Yesterday another friend did the same, he was 27. A fan of Starcraft and an enthusiastic participant in our local tournaments and banter.
A person who struggled with demons and alcohol, who I fucking failed. I exiled him from our community, correctly at the time but I can’t help feel he just wanted a place in the earth to fit in and I denied him that. For something that in the greater scheme of things didn’t fucking matter at all.
He posted some posts that get like warning signs on Facebook that I completely misread amongst the sea of general attention seeking and I thought he was just venting, I didn’t reach out despite it triggering my concerns.
I was institutionalised, I’m more au fait with mental health issues than anyone I know, not from choice. How did I fucking miss this?
My friend, who was studying medicine at Cambridge half a decade ago, died from an overdose in a fucking halfway house, he’d picked himself up recently and found a partner who seemed to raise his spirits, she broke up with him after 2 years, unbeknownst to me and it seemed that was the straw.
Perhaps nothing I could have said would have made any difference whatsoever, but I’ll forever carry a guilt on this issue.
Within our small, avowedly amateur and some 450 people strong Irish Starcraft collective, 2 young men have killed themselves in the last 5 years, the last one was only 19.
This is a fucking disgrace, for all my guilt I’m merely a guy with his own mental health issues, and no actual expertise outside the experiential.
Our suicide rate amongst young men in Northern Ireland is catastrophic, it’s a fucking disgrace and it’s a blight on our people. It’s the single biggest cause of death amongst young males in our province, although I can’t recall the exact statistics I believe it’s for men under 30.
It’s horrendous, fuck this. I cancelled having my kid visiting today as I am a complete emotional mess, couldn’t face seeing my son feeling I let a man die. Thank you TL for listening to my venting (if indeed you did).