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Hey all, it's been a really long time since I've posted. I'm not very active in the community anymore and haven't a clue what's going on in Starcraft anymore, and life's pretty different for me now. But I find myself needing a little advice and help because I need to make a pretty big life decision, and it helps me a great deal to hear others' opinions and fresh perspective.
A little background: My mom has struggled with alcholism and drug abuse her entire life. I've dealt with the effects of that. I've blogged about it before, nearly 5 years ago, to get my thoughts straight. It's really affected me deeply, and I realize that because of everything I've been through with her I've developed an intimate acquaintance with depression and, to a degree, anxiety.
She's been in and out of rehab and prison for the last 11 years. It's had a heavy toll on the family. She was released from prison almost two years ago, and my grandparents (her parents) took her in (again). She can't really live on her own. She has a terrible credit history, criminal record, no income other than disability, and some intense mental disorders. She's still functional and incredibly intelligent, but has her very debilitating addictions to deal with.
Since then, my grandparents have kicked her out and won't take her back. They still love her and care about her, but it puts a huge strain on their relationship and too much stress to handle. My aunt (her sister) then took her in, and she's been living with her for the last few months. That hasn't been pretty, because though they're best friends, my aunt also has a drinking problem and they fight a lot. It isn't a great situation.
So, here's where the difficulty arises. They got in a fight a few nights ago, my aunt calls the police, and my mom was arrested. There was some physical altercation and though I'm sure it went both ways because they were both drunk, my mom is the one with the history. She's now in jail, and she's burnt the last bridge she has, other than myself. My aunt won't take her in any longer, and neither will my grandparents.
My ordeal is this: I'm 22, a university student, working hard to make it through and get an education. I have high goals and want to do things with my life. But I also have an undying love for my mother and could never give up on her. She's still fighting this addiction and wants to overcome it with all she has. I want the same and I would take all the pain and addiction and struggles she's had her whole life on myself in a heartbeat if that were possible. I just want my mom to be happy and have a normal life for the first time ever.
If I don't take her in myself, she's likely to end up homeless. I don't like to get into slippery slope mentalities, but she deals with severe depression and PTSD and addiction. I can't think of much happening after that but a slow, sad life, followed by her dying due to an overdose or suicide or what have you (she's tried before). My dad (they've been divorced since I was three) doesn't want me to take her in, because of the ramifications in my own life. My grandpa says the same. But then what? My mother, homeless? I can't bear that thought.
I'm not sure what to do, and I just need some thoughts from some open minds. Anything's appreciated. Thanks for reading.
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From the sound of things, I don't think you have the time nor the expertise to deal with her situation by taking her in. If she's not able to make it with your grandparents or your aunt, it's unlikely that it'll be different with you, plus, she'll probably be overburdened with guilt if she were to impose any ramifications on your life. I would suggest taking your mother to a local women's shelter, where they have staff and programs to deal with people in her situation. Be sure that you and your family visit her often.
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Ok, only you know how it is and how you feel, i can only relate so much, so take it with a grain of salt.
If you cannot give up on her, don't.
Don't do anything you will regret. Every son should expect to take care of their mothers but to you its more harsh and happened too soon.
You life is bigger than your problems, make it through and get your education, but don't leave your mother on the streets.
If there is no other way, take her and see what happens but if the burden is something you cannot handle, then rethink the situation.
Some therapy for you might be a good idea, if its possible.
Don't destroy your life over this situation, but postpone a thing or two? or even give up a couple of high goals? I don't think future you will care about it too much.
But really, she needs professional help, a student is the least person that should handle this.
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On June 21 2016 12:31 Chairman Ray wrote:
From the sound of things, I don't think you have the time nor the expertise to deal with her situation by taking her in. If she's not able to make it with your grandparents or your aunt, it's unlikely that it'll be different with you, plus, she'll probably be overburdened with guilt if she were to impose any ramifications on your life. I would suggest taking your mother to a local women's shelter, where they have staff and programs to deal with people in her situation. Be sure that you and your family visit her often.
Some advice from an american, that sounds much better than what i could say. You should support her emotionally, but if you can focus on your studies and lessen your burden, then do it.
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I agree with Chairman Ray's advice. I can't imagine how difficult a predicament you must be in, and you can always visit your mom and try to be there for her emotionally, but you can't shoulder such a burden on your own- nor are you probably financially and experientially able to- to be honest.
I'd hope that your mother would want you to lead a happy and successful life, and wouldn't want you to throw away opportunities at her expense. It may also be helpful to you to ask for some guidance from those who know you/ your mother/ your family/ your situation.
Best of luck <3
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That is an impossible decision that you have to make.
If it were me, I would try to gather my family members in order to gather enough money to send her to an institution / hire a psychologist while she goes through this tough time. Of course, I have no experience with something as extreme as this, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
The only thing that I feel comfortable saying is that you should definitely take of your own future before you worry about someone else's, even if that someone else is your own mother. Take care of her, put aside some time and money into helping her, but your studies and future life is the first priority.
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Sorry to hear about your situation. Having a family member with those kinds of conditions will put a strain on any relationship. I know that people who suffer from addictions generally only break out of it when they themselves are finally done suffering through self-sabotage, and not when other people want them to change. For many it take years and years of misery.
I don't envy you my friend. I don't think you can help her deal with her problems and I would definitively put yourself first. Although it sounds a little harsh, being homeless might really motivate her to finally stop destructive behaviours.
Wish you all the best mate.
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I don't know what you should do but I can tell you what I would do in your situation. I'd get a full time job and take care of her for a set period of time at least 1 year. At that young age it is not a bad thing to postpone education in my eyes, especially in this situation. I would not do it if I couldn't get a job but I would try my best.
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EPT
