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I remember waking up every single morning, being excited to stream starcraft games, no matter how bad I was at the game.
Regardless of what people have said, I just did things that I wanted to do. Whether it be restreaming old proleague games, doing casting, streaming, doing stupid stuff on camera, etc.
Up until few years ago I always had the passion to just do things. Nothing really stopped me from doing what I wanted to do. It led me to going to Proleague games live, translating interviews in person, and being part of Korean starcraft scene for brief period of time. I would spent countless hours, sometimes not even sleeping during workweek, just to write a simple webapp to help out a small video game tournament that I was part of (and eventually being the T.O. for one of the games).
I'm turning 30 soon, and only recently looked back on my past 10 years. And I've come to realization that the motivation isn't really there anymore. If I want to do something, I always think about doing it twice before acting on it (and eventually give up before I can finish doing risk assessment). I don't feel as passionate about things that I used to love, nor have found new things that I am passionate about. Perhaps I've just lost the drive to be passionate about something, or even set out a simple goal to follow up on?
I've spent past couple of days just thinking about what I used to do 10 years ago. The days where I just streamed games all day long. The days where I just made my life decisions on the go, flying out to Korea and doing things that I never imagined would've happened. Waking up 4/5am in the morning to translate games, or going to sleep at 9am after finishing long nights of Proleague. There were lots of ups and downs, but all of that really happened because I was passionate about starcraft, and really motivated to achieve something.
I'm not sure if I have the strong passion for things anymore. Maybe it's just covid-related restrictions that sinked the last thing that I was passionate about, but it really sounds like an excuse when I could've done lot of other things to help out the gaming scene that I was invovled in. Maybe I'm just not having fun with doing things that I used to love. Or maybe I'm just reaching a point in life where I'm telling myself that no matter how passionate I am about video games, the lows from past 10 years will just repeat itself again (depsite having fun time here and there).
I'm sitting here now realizing that there are still huge goals in life that I want to achieve, but the motivation for it seemed to be slipping for past year or so. Only recently, my friend made a life decision to go for his dreams. That's when it hit me: if I'm just sitting here thinking, I'm just going to get older in this state. Instead of thinking, I just need to do things. And hopefully with my friend making the decision, I can try my best to follow through to achieve my own goals. Whether I am successful shouldn't be important; what should be important is that I made the decision to try things, instead of playing it safe.
Here's to next 10 years. Hopefully by then, I can tell myself 'I've had fun for past 10 years, here's to next 10' rather than telling myself 'man I wish I did things differently back then'.
Maybe I should just print out the Nike logo with 'Just Do It' and post it all over the walls in my room and in my office area. Heh.
P.S. I'm just here rambling because thinking about 10 years ago, I would spent countless hours on this website trying to learn more about SC, whether it be learning how to play or the history of the game within Korea. I must admit I am mostly detached from SC scene nowadays, but I can't deny that it shaped lot of my early 20s.
  
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I hope you find your passion again! I think what you're describing could be a part of getting older, or it could be you're caught in the momentum of life and you forget how to get over. Maybe you're swimming towards a goal or maybe you're stuck in a current without realizing it. That's what makes quotes like "Just do it" super corny at times and othertimes its profound....because some times we do need to remind ourselves to just do it.
You still have youth. We only get to do this once, so I hope you find something risky (within your judgement to do). You can't complain you never win unless you try to roll the dice. No one's going to give you a good roll.
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I've had a similar arc, but on the mapmaking side of SC2. Almost turning 30, realizing my passion for it is basically gone. I used to be so excited for everything SC2, and that included ProLeague. I remember watching you stream and comment on matches, that was honestly my favorite Starcraft content looking back. Now when I have the idle thought about Starcraft, it usually goes away just as quickly. It was like mourning a loss.
Now by contrast, my career is threatening to pick up after the initial shock of the pandemic, and Elden Ring eats up basically all of my free time, lol. I'm glad I did what I did, but also I'm glad you did what you did. I hope you find a way forward that makes you happy, man. You deserve it.
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Korea (South)11595 Posts
Happy Birthday.
It's ok to no longer feel a passion for SC. Just continue being the awesome you and do something that brings you joy and take it one step at a time. I'm sure you will be proud of what you accomplish in the next 10 years.
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I still love BW, occasionally play it, but yeah we grew up, I got a kid, the world is turning into shit, I no longer have the passion, yet seeing the game is still alive and played at the highest level is one of the few things warming my heart.
Find a new passion, and watch the ASL when you have time. Just because you don't have a strong passion anymore doesn't mean you can't enjoy watching the good games.
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I wonder why the passion for StarCraft seems to fade whereas conventional sports people tend to be fans of it for life. I used to really look forward to watching BW as well, and reading all about it, but these days I can't get interested at all. Guess it isn't just soul sucking depression if many people have similar experience.
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Bisutopia19320 Posts
It's great to hear from you SNM. You are still an inspiration to me even today. I loved all your work from streaming BW days to casting PL for SC2. You will find a new passion one day. It's hard to not have something for sure, but once you do find something that inspires you again, it will be wonderful. Until then, hang around here more and be part of the growing BW community. I think you'd be a huge asset for Scan, Nyoken, and zzzero if you have the time to reach out to them. Their growth in the casting and production scene has been very encouraging to watch as a Starcraft fan.
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Good times in the LR threads.
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I know this feeling, and you're not alone. Unfortunately I don't have a cure for finding passion again, seems to me like its reserved for the young.
My father and I actually talked about this, about how everything feels blander every day. His passion was fishing and he still does it but its more about passing time as he has nothing better to do rather than a burning drive to get out there. From what I could understand making children was a way to sparkle that passion again, indirectly, living vicariously through his own children and delighting in our adventures. Maybe its natures way to keep itself rolling, the old giving way for the new.
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On March 20 2022 17:37 suxN wrote:
I know this feeling, and you're not alone. Unfortunately I don't have a cure for finding passion again, seems to me like its reserved for the young.
My father and I actually talked about this, about how everything feels blander every day. His passion was fishing and he still does it but its more about passing time as he has nothing better to do rather than a burning drive to get out there. From what I could understand making children was a way to sparkle that passion again, indirectly, living vicariously through his own children and delighting in our adventures. Maybe its natures way to keep itself rolling, the old giving way for the new.
Ah man, that’s depressing. If that’s a fact of life I’m going to fight it with every fiber of my being. I hope we all stay curious and find joy and adventure in places. I have to imagine just gotta try something new, try something that scares you to correct that.
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EPT
