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you don't NEED anyone but yourself.
find a reason to live; find a passion, it may not be easy, but once you find it you'll never want to let it go 
to be healthy mentally, being healthy physically first is a good idea, so start exercising and eat good food.
I suggest you read some books like Miyamoto Mushashi's Book of Five Rings and watch some inspirational movies http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=51178
(but stay away from the love story stuff though.... reason is pretty obvious ~_~)
also, try taking a day off to walk around outside, and take a random bus somewhere, and observe your surroundings. Think about all the people around you leading their own lives and how each and everyone of them had their share of hard times, appreciate the nature , in the cities just walk around to different stores, listen to some uplifting music, etc. and at the end of the day when you're laying in your bed, think of what you really want to achieve and become ^_^
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'English Teacher' has a totally different connotation in Korea and Japan.
And as 'dorky' as it may sound, I think it would work well for a white guy who is down and out on himself. Basically, if you feel undervalued in your own country, go teach English in Korea/Japan. First, you need a bachelor for that in the US. I don't know how they do it in Norway but I imagine something similar.
Second, people are people are people. Think they'll treat you different cus of your skin? They might at first out of curiosity, but it won't last. It just takes someone of a different culture slightly longer to figure you out. In the meantime you're in another country, don't speak a word of the native language, and a gaijin - imagine how lonely you'll be.
Deal with your problems here and now. Slowly is fine, but take real steps instead of escaping and hoping someone/something somewhere will save you.
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as i see it: if you're not worthy of yourself your are unworthy in everyone's eyes; everything must come from within for it to be real, to have a meaning;
if everything that u are is only a reflection, in you, of the world arround, you died along time ago; fuck the world, it's all about you; lead, and the world will follow; try, and you'll be worthy; hope, and you'll be loved; dream, and you'll live forever.
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As long as you don't suicide anyone else, it's all good. Breaking up with a gf? Big deal. You just said things have gotten better since then. So, if you still have low self-esteem, you have two choises:
1) Play poker, get rich, get girls. If it doesn't work, use that money to get plastic surgery
2) Kill self.
As for the second choise, you've already considered it. I think if you wanna go, don't you wanna make it as interesting as possible? I mean going in front of a train hardly gives you an adrenaline rush. Jump off a mountain or a tall building. At least you know that you flew! Some people just say they will some day (Brandi <3). Or travel to australia and get eaten by an crocodile. Hijack an airplane and crash it in a building!
Or think of something more creative. Break your neck while trying to suck your own schlong. That'd be pretty strong.
TIME TO QUIT WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY AND CHANGE THE THINGS FOR YOURSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THERE'S ENOUGH TEEN ANGST ALREADY IN THE WORLD.
If you don't read anything else, read the bolded part!
WE CREATE OUR OWN DREAMS! WE SHAPE DESTINY!
Obviously the ones you'll hurt will be the ones close to you, why would you care? Especially if you don't believe in something silly like afterlife.
If you still wish to kill yourself, be at least creative, you only get to do it once and it might as well be entertaining for us too.
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On March 26 2007 14:14 Yogurt wrote:
i feel high as hell after i work out
SOO true!
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On March 26 2007 15:24 Ethenielle wrote:I'll reply a little. Yes I need someone to "comfort" me. I don't mind being lonely in particular, I mind not being worth anything. I am absolutely worthless to other people. I could live with one person and just that if I knew I was everything to that person. Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 14:06 jtan wrote:
19....
In some time, you'll probably have a new girl and you will ask yourself how you could have been so mad as to almost kill yourself. Yes, I have heard it a few times - and as the one below says, I will lose her and again feel this desperation. I'm not sure if it's a girlfriend I need. I think I need a few REALLY close friends who "love" me. I really really need to mean something, if you get what I mean. Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 15:27 PissedOffEmo wrote:
Thing is, if its close friends that you need we can't give that to you here...you'll have to start calling up some people you know from your highschool and just do some catching up. ex go for lunch, coffee or whatever. I know - but when I created this topic I didn't know what to do, didn't know what I needed to keep myself going. My only two wishes were to outlive my parents so they wouldn't have to suffer my suicide and to die. Thanks to all this advice I think I know I need closer friends, but I still do not know IF I mean anything to anybody - I will try to find out, with a psychologist or somebody else. I'll try. If nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, works and I really cannot find anything to live for, any desire, I think I will have to carry through with the suicide. But again, it's a consideration and a process I'm still going through. Coagulation, I don't know if you understand. I mean I see your point, but it's missing the mark. Material problems doesn't bother me - I'd be happy to live in a mudpool with HIV, AIDS and cancer altogether if I only had one single person I meant everything to. One person I had met and who loved me for who I am. One single person who would do everything for me. But no one, no one will ever be like that. And it hurts me. I'm white, yes. I don't want to be loved because the way I look, or because I'm cute or whatever. I want to be loved for who I am, the person. But I feel like I don't. My ideals are my weak side I agree. I believe I expect too much from people I know, expected too much from my girlfriend. It just doesn't keep together, and it sure is part reason of what's breaking me down. Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 15:47 Coagulation wrote:
you gotta learn to love yourself first. This is impossible for me, at the moment at least. I can like myself when I know I mean something to somebody, but I don't. Being as worthless as I am, I cannot hope to like and much less love myself. I loved and liked myself to a degree when I had my girlfriend. Now I don't. I didn't before.
In response to all of these...you are EVERYTHING to somebody, two people actually. YOUR PARENTS. You do mean everything to them.
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You're the sperm that made it to the egg. By some miracle of the universe you outswam those millions upon millions of other squiggly bastards. Are you gonna let some dumb bitch dumping you prevent you from experiancing life? You're 19 years old. You're just at the start man, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with life. Life is what YOU make it.
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On March 26 2007 16:20 Ryan307 wrote:You're the sperm that made it to the egg. By some miracle of the universe you outswam those millions upon millions of other squiggly bastards. Are you gonna let some dumb bitch dumping you prevent you from experiancing life? You're 19 years old. You're just at the start man, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with life. Life is what YOU make it.
that is just awesome
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On March 26 2007 16:22 bobalo wrote:Show nested quote +On March 26 2007 16:20 Ryan307 wrote:You're the sperm that made it to the egg. By some miracle of the universe you outswam those millions upon millions of other squiggly bastards. Are you gonna let some dumb bitch dumping you prevent you from experiancing life? You're 19 years old. You're just at the start man, you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with life. Life is what YOU make it. that is just awesome
hahahhha
you're comment cracked me up
have a cookie - actually a whole box
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Sweden33719 Posts
On March 26 2007 16:10 Muhweli wrote:
As long as you don't suicide anyone else, it's all good. Breaking up with a gf? Big deal. You just said things have gotten better since then. So, if you still have low self-esteem, you have two choises:
1) Play poker, get rich, get girls. If it doesn't work, use that money to get plastic surgery
2) Kill self.
As for the second choise, you've already considered it. I think if you wanna go, don't you wanna make it as interesting as possible? I mean going in front of a train hardly gives you an adrenaline rush. Jump off a mountain or a tall building. At least you know that you flew! Some people just say they will some day (Brandi <3). Or travel to australia and get eaten by an crocodile. Hijack an airplane and crash it in a building!
Or think of something more creative. Break your neck while trying to suck your own schlong. That'd be pretty strong.
TIME TO QUIT WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY AND CHANGE THE THINGS FOR YOURSELF FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THERE'S ENOUGH TEEN ANGST ALREADY IN THE WORLD.
If you don't read anything else, read the bolded part!
WE CREATE OUR OWN DREAMS! WE SHAPE DESTINY!
Obviously the ones you'll hurt will be the ones close to you, why would you care? Especially if you don't believe in something silly like afterlife.
If you still wish to kill yourself, be at least creative, you only get to do it once and it might as well be entertaining for us too.
I haven't read it all cause I'm sleepy, but if you are emotionally unstable, playing poker sounds bad.
What I mean is, say you play, then lose money, and you are already feeling suicidal? That's not good.
Ok read the rest of the post.
Anyway, I wish I had something wise to say but I honestly, I don't think I'm qualified to say much beyond 'dont kill yourself' which feels a bit inadequate ><
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It's not only her, as I have said before, it's her breaking up with me causing some sort of release of pain that's been inside me since I was a little kid and was treated like shit. I guess I'm repeating myself, but I don't mean anything to anybody, and that's what hurts.
And I do in fact need somebody else than myself. I'm not something to live for. I really, really want to be loved and be able to show my love back. To be appreciated. And no, I'm not.
As for my parents loving me, it's entirely different. They are bound to love me from when I was born, and no matter what I do they will still love me. I want to meet somebody and be loved by them because I have meant something to them, I have been a person they wish to give their life for, and they wish to love. Unfortunately for me, and again a reason for my thoughts and attempt at suicide, I feel like I am nothing to anyone, and that not one single person save those two really do love me.
I don't know if you're serious Muhweli, but I can't really take you seriously. I don't have any desire to live, why ever would I want to make my death interesting? I want it to be as quick as painless as possible when it comes. As for your comment about afterlife et cetera, I care because I don't wish to hurt my parents. I may be egoistic in taking my own life and even considering it, but the fact that I will hurt them is the only, only thing holding me back from death right now.
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Norway28792 Posts
I just noticed your mood and snickered 
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On March 26 2007 16:33 Liquid`Drone wrote:I just noticed your mood and snickered
loololol good point
and my mood is pretty dum
Theres a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
you have a nicee quote at least :D
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man i be praying for you
dont give up
life is hard some times, we all have had up's and down's or maybe even hit the bottom floor(like urself) .. but guess what there is only one way to go now..UP!
anyways life is to important to give up on~
live life and love life~
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Kyrgyz Republic1462 Posts
I think the 3rd world country example misses the point a bit. How shitty your life truly is, and how shitty you feel about it are two very different things. A fucked up mental state is no less serious condition than a physical disability.
To original poster,
I felt exactly this way, worthless an unneeded, since, I think, around 16. Then I met a girl who became my only reason to live. We've been together for 1.5 years, and then she just left. She moved to study in another city, she just told me that she felt it was the right thing for her to do at that time. I felt shocked, heartbroken and devastated, since I really believed that I meant a lot for her... And she didn't even want to stay in touch, because that would be "too painful", since we couldn't really be together! I almost quit studying myself, I wasn't able to eat anything for a week after that conversation, I stopped spending time with my friends. I couldn't understand why I need all this, if the only thing I believed in, my guiding light, my ultimate purpose of life suddenly disappeared. Obviously my self-esteem dropped to absolute zero, and yes, I really wished to die.
But.. my parents were having their own troubles at that time, they almost divorced, and I have a brother who is much younger, so even if I thought of suicide, I quickly threw those thoughts away, because I felt that each one of my relatives drew strength in me. I felt that not only suicide, but even giving up my study would be nothing else than betrayal, especially if something happened to my parents and I would have had to take care of my brother. I've been in this state for a year, or even more, hating my life and myself but still living it and doing what I felt I had to.
Then, out of nowhere, I accidentally met another girl. I could not understand what she could possibly see in me back then, but.. she somehow cared. Turned out that she was in a similar state, and so we understood each other well. She fixed everything in my life, I fixed everything in hers. I felt like living again.
But... you know what was the funniest thing? After THREE YEARS of not sharing a word, that first girl somehow found me (I moved to another country as well) and told me that the thing she did was the silliest decision in her life, that she finally understood that I was such a special person for her, that she desperately needed to talk to me and so on. Wait, mustn't that mean that my life was fucked up not because I was so worthless, but because she was selfish and silly?
If you believe me now that I felt much like you, I want to tell you this. Never ever even think about killing yourself. Drive this thought away like a nasty cockroach. If you don't want to live for yourself now, grit your teeth and live for your parents, because you have to, because you are the most important thing in their lives. If you kill yourself, you betray, you backstab them. Just live on. Now you feel bad, but it will absolutely get better in time. You will meet someone else, no matter how absurd this sounds to you now, and your confidence will get back to you. Really.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On March 26 2007 16:31 Ethenielle wrote:
It's not only her, as I have said before, it's her breaking up with me causing some sort of release of pain that's been inside me since I was a little kid and was treated like shit. I guess I'm repeating myself, but I don't mean anything to anybody, and that's what hurts.
And I do in fact need somebody else than myself. I'm not something to live for. I really, really want to be loved and be able to show my love back. To be appreciated. And no, I'm not.
As for my parents loving me, it's entirely different. They are bound to love me from when I was born, and no matter what I do they will still love me. I want to meet somebody and be loved by them because I have meant something to them, I have been a person they wish to give their life for, and they wish to love. Unfortunately for me, and again a reason for my thoughts and attempt at suicide, I feel like I am nothing to anyone, and that not one single person save those two really do love me.
I don't know if you're serious Muhweli, but I can't really take you seriously. I don't have any desire to live, why ever would I want to make my death interesting? I want it to be as quick as painless as possible when it comes. As for your comment about afterlife et cetera, I care because I don't wish to hurt my parents. I may be egoistic in taking my own life and even considering it, but the fact that I will hurt them is the only, only thing holding me back from death right now.
All of the qualities which cause people to love you are qualities that are pretty much out of your control. The way you look (ok you can control that a bit), your personality, how nice you are, your wit...you may think you control these things but ultimately you don't. You have what you have.
Girls will love you for reasons out of your and their power....just as your parents love you innately.
Shut the fuck up already.
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Bro, it sounds corny and stupid. But who the fuck would want to be with someone who doesn't even want to be with themself? Go to the gym, eat healthy, start respecting yourself and stop bieng so goddamn pessimistic. Get fresh air and lots of sunlight (sunlight = bombdiggity when you're feelin' down). Start appreciating your life. The more you appreciate yourself the more other people appreciate you. It's a two way street man.
It sounds dumb but love yourself and other people will love you.
And do not think that finding someone is going to make everything better. If you still hate yourself and only live because someone else loves you, that person becomes your crutch for living... Which is obviously just setting yourself up for failure.
I can't say it enough, and I know it's alot easier said then done, but LOVE YOURSELF. RESPECT YOURSELF. TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR ACTIONS. Happyness will follow, I promise.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
you need to find another way to boost your self esteem besides being "too noble to kill yourself, you know, because of your parents"
There are times in life where you need to just shut the fuck up and deal with things. This is one of those times, so shut the fuck up. You aren't gonna kill yourself. If you actually planned to kill yourself you'd just fucking do it instead of making a thread so that everyone can tell you how wonderful you are and "save you".
You need to take a long, hard look at yourself and what you do, and figure out what is it that makes people unwilling to hang out with you. Don't say "I'm just worthless is all" or "I'm too ugly to get a girlfriend" because those are fucking cop-outs, and you use them because despite all this bullshit you're too proud and too set in your stupid "moral code" to admit that maybe there are things you could work on.
The only thing wrong with you is that you're a massive fucking dork with no social skills, but so are a lot of people at your age, so deal with it. You don't have to be a hermit and you don't have to do one of these pathetic 'cry for help' things. Just fucking relax.
Let me repeat that for you: RELAX.
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Usually I think Rekrul is just a cocky asshole but liston to what he's said in his posts. He's 100% right.
Hope all goes well.
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Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the good show. Just do it creatively.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://www.riverbluffs.org/2003_Cookie_Sale_Program_Headpage_files/c_thinmint-side.jpg)
