EPTUnfortunately, since I was careless, this led to some people believing that my parents were dead, so I'm going to lay off this idea and change to yet another subject:
Myself.
We were different, and to this day I don't know how I ended up with her. My older sister was the most popular girl in highschool and I can't count the number of times she drunkenly wandered into my room at 3 in the morning with a hamburger, spilling lettuce all of the fucking floor, and telling me that some of her friends needed a place to sleep and would be rooming with me for the night.
We were 5 years apart, so her legacy was still fresh by the time I got to highschool. Everyone asked why I wasn't anything like my sister. What was I supposed to say that? While I wasn't like my sister, we were still close and she took care of me. I owe all of my taste in clothing and good hygiene habits to her. But, in the end, we were exact opposites in terms of personality.
So, I guess it only makes perfect sense that I fell about as hard as I've ever fallen for a girl who was every bit the exact same kind of opposite to me as my own sister. But, hey. Don't most guys like the popular girls? Isn't that why they're popular? I suppose I won't forget the text message she sent to me late in October in which she confessed her feelings to me. I swear, I deleted every single text message out of my inbox except for that one for I don't know how long. I wanted to keep it and stare at it for as long as humanly possibly.
I really don't know what else to say except that I don't take care of myself. That was proven to me over the past few days.
When I didn't feel like checking TeamLiquid or playing StarCraft, right then and there, I should have known something was wrong. She had decided that she was bored with me and wanted to move on. Before her, there was another girl. Only one other girl. She had done something not entirely unlike what just happened to me. But it was because I met her that I was able to let her go and move on.
And now I don't even have that. For the next few days, I didn't even know how to feel. One part of me tried to rationalize her decision and I tried to be convinced that if I were in her position, I'd more than likely not want to be with me, either.
Another part of me was boiling over with the deepest, most immature hatred that (and I don't feel I'm pushing it with this description) I've ever felt towards anything before in my life.
But, while in my bed and listening to sound of my body eating itself as a result of me not bothering to get up and eat, I found it odd that this is what had happened to me. People told me to get over her, to move on, that she isn't worth my time, that I need to find someone else, ect.
But not a single one just said "I see your point."
or "I understand."
Isn't it weird that we immediately look for excuses to avoid sadness? Shouldn't it be treated with the same respect as any other human emotion?
I liked her.
She hurt me.
This happened.
It happened.
Today, like the past few days, I didn't feel like seeing anyone. I just got up, stretched, went to the fitness center to do some running, and showered. My PC hadn't been touched in a few days, so I decided to just waste some time catching up on things I've missed on the internetz.
Juno was finally leaked. I've been looking forward to that movie. My inbox was stuffed with spam. The usual. I was moved from number one down to number twelve on her MySpace. Well, okay then. That Roller Romantics album by The Birthday had finished downloading. Yusuke Chiba's voice is orgasmic. FighterForum reported that Garimto and ChoJJa had retired. Surely, they're discussing this at TeamLiquid.
Looking through an entire page of topics that I had missed, I see that Sea is still as adorable as ever in expressing regret for giving Go.Go one of the wins in his 5-1 TvT stats. The next time they play, I'll cheer for Embossing.
I see Hong Jin Ho looking very handsome in his (albeit loud) shirt and tie on I Love Star. I've warmed up to that show entirely now that Jang Jin Soo is co-hosting. And I feel a great nostalgia in watching Jin Ho's clicks and positioning. I don't care how much weight he gains or poker he plays, he'll always be the Storm Zerg.
I see HwaSin sounding confident about this year's MSL. There was a time when I was convinced that he would be the next boom in progaming. Years past and nothing happened. I'm starting to regret losing faith in him. Jin Yung Soo Fighting~
It's basically a cultural event for me whenever an old gamer retires. The fact that it was Garimto and ChoJJa, two players for which I hold several years worth of fond memories, made this sting a little more than usual. Especially Garimto. He shaved his head over and over again and when he lost, you could see it in his eyes that he didn't want to believe it. I think Junwi's reign as King of the Hopeless Face has ended.
And then I see another one of Rekrul's exploits in Korea. Except this time, I actually paid attention and read it.
A man who I would sooner identify myself as closer with than my own parents in some strange, comsic sense played a $50 bet game against a person who posts on the same message board as me. This is something so uniquely TeamLiquid. In interviews, Giyom constantly stated how close he and Elky were with ChRh. On a show on OGN where progamers, old and new, go to a PC room and challenge the best player, Giyom had said that he practiced exclusively with ChRh for his episode (Chrh, while a member of ACE, was not exactly in-shape). Giyom won the match was a decided ease.
It was then that I realized that because he practiced with a person he enjoyed playing StarCraft with, he was able to take more away from it than he would have if he had practiced with, say, Sea, Mind, Flash, or Iris.
Seeing a picture of Giyom and ChRh together, in a room where Lim Yo Hwan was sitting at the computer of Hwang Kyu-Hoon, the person who he had played in the first replay I had ever watched in my entire life, I felt oddly at peace. I felt good. Why, exactly? Even I can't explain it. When I see someone who I have spent all of my teenage years admiring and adoring wearing denim and a hoodie and playing motherfucking Rekrul in a bet game, I can't help but feel something.
Maybe I won't hear "I understand." or "I see your point." in regards to this, but maybe I don't need to hear it, either.
But there was one thing that I needed and I saw it firsthand. A person who was depressed had smiled for the first time.
This happened.
It happened.
To TeamLiquid, I would like to say something simple:
Thank you.
