EPT
A brief intro of me is I am a 22 year old college student living in California, in my last semester before I graduate. I have always loved gaming and meeting gamers, as it has always been easy for me to connect with them. I have attended many gaming events , primarily MLG's and TI's.
A couple of years ago(almost 4 now), I was a heartbroken guy who had trouble with relationships and never seem to get them right. I wrote a blog expressing my frustrations on TL, and got many responses. One particular girl pmd me, and long story short, I begun an relationship with her.( webcamming on Skype for hours a day for months, a stupid infatuation that led to a mistake relationship) However four years later, I have the occasional dream of her.
Now there isn't any lust or feelings for her left. It's sadness that I lost a friend, that I treated someone who I cared about like shit. Our "breakup" was bad. We swore, argued, tried to hurt each other with words. I went beyond that and went personal and did nasty things. At the time I wanted revenge, to hurt her like she hurt me. The first time in my life I had ever wanted someone to feel emotional pain.
After weeks of hating each other guts, eventually she wrote an email saying she wouldn't contact me any further. There was an apology attached, however I knew it was there so I would end the fighting too. So that was the end of us.
A year or two passed, and i tried to contact her. I don't know why, perhaps to get forgiveness, but I never got a response. I tried alternative means, but nothing worked. So I tried to accept she won't contact me ever again,.but it only worked for a time. Every couple of months she will pop in my mind and I'll just get frustrated with how things ended. With how I acted. I thought being in a relationship would help, but it hasn't .
I know I don't need her forgiveness, but I starting to wonder if I'll ever forget her completely like she did to me. I don't understand why I can't just forget her and forgive myself. I know she hasn't been on this site in years- but it's comforting to write a blog on the site where I met her. It's just crazy to me that years later I can still think of her, when I don't even remember her voice anymore. Venting heree seems to help at least.
