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3861 Posts
On May 18 2009 17:28 theron[wdt] wrote:
good old dad wasn't an international student. He moved to Virginia i forget when because thats where the family was set up. Then when the family moved to Cali, he had to follow. Ironically he did not get accepted into UCLA and had to transfer in from UC San Diego.
Oh and in conversations, my opinion does not matter. he never listens to me anyways so i don't even bother trying to correct his bullshit allegations. He assumes when he tells me not to assume. Honestly, he cares less about me. He has his oldest daughter who goes to UC Berkeley to be the pride of the family and the youngest son to make up for the mistakes that i made. Sad but true. XD. The point of this rant isn't to complain about the problems (mostly). Its about the dad being in the "Almighty" complex. ive basically have had enough of it.
This sounds so condescending (and I apologize) but my GOD, you sound like me when I was 15. You're obviously older than that. "ive basically have had enough of it" already tells me that you're in no position to compromise OR be the bigger, more accepting person in this ordeal. No matter how "shitty" they treat you and no matter how much you feel that he "cares less about you" the reason they work, the reason they live is to see their kids grow up and be successful. That includes you, the one who made whatever mistakes you made.
It's true (and I hate hate hate admitting it) but you can ONLY see how they feel when you are put in a similar situation as them or are a parent yourself.
Your opinion does not seem to matter to them because probably of how you present it to them. If you have a history of being whiney ("I have to work AGAIN? God, this is so UNFAIR~~~") then of course they will not take you seriously. You are their child. It doesn't matter if you're 10, 25 or 50 you will STILL and ALWAYS be their child. Prove to them that they can treat you like an adult and they will. I'm STILL working on that and I'm 28.
I'm not saying that dad's "Almighty" complex is correct - not at all. But it's about you learning to see where he's coming from and accepting that ... as your character may be set already in your 20 years of life... your father's ways are more carved in stone as he is THAT much older than you. How can you expect him to change, when you yourself refuse to?
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I grew up with a dad very similar to yours. He also had a pretty warped view on the world. You have to vent somehow, and you rightfully should. But don't let it get to your head.
I'll try to talk from my own experiences. Basically, you have to realize your dad will probably never change his ways. If you've been a certain way for 40+ years, you're going to stay that way. Your decision now is whether you want to get away from your dad or stay to patch things up. Keep in mind you can and will go back and forth between the two perspectives for years. Generation gaps are not easy nor are always possible to bridge.
You're in college now, so your choices now affect the rest of your life and if you don't make the most of this time, you will only have yourself to blame. If you really are fully financially independent, then you have to act like it. He doesn't make the decision for you anymore, and if you let him you will only regret it. Get out from under his shadow. But you must keep a level head. Better to make your own mistakes, but don't make stupid ones. Don't let anger cloud your judgment.
You have to step back and see the bigger picture, which is what you want your life to become. Man up, be more mature about this. You're not a kid anymore. Ranting and fuming about childhood anger does nothing but waste your time. Whether you want to go home or not, whether you want to work or live there or not -- it's all your choice now. Whatever choice you make, you won't make everyone happy, not even yourself. You won't. But you can be a better man and look at yourself in the mirror without seeing the tantrum-throwing kid you sound like now, and you won't see your dad looking down at you either.
tl:dr = Man up. Get over it. You're grown now. Their words may have been the law before, but it's you make the decisions now. Keep you head on, don't go berserk over a crappy store job.
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If you feel strong enough then just don't talk to them anymore, you apparently have a job and student loans will get you through college just don't fuck up a class. Then join the army/navy and see the world. Become a mercenary after you are discharged and let your family and friends be able to track you via a social networking site such as facebook and when they see you in danger. They will crack and apologize. You can then write a book and pay off your student loans from your soldier of fortune pay and book sales.
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On May 18 2009 18:01 {CC}StealthBlue wrote:
If you feel strong enough then just don't talk to them anymore, you apparently have a job and student loans will get you through college just don't fuck up a class. Then join the army/navy and see the world. Become a mercenary after you are discharged and let your family and friends be able to track you via a social networking site such as facebook and when they see you in danger. They will crack and apologize. You can then write a book and pay off your student loans from your soldier of fortune pay and book sales.
you basically have my entire life written down there, except for the mercenary part. those guys are getting reamed right now
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ISn't it illegal for anyone to work for less than minimum wage unless they volunteer for it? And even then aren't there tax obligations on the labor or something?
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Basically to sum up this thread...
asians: You are ungrateful, selfish, and naive! culture blah blah blah, have more respect!
non-asians: lol douchecanoe!!!!
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On May 18 2009 18:13 Urth wrote:
Basically to sum up this thread...
asians: You are ungrateful, selfish, and naive! culture blah blah blah, have more respect!
non-asians: lol douchecanoe!!!!
haha
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hm, i gotta work with my dad a lot too, and i know i need to help out and stuff like that, but what gets to me is that most of the time he doesn't even ask me if i wanna do it, or can i, its like the concept of me deciding what i wanna do on my time doesnt exist, when he wants something to get done, i drop everything im doing no matter how important i might think it is and do it, its not about the work, id just like if he treated me like my decisions mattered.
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Well, tell your dad if you go to work you'll have lousy grades and drop out of school. No need for a fight IMO. Just a little diplomacy.
And you can try to make the parents to treat you like an adult. Like my dad was talking crap on me one day about life and what's important and I said "Ok, look, I graduated a goddamn veterinary medicine, I've been through a shitload of crap for those 6 years and I never asked for your help. So just treat me like I ain't a kid no more, please. I really can do without your advice on life...". What was weird - he stopped acting like I am a retard and everything is fine. In other words - stand for yourself, express your position normally and I believe every sane person will respect your choices and you chosen way of life.
This, or the advice for the military 
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Hey, Dads will always be dads, no matter how right you are in an argument they will never let them pride get in the way of being right.
Come on, Don't exile yourself from your own home. It's great to have parents and once you finish college you'll get the respect you deserve because he will be proud of you.
Oh I forgot, My dad treats me very well. We only clash when it comes to school. But now we're like best friends after I got my first work.
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University IS really easy.
Family is important.
But I still agree with the OP. Although I would never yell at my parents, I would never be afraid to say "I don't have time," or "I'm exhausted."
This whole bullshit some posters have been saying... "Your parents paid for your ungrateful ass your whole childhood!" So what? Did anyone on earth ever ask to be born? Has it ever been legal to throw your own kid out on the street? If you have a kid, you already accepted that you're going to have to do a lot for it. That's part of living in society. Your kid isn't supposed to pay for itself and come back in dividends later... I mean, it does, since when you're too old and weak to work, they're the ones keeping society working for you... But it's not supposed to financially save you. That's incredibly selfish thinking.
I believe in family devotion, but it has to be voluntary. No one, even family, can't expect favours from someone they're absolutely nasty to. Please and thank-you goes a long way.
In short... Family means anything is forgivable. But it doesn't mean tolerance is unlimited.
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On May 18 2009 23:38 Chef wrote:
University IS really easy.
Family is important.
But I still agree with the OP. Although I would never yell at my parents, I would never be afraid to say "I don't have time," or "I'm exhausted."
This whole bullshit some posters have been saying... "Your parents paid for your ungrateful ass your whole childhood!" So what? Did anyone on earth ever ask to be born? Has it ever been legal to throw your own kid out on the street? If you have a kid, you already accepted that you're going to have to do a lot for it. That's part of living in society. Your kid isn't supposed to pay for itself and come back in dividends later... I mean, it does, since when you're too old and weak to work, they're the ones keeping society working for you... But it's not supposed to financially save you. That's incredibly selfish thinking.
I believe in family devotion, but it has to be voluntary. No one, even family, can't expect favours from someone they're absolutely nasty to. Please and thank-you goes a long way.
In short... Family means anything is forgivable. But it doesn't mean tolerance is unlimited.
I agree completely with this post apart from the part about uni being easy. Seriously wtf.
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Vatican City State1176 Posts
On May 18 2009 23:38 Chef wrote:
University IS really easy.
Family is important.
that's pure arrogance
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Kay.
I'll clarify what I mean, I guess. When I say university is easy, I mean it's easy to pass and get your degree, which is all that really matters. It's not easy to get an A in every course, and it's hard to maintain a scholarship that demands a 90+ average, but basically anyone who tries is going to pass their courses. In my opinion, anything where success is never in doubt is pretty much defined as easy.
I'm just going to assume 'family is important' doesn't need clarification
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On May 19 2009 00:10 Chef wrote:Kay. I'll clarify what I mean, I guess. When I say university is easy, I mean it's easy to pass and get your degree, which is all that really matters. It's not easy to get an A in every course, and it's hard to maintain a scholarship that demands a 90+ average, but basically anyone who tries is going to pass their courses. In my opinion, anything where success is never in doubt is pretty much defined as easy. I'm just going to assume 'family is important' doesn't need clarification
That's not all that really matters. Success is measured completely differently for different people. Anyone that works hard is going to pass, it's not simply a case of trying. Sometimes even passing isn't easy.
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I can only see it as being difficult if you have a job thrown in there as well... If you're devoted to your studying... You should feel confident every exam in any course. We're not talking Harvard Law School here... Just an undergraduate degree.
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On May 19 2009 00:27 Chef wrote:
I can only see it as being difficult if you have a job thrown in there as well... If you're devoted to your studying... You should feel confident every exam in any course. We're not talking Harvard Law School here... Just an undergraduate degree.
Are you fucking kidding me. I'm supposed to be doing 45 hours of work a week. That's more than 6 hours every single day. I'm not ignorant enough to think that this is harder than having a job or supporting a family or something but it is not easy.
Don't make blanket statements like university is easy.
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What... I meant if you're going to school and have a job at the same time, then university might be hard. But if you're just doing university... That's about 15 hours of classes a week, + studying. Like... I don't even know what to say. For an undergraduate, they want you to pay all your years of tuition, they're not going out of their way to make things difficult... There's tonnes of counselling, student services, and library resources to help you. Prof's have to maintain a certain number of office hours just for students who are having difficulty... If someone doesn't take advantage of any of these, and they fail, they didn't fail because university is so hard... I mean... I can't even imagine failing putting the minimal effort I do now, much less if I went full force. If you want to say university is hard it's because you want to feel superior to people who aren't wealthy enough to be in university.
Really... High school was more demanding.
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EPT
