EPTOn June 19 2015 05:38 brickrd wrote:
as someone who grew up pretty spoiled and has had problems with procrastination and time management and goal orientation, i can attest that a big part of healing this kind of thing is finding fulfillment in daily tasks. i hope this doesn't sound like i'm just saying "step 1) fix yourself," but seriously, when you start looking at things like doing the dishes and keeping your living environment respectable (not perfectly prim and tidy, just respectable) it has a real effect on your self-esteem and self-worth.
what changed things for me was when i stopped thinking about it as "phew, i finally have that out of the way, now i can breathe and relax and play video games again" and started framing tasks themselves from start to finish as things that are literally constructive toward my emotional and mental health. because they are. i started looking down at the dishes or the folded laundry or the cleaned room as i was taking care of them and thinking about how good it was to have the privilege of owning nice things to take care of and how much less stressful it is to look at an area that's been taken care of. when i was done i took pride in what i had done and reminded myself that i'm just like anyone else, that my responsibilities are my own and that a decent and healthy person tends to himself, and moreover that if you want to be decent to others you have to start from a position of self-respect
i know that changing a deeply-rooted way of thinking is more complex than "instead of being bad, just think the good things and be good," but i thought it might help to mention that i've done it, it works and it's great. i still overcome this type of issue every single day with the same thought exercises. i've had people mock me to my face because i'm willing to do dishes in my house rather than trying to force my wife to do them, but i just shrug and tell people i'm proud of being willing and able to tend to my living space and clean up my own messes. it's a good quality to have and part of a solid perspective toward life
inspirational anecdotes about mike tyson and all that are good too (seriously, not trying to put down other people's comments), but sometimes you just have to look at your life for what it is and figure out how to take pride in it and enjoy it without trying to inflate everything into some grand gesture or journey. life will always be full of little things, and owning the little things is a lot more important than any dramatic concept of self transformation or heroism
as someone who grew up pretty spoiled and has had problems with procrastination and time management and goal orientation, i can attest that a big part of healing this kind of thing is finding fulfillment in daily tasks. i hope this doesn't sound like i'm just saying "step 1) fix yourself," but seriously, when you start looking at things like doing the dishes and keeping your living environment respectable (not perfectly prim and tidy, just respectable) it has a real effect on your self-esteem and self-worth.
what changed things for me was when i stopped thinking about it as "phew, i finally have that out of the way, now i can breathe and relax and play video games again" and started framing tasks themselves from start to finish as things that are literally constructive toward my emotional and mental health. because they are. i started looking down at the dishes or the folded laundry or the cleaned room as i was taking care of them and thinking about how good it was to have the privilege of owning nice things to take care of and how much less stressful it is to look at an area that's been taken care of. when i was done i took pride in what i had done and reminded myself that i'm just like anyone else, that my responsibilities are my own and that a decent and healthy person tends to himself, and moreover that if you want to be decent to others you have to start from a position of self-respect
i know that changing a deeply-rooted way of thinking is more complex than "instead of being bad, just think the good things and be good," but i thought it might help to mention that i've done it, it works and it's great. i still overcome this type of issue every single day with the same thought exercises. i've had people mock me to my face because i'm willing to do dishes in my house rather than trying to force my wife to do them, but i just shrug and tell people i'm proud of being willing and able to tend to my living space and clean up my own messes. it's a good quality to have and part of a solid perspective toward life
inspirational anecdotes about mike tyson and all that are good too (seriously, not trying to put down other people's comments), but sometimes you just have to look at your life for what it is and figure out how to take pride in it and enjoy it without trying to inflate everything into some grand gesture or journey. life will always be full of little things, and owning the little things is a lot more important than any dramatic concept of self transformation or heroism
Liked this a lot. Seems like great advice.
OP mentioned doing meditation? I also think that's a good idea. But your expectations for it should be reasonable: I think it's very valuable and I try to make a habit of it, but it won't cure the sick or feed the homeless. If you have other, underlying problems, meditation will equip you to deal with them, but it won't actually, in and of itself, solve your problems.
Not that OP said it would. I'm just throwing it out there.
EDIT:
To clarify, I mean: Don't let meditation be a form of procrastination.
