EPT
It truly warms my heart to see so many of you here again. I was afraid that I would have lost the trust of my flock after last week's debacle, now commonly referred to as the “Chunky Butter Incident”. As I already told some of you and the kind police investigators, there is a perfectly good albeit slightly unplausible explanation for what happened and I think it is best to just leave it at that.
After all, it is of no importance how I lost my clothes and exactly what I seemed to be doing to the church's organ. The only thing that really matters is the unshakeable faith we have in our Savior.
For is it not He who guides our path and illuminates our thoughts, so that we may make the right decisions?
Is it not He who gives us hope when all seems hopeless? Is it not He who extends His dexterous hand to swipe away our enemies when defeat is surely looming?
My friends, I ask you, what is the light at the end of the tunnel, but the sparkling of His Glorious Earring?
Pray with me.
Oh, Ma Jae Yoon,
you're a really nice dude.
You show us how to win
and make us feel good.
Please crush our opponents
and save us from disgrace
so that we don't switch to Protoss
the Godless Easy Race.
Squeeze the life out of Stork
and make Flash look like Lomo.
I'll gladly suck your dick,
P.S. (no homo).
Now, my Zerg brethren, on to today's sermon. I'm sure all of you followed the recent Blizzcon coverage with suspense in your eyes and moisture in your pants. We sat and watched how Savior, our Savior, tore through the competition with about as much effort as it takes a fat guy to sweat in a sauna. Then, we waited with bated breath for the interview, for that holiest of moments when the Divine Zerg would communicate with us.
And lo, our Maestro did speaketh!
And how He did speaketh!
His Mutaliskness, with His boundless micro skills, saw fit to momentarily abandon his native tongue to regale us with a message in English. A message of beauty it was, a message of hope and a sweet promise of heavenly justice.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1qcal706zcQ
I'm going to destroy everyone, ok? In 2009.
As I am among friends and fellow believers, I will be completely honest. I literally shat myself.
As the viscous product of my bewilderment slid down my leg, I felt pure elation, as I'm sure all of you did. This feeling of pure joy, however, did not last. A few moments later my eyes wandered across several TL posts so vile, so heretic that joy turned to disbelief and disbelief turned to anger.
I held my peace at first, remembering what He Who Uses Defilers In A Boner Inspiring Fashion once kind of said, and I paraphrase: “Just because you have a Hive, doesn't mean you should research Adrenal Glands right away.”
Alas, the blasphemy continued, and now I can keep silent no longer.
My cherished congregation, I cannot even begin to put to words how it pained me to see certain people, let's call them idiots, somehow believe that what His Delicious Zergness actually said was ”I'm going to destroy everyone again in 2009.”
...
This, of course, is WRONG. One could argue that it makes more sense syntax-wise, but one would be a faggot retard.
All of you realize that this kind of insult to MJY, and by proxy to us, cannot stand. We will find the heathens and we will menace them until they either see the error of their ways or succumb to our zealous floggings.
WHO'S WITH ME?
I think.
