Suicide & Self - Page 10

On March 26 2007 16:42 Rekrul wrote:


All of the qualities which cause people to love you are qualities that are pretty much out of your control. The way you look (ok you can control that a bit), your personality, how nice you are, your wit...you may think you control these things but ultimately you don't. You have what you have.

Girls will love you for reasons out of your and their power....just as your parents love you innately.

Shut the fuck up already.

On March 26 2007 17:00 Ethenielle wrote:


I don't see the point of your post. I don't know if you're right with values and if I can or can't control them, but that's beside the point, isn't it? I still wish to mean something to somebody and to be loved for what I am and "what I have". Girls will still love me in another way than my parents and that's the difference I'm pointing at. They may love me innately or not, but I want them to meet me from scratch, understand me and then love me from that. And yes I sound like a whiner(this entire topic has been one long whine, I guess), but the point still stands, I don't believe I mean anything to anybody regardless of innate love or not, I feel utterly worthless and incapable of being innately loved by someone else than my parents.

If you really do think I should shut the fuck up then please send me a PM and I will stop replying to this topic. Or close it, ban me - I don't really have a say, I guess. For now, I'll go to bed, see how the morning turns out. Thanks again to everyone for the replies, it helped me think through this in a way I couldn't have done alone. Thanks for all PMs, thanks a lot.

On March 26 2007 17:00 Ethenielle wrote:


I don't see the point of your post. I don't know if you're right with values and if I can or can't control them, but that's beside the point, isn't it? I still wish to mean something to somebody and to be loved for what I am and "what I have". Girls will still love me in another way than my parents and that's the difference I'm pointing at. They may love me innately or not, but I want them to meet me from scratch, understand me and then love me from that. And yes I sound like a whiner(this entire topic has been one long whine, I guess), but the point still stands, I don't believe I mean anything to anybody regardless of innate love or not, I feel utterly worthless and incapable of being innately loved by someone else than my parents.

If you really do think I should shut the fuck up then please send me a PM and I will stop replying to this topic. Or close it, ban me - I don't really have a say, I guess. For now, I'll go to bed, see how the morning turns out. Thanks again to everyone for the replies, it helped me think through this in a way I couldn't have done alone. Thanks for all PMs, thanks a lot.

On March 26 2007 17:05 Rekrul wrote:
I still wish to mean something to somebody and to be loved for what I am and "what I have".

That ain't gunna happen if you kill yourself you stupid fuck.

On March 26 2007 09:38 Ethenielle wrote:
Let me start off by saying I'm feeling horrible. Absolutely, completely crushed beyond all recognition. Pick the worst moment of your life and amplify it a thousand times, there you got me. My "soul" is irreversibly smashed.

All life I've been a pretty ugly guy. When I was a kid in elementary(is this the first school you go to? I'm guessing, English isn't my native language) people used to ask me "so, are you a girl or a boy?" and stuff like that. I was pushed around and generally not liked by anyone in particular. So I got to High School(I'm guessing, again) and I got acne. Didn't make it any better, as people now ran around shouting at me and calling me ugly all the time. I was constantly harrassed 24/7, even on the internet I wasn't left alone.

Now I'm not so ugly anymore, and I've had a girlfriend for half a year or so. But, as it turns out, now she suddenly doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, so she broke up. And now, I'm completely alone again, with no real friends to speak of. No one's calling me to ask me out, no one wants to do anything with me. That's essentially why I now am considering and actually planning suicide, because I'm such a worthless piece of shit that no one likes. When I die, only my parents will mourn, my friends may shed a few tears and forget me in a couple of months. So as it turns out, I don't mean anything to anyone EXCEPT my parents, which is my current problem.

I'm feeling so bad I could kill myself without regret within the second if offered the opportunity. But, my parents. My mother thinks very highly of me and loves me a LOT. Really a lot. She's called the police couple of times before when she didn't know where I was for a couple of hours. And she may kill herself if I commit suicide, I don't really know. My father may protect her and keep her alive until the worst sorrow has gone, but I fear she may turn mad or something like that. Blame it all on herself. I really, really, really do not want to do this to my parents, but on the other hand I'm feeling so fucking terrible now I'm barely sleeping and not eating.

I'm thinking of committing suicide tomorrow morning, throw myself before a train. I think that's fairly painless and quick, which is what I want. But there is the problem with my parents, because I cannot do either. I can't stay alive because it hurts so much for me, but I can't kill myself because it hurts so much for them. So now I end up asking advice on teamliquid because I don't have anywhere else to go. I can't really tell anyone I know in real life, because they'd probably lock me up and tell me I'm mentally ill(well, that's true, but I'm not mad or anything, just insanely insanely low).

What should I do? What's the RIGHT thing? Is it very selfish to kill myself when I feel this pain all day and all night? Do you think my parents will get over it? Can my suicide be morally defended? I honestly don't know. I'm hoping for a few opinions and answers, whatever you can give. Also, feel free to joke away and flame me, at this point it really doesn't bother me at all. As long as you have your fun, it's all fine by me.

On March 26 2007 15:31 Eatme wrote:
It sickens me when religious people prey on someone when they are sad, lonely, weak and vulnerable. Everyone has a right to their own faith but this is not a good time to break out the bible and bible quotes. I dont want to flame but felt like I hade to say this.