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I haven't blogged in quite a while, because I was pretty busy with all kinds of stuff. But today is a special day. I've done it. I've won my hardest battle so far. But let me tell you the whole story: (sry, it's a wall of text)
A few years ago, I was fucking depressed, there's no other way to put it. Around 2008 my whole life had gone down the drain. I had left the university, I had lost my girlfriend, I was overweight. Everything looked grim. Luckily, I somehow managed to pull myself out of that misery, which surely wouldn't have been possible without the support of my friends and my family. I've always been an "all or nothing" kind of guy.
After finishing school in 2004, I became a full-time musician for some years, but sadly my personal problems caught up with my artistic career. Between 2004 and 2007, I produced tons of records, which sold decently and I also played lots of shows with my band. In 2007 the band split up, and I had to face reality. Though being signed in at college, I had never really attended any classes, because I had been too occupied with my music projects. With the end of the band and a dive into the valley of writers block, I was really struggling to regain control over myself (and my life). I began eating too much and put on about 15 kg of weight. In my youth, I had been quite athletic (see my blog on middle distance running), but between 07 and 09 I slowly turned into a meatball. I also have always been dealing with bipolar disorder, but around 2007 the manic episodes didn't occur anymore. I simply was without any will to do anything, which also led to the split with my first real girlfriend. (We had been together between 2005 and 2008.)
The absolute low point of my life was reached in the spring of 2009: I was utterly broke, lived in a shitty house with shitty people (one guy littered his whole room like a maniac, the other one was kind of insane) and was thinking about suicide. This is when my brothers stepped in. I've got three older brothers, and especially the younger two of them have always been important for me. Not as brothers, but as a mixture of father figures and friends. (I have a different father, we "share" the same mother) They took me out for dinner and we talked for hours about life, family and possible solutions to my problems. The first thing I did after that talk was moving out of the shitty house. I then looked for a part-time job (which I got), and decided to rent a small flat in my old home town. Money was spare, but with some help of my friends I was able to move on.
I always have been interested in anything with language and art, so I decided to give college another go. I began studying German, History and Philosophy in 2009. During that time, I also was a huge fan of Broodwar. My life basically consisted of three things: Studying, watching / playing BW, meeting with friends. Music, which always had been the most important part of my life, suddenly didn't work anymore. It would take another four years before I finally would be able to go back to composing and songwriting. As a young man, composing / playing music was the only thing that really made me feel happy. But it also created an emptiness inside of me, because I went too far. I stayed up for days to produce records, I screamed until my throat got sore, I played the guitar until literally my fingers were bleeding. (As I've mentioned, I used to be quite manic in some ways...) Especially live shows really drain you. (yay, a Nirvana reference)
here are some lyrics, directly taken from the dark ages:
// we're the perfect addition / the checksum of life / we are on our mission / to reach neon lights
// the nights we lose / are the ones we use / to break it all up / to fuck ourselves up
// to fuck
After a concert, there's nothing but packing up the stuff, going to the car / bus and driving to the next stop of the tour. (My band wasn't super-famous, so we mostly played in small clubs and obscure locations.) Luckily, I've never been too attracted by drugs, but I absolutely get why so many musicians are dealing with drug problems. You express yourself to a degree it starts being bad for your mental health. Some use drugs to be creative, others use them to deal with the emptiness I described. It may sound like a cliché, but there definitely is some truth to it. The only drugs I've ever been really interested in were psychedelic drugs, but I didn't experiment with them until 2011. (they are great! but for me, using them once a year is enough.)
Back to topic. Studying was pretty hard at the beginning, because I wasn't used to strict timetables and deadlines anymore. But after some time, I managed to find a good way of balancing my studies and my other interests. I got decent to good grades, which soon made me think about the "final goal" of my college education. (Actually, there's no such thing as a final goal. There's only a constant stream of consciousness, which is influcenced by events and decisions.) As I've already told in another blog of mine, I've got "special" eyes. Due to cataract, I'm blind on one eye and the other one is kind of shitty, too. But it works well enough, I guess.)
I was working with kids in my part-time job, and teaching them stuff made me feel really happy.
So I decided to do two things: Firstly, I would get the normal college degrees. Secondly, I would take additional courses to be able to work as a teacher in German schools. (You have to pass a series of exams to be eligible for "preparation service", which then opens up the doors to the real job.) Doing two things at once wasn't very easy, but somehow I managed to be successful. I also started working out again, and I've lost tons of weight, which finally led to me competing again in small races. Nowadays, my weight is back where it should be and even though I'm not able to break my old "records" in running, I'm happy with my current form and my training regime. (Maybe I'll do another blog on running in the future.)
And this is where I am right now and why you are reading this blog entry. Today, I achieved the first BIG goal: I received my master degree. The feeling of accomplishment is fantastic. My master thesis was an historical study about the time of the early reformation (1517-1525). (I won't bore you with the scientific details, but let me tell you that people were crazy back then, too.) I've also started writing reviews for a well-known German music site, which is great fun.
There's no other way to put it: Life feels good right now. Of course, I still have to pass the exams for the teacher stuff, but this won't be too difficult, I think. Even if I don't pass them, I've got a fricking college degree, which I never would have expected in 2008. Hell, I'm glad to be alive. So (insert old man voice here) let me tell you one thing about life: Understanding the possibilities of failure open up ways to be successful.
I used to be pessimistic about everything, but that's not the case anymore.
What's next? Well, I think today I'm going to celebrate with some friends. Maybe I'll get hammered, who knows. Tomorrow, there's the wcs finals starting, which I'm going to celebrate by pulling an all-nighter with an old nerd buddy of mine.
Like the Beatles used to say: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
TLDR: Guy fucks up, turns his life upside down, gets a degree, writes a terribly long post about it.
PS: This post was brought to you by Mr. F.
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Actually, there's no such thing as a final goal. There's only a constant stream of consciousness, which is influcenced by events and decisions.
Maaate fuckin love it!!!
Here's a phrase that will make you feel less happy right now, but it has a bonus attached, so open at your own risk!
+ Show Spoiler + This too, shall pass
Remember to always cherish these moments because they won't last, and also remember when you're down, they won't last either ! (Unless you're financially screwed and have no help available, then you are soooooo fucked )
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On October 31 2014 20:25 virpi wrote:
My master thesis was an historical study about the time of the early reformation (1517-1525). (I won't bore you with the scientific details, but let me tell you that people were crazy back then, too.)
No, please tell us more about it.
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On October 31 2014 21:02 Lucumo wrote:Show nested quote +On October 31 2014 20:25 virpi wrote:
My master thesis was an historical study about the time of the early reformation (1517-1525). (I won't bore you with the scientific details, but let me tell you that people were crazy back then, too.) No, please tell us more about it.
Yeah...I think you should post your whole thesis here as an attachment: would love to read. I've always thought the Protestant work ethic is the singularity that gave rise to Capitalism: Instead of worrying about the afterlife, they concentrated on making God happy now by working harder. An hour at church was an hour wasted that could have been serving the Lord though work was the general idea methinks?
Is this sort of true that Capitalism and brutal work ethic for service to a higher being (see: MightyAtom) came from this period?
I know this 1904 book http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Protestant_work_ethic encapsulated this idea, but did it start as early as 1500's?
EDIT:
"The Calvinist theologians taught that only those who were predestined (cf. the Calvinist concept of double predestination) to be saved would be saved.
Since it was impossible to know who was predestined, the notion developed that it might be possible to discern that a person was elect (predestined) by observing their way of life. Hard work and frugality, as well as social success and wealth, were thought to be two important consequences of being one of the elect; Protestants were thus attracted to these qualities and supposed to strive for reaching them "
o......m........g......the beginning of hard work?? haha I dunno 
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The protestant work ethic surely provided lots of power to the social and economical development, which finally led into the modern form of capitalism. But, as always, there are tons of other processes to take into consideration. The whole renaissance age was some form of "battle field" for different ideas of approaching life, religion and science. (all of those three were closely connected, you couldn't have one without the other.) The reformation was some form of culmination of processes, which started much earlier. Think about humanism, seafaring, the rediscovery of Greek / Roman philosophy, the development of scientific methods, economic changes, the invention of printing techniques (!!!) and so on.
The early reformation in Germany (or the Holy Roman Empire, to be more precise) was centered around two questions:
1. How can religion and its institutional consequences be reformed to be both true to the Christian community and the bible?
2. In which state is the world and what does that mean for humans?
The second question needs some explanation: Nowadays, everyone knows the famous guys, like Luther, Zwingli or Calvin. But lots of other (sometimes vastly different) ideas were popular in the early days of the reformation. Most of those other movements were based on either one or both of the following ideas:
1. Apocalypse is near.
2. The only way to have a good church is to go back to the church of early Christianity.
Even Luther oftentimes mentioned the upcoming end of the world. This was by no means special, because there had been lots of crises in the 14th and 15th century. (the Great Plague, climate changes, corruption, crisis of the catholic church, the list is almost endless.) After the "crazy years" (1517 - 1525) everything cooled off a little and the Lutherian reformation moved on to be the most successful model in most German regions, especially in the eastern parts of the empire. Luthers ideas were also able to succeed, because he managed to find away to get along with the rulers, especially after the end of the so-called "German peasant war". Don't think of that conflict as a real war, you rather have to imagine losely connected uprisings / riots by peasants, which mostly took place in southern Germany.
And this is where my master thesis kicks in: The title of it is "Dimensions of reformatoric publicness using the example of Thomas Müntzer". Müntzer was called "reformer without a church" by the American historian Abraham Friesen for a reason. (kicking those rhymes, yo) His ideas were radical and different, because he went "full apocalypse". He started out as a small priest, but soon began causing uproars everywhere he went. In his person, you can also see the mixture of medieval and modern ways of thinking and of addressing the "public", which is very typical for that time.
Feel free to ask more questions on the subject if you're interested.
@firehand101: Of course, life won't be always great. That's why I like being alive.
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Well you have two options now. Either play Brood War a lot and stream or join BigD's Mafia. Everything else is not acceptable.
+ Show Spoiler +
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Still waiting for that attachment as well, though
Need something to relieve me of my apathy, at least for a short while.
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On November 01 2014 01:17 Lucumo wrote:Still waiting for that attachment as well, though Need something to relieve me of my apathy, at least for a short while.
are you able to speak / read German? If not, you'll have a hard time.
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On November 01 2014 01:20 virpi wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2014 01:17 Lucumo wrote:Still waiting for that attachment as well, though Need something to relieve me of my apathy, at least for a short while. are you able to speak / read German? If not, you'll have a hard time.
Yep, that's no problem.
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On October 31 2014 23:30 virpi wrote:
The protestant work ethic surely provided lots of power to the social and economical development, which finally led into the modern form of capitalism. But, as always, there are tons of other processes to take into consideration. The whole renaissance age was some form of "battle field" for different ideas of approaching life, religion and science. (all of those three were closely connected, you couldn't have one without the other.) The reformation was some form of culmination of processes, which started much earlier. Think about humanism, seafaring, the rediscovery of Greek / Roman philosophy, the development of scientific methods, economic changes, the invention of printing techniques (!!!) and so on.
I take it after 1400's, shit started getting real serious. Because of books, ideas were much more powerful as they could spread quickly. So in a sense, Luther was the one that came out on top and he had the most books printed? I take it most of the population of the world still couldn't read at all, but it would have been delivered to many influential figures.
The early reformation in Germany (or the Holy Roman Empire, to be more precise) was centered around two questions:
wait...Germany was the remains of the Roman Empire? omg. Is that why they thought they were so fricken awesome? (Because if that's true, that's an awesome lineage)
After the "crazy years" (1517 - 1525) everything cooled off a little and the Lutherian reformation moved on to be the most successful model in most German regions, especially in the eastern parts of the empire. Luthers ideas were also able to succeed, because he managed to find away to get along with the rulers, especially after the end of the so-called "German peasant war".
Ah I see, so he was friends with key people. I thought most people hated him and he had to retreat to Germany to hide. So how did his ideas spread out so effectively? Did everyone in Germany like him, and it spread from Germany?
Müntzer was called "reformer without a church" by the American historian Abraham Friesen for a reason. (kicking those rhymes, yo) His ideas were radical and different, because he went "full apocalypse". He started out as a small priest, but soon began causing uproars everywhere he went. In his person, you can also see the mixture of medieval and modern ways of thinking and of addressing the "public", which is very typical for that time.
So basically a more violent German Jesus!!
firehand101: Of course, life won't be always great. That's why I like being alive.
I will remember this quote for a long time.
I'm trying to think of a logical reason why Elon Musk wants to preserve humanity, when AI could be much better at everything we do. I think this quote is key in understanding why he loves humans so much: We have such a full range of conscious experience, and have to struggle to get to where we are. I think pain and suffering is what could drastically set us apart from AI, and this may be the reason his core principle is preserving the light of humanity....
I've always thought we could program AI to actually feel intense pain and pleasure and be like us, but eventually they would be so smart they could just deprogram it lol. And I think without the innate drive to procreate (which again, maybe we could install, but not so sure...) They would have no real desire to keep improving..
So long live humanity!!! Thanks Virpi for your story of hardship and ache, and finally getting to this awesome point in your life. Your suffering represents the core reason why I think we should still preserve humanity in the face of more efficient AI in the future.
And thanks Protestants for making our ancestors work hard so we have cool stuff atm!! What an amazing text the work ethic was man...work hard now to show your love for God. The giant institution of Christianity just kept on giving and giving....incredibly important religion (although it may be best to start to slowly wean off it now...)
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/uChGcYh.png)
