Lets get started.
First of all I want to state that I have by no means a bad life. I've a really awesome family and lots of friends, a good job and I don't look too bad, at least thats what I think.
+ Show Spoiler [Picture Of Me] +
But there are still some things that bug me to no end. I'm not expecting you to judge, to help or to state what you think without providing you any information so I will give you a plain introduction about myself.
I'm Silvano B. and I'm living in Kaarst near. Cologne, Germany. I'm trainee for being an IT Specialist for Telecom. My hobbies are obviously playing Starcraft, writing on Teamliquid, listening to music, writing poems, partying and meeting with friends just to chill or to do whatever we are up to. I have four sister (all married + having kids). Well, thats about what you need to know. If you have further questions do not hesitate to ask.
Now, what currently bugs me in my life is the fact that I don't have a girlfriend which makes me thing I'm just unloveable or a faggot. I'm always the best friend of girls, but never be the man.
Actually I don't like going to clubs and dance, because I just cannot. I wish I could, but I simply don't have any feeling for rhythm. Also I seem to be unable to address a girl I don't know, because I'm so shy.
But there are some other facts about me which probably make me not able to find a girlfriend. I'm very honest. I hate lies and I always offer to help. I always offer girls just to talk without ulterior motives.
That seems to be the perfect match for being the best friend, but not the lover.
I hate guys that just want to hit on girls and quit them right after.. to be honest, that has a background and its really hard for me to talk about since it touches me deep in my heart.
When I was sixteen I had a female friend. We were very close but just friends and we both agreed to stay like that. She loved that guy... who told her if she sleeps with him probably feelings will come.
Oh well,.. as you can imagine she slept with him, because she was literally blind. He hit & quit her, just like I told her.
Okay, thats not too bad until now you think? When I was at her place she told me she's going to take a bath because she needs to relax. I had a bad feeling. Don't ask me why, I just had. I went to the bathroom to check whats up. (obviously I knocked out the door) She didn't answer so I went in. She was lying there and her wrists were cut.. I immediately called the emergency and tried to stop the bleeding, holding her tight in my arms. Unfortunately there was no hope. She smiled and press her tight against my body when she died. This is what I remember when it hits me again and I have to cry. I remember her smiling when she went to heaven, I remember her as a happy person which I loved in a friendly way. Its by no means a good thing that happened to me or her, but I think she was happy dying in my arms and not being alone.
So,.. this is the reason I hate assholes who just hit and quit girls. There are some situations I think about just hurting girls (not physically of course) like they hurt me. But then again I remember my friend died just because of an asshole of this kind.
Well, I guess if you read until here, you don't consider this post as a whiny-bitchy post but as a frustrated and sad post trying to get over the past.
Teamliquid has so many characters, so many good and clever people. I just want to share my feelings and maybe get a little bit of a cheering to get over my past.
There are also some songs that have so much emotions in them, I can actually feel the text, because it remembers me.. and I don't know if its a good or a bad feeling.. its strange.
For example Mariah Carey - One Sweet Day.. there are text parts like:
"... Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day..."
Also I still love my best friend, which is so hard to me. I'd like to erase her boyfriend, but I want to see her glad. I want to be a good friend and I try my best not thinking about it too much.
+ Show Spoiler [Picture Of her (artwork)] +
I'm looking forward to read some of your comments.. Please take your time writing and thinking about what you write, because you could probably hurt me alot by saying wrong things. Please help me out Thanks in advance....