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From my personal experience what d1v said.
*About her life at her home later
I don't know about Prozac as Krohm wrote but I do know that any drug won't cure her from her problems alone, especially when her mother will be around.
They can speed up process of recovering but I personally hadn't used them when recovering for like 1,5-2 years... and I'm proud of it.
I don't have to say that you being close to her is key 
Getting her out of there, even if not permanently but just for few hours should be done 1st.
As I remember myself well, she may not want to meet with friends or play tennis because she may be afraid of being more miserable when she won't be good about talking or playing... and it's not so strange - main focus of everyday life is striving with her depression, thinking about it.
I bet she just don't know what to talk about; because she's exhausted she don't want to play tennis.
(of course I may be wrong but imo those are main reasons; you said she realizes her state so you talk with her about it... have you tried asking her about reasons?)
My advice is to start with small steps - are there any trees where you live or something?
Go for a walk, just be close and don't struggle with topics to talk about or some uber activities.
After some time go swimming or cycling. It's really surprising how good feeling it is, being tired
*I will edit this post about fighting with parents, I have to think about it... 1st of all what about her father? Has she or have you talked with your gf's therapist about her situation at home?
From what you write it looks as her mother should be striped of rights as her parent.
edit: 1: Is her mother behavior the only problem? Does she live with her alone?
2: Has it been always like that? Were there any attempts of repairing these relations? Did therapist try mediations, seeking what is causing problems?
If this is beyond any repairs - you wrote about Grandma picking her up - are there people from her family living nearby to who she can move to?
[Her parent(s) opinion about it doesn't matter]
3: About therapist - does your gf simply don't believe she may feel better through... meetings?
Or is it she treats that as therapy with worst meaning of this word (as she would be mentally sick or mad or whatever making her feel even worse about herself) - What does therapy mean or meant to her?
Who found this therapist and thought 1st that she should attend to one?
By any means was therapist simply bad and this is why she stopped going?
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Ok, don't listen to Rekrul....
Making jokes about it isn't going to help. Shes obviously listening to you and only you. She cares what you think, don't take it lightly. In my experience the problem is all about confidence. She doesn't think she can do it, isn't good enough or whatever, all of the above generally.
You need to build her confidence every chance you get. Don't take 'oh no i'm not' for an answer. You need to conince her that she is awesome and can succeed or she'll just remain completly dependant on you for like ever and thats not good.
Good luck.
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On August 29 2008 00:41 Zortch wrote:
Ok, don't listen to Rekrul....
Making jokes about it isn't going to help. Shes obviously listening to you and only you. She cares what you think, don't take it lightly. In my experience the problem is all about confidence. She doesn't think she can do it, isn't good enough or whatever, all of the above generally.
You need to build her confidence every chance you get. Don't take 'oh no i'm not' for an answer. You need to conince her that she is awesome and can succeed or she'll just remain completly dependant on you for like ever and thats not good.
Good luck.
qft
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On August 28 2008 15:23 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
I dealed with my depression by realizing how insignificant these problems are, since soon I will be an adult and can live my own life, free of family trouble.
But how do I get her train of thought on the same track? It's really frustrating.
If you want her to realize how insignificant her problems are you could go on holiday with her to some poor place where she might realize thats she's quite good off. But I'm no psychologist and i fear it might have negative effects if she experiences more trouble :/
and you rekrul is wrong here, don't joke about it. Listen to her and when she told you stuff do something afterwards with her where she can get her thoughts of like playing darts or what ever. If you want to build up her confidence you could start with a new sport with her. Like I taught my gf how to skate because I knew once you can ollie you feel totally awesome 
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United States7488 Posts
The next time you two go out somewhere, take her someplace or to do something she (and maybe even you) haven't done before. Make it an active date, something that requires more that just sitting on your ass for two hours in front of a dinner table/movie screen. Outings like this are fun. They won't cure depression by any means, but they can start by helping her enjoy herself again.
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On August 29 2008 00:18 beetlelisk wrote:From my personal experience what d1v said. *About her life at her home later I don't know about Prozac as Krohm wrote but I do know that any drug won't cure her from her problems alone, especially when her mother will be around. They can speed up process of recovering but I personally hadn't used them when recovering for like 1,5-2 years... and I'm proud of it. I don't have to say that you being close to her is key Getting her out of there, even if not permanently but just for few hours should be done 1st. As I remember myself well, she may not want to meet with friends or play tennis because she may be afraid of being more miserable when she won't be good about talking or playing... and it's not so strange - main focus of everyday life is striving with her depression, thinking about it. I bet she just don't know what to talk about; because she's exhausted she don't want to play tennis. (of course I may be wrong but imo those are main reasons; you said she realizes her state so you talk with her about it... have you tried asking her about reasons?) My advice is to start with small steps - are there any trees where you live or something? Go for a walk, just be close and don't struggle with topics to talk about or some uber activities. After some time go swimming or cycling. It's really surprising how good feeling it is, being tired *I will edit this post about fighting with parents, I have to think about it... 1st of all what about her father? Has she or have you talked with your gf's therapist about her situation at home? From what you write it looks as her mother should be striped of rights as her parent. edit: 1: Is her mother behavior the only problem? Does she live with her alone? 2: Has it been always like that? Were there any attempts of repairing these relations? Did therapist try mediations, seeking what is causing problems? If this is beyond any repairs - you wrote about Grandma picking her up - are there people from her family living nearby to who she can move to? [Her parent(s) opinion about it doesn't matter] 3: About therapist - does your gf simply don't believe she may feel better through... meetings? Or is it she treats that as therapy with worst meaning of this word (as she would be mentally sick or mad or whatever making her feel even worse about herself) - What does therapy mean or meant to her? Who found this therapist and thought 1st that she should attend to one? By any means was therapist simply bad and this is why she stopped going?
Well of course Prozac is not a cure. It just helps things a bit.
Now, the only real thing I've noticed helps is talking to an actual therapist. They really can help. With your girlfriend just talking to you, its not enough. You are not a trained professional. You can't offer her correct guidance. You can however be very supportive of her. However you need to nudge her into getting help. I'm not sure exactly on her personality type, but I'm sure you would know the best way to handle it. If that doesn't work, then take drastic measures. Tell her if she keeps refusing to get help, that you can't stay with her. She'll get rid of you out of anger, but maybe, just maybe she'll come around in a few days. (Or this could totally backfire and it will only make things worse. Yeah on second thought, don't do that unless its a very last resort.)
Seriously, get her to see her therapist, and get her to talk to him/her.
In all reality though, the only person who can make her better. Is herself.
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In response to those telling I should encourage her to stand up to her mother.
This is half the issue. Both her and her mother have a reall irrational emotional way of dealing with things. So if they get into an argument, there is no calm and rational body present to control the extremity of an argument. Suddenly an argument about what to eat for lunch turns into tears, broken mirrors, and either her, or her mother running away.
I am encouraging her to take the medicine, although I feel maybe her mom is withholding it from her?
The last year of highschool starts soon, and hopefully it'll take her mind off her mother, but then she'll be stressed with school.
But it's all good advice, and I'll really take it all to heart. Thanks.
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you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
***EDIT***
Also, I would advise her to NOT take medication under any circumstance. Taking meds when you clearly don't need it is really fucking bad. It just sounds like her depression is situational rather than caused by a chemical imbalance, which means that it can be "fixed" by her just being pro-active about helping herself - she doesn't need medication.
Medications always have side effects, and it's not easy to just stop taking the meds after you have been taking them, and it often requires you to take more meds to be able to wean yourself off the first meds. On top of that depression medication is REALLY IFFY... you can never be sure you are getting the right thing (medication for depression, or bipolar, or being manic are all different, if you get the wrong one it could make things worse)... so I would advise, unless she's been analyzed by a psychiatrist, and not just some random therapist, but someone who specializes in the more scientific aspect of the brain and can determine if her depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, she should NOT take medication.
There are 3095348098 ways to cure depression without need for medicine, and they are much healthier
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On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
San Diego.
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United States7488 Posts
On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
He lives like right next to us. Like only a few minutes away. Seriously... I've been stalking him for a while now (considers putting this into creepiest things blog). I know where he lives; let's kidnap him!!!!
You need to make it to the next MSL/OSL finals party Doc.
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On August 29 2008 04:17 semioldguy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
He lives like right next to us. Like only a few minutes away. Seriously... I've been stalking him for a while now (considers putting this into creepiest things blog). I know where he lives; let's kidnap him!!!! You need to make it to the next MSL/OSL finals party Doc.
kk
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Major OT: DoctorHelvetica, what does your name mean? I've been wondering all the time, does it have anything to do with Switzerland?
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On August 29 2008 05:09 d1v wrote:
Major OT: DoctorHelvetica, what does your name mean? I've been wondering all the time, does it have anything to do with Switzerland?
No. I just like the font Helvetica alot, but it seemed stupid by itself, as a name.
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On August 29 2008 04:02 Xeris wrote:
you go to her mom and tell her to go fuck herself. then tell your gf to be like "im gonna do my own thing I'm old enough to make my own decisions" and if her mom kicks her out, just say she can come live with you.
by the way, where do you live O_O! there is a Henry's in san diego.
***EDIT***
Also, I would advise her to NOT take medication under any circumstance. Taking meds when you clearly don't need it is really fucking bad. It just sounds like her depression is situational rather than caused by a chemical imbalance, which means that it can be "fixed" by her just being pro-active about helping herself - she doesn't need medication.
Medications always have side effects, and it's not easy to just stop taking the meds after you have been taking them, and it often requires you to take more meds to be able to wean yourself off the first meds. On top of that depression medication is REALLY IFFY... you can never be sure you are getting the right thing (medication for depression, or bipolar, or being manic are all different, if you get the wrong one it could make things worse)... so I would advise, unless she's been analyzed by a psychiatrist, and not just some random therapist, but someone who specializes in the more scientific aspect of the brain and can determine if her depression is caused by a chemical imbalance, she should NOT take medication.
There are 3095348098 ways to cure depression without need for medicine, and they are much healthier
I understand where are you coming from but seriously, this is wrong.
I don't know what medicaments are you talking about but the worst thing I know about some is they amplify depression for week or 2 before they start working as they should but they don't make people addicted, mostly because some of them slowly accumulate, NOT work like heroine or w/e - they don't work asap. Chemical imbalance in brain doesn't mean major illness.
What are you writing about is assumption done by most people who never used any, just like psychologist is mistaken with psychiatrist.
Not all of drugs are used to cure heavy illnesses. Sometimes depression just happens without any clear reason. Mature, good earning people, having their own, healthy families feel as they slow down and start lacking motivation in everyday life.
This is time when some drugs (prescribed by a doctor  ) prove to be useful and they don't have as hard implications as you wrote.
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Do not, I repeat do NOT drag her out of her hole. Once you leave she will jump or fall right back in. What you should do is encourage her to get out of it. Once she starts trying to get out you help her.
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It isn't just the mom that is being a problem. Your girlfriend and her mom are both the problem. Telling her to stand up to her mother won't help at all. If anything, it would make the situation even worse.
She listens to you. With that, at least try to guide her in the right direction. It may be tough because you are both traumatize from a dysfunctional family. If she goes to college or whatever, at least make sure she works. She'll be too tired from work to feel depress.
If you two live on your own, that will lesson some of the major problems which is family life. From what I've read so far, moving out seems like the best move right now.
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Don't get involved with her depression and let her make her own decisions. You can't help her at all in this matter. It's something you have to go through and somehow it makes you weaker or stronger accordingly to your willpower. If you do really want to help her the best way is to convince her to go to the terapist.
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Don't worry your free CJ T-shirt will cheer both you and her up fo sho!
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On August 29 2008 11:01 [X]Ken_D wrote:
It isn't just the mom that is being a problem. Your girlfriend and her mom are both the problem. Telling her to stand up to her mother won't help at all. If anything, it would make the situation even worse.
She listens to you. With that, at least try to guide her in the right direction. It may be tough because you are both traumatize from a dysfunctional family. If she goes to college or whatever, at least make sure she works. She'll be too tired from work to feel depress.
If you two live on your own, that will lesson some of the major problems which is family life. From what I've read so far, moving out seems like the best move right now.
The main misconception here is that we are both adults. But she is 17 and I'm 16.
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On August 29 2008 12:04 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2008 11:01 [X]Ken_D wrote:
It isn't just the mom that is being a problem. Your girlfriend and her mom are both the problem. Telling her to stand up to her mother won't help at all. If anything, it would make the situation even worse.
She listens to you. With that, at least try to guide her in the right direction. It may be tough because you are both traumatize from a dysfunctional family. If she goes to college or whatever, at least make sure she works. She'll be too tired from work to feel depress.
If you two live on your own, that will lesson some of the major problems which is family life. From what I've read so far, moving out seems like the best move right now. The main misconception here is that we are both adults. But she is 17 and I'm 16.
Is that going to prevent you both from working and saving money for the future? The idea of living together alone in the next 2-3 years may give her hope for a better future. The tradeoff for working at 16-17 is the quality of your education may suffer.
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EPT
