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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
Bad decisions irritate me. I'm not talking about just my own (I surely make plenty), but more so seeing others make bad decisions. It's honestly none of my business, and I know it. But there's something about the lack of foresight and long term perspective that makes me go bonkers. What kind of bad judgement calls unnerve me? Well, the small ones aren't so bad. I think most people know what they're getting into and have thought of the consequences when going out and getting smashed, incapacitating themselves for the next 24 hours. Come to think of it, maybe that's the key factor: have they really thought through the ramifications, and are they conscious of the associated risks? Two examples of bad decisions made by others immediately come to mind. Both are rather large in magnitude, thus making it more difficult to assess the cost/benefit properly. The first is a friend who chose to go on vacation right before an exam that would potentially determine the course of his next two or three years. Why he would voluntarily choose to be less prepared for said exam than maximally possible, given the importance of the occasion, was beyond comprehension for me. He could go after the exam; if not that, then why not next year? The mountains will wait for you. This exam would not. The second is an acquaintance who purchased a luxury vehicle on a modest salary. The amount he must pay each month is staggering[1]. The payments will most likely be almost a year's worth of pay for him, after taxes. He is putting himself in a precarious financial situation, for what? What do you really get that is worth the five figures that you're shelling out for a high end vehicle? He's given up so much freedom, both financially and mentally, that there are "please don't fire me because I'm financially screwed" verbal slips coming out of his mouth all the time. It's this kind of lack of foresight that, for some reason, deeply bothers me. I wonder why it is that someone else's bad decision making seems to bother me so much. Like I mentioned earlier, it truly is none of my business. Why should I care if they expose themselves to unnecessary risk? Is it that I care about everyone's well being? Doubtful; I am no saint. Perhaps I think that bad decisions are evil, and that they should not exist, period; this seems to be a more plausible cause for my irritation, though evil is probably not the right word here. Maybe I believe that the world should be rational, and that bad judgement has no place in such ideals. Maybe.
[1] To give you some perspective, another friend with a much higher salary (who also drives an entry level European luxury vehicle) pays 1/3 of what said acquaintance does per month.
Crossposted from my main blog
 
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Well why would they not irritate you? Since you're a human being you possess some degree of empathy towards the people around you. Because you're not the one making the decision you can judge from a more rational standpoint. The guy that bought the car was being emotional, thus his decision was emotional, not rational.
We as humans have the ability to think and act rationally, but we're also very emotional beings, we're constantly influenced by feelings such as anger, fear, angst, joy, jealousy etc. If those kind of feelings overwhelm us they undermine our ability to think and act rationally thus we end up making less than ideal decisions.
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Everyone has different priorities on what they consider important or unimportant. To you, you might think that getting the best grades or not being financially handicapped is important but not everyone feels the same. Maybe your friend doesn't really care about the class or thinks barely passing is good enough. Maybe buying the high end car is his dream since he was a child. I personally think smoking is horrible healthwise and financially but everyone has their own priorities and choices to make. Thusly, they suffer the consequences of their action.
In reverse, maybe your friend thinks you don't know how to have fun and just worry about grades all the time. The other friend may say that he could die tomorrow so he might as well spend it how he likes, damn the consequences. Neither is right or wrong, just different.
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You are just annoyed by stupid people i guess. Stupid might not be the best word to use here because people like the one you mentioned are clearly not stupid. They have succeeded in other areas where you can't succeed being stupid. Maybe thats a part of it. People who you think are intelligent are making bad decision wreck the imiage you have of them.
I get irritated aswell. I don't understand people. I don't understand how people can spend more money then they have. I don't understand people drinking until they drop and then brag about it. I don't understand people. For the most part I realize that the problem is that I would have done it differently.
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The two examples you've given aren't "bad" decisions, they're decisions that were made because your friends have different priorities than you. It bugs you because you have different values and it's hard to see how someone could value nice cars over financial stability or fun now over greater success later. An actual bad decision would be one where they go against their own values as opposed to your values.
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ALLEYCAT BLUES49479 Posts
Yeah bad decisions are irritating but at the same time you are human and you are bound to make them, many of them in fact.
But what annoys me the most is when they learn little to nothing from it,I mean how can one make a terrible decision, barely scrape out of it and not understand what went wrong, even thinking about it makes me mad.
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United Kingdom1665 Posts
I 100% agree with you, and feel very much the same about people and their dimwitted decisions. I could list many examples, but this kind of personal failure (at the top of my hate-list with delusion designed to protect oneself from hard work/the consequences of laziness) really drives me mad.
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You are such a good writer, you should start pushing out books.
I can definitely see a market for books labeled H. Murakami.
On topic: I think I remember every single bad decision in my life. It's sickening really, I can't seem to remember any of the good ones
And I wouldn't worry about those two people, they do the things they want to do and are probably willing to face the consequences. If an outsider can tell it's a financially bad decision, we must make the assumption the people most affected by it have taken it into consideration.
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On March 31 2012 01:01 thedeadhaji wrote:<p>Bad decisions irritate me. </p>The first is a friend who chose to go on vacation right before an exam that would potentially determine the course of his next two or three years. Why he would voluntarily choose to be less prepared for said exam than maximally possible, given the importance of the occasion, was beyond comprehension for me. He could go after the exam; if not that, then why not next year? The mountains will wait for you. This exam would not.
Maybe he placed less priority on doing everything for tomorrow and wanted to live for right now. You might see this as rash, but it's his life. Maybe the mind that continually chooses to do things 'for tomorrow' will be better off financially than one that doesn't but will it be happier? I'm not sure, maybe it depends on the person.
The second is an acquaintance who purchased a luxury vehicle on a modest salary. The amount he must pay each month is staggering[1]. The payments will most likely be almost a year's worth of pay for him, after taxes. He is putting himself in a precarious financial situation, for what? What do you really get that is worth the five figures that you're shelling out for a high end vehicle? He's given up so much freedom, both financially and mentally, that there are <em>"please don't fire me because I'm financially screwed"</em> verbal slips coming out of his mouth all the time. It's this kind of lack of foresight that, for some reason, deeply bothers me.
This is similar to the previous case, your irritation stems from someone doing something for right now rather than tomorrow, in a financial way. You get 'deeply bothered' as a result. Sure, anyone would say it is rash, probably foolish, and will put him in a difficult situation in the long run, and is probably not the best for him, but not everyone would get deeply bothered by it to the extent that it affects their own serenity.
I wonder why it is that someone else's bad decision making seems to bother me so much. Like I mentioned earlier, it truly is none of my business. Why should I care if they expose themselves to unnecessary risk? Is it that I care about everyone's well being? Doubtful; I am no saint. Perhaps I think that bad decisions are evil, and that they should not exist, period; this seems to be a more plausible cause for my irritation, though evil is probably not the right word here.
Maybe I believe that the world should be rational, and that bad judgement has no place in such ideals.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it is possible you do things with tomorrow in mind, and this requires immediate sacrifices. You tell yourself that it makes you happy, and probably in many ways it does. But the fact that you get IRRITATED when others don't is a tad troubling. I can imagine someone being completely content with such, and not being bothered by people who do things differently, but that you do get irritated suggests cognitive dissonance. It suggests that maybe you aren't as happy with your own decisions as you let yourself believe.
Empathy is one thing, but you can be empathetic and caring for others without it forcing you down.
Of course I could be totally wrong-- I'm not you, but this pattern is pretty common.
Going out further on a limb, you classify these actions by your colleagues as 'evil'-- this suggests that you have a semiotic connection in your mind between 'evil' and 'enjoying for now without regard to tomorrow'. If this is true, then it suggests a lot of restraint in a lot of areas as a result of this pairing of ideas, which could be the ultimate cause of frustration-- if living a little is evil.... Not saying you should throw everything to the wind and buy a sports car or run around work naked or anything. Really just saying things might be a touch out of balance and maybe need a little tweak here and there. Again, as I said, I'm out on a limb pretty far, but I don't think it'll snap.
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If they're friends / people you know, and they make bad decisions, then the real concern would be if they make a bad decision which will impact your life or put you in a weird position. Like if they ask you for money and you have to deny it to them or something like that. Or if you have to listen to your friend being a frowny bear after failing his exam.
So basically I would argue that it is your business as long as these people are in your life. You lose a bit of trust for them because you see them as less dependable. You've spent time cultivating a rapport with someone who might be irresponsible, and now you might have to distance yourself a little so that you don't get dragged into their problems, which feels like a loss if there are other things you like about them. Or you can stay close to them and add on the stress of their problems because you think the trade is worth it for what qualities you like about them. It has a sort of cold utilitarian logic to it, but I believe that's at least one factor.
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Probably because you're growing older? The bad decisions that upset you are classic signs of immaturity. You care for your friends but they're still making bad decisions. Any research done on decision making, financial responsibility or impulsiveness always goes back to examples that are very similar to those.
I'm wondering how old these friends are, though. Studies show that the areas of the brain responsible for such decisions as risk vs reward and long term planning don't fully mature until around 25 years of age. And even then, some people are just more impulsive than others.
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I identify with your post a lot. Empathy can just rock your world sometime.
A person in his 3rd year of business at my school asked "Who's Warren Buffet?" today in a conversation before class. At first I thought he was trying to be ironic with his friend, when it turned out he wasn't I was saddened.
I hadn't heard the term "C's get degree's" until I transferred to the University I'm at now. At 28 with a second chance at school I understand the 18 year old mindset to some degree but it's so hard to resist the urge to just shake the people who say it and tell them to take advantage of the opportunity they have! Reading about your friend's vacation plans just made me so sad for him. Hope everything works out.
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infinity21
Canada6683 Posts
lol I'm really curious what car that acquaintance got now... Mind telling us haji?
Going on a vacation before an exam is one of the dumbest things you can do as a student. I couldn't believe people actually did it at first but it seems to be more common than I expected.
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United States5162 Posts
Ummm...maybe it's just me, but those aren't bad decisions, they're retarded decisions. A bad decision is going through a red light because you thought you could make it. Those are more akin going through a red light because you thought you could make it while also having drugs in the car.
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On March 31 2012 01:01 thedeadhaji wrote:
Is it that I care about everyone's well being? Doubtful; I am no saint.
You don't need to be a saint to have empathy. Also, I think it's natural for people to think to themselves that other peoples lives would be so much better if we made all the decisions for them. After all, isn't that how most authority figures treat us when we're young? It's neither unnatural nor selfless for us to want to mimic that behavior. That's just how we work.
It'll bother you a lot less if you can convince yourself that the people you know now are a work in process rather than an end product, and that the mistakes they are making are the means by which to refine their behavior (so they don't make bad choices in the future). Might seem like they keep making the same mistakes, but truly mistakes (and especially repeated mistakes) are the only way we really learn.
On March 31 2012 01:19 BLinD-RawR wrote:
But what annoys me the most is when they learn little to nothing from it,I mean how can one make a terrible decision, barely scrape out of it and not understand what went wrong, even thinking about it makes me mad.
I have a 2 year old son. You'd be surprised how many times he let his head slam against the floor while he was learning to walk before he learned to use his hands to break his fall. We like to think that adults are worlds different and they are in some ways - but not this one.
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People make the choices they make for a reason, their reason.
Even if you knew why they do what they do, you might still not understand.
What did the guy buy? A car? Did he really buy a car though? Very few people by a car as just a means of transportation. It is a status symbol, it can be an obsession, it can be a childhood dream.
It is so easy to sit on the throne of reason and judge everyone around you. Ooh how clear and simple everything is from up there.
But I find reason boring these days. I much prefer the company of the man who buys the car he can't afford or the student that goes to travel during his studies.
There is just something mind numbing about people that always play it safe and smart.
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I don't mind when people I "simply know" make mistakes/bad decisions.
However, when someone I really care about makes such choices, it really irritates me knowing that he/she could have taken a "better" decision. Some months ago I would even go as far as to argue with them trying to convince them they made a mistake.
I realized though that this is really not a good idea in most(if not all) cases so now I just talk to them and try to understand why they made such a decision and simply tell them if I agree or disagree with that.
I don't know if it's the best thing to do, but I feel like I can't just ignore it completely.
Edit: I forgot to tell that I really enjoy your blog, keep up the good work
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My experience on the matter is so large (lol) that I wrote my own blog to not clutter yours.
I reckon it has to do with the horizon effect, one makes bad decisions because he can't see far enough to consider all the parameters. Someone who spends most of his income on a fancy car to feel successful may not see how that precludes being actually successful, someone who does that to have pussy may not see that there's more to a relashionship with a woman. It's like those immediate pleasures are a candle held so close that it appears very bright and if you're not careful obfuscates everything else, but it's bound to burn out. They'll be in the dark for a while, but will learn to look farther.
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If you made a positive argument, your blog might become more than whimsical words.
What would be a good decision?
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It makes sense that this should bother you, its not the actual mess up but rather the thought of them not being smart that outrages you. Its the idea that they can so whole heartedly do something so FUCKING stupid and not think about it objectively like you can that annoys you. Its the idea that they delude themselves for no reason for something so miniscule in the marginal benefits department for such huge diminishing marginal returns (all dat econ). Its more that than anything else, for me at least, Haji you may be different.
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EPT
