not ever knowing whether you were in love the whole time?
I'm not confident at all that bloodwhore is in love, and definitely am not suggesting it. I do think he likes this girl/relationship more than perhaps he has said. I do think their relationship isn't FBW...but that doesn't mean in love.
For your question, I definitely can. If spending time with my partner makes me happier, enriches my life, makes me a better person/man/husband/father, etc. then yes absolutely. At the core (unless you want a partner for practical reasons, e.g. dual income, hugely important to have kids, etc.) that's essentially the reason for dating...you desire companionship that will enrich your life.
I don't really wanted any perticular adivce, just wanted to write it off But it's always nice to get others perspective.
On September 10 2019 16:59 Artisreal wrote: Hot damn I had to look up what a snap streak is lol. Thought it was some expression for sleeping in the same bed continuously (due to the context).
Interesting, and I mean that genuinely, that you think it'll fade out after,if, the bodily intimacy of your relationship is gone. Even though you appear to have gotten to know each other on many levels apart from the corporal.
It's not only that, it's more like if we start dating others, we will spend less time talking to each other etc.
How she ends it will tell you alot. If she ends it "to look for a serious relationship" then she saw you as dating, but not serious...because even if you guys say it and logically she believes it (which she might not), she still is thinking of you as a BF, because you're acting like one. Daily texting, spending most days together, being really sad she is going to be out of your life, etc.
If she just stops responding and you notice she has a BF now...well then she actually did think of you as a FWB. But I'd bet alot this isn't the case.
Maybe not in love, but this is not a "FWB". You're clearly dating, even if you didn't slap the label on it. Sounds like you know she is about to break up with you because you dont want to commit (and no, that's not judgemental whatsoever).
I dont know if you're bummed because the arrangement is nice and you would have liked it to last a bit longer, or because you're genuinely interested in this girl and want something more serious.
I think both of us are somewhat attached to each other, without any deeper romantic feelings. I think that's normal after being FWBs for almost a year. It's longer than a lot of relationships.
Not really sure what the point between debating labels is. FWB, dating. Where is the line drawn? I say when you decide if you are actively trying to get feelings for each other or not. We were not.
On September 11 2019 04:58 bloodwhore~ wrote: I don't really wanted any perticular adivce, just wanted to write it off But it's always nice to get others perspective.
On September 10 2019 16:59 Artisreal wrote: Hot damn I had to look up what a snap streak is lol. Thought it was some expression for sleeping in the same bed continuously (due to the context).
Interesting, and I mean that genuinely, that you think it'll fade out after,if, the bodily intimacy of your relationship is gone. Even though you appear to have gotten to know each other on many levels apart from the corporal.
It's not only that, it's more like if we start dating others, we will spend less time talking to each other etc.
How she ends it will tell you alot. If she ends it "to look for a serious relationship" then she saw you as dating, but not serious...because even if you guys say it and logically she believes it (which she might not), she still is thinking of you as a BF, because you're acting like one. Daily texting, spending most days together, being really sad she is going to be out of your life, etc.
If she just stops responding and you notice she has a BF now...well then she actually did think of you as a FWB. But I'd bet alot this isn't the case.
Maybe not in love, but this is not a "FWB". You're clearly dating, even if you didn't slap the label on it. Sounds like you know she is about to break up with you because you dont want to commit (and no, that's not judgemental whatsoever).
I dont know if you're bummed because the arrangement is nice and you would have liked it to last a bit longer, or because you're genuinely interested in this girl and want something more serious.
I think both of us are somewhat attached to each other, without any deeper romantic feelings. I think that's normal after being FWBs for almost a year. It's longer than a lot of relationships.
Not really sure what the point between debating labels is. FWB, dating. Where is the line drawn? I say when you decide if you are actively trying to get feelings for each other or not. We were not.
I'd say it's if you have an emotional connection to the other person. A FB/FWB is just that, a friend that oh by the way you happen to have sex with. You can care about or be concerned about a friend, but there aren't really feelings there.
The distinction matters significantly in my experience to understand how a woman will act and react. And also to avoid confusing her.
It's a classic scenario where two people start dating, saying they want to be "FWB", but then one ends up starting to develop an emotional connection with the other and ends up hurt when these feelings are not reciprocated. Usually, this is because the guy handles the situation like they are dating, not like they are FWB.
Let me put it this way, with one's friends is it typical to:
-spend the night -cuddle -be romantic -go on dates -text each other a bunch each day (okay, maybe sometimes, but this is uncommon and usually very close guy friends)
The point is clear. Those are things that people do when they are dating. Not when they are friends. If a guy start acting like he is dating a girl, even if he tells her "no its FWB"...she might nod yes and agree...but it's still going to feel like the guy is a BF and they are dating. Which is confusing AF and leads to drama.
Again, the main difference is the lack of the romantic feelings. With an FB there are none. They are a friend you have sex with.
How do you make a move onto someone who seems quite reserved? Matched with this girl the other day, asked her if she wants to meet, she agreed, we grabbed a coffee next day, talked and walked for a few hours, left, asked her later if she wants to meet again and she said yes.
Great, but I don't know how to turn this up a notch if we can't get to have a date where I feel like I can take a move. Whether it's something less subtle, like meeting at my place, or more ordinary, like having a few wines somewhere. Haven't proposed anything to her, so maybe she'd be into going to something like a bar, but unless it's friday or sunday, even that is scary a bit, because this town is a ghost town from monday through thursday, and once again, she is quite reserved.
As for how the dating process went, I would say probably shit, as she did not even ask a single question about me, but that may have been due to me jumping from one topic to another in fear of losing the spark. We barely even communicate on messenger, so honestly, I have absolutely no idea why she even agreed to meet again, but that is not for me think about,
Try slowly and gently holding her hand and see how she reacts. One of my stupid comedy moves at fun loud parties is to take a woman's hand and pull her hand up to my face as though I'm going to kiss her hand and then I kiss my own hand instead. I then react to her reaction. Silly. Stupid. Fun.
Keep things light and relaxed and just see how things go. Watch how she reacts and continue accordingly. If she is not into it don't force it.
EPT
Too bad I did not fell in love. 
But it's always nice to get others perspective.
