|
It all started to grow roots when I was in high school preparing for university exams I think. It was like 8 years ago.
I had always been sensitive to stress, a common thing that would stress a normal person 2/10, made me feel 6/10 stressed. But luckily, I was completely immune to some kinds of stress sources, such as family issues. My mom and dad didn't get along much, it was not a peaceful home. But I was always like, "so what the fuck, as long as I have a bed to sleep and something to eat, I don't care what happens between my parents".
It was true, I didn't care. I didn't care much about school stuff either. Up until university exams they seemed almost trivial to succeed. When I failed sometimes, it didn't worry me the slightest. I always knew whenever I take school stuff a little seriously, I could succeed easily.
Then it took me 3 years to win a university that I would like to study. I was top %3, %1 and %0.6 in three exams respectively. My points were not bad, most of the average students dreamed of scoring my lowest points.
In those 3 years, plus may be the 2 years of high school, I got used to living a very simple life style. A few close friends, and some old pc games was all my life pretty much. At that times I started to feel that I like to avoid anything new and uncertain.
Then I came to university, It was in a city 400 km away from my home, with only 1 friend that was too busy to hang out most of the time. Absolutely everything was new and full of uncertainty, ambiguity. I never needed much social life to be happy, but I was starting to realize, I just have to take some chances, some uncertain steps, to get things. Like a friend circle to work on school projects with. Like a girlfriend. Like some professors to get advice about academic stuff. That forced me to take those uncertain steps I didn't want to, which some ended with positive results, most of it with negative. Or the most critical ones with negative, I think 
That stressful period somehow broke my stress mechanism. Now, I get stressed over things I should never have to. Like some small events that outcome does not matter, or outcome will be positive %99. An example and a good one:
2 weeks ago one of my friends called me, told me he has some business in the city I live and he would like to stay at me for 1-2 days. He's a good guy, a good friend, not very close but we know each other for like 10 years. There can be no bad thing if he stays for 2 days. Worst thing that could happen is he may get bored, since I'm not an entertaining or outgoing person. I said ok, but I was in a cold sweat for half a day. couldn't eat, couldn't work, until he called and said his thing was cancelled and he won't come. I felt like I was reborn.
Today he called again and said he will come tomorrow. I couldn't eat the whole day because of stress. It instantly affects my stomach, with nausea and no appetite. What I feel is, I have a simple and stable life, anything that may disrupt it makes me feel very stressed, to the point of feeling sick. Doorbell rings. There can't be a good thing about a door bell. Something stressful has happened and I have to deal with it. I may run from it, but at some point I will have to deal with it. Oh, the stomach ache, and nausea...
|
United Kingdom20326 Posts
Sounds like you might want to see a psychologist (and that's not anything to be ashamed of)
|
|
|
this is something i wish to improve on too. I feel like i get stressed for no reason - not many friends contacting me = stress. procrastinating = stress, stupid stuff = stress.
|
procrastinating is the ultimate stress inducer, a reliable stress source that's always available
gonna check out elibay, thanks.
|
You're not the only one that dislikes hearing the doorbell or phone :p.
I can relate to a certain extent but I can't think of anything helpful to say. I will think about it and if I find some useful information I will come back, I probably won't be back...
Goodluck fellow procrastinator.
|
My stress is somewhat similar but I just dropped out of high school entirely (though not exclusively because of stress, it was a big reason, a bigger reason was it simply was just a waste of my time). Most of my stressers don't have any real logical source and can't be quantified. The nausea feeling is quite common, yeah, along with physical pain (a great deal of muscle tension, nerve twitching, weights/coldness in head, etc) It's been about that bad for about 15 years.
The only thing I find really copes with it, since drugs et all were a bust, is that outlook you mentioned early in. The lack of caring and total desensitization to things around you. It's incredibly hard to get that way with everyday things, especially if you haven't grown up completely isolated like I have, but not caring about how things may or may not happen takes out one of the major avenues stress has to enter your thoughts. The second way I deal with stress is to just get pissed off. It's a tough balancing act, a sort of rope between total suicidal despair and blind rage. I've dipped into both ends countless times, sometimes with significant consequence to myself like melting the inside of my stomach etc, but that's simply the challenge of the eternal battle.
Avoiding stress-inducing things is tough but that is the first step to not caring about them. Like, I don't see why anyone thinks having a girlfriend is worth the trouble. It's certainly not worth the stress. Do what you enjoy doing when you want to and don't worry about anything else. Build a sanctuary and then consider expanding it, rather than alienating it. Something like building 20 PF's and just slow crawling out to your natural.
I don't find any particular thing made stress "worse". It was just something that happened over time as a result of growing older. The lack of stability really makes it hard. Financial and living stability are really just an absolute bitch to think around much less do anything.
I'm afraid I don't actually have any useful advice. Other than that the road is probably only going to get more and more difficult until you start to learn more about yourself and what kinds of things you need to be prepared to either sacrifice or all-in. For me, I willingly gave up all socializing. I haven't stepped outside in 15 years other than to attend to vet appointments. Being near people is a red alert all hands on deck stress overload. But I smile and nod and let them talk. I shield myself from people and people from me with a barrier of deadness. I simply shut off my brain. I sort of go into a kind of mental limbo. I developed this skill during my school years, it was honestly the only thing that stopped me from going berserk. Luckily, none of these rare instances of human contact require me to actually think or do anything. That's not so convenient for someone in university.
Stick to your games and balance your load of mental overhead. Take things one at a time and don't give your mind avenues to wander away from. Even if the environment is unstable, you can build a cathedral in your thoughts to retreat to and call that your home.
|
I think OP has to answer WHY is he stressed upon the news of his friend's arrival. What is the reason behind the stress? If you know the reason, you can apply some logic and maybe get rid of it.
I try to do this most of the time when a situation arises. After a time it becomes a habit and nowadays I don't overthink things too much. I just give them some thinking time and I usually decide this is trivial and not worth worrying about it.
|
I have a similar thing. Basically, unexpected events make me stressed.
|
Honestly, that's something VERY stressful! I wouldn't stress about being stressed this time 
That said, yeah, you know "worst case" is he just get's bored. No big deal. Try to do something to take your mind off of stress.
Video games, movie, book, music... whatever works to relax you.
|
Some people can overcome their stress through meditation and so on. You just have to find what works for you, and more precisely who can help you.
Assuming a somewhat 'lotus' position and re centering one's self through breathing and mental stuff
works for some people you could try it. Then again "someone" has to "work" for you to show you the way and inform you of what it can do or cannot.
What not to do, in any case: do not shut this in (you posting here is proof that you can do something about it), do not let it become what you are.
Never surrender never back down!
gl
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
